Desicritics Author: The Comic Project

Indian Cricket - Drop Tendulkar

The Comic Project — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 01:52:10 EST

People will point towards Tendulkar's greatness, his record, how he has been a tireless performer for India and how he was the top scorer in the first innings of this test match. People will point out that others had equal responsibility, but the fact also is that Tendulkar let us down twice in this match - in the first innings by getting out when he should have guided the team to safety (Laxman remained not out on 50 right?) and in the second innings, he gets out for a duck. A Duck.

Every time it matters, he fails. He comes back from an injury, scores a hundred, everyone sings praises and he starts flopping and flops the worst when it matters the most. But he is given another chance to do god knows what. Does he really deserve a spot in the team? Seriously - he has flopped as miserably as a bunch of Mithun films - oh bad analogy - Mithun films I hear break even and turn in a small profit for his producer.

One might argue who will replace him, even if it is for a single test and what if the replacement performs as badly but how does it matter? We have a 33 year old who is not performing anyway when his peers, people like Jayasuriya, Lara, Ponting, Warne are putting in everything into their game and winning it for their teams despite their age, injuries and "limitations". Does it not make sense in giving our greatest player a signal that he really is not indispensable? That we won't tolerate non-performance?

Drop him. Don't rest him for an injury - publicly drop him for non-performance and let's see him come back into the team hungry for runs, and desperate to prove himself as the greatest because right now he is anything but that.

P.S. He might score a century in a drawn match or be a top scorer in a low scoring match and India might win a test match, but it doesn't matter. We trusted his ability to deliver and he has failed repeatedly, now he has to win it back or go run his restaurant.

Wardrobe Malfunction - An Investigation

The Comic Project — Mon, 3 Apr 2006 00:17:44 EDT

The Lakme India Fashion Week has given us not one or two but three wardrobe malfunctions and gave us a good view of their breasts and buttocks. My wife told me about it and I was like - where is it .. where..wow..I want to see it?? She said, the top fell off, but there were no breasts!!! Ouch! I pictured them and realised what she was saying - images of Somalia flashed across my eyes, the only difference being these girls SMILE. Now the malfunctions have happened and I read that the "moral police" is out looking for the culprits who have torn apart Indian social and moral "fabric". They are going to question the designers to find out if these were malfunctions or publicity stunts.

Meanwhile, I decided to run my own "investigation" into these incidents, notably Carol Gracias and Gauhar Khan. After thorough analysis of data in the form of many pictures , I was able to get to the bottom of the issue. Remarkably, the investigation threw up simple conclusions and it is my privilege for letting the readers here be the first to know of them.

Carol Gracias: Data shows that Carol has always been a thin girl - tall, graci(ou)as, stylish. A designer's delight. But data shows that the thin girl hasn't been eating too well lately. The dresses the models wear are precision cut, a potent mix of German engineering and Swiss watchmaking skills are employed to create their dresses. Apparently, from the time the dress was measured for her, and her putting it on for the show, she lost a full centimeter or an maybe even inch somewhere because she felt she was too fat. I am not sure if it was an inch or a centimeter because the pictures do not allow you to dissect at that level. Anyway, with an ill fitting dress measured for a thin body that got thinner, it was a disaster waiting to happen and the top just fell off.

Gauhar Khan: She's the sister of Nigar Khan, the lady with eyebrows that arch in a way that will let anything from a tiny boat to an aircraft carrier pass under it. Investigation in her case was even simpler. In the week before the show, she ate Carol's food thinking that it would help Carol lose weight and she can sweat it out. But all the "weight" from the 200 calories of Carol's food went straight to..yep..you guessed it..her buttocks!!! She put on the one-week-old-measured and precision cut skirt, and walked the ramp. Predictably, the skirt wouldn't hold as it wasn't designed to handle the additional 100 grams on her buttocks and pop went the button.

The malfunctions happened, not because of the designer or the tailor but because of the models eating less or more than what they usually do.

My message -

To the designers: When the moral police comes questioning, tell them that in the future you will take measurements 15 minutes before the show, it will make sure that the 100 gram deviation in weight will be accounted for.

To the "moral" police: Don't hound these girls. They just don't have the energy to handle all your questions. Give them some love instead and some food. They need it badly.

The Tendulkar Redemption?

The Comic Project — Mon, 20 Mar 2006 11:19:25 EST

The Bombay crowd booing Sachin "boo boo" Tendulkar has made it to the news big time. It is amazing to see the number of people rushing to bat for Sachin. The guy has failed in test matches, repeatedly, yet they come out in his defence and display surprise, shock and what not at the crowd's behaviour. What do you expect the crowd to do? Give him a standing ovation? Ridiculous.

Can Sachin redeem himself? Don't tell me he is great and he doesn't need to answer and all that usual stuff. Like every batsman out there, he has to keep proving his worth. Because if Sachin plans to keep playing like this (Big hundred - 10 failures - Double hundred - 7 average to above average scores - Another hundred - 10 failures) we'd rather have Mohammed "Please give me a longer run to prove myself" Kaif in the team.

