Desicritics Category: Sports: Trivia

IIMB, UNMAAD - Not Quite A Finished Product

Nimish Batra — Mon, 4 Feb 2008 13:12:26 EST

It seems they don't quite practise what they teach at the B-schools.

We were at IIM Bangalore on Saturday for a quiz at UNMAAD'08, the IIMB cult fest.

Oh Gods! Was it an abomination!

It was completely unprofessional, and organized WORSE than *my* college's fests (where IEEE would conduct Love-Letter writing events, and has recently conducted gambling and SMS-writing competitions), it was looking more-and-more like a DU (Delhi Univ) fest (which are by no stretch of the imagination places to have any sort of intellectual competition), especially for engineers.

The blurb on the UNMAAD website speaks for itself:

Some Say Unmaad is like the wanton shrieks of a baby who's discovered the power in his lungs. Others associate it to the stunned silence of an athlete who's just won an Olympic gold. Look closely and you're bound to even notice a delighted madman, who's found the perfect rock to shatter light bulbs.

...

Unmaad is above happiness - more passionate than anger, more life-changing than serenity, more potent than courage, more magical than wonder - it vanquishes fear, makes pity redundant, shreds disgust and metamorphoses sorrow into ecstasy.

In other words, it is The Tenth Emotion.

The quiz itself was so horrifically managed that any adjectives I might use would be superfluous in their ability to capture the absurdity. Suffice it to say that the experience would unmake even the bravest soul.

Multimedia questions were provided out of order, questions were printed merely as "Give the full funda," questions were simply "announced" and yet there was no hint of such "announcing" in the question paper - and that was just the prelims!

The question paper opened up with the words "Don't Panic" and had ZERO Douglas Adams/Hitchhiker's Guide related questions. I wonder if I should take that as a personal offense on the behalf of all Adams' fans.

We reckoned we had scored 13.5, then cutoffs were announced as 13 and yet we didn't qualify for the finals, so we tried to trace what had happened.

One bright young "central committee" fellow comes up and "takes charge" - you can tell "central committee" folks in a college fest by the presence of a walkie-talkie and the amount of swagger in their walk - that much has not changed in people apparently, despite this being a place where you go to become a finished product.

So this fellow starts belligerently arguing with someone who wanted a little help (I'm just watching with greater and greater interest) and pulls out I-don't-know how many unparliamentary words, attempts to insult someone about 15 years older than him, gets irritated and starts shouting like a petulant brat who got into a position of temporary advantage where he had information someone else needed, and it went straight to his head, which of course it had.

Which is when I decided to walk home.

Because when you hear a student of MBA (that's Masters in Bellicose Administration?) telling someone (who in all probability works for an automotive/IT/products major as HR/Legal head) that "I don't care which VP of which little BPO you're of," you think, "Something weird is about to happen." And then when you hear the same fellow shout, "What product? I'm not selling anything! You're not my customer! I'm not selling anything! There's no product!" you look around and think slowly, "Wasn't this fest an entertainment 'product' in MBA-slang? Wow! Am I wrong or what!"

The mismanagement (irony is a small word - we were in an Indian Institute of MANAGEMENT) was catastrophic. I asked a lot of people about the finals. They told me I didn't miss much.

Last time out was very neat and the people were decent folk.

But on the positive side, Umm... well there were many pretty girls. That's about it. Really.

"Will you go back?" Yes.
"Will you expect a good time?" No.

Twenty20 Googlies: India Enter Twenty20 Semi-Finals

Vivek Sharma — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:00:39 EDT

New rockstars emerge when established ones have a sore throat, and back-up singers take the front stage. The crown prince of the game played yesterday, Yuvraj, was injured, and India were three down with just 33 on board. Messages screamed "the great Indian collapse " has arrived. Rohit Sharma and Dhoni stuck to the task. A friend queried: "Do you know anything of this dude? Is he related to you, Sharma?" "I don't know if he is related to me," I said, "but I know he was one of the best batsmen in our Under 19 team, and is an awesome fielder." Shikhar Dhawan, and Ambati Rayudu were great as teenagers too, but they have vanished from our calculations.

Dinesh Kartik, Pathan, Yuvraj have carried on with their initial promise. Rohit Sharma is dropped from the team for next tour, and that must have been on his mind. To come out and play in the way he did, and get Man of the match award a day after selection board kicks you out of ODI team for no reason, no fault of yours, requires a maturity and drive that will take this bloke really far. To top it off, the agility he showed while fielding, and how quickly he picked and threw the ball right at stumps to effect the run out was outright brilliant.

For me the best part of Indian victories in the tournament has been the fact that India is winning by virtue of a team effort. In the nineties, the tests won by India in India were scripts written with Kumble in the lead. In Sharjah, when India got better of Australia, Tendulkar shone so brilliantly that Warne complained of nightmares for the rest of his career. In the world cup in South Africa last time, Dravid was in tremendous form. Indian team always had a star performer, and that one personal brilliance is usually able to get us somewhere. But we know from the West Indies cricket, Lara might singlehandedly win matches even against teams like Australia, but without a reasonable team to support him, he is powerless. A semi-India, for what will you call an Indian team with the presence of Tendulkar, Ganguly, Yuvraj, Dravid and Laxman, played today. They batted well, bowled well, fielded well, and won.

Indian bowling, especially RP Singh's performance was immaculate today. They did bowl the widest wides possible, and had more extras to offer than extras as dancers in a Govinda song. Pathan was quite accurate, Harbhajan, in spite of the first over that cost 17 runs, was bowling to a plan. Kartik had a good day as fielder. He caught the bowl that was racing away faster than eye can blink. Sreesanth behaved like Santh. The best moment for me was when he got Boucher out with an inside edge. Kartik seemed to have dived without catching anything, and Sreesanth thought the bowl had raced to the boundary. So Sreesanth looked visibly frustrated. Meanwhile, the inside edge had directed the ball to the stumps. No one was celebrating, so mortals like me and commentator imagined it to be a no ball. It rapidly went from disappointment to celebration when batsman was seen walking out. Victory seemed a set affair then. The momentum by then was so great that India kicked South Africa out of the tournament.

There is something about South Africa which makes their case poignant. In every tournament, they seem to fail at the crucial stage. Their team always has promise and yet they flounder. They did exceptionally well to win the greatest one day highest run chase drama with Australia. But they have failed to flourish in World Cups. It always reminds me of the students who would do their homework regularly, perform consistently and score highly in all class tests and quizzes, and then fail to make their mark in the final exam or in entrance exams. Their parents will imagine foul play, Pandits would blame astronomical influences (not even astrological, so big is the catastrophe), and the students hardly ever figure what went wrong. Sometimes the weight of expectation was so great (as is case with Indian team) that it cripples them. Some flourish in spite of everything. The heart of the matter is this: a hero is a hero not because of how he performs everyday, not because he is the tallest or smartest or strongest or fastest among the crowd, but just because he knows how to give his best performance when needed.

Competitions require more than just skill. The intent is important, skill is important, but I guess what is the key at the end of the day is what is at stake; and if what is at stake is big, a buffalo can drive a lion away. Raise the stake folks! When a loss will hurt you harder, when losing is not an option, you will end up giving it your most intense effort, and if you have the skill and the will, victory will be yours. Even the big one!

Satire: The Big Swim - Where My Heart Still Goes On

Angshuman Hazra — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 00:47:01 EDT

Disclaimer: All characters in the story are fictional. Any similarity with anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.

--------------------

Diary entry - 24.04.2007

It is the 43rd day of our trip. An amazing cool day awaits me on the breezy deck of the cruiser. It is an irresistible combination, always provoking a liberating sensation in the midst of the sea. You feel on top of the world, another world.

Let me introduce myself first.

On second thoughts I do not matter here. Let's say I'm a lot like The Anci ... OK, it is the third millenium so it is proper to say that I am like Jack Dawson of Titanic the movie minus his Rose. I had my Rose too but ...

I walk ahead and stand near the tip where the railings from both sides of deck meet. This place floods me with memories. My Rose used to stand on this railing with both hands stretched out like wings and eyes closed, dreaming of flying like a proud albatross. A childlike joy dripped from her countenance when she emulated Titanic's Rose or the albatross – I'll never know - and I loved her for it. Fifty feet below where I stand, the cruiser is cutting through the cold seawater at a leisurely pace. It is following four guys that are swimming in the ocean for an ever-nearing destination ahead. Those guys are Oz, Kwi, LionL and SpBok, in descending order of their ranking positions in the quadrennial Big Swim.

The guys are participating in a month-and-half long swimming challenge of several rounds spread across seven seas. The Final Destination is now just five days ahead. I am holding the pre-trip prediction sheet where 90 days ago I jotted down four prospective winners from the starting lot. My heart still wants to take one last look at the piece of paper before jettisoning it with other redundant paraphernalia into the milky turbulent trail of the four valiant swimmers that is being continously devoured by our dogged vessel like a never-ending noodle.

The four names were noted down in large fonts and fourth one was later touched up in a loving red hue. A sprinkling of gold from the morning sun today makes that name look nearly as beautiful as the person herself. I had backed Oz, Green, LionL and my Rose, in that order of ranking, to remain in the hunt when the final week began. Green inexplicably got off at the first port and the other, the love of my life, sank into the depths soon thereafter. But Kwi and SpBok, two of the next three on my rating charts, managed to stay on board. (I had rated Kwi and Windz joint 5th and SpBok 7th.)