Anyway, India is down in this test match and will need some players to display character and a special effort with the ball and bat if we are to save/win this match. This is Sachin's chance. All he has to do is hang in there and take the team to victory. Nothing less.

And the following excuses are not allowed:
1. Taking 2-3 critical wickets and fail with the bat again (match result does not matter) - because he is a great batsman, not a bowler

2. Scoring 50 or 60 but not staying till the end, even if he provides the "foundation" for saving/winning the match - because it is time he "finished" matches. And also because the guy who actually saves/wins the match deserves more columns in newspapers, not the one who "almost" did.

3. Scores a brilliant century but the tail refuses to stay with him and India lose - because great "cricketers" know how to nurse the tail and help them hang around.

Does this sound too tough? Maybe, but aren't great players supposed to handle tough situations?

What are the chances of this happening? Not India winning/saving the match, but Sachin Tendulkar winning it for us? Zero.

I hope I am wrong.

Or my next entry here will be titled "Drop Sachin" and the body of the entry will say "drop sachin" a 100 times and I will hope Aaman publishes it :-) At least, its easier than winning a test match, but hey, I never said i was Sachin Tendulkar. I just post comics.

Load Shedding - How Many Businesses Will Shut Down?

The Comic Project — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 09:48:24 EST

I saw this sign at a photocopy shop (at 10 pm) and photographed it because of the spelling.

A second look told me why his shop was still open at 10. These are the load shedding times in that area. Five hours every day.

Sun:08.45 - 12.30, 18.30 - 19.45
Mon:08.45 - 12.30, 18.30 - 19.45
Tue:07.30 - 08.45, 16:00 - 18:30, 19.45 - 21.00
Wed:08.45 - 12.30, 18.30 - 19.45
Thu:07.30 - 08.45, 16:00 - 18:30, 19.45 - 21.00
Fri: 08.45 - 12.30, 18.30 - 19.45
Sat: 07.30 - 08.45, 16:00 - 18:30, 19.45 - 21.00

The hours mentioned are "peak business hours" for a xerox operator or for any business - mornings and early afternoons when people are still out and towards the evening. But the load shedding prevents this shop from doing any business. Why? Because, no one is going to wait for the power to return and go to this particular shop for their photocopying needs. People will just go to another shop somewhere else.

I know there are worse things happening, but this is a sign of things to come. Failure of Governments and politicians is practically ruining this shop's business, and many other businesses. Isn't "right to work/livelihood" a fundamental right? Isn't the government preventing the owner of this shop from earning his livelihood and also ruining the investment made in the shop?

Phantom - The Cursed City

The Comic Project — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 09:40:11 EST

The Comic Project is 100 not out!! 100 comics posted and many more to go. Hope you all enjoy the experience of reading comics from our childhood online.

Indrajal Comics carried the adventures of the Phantom, as well as those of Mandrake, Bahadur, etc. Many of us grew up on these tales. For the 100th issue of TheComicProject, here is one of the Phantom's adventures:

Phoenix - Once a great city ruled by the old king and his daughter - now in ruins. While old man mozz recites the story of the King and his beautiful daughter, Obiju seeks The Phantom's help in hunting a wounded tiger that is wreaking havoc in the Jungle. The Phantom tracks the tiger to the outskirts of the lost city - Phoenix - and fights it when something strange happens, making The Phantom think: Was it all a dream?

Visit www.thecomicproject.blogspot.com for more

Sachin Tendulkar - A Steady Decline Or Just A Temporary Glitch?

The Comic Project — Thu, 2 Feb 2006 12:03:21 EST

India lost the final test against Pakistan so the knives are out :-) And who else to bash up most except Sachin Tendulkar, who for the Nth time failed when we "needed" him to succeed. Let's just take a quick look at what he has done from 2004 until now.

If you consider Tendulkar's last 15 matches (and 20 or so innings) in the last 2 years, he has scored 916 runs at an average of 45, which is respectable. But statistics are like mini skirts right? Remove the Bangladesh double century and his average in the last 15 minus 1 (14) matches plonks down to 33 - THIRTY THREE. His average when India loses is a piddly 19 - NINETEEN, when India wins is 42 and when India draws is 33.

In the last 19 matches (minus Bangladesh double-hundred match), 1200+ runs at an average of 49, respectable again. First innings is 55 and Second is 37. Drawn match average is 72 (courtesy the double hundred against Australia), average in matches "won" is 61 (fantastic), and average in matches "lost" is 17 - SEVENTEEN.

His average in the last 15 matches (minus Bangladesh of course) is 20 runs less than his career average. He is a great batsman, no doubt and I am sure he will score a century soon. But I thought the difference between a great batsman and a good batsman is the number of opportunities a great batsman needs to dig himself out of a hole. Isn't 15 matches enough?

He is my favourite player in the world, but based on his performances I have to ask, why is he in the team? He is a better fielder than Ganguly but as a leader and a motivator, doesn't quite