Immune to logic, I pick up the pen and circle off the two lost names on the sheet to write Kwi and SpBok above them with a strange introspection. I peep across the sheet at the four moving images challenging the wavy sea in the distance. SpBok was the crowd favourite to win the challenge at the outset. I dedicate a silent round of applause to him for doing better than I thought but his swim (so far) has been more of the seasick guy from my predictions than the prospective champ he was made out to be. Not too many people around would argue that SpBok would have been following the Big Swim on his bedroom telly this weekend if even one of Green and Rose could have stayed on for a half-decent duration instead of letting two valiant but inexperienced prize fighters called Bong and Irlos take their places in 11 of the 24 Swims in the Super Round. If ...

The caressing breeze stops abruptly. Logic intervenes along with the smell of rotten fish being thrown out from the deck. My Trance of Lost Romance is broken. Soothsayer designates are not permitted any 'if's. All that reasoning and ranking counts for nothing when two of the four contestants you had backed to be swimming into the last week are out and down by Day 10 of 47. No droplets of mercy for my dead prophecy ever welled up as all the talk of 'two bad days' went around the deck. The format was circulated well ahead of the swim and I laid my bets knowing full well of the rules, the scheduled face-offs and their pitfalls.

There goes my prediction sheet into the ocean. It gets wet rather quickly and sinks. The blue embraces the red Rose and takes her home. I repent not making a boat or swan out of it like childhood days. It could have floated a while longer in the ocean and sung a final song before going down.

Diary entry - 25.04.2007

LionL has eliminated Kwi in the one-on-one challenge last night. The bout between Oz and SpBok is scheduled for tonight. Only one of the two winners gets to complete the swim in the swim-to-finish thereafter. In three days we'll know who gets to stand on the railing with both hands stretched out like my Rose when the ship reaches the Final Destination cheered by admiring onlookers.

The winner will no doubt have earned the applause by dint of stamina, bravado, hard work and good luck. However by then the faithful cruiser ship would have done enough to get a fair share of the applause because strangely the journey has been tougher for the lifeless ship than the living, breathing, struggling and retiring contestants in this edition of The Big Swim.

Satire: There's Life After The Cricket World Cup For Team India

GV Krishnan — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 00:34:59 EDT

Let's look at the positives. We won against Bermuda, didn't we? Why not build on this win. Let's try Outer Mongolia (trust they have a cricket team) next, and thus, strike a winning streak. I don't see the great idea in India playing the same teams - Sri Lanka, Australia, Pakistan etc. - year after year. If Indian cricket has to survive (for the benefit of sponsors and live telecast right-holders) we need to look at fresh pastures beyond our sub-continent.

We under-rated Bangladesh, which has been one of our unfailing failures. It is time India started playing sure winnables. I already mentioned Outer Mongolia. We could tour Indonesia, Malaysia, Burma and Brunei. That would be a morale booster, and give our boys the feel of victory, so that our team members can come home to a grand airport reception. This time around, though, I visualise our men in blue flying home, on a late night flight, and being whisked away from the airport by personnel on bandobast duty.

Speaking of airport receptions, newspapers carried a photo of Pak team transiting London's Heathrow under police escort, presumably, to guard them from being ambushed by enraged fans at Heathrow. I guess there is scope for BCCI initiating bilateral exchanges with the Pakistan cricketing board on ways to improve our cricketing fortunes. I don't mean we play for World Cup losers' trpohy. In fact, an India-Pakistan series at this time would not be a good idea. If only because we can't ensure that both India and Pakistan lost any match. We could resort to match-fixing by which every tie is made to end in a draw.

I have an out-of-the-box idea. Let us hold a joint selection camp of cricket players from both India and Pakistan; split the top 22 into two opposing teams, comprising players chosen irrespective of their national colours. In fact, the 'blues' and 'greens' on the field would be replaced with plain old white, the only colour our old-fashioned cricketers knew.

Speaking of old-fashioned cricketers, the opposing teams should be led by legends such as Zaheer Abbas and Sunil Gavaskar, as non-playing captains. Legend has it that during an India-Pak tie when Abbas got into a seemingly unending run-spree, the then India captain, Sunil Gavaskar, walked up to him and said, "Zaheer bhai, Ab-bas karo."

Zaheer Abbas, interviewed on an Indian sports TV channel, didn't confirm this story, but said that Sunil was a good friend. So was Bishen Singh Bedi. During their tours overseas both team members socialized. Zaheer recalled the match in which he completed 100 centuries. That evening Zaheer hosted a party -"every member of the Indian team I invited turned up at the party."

The former Pak captain, referring to an India team tour of Pakistan, said he didn't sleep during the entire five weeks of the tour. The Indian bowling trio, said Zaheer Abbas, was so much on his mind that he spent sleepless nights thinking of ways to cope with Bedi, Prasanna and Chandrasekhar.

Indian Cricket: All Hail Mediocrity!

Homer — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 02:09:37 EDT

Exhibit A

� India has a losing record away from home for the last two years
� Also, except Pakistan and Zimbabwe, India has a losing record against all other countries.

Exhibit B

� India has lost 64.7% of its games (away) when setting/ chasing a score in the range of 176-250.
� Of the 29 matches India lost between 2005 and 2007 they were unable to complete their innings 14 times.
� In the range 176-250, of the 15 matches played away from home, India has lost 11 times.
� In the range 176-250,of the 28 matches played ( both home and away), India has lost 17 times.
� The reason the range from 176-250 is highlighted is because - according to every expert there is, matches played in the West Indies will not be high scoring ones.
� Only in 5 out of the 16 times India has lost when either setting or chasing scores in the range of 176-250 have the Indian bowlers not been able to get early wickets.

The plot has been lost more often than not in the opposition middle overs or because the batsmen made a hash of it. It gets more interesting - the last match India won over seas when setting a target in the range 176-250 or chasing was ODI # 2274 against Zimbabwe.

� India has a 11/8 Win loss ratio for scores over 275. Discount 2 games that we lost due to D/L and the number looks even better.

Exhibit C

The ability to adapt:

At Chennai, the Indian middle and lower middle order crumbled, losing 7/35. At Cuttack, the top order lost its way, losing 7/90. Two different wickets, slightly different batting conditions, and the Indians unraveled.

India failed to adapt quickly enough at Abu Dhabi, West Indies, Malaysia, India and South Africa on different conditions.

Exhibit D

Starting with Amsterdam 2004, India has shown a chronic inability to hit the ground running. The Indian team has had a pretty ordinary record coming back from a break following international cricket. They take a while to warm up and get into the groove.

(All numbers are collated for the time period Mar 01, 2005 thru Mar 01, 2007)

***

The numbers were there, the trends were there - we chose to be blind to it. Despite being cognizant of the fact that we have problems adapting to different conditions, we chose to sidestep the issue.

Knowing fully well that we are slow starters, instead of finding a solution to the issue, we wore it as a badge of honor.

Our bowlers have been our strength for the better part of two years. The batsmen have been limited to making cameo appearances. But hey, India's strength is its batting, isn't it?

We were the "form" team, we had beaten Sri Lanka and the West Indies at home. Conveniently forgotten in all this was the fact that we made heavy weather of the win at Cuttack and Kolkata was a washout.

The World Cup campaign was a disaster waiting to happen. It happened.

***

"Heads will roll" scream the newspaper headlines. "Off with their heads" shriek the talking heads on TV. Change the coach, change the captain, change the team, change everything but the issues plaguing Indian cricket.

And then what?

Another World Cup comes around - we are saddled by similar results, another round of breast beating ensues.

And then what?

***

We don't have to look far to find a template for success. Mumbai's magical journey in the Ranji Trophy this year is a wonderful case study on team building, motivation, grooming and winning as a team. Thing is, are we interested?

Our team is mediocre; they are a reflection of us. Let's revel in it.

Cricket Is More Than A Game

Tanay Behera — Fri, 2 Mar 2007 00:28:15 EST

The Cricket World Cup is just round the corner and cricketers along with their fans across the globe are waiting eagerly as the biggest event of the game takes center stage on March 9, 2007 in the West Indies.

The game of Cricket is not just a game but a "religion" that drives 1.2 billion people into a state of frenzy once the men in blue are on the field. Introduced in India as a rich man's game, today there is hardly any place in India or any heart in the Indian diaspora that is not infected by its tentacles.

"Lagaan", a period film, was written with the intention of appealing to the contemporary viewer, particularly the cricket buff about this shift from a phirang aadmi's game to an aam bharatiya game. The country comes to an abrupt stop when a cricket match is being played, the roads are deserted, parties and weddings are postponed, operations in hospitals are rescheduled, parliament goes in for early closing, work schedules at offices are re-planned,etc.

The World Cup is like a festival for us. The craze, the frenzy, the excitement and a feeling of patriotism reaches its pinnacle during this time. Every Indian is soaked in the tricolor whether in his/her attire or spirit. All cricket fans bond with each other ignoring all differences of caste, creed, color or religion. Just about everyone becomes an expert discussing each and every aspect of the game.

For example, I myself follow the game but am not an ardent follower or die hard cricket fanatic. But what charges me is the spirit and the liveliness of the fans. Someone holding a transistor in a busy local bus or the busy Mumbai local trains or near a chai shop to know the latest score. They shout for their team and pray for one single cause - an Indian win with a wide spectrum of human emotions on display.

Isn't it amazing? So much so that the drama of the game continues off the pitch, and in recent weeks, the marketing and the branding fraternity has not left any stone unturned in cheering for the men in blue. This is exactly what Nike, the official apparel sponsor for Team India did in its latest ad.

Nike has signed a 43-million-dollar deal to kit out the Indian cricket team after outbidding rivals Reebok and Adidas, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) said.

The five-year contract, which starts on January 1, 2006, also gives the US sports goods giant the rights to sell the BCCI's official merchandise at its retail outlets across the country.

Nike's bid for 1.97 billion rupees (43 million dollars) topped Reebok's 1.19 billion rupees and Adidas's bid of 1.28 billion rupees, BCCI vice-president Lalit Modi said on Friday.

The ad is a little too long and can be bracketed as a short movie snippet. It starts with a typical Indian scene, a traffic jam (something very common in all Indian cities) and the city that is highlighted is Mumbai, home to some of the best cricketers the world has ever produced. It's like "I think cricket, I drink cricket, I breathe cricket".

One go-getting boy jumps on to the roof of a bus while another gets on to an adjacent bus and thus the virtual cricket pitch is formed instantly. The game starts amidst the crowd trapped in the traffic blockade. The batsman hits the ball hard and like a projectile it hits a hoarding and then a balcony and after passing through 'N' number of hands, the ball suddenly gets under a moving car and one of the fielders risks his life to collect the ball. Note the elephant there in the video, I feel it symbolises the Rising Elephant economy growing at a rate of more than 8% a year. Watch more below, aaram se.

North-south, east-west, rich-poor, men-women, rural-urban, Hindu-Muslim, a craze bordering on madness unites the nation when it comes to cricket. One of my cousins, studying in standard seven in the US asks me for the blue T-shirt of Indian cricket team in case he doesn't travel to India once a year. It's a must-buy in his list when he is in Bangalore, else I have to send it somehow may it be by post or through some person. The reason: my cousin wears this blue T-shirt whenever India plays any important cricket match. Few call this craziness but even though he is born and brought up in the US, he is still soaked with cricket-mania.

The matches, the highlights, the strike-rates, the pre-match predictions, the post-match analysis, the schedule, the records, the cricketing histories, and other nitty gritties of the game would be feeders for all forms of media such as newspapers, blogs and television in the coming few days. So let me leave that part here and get into some interesting stuff.

India's latest pace sensation Sreesanth is all set to rock cricket fans. It is not his bowling that I am talking about here [though I want that too], but his song, the lyrics of which he wrote himself. His 6-year old niece lends a seraphic tone to the song. Watch more here.

"It is a motivational song that gives a feeling that the whole nation is there for the team to support them in their ups and downs. It gives a dream that we are going to win the World Cup.

"The song has to be there on the lips of all Indians at the Caribbean grounds to motivate the players," Sreesanth adds.

How can you think of the World Cup and forget noodle strap, Mandira Bedi, who will once again anchor Extra Innings on SET. This time she will drape herself in saris, specially designed by fashion house Satya Paul. So from noodle strap to no strap, rest all hoooo la la lee le ho hoooo la la lee le ho. The saris will be auctioned by online website eBay after the mega event and will include flags of the participating nations, signatures of players, a red cricket ball, newspaper mastheads and cricket figurines.

Mandira Bedi has also acted in a movie "Meerabai Not Out" made by her husband Raj Kaushal. Meera, a 30-year-old lady is a teacher in a school, hails from a middle class family that lives in Mumbai's Shivaji Park, the mecca for budding cricketers. Since she is 30, she is in a kind of a set-up where she seems to have missed the boat as far as marriage is concerned. Of course, her family is still on her case to get her married soon but she is not interested; her first love being cricket.

The World Cup has always been garnished with spicy anecdotes, which make it even more interesting. From the dressing room gossips to the food to the late nightouts if one is across the other side of the Caribbean, everything becomes the flavor of the season. The fans just go crazy and the media, the sponsors even the restaurants all over, try to score on it. Like it happened to me yesterday.

I along with two of my friends, started for a late night dinner in some restaurant near my residence. We heard some loud music before entering the food hall, only to realize that something special was happening in a pub, "The Legends of Rock", adjacent to the dinning hall. To satisfy our curiosity we barged into the pub only to find that a live coverage of cheering hangama for the Indian Team being shot by Headlines Today, one of the leading news channel of India today. This was part of the cheering campaign before Team India left for the West Indies on Feb 28th'07.

The time has arrived yet again and it will be no different. The game of cricket would be at its glorious best along with its favorite sons aiming for the trophy. This tournament has always been a test of team spirit and the ability to perform under pressure. At the end of the day, the team that displays power, performance and passion for the game, will be the ultimate winner. So let's get set, all equipped with our lucky charms, anthems and prayers to be with our teams as the battle begins.

By the way, do you know what is the official song for World Cup 2007? It's 'The Game of Love and Unity', sung by Jamaican-born reggae star Shaggy, Barbadian entertainer Rupee and Trinidadian Faye-Ann Lyons. Yes it's the same old Grammy Award winner, Shaggy, best known for his hit singles Oh Carolina, It Wasn't Me, Angel and many others.

BUG - The Brotherhood of Unwelcome Guests

GV Krishnan — Thu, 1 Mar 2007 10:34:36 EST

Desicritic Uma Ranganathan's much-commented piece on an unwelcome guest, inspired me to recycle this piece that was written four years back. But I reckon it will stay valid for the next 400 years. My piece was written in a spirit that if anyone were to be shown in an unflattering light, it better be yours truly in the interest of maintaining domestic harmony. So, here it goes:

Athtiti Devo Bhava. I don't know if such a thing is really in our scriptures or it is just something made up by an inventive mind advocating the cause of the Brotherhood of Uninvited Guests (BUG). Whoever thought of it knew how our middle-class mind works. The three-word sloka is so embedded in our belief system that few of us can bring ourselves to turn away an unwelcome guest who appears unannounced at our doorsteps. You wouldn't want to drive away the Lord, would you?

Someone did just that, to me, in the US. They called the bluff on that devo bhava nonsense. Suffice it to say that those involved was a desi family well known to us. Giving away much more would not be in the interest of my domestic harmony.

It so happened that my wife and I were at loose ends on a Sunday afternoon and so our son took us for a drive. Some 40 minutes out of our home I was told we were close to where this desi family was staying. I suggested we drop in on them.

"Unannounced?" asked my son, "Without as much as a call?"

"Why not?" I thought my son, having stayed in the US for some time now, had forgotten the three words in Sanskrit that would open Indian doors even to strangers. After all, this desi family was so well known to us that they should be happy to see us any time.

My son tried to reason with me. I was firm. My wife didn't say anything, maintaining an enlightened neutrality in a disagreement between father and son.

I prevailed. And as we neared the driveway of our friend's suburban house we noticed the family of four was leaving for some place and the lady of the house was closing their front door. We stepped out of our car and met them on their driveway. They were nice and syrupy, but made no move to ask us in.

"What a surprise," said the lady of the house, "I wish you had called before coming."

I mumbled something to the effect that we had not planned this visit, but decided to drop in, on the spur of the moment. After a few more minutes of small-talk, still on the driveway, we exited as gracefully as we could.

"You must come again," said our host, "we must have a meal together." She was polite, but firm in slamming the door on us.

At our place I let my wife handle a sticky situation by letting her answer the door-bell. I do not intervene in her door-step inquiry into such unwelcome intrusion. I pretend not to hear my wife when she calls me to the door to greet an unannounced visitor. Of course, I sulk and usually take it out on her whenever we are lumbered with a visitor we could very well do without.

An unwelcome guest often gives cause for domestic discord in our otherwise peaceful married life. The snag is, my wife relishes her reputation as a gracious hostess, particularly among fair weather friends and relatives. Such is her hospitality that those who come to our place once would want to come again. I keep reminding my wife, "We are running a household, not a 'Welcomgroup' outfit."

The last 'guest' we had stayed only for a night, mercifully. We have had people coming in groups, including unmanageable children, without as much as a phone call announcing their arrival, and staying for days. Our overnight 'guest' dropped in around 8 pm, and promptly settled into the only rosewood armchair in our living room that doubles as my study. It was not yet our dinner time; it was the time my wife and I spend reading a book or magazine in companionable silence. With our evening so rudely interrupted, my wife went to the kitchen to get dinner ready, leaving me to cope with the lady in the rosewood chair.

I don't remember the details of the small talk we indulged in for the next 15 minutes. But my wife rescued us from what seemed an interminable 15 minutes by announcing dinner. To be fair to the lady, an out-of-towner, she didn't drop in on us unannounced. She gave my wife a few hours notice when they met at a common friend's place earlier in the day. The lady had told my wife she was inviting herself to our place for the night. When my wife sought to explain that things at home were in a mess the lady said, "Don't worry, I will adjust." I thought it was the host who would have adjustment problem in the circumstances.

When it was time for her to leave my wife sent her off with the traditional offering of the kumkum and an invitation to visit us again. My hunch is that the lady took my wife for her words. I don't suppose our guest had any inkling of my smoldering resentment at her for having taken us for granted. .

TV Review: Celebrity KBC - How Shahrukh Khan Spent His Valentine's Day

Aaman Lamba — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 12:26:41 EST

Shahrukh Khan proved himself adept at the showmanship style of quizzing, pioneered by Derek O'Brien this Valentine's Day, with a two-hour glitz'n'glamour episode of Kaun Banega Crorepati III, featuring celebrity guests, musical overtures, balloons and simplistic quizzing.

The episode's onset was more treacly than ever, with a Bollywood-style musical rendition by Shahrukh, followed by an exposition of the varieties of the romantic experience, an earnest explanation that it transcends the mere romantic or erotic to include parental, sibling, and familial. Given that inisght, the celebrity guests were couples of different sorts, from friends to siblings to married couples - Farah Khan and Karan Johar, Farhan and Zoya Akhtar, and Malaika Arora Khan & Arbaaz Khan. Most looked pleasantly befuddled, and only Malaika & Arbaaz passed the 'Fastest Finger First' trial, an ordering of cricket events chronologically (Tests, ODIs, World Cup, Twenty20).

Malaika and Arbaaz did the wiggle and jiggle, including the two-step to Chaiyya Chaiyya with Shahrukh. The pair faced the Shahrukh trivia challenge, ably, donating their Rs. 12.5 lakh winnings to the St. Andrews Home for the Aged in Bandra, Mumbai. The tradition of celebrity winnings being donated to a charity of their choice is a laudable one, and one will not quibble about that. One will take issue, however, with the evidently 'easier' questions that were presented. Even on a 'light' quiz like KBC, one is accustomed to increasing complexity in the questions. The Rs. 12.5 lakh question however, was about where is the body of St. Francis Xavier - not as complex as one might imagine. A number of the other questions for most of the contestants were drawn from the realm of media and entertainment, rather than a more holistic pool of general information. Perhaps this was for the better, since it enabled a higher level of winnings for their charities.

The Akhtar siblings were a pleasant pair, donating their winnings to Nivara Hakk Welfare. Zoya has an upcoming film Love Story with Hrithik Roshan and Kareena Kapoor, while Farhan is still riding the Don wave. They picked their questions off with ease, using the 'Phone a Friend' lifeline to solve a toughie on which singer was originally known as Tannu Mishra, calling on the one person who would be most likely to know the answer - their father, Javed Akhtar. For the record, it's Tansen. A short while later, they rolled a Banarasi paan to celebrate the Rs 6,40,000 milestone. The next question was a rather good one, about who is India's first woman brewmaster (Kiran Mazumdar), which they flipped for another, and got a simple one in return about Interpol. The Rs. 25 lakh question was knocked out of the stadium by Farhan, who reasoned that Greg Chappell has never played a Test match or ODI in India during his cricketing career.

That brought on the 'junglee billi' pair of Farah Khan and Karan Johar, who were donating their winnings to the Bal Jeevan Trust. There was more banter in this group, with Farah giving Shahrukh a massage, and Karan taking the directorial hotseat, as it were, prior a commercial break. The questions were of low calibre, from what kind of animal is a stingray to which country nominated Deepa Mehta's Water to the Oscars. They flipped a tricky question about Ghazals to get another sitter, which seems to be the way the flipper algorithm is configured. A tech-oriented question had them phoning a friend, who led them down the wrong path, and the audience leant the same way, recommending the iPod Nano, but they recovered in time to pick YouTube as the Time magazine Invention of the Year 2006. They wrapped up at the Rs 25 lakh mark as well, going out with a flourish, and effectively donating Rs 62.5 lakh to charities collectively with the other participants.

To wrap up the Bollywood-flavoured episode, everyone got jiggy with Shahrukh's new KBC jingle Karle Karle Tu Ek Sawaal. Much fun was had, and intellectual elitist quibbles aside, good quizzing was experienced.

A Twenty20 Shocker And A Wish For Better Contest

Angshuman Hazra — Sun, 4 Feb 2007 15:49:38 EST

Statutory Warning: Certain contents of this post may shock Shahid Afridi fans.

The other day I happened to switch on the telly during a Twenty20 international between South Africa and Pakistan. It was the 2nd innings; Graeme Smith and Loots Bosman were racing to the target. They showed the scorecard of the Pakistan innings and the sixth data on it knocked me hard.

Reason: One gentleman by the name of Shahid Afridi came in at no. 6 in the 10th over of an innings that is scheduled to last just 20 overs and scored a pathetic 7 off 17 balls. Was this the same batsman that often returns inverse figures in much longer versions of cricket? Afridi’s outing on Friday was certainly as much of an aberration as was Sunil Gavaskar’s when the latter scored a Test ton at Delhi in 1983 against the mighty West Indians - in less than 100 deliveries!

On a more serious note, I am truly disappointed with the rules of Twenty20, or the lack of some as I see it. Is it not a bit too unfair on the bowlers to let 10 batsmen throw their bats over a span of a meagre 120 balls and, at the same time, keep a provision that any one of those ‘blessed’ guys can stay till the end playing 70 or 80 of them? Indeed I am desperately eager to see a ceiling on the maximum number of deliveries a batsman is allowed to play in a Twenty20 innings, much like the bowlers have in all limited-overs forms of cricket.

Something of that sort happens in the 5-overs-an-innings matches of ‘HongKong Super sixes’ – a batsman has to go out after scoring 30 and can come back only if all other wickets are gone - and I see a lot of logic and fairness in implementing similar stuff in Twenty20 rules. Here, though, I would like to see a simpler rule, e.g. a batsman having a maximum number of 35 deliveries to face after which he has to walk off regardless.

In fact, I am no less disillusioned at the ICC not touching upon the 10-over limit on bowlers in the ODI’s. Even a small adjustment of that rule can lead to interesting repercussions. For example, even allowing 1 (or better 2) bowlers to bowl 12 overs max can convert 2 (or 4) of your potential worst scoring overs from part timers into an extra incisive spell from your leading bowlers that is so often lacking in the middle overs.

Cricket, irrespective of format, is about the contest of bat and ball. Certain rules are implemented in the various formats of the game only to shift the balance of that contest. However we need to critically review the present rules - or lack of them - if these tend to destroy the balance.

The ‘one bouncer per over’ was a nice breather incorporated a couple of years back, one that aimed to return some usurped ground to the fast bowling clan. However teams having strength in their spin department have hardly benefited from that rule change. The extra-overs-for-some-bowler(s) option we are discussing, however, should be equally acceptable to all teams. What is more, a specialist bowler will have a bigger role to play in the matches that way and that can only add to the attractiveness of the format. I guess you will agree even if you are a batsman.

Ian Chappell recollects a few changes in the limited overs format over the decades since that inaugural World Cup of `75. Would it not be a nice gesture if the ensign of change is allowed to proceed forward and bowlers playing in the 2011 edition can be allowed some more leverage?

Now Repeat After Me. Zizou Is A Goonda -- A Rowdy

Apollo — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 15:51:31 EDT

Zinedine Zidane headbutted Materazzi On Live TV in front of an estimated One billion viewers watching the World Cup Finals and though he was clearly at fault the Media preferred to use its spin and "suggested" without any proof whatsoever that Materazzi had called Zidane a "Terrorist" and even insulted his mother and sister. They even bled their hearts for Zizou by voting him for the Golden Ball award.

Now Technology is a disaster for propagandists. Innumerable TV replays showed that they both spoke to each other for a grand total of 3 seconds and neither of them looked excited enough to "suggest" that one of them was insulting the other's mother. Just the kind of harsh talk and glares that are exchanged on a playing field between players who are engaged in a keen contest, happens all the time in every sport. Zinedine's past record is not too shiny either.

"Zidane has occasionally shown a quick temper on the pitch. One such display occurred in a 2000/2001 Champions League match between Juventus Turin and Hamburger SV, in which Zidane headbutted Jochen Kientz; he received a red card for this action. He also received a red card and a two-game suspension for stamping on Saudi Arabia's team captain Fuad Amin in the 1998 World Cup, allegedly in response to an insult. In extra time of the 2006 World Cup final, he was sent off for head-butting Italy's Marco Materazzi. Overall, he was sent off 14 times in his career".

Now the Truth spills out. Matterazzi speaketh:

"I held his shirt for a few seconds, he turned to me, looked at me from top to bottom with utmost arrogance and said: 'If you really want my shirt, I'll give it to you afterwards'. I answered him with an insult. "It was the type of insults that we've heard before so many times on the pitch, and sometimes we don't even notice it."

But Materazzi is adamant that he didn't make any reference to terrorism or Zidane's Muslim background.

"What's sure is that I never called him a terrorist: I am not cultured and I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is. My sole terrorist is her...," he added, pointing at his sleeping 10-month-old daughter. "I certainly did not talk about Zidane's mother. For me, mothers are sacred," he added.

There is no reason to disbelieve him. He has said it as it is. But somehow this doesn't seem to have cut much ice with Zizou's mother. In a interview to a newspaper she has supposedly said:

I am utterly disgusted by what I have heard. I praise my son for defending his family's honour. "No one should be subjected to such foul insults on or off the football pitch and I don't care if it was a World Cup final. I have nothing but contempt for Materazzi and, if what he said is true, then I wants his balls on a platter. Our whole family is deeply saddened that Zinedine's career should end with a red card but at least he has his honour. Some things are bigger than football."

Well that sounds like a Terrorist to me :). Now we know where Zizou might have got his "terrorist" genes from, if any.

Anyway FIFA has ordered an enquiry into the incident and if it finds Zizou guilty it would strip him of the Golden Ball so lovingly awarded by the Al-Media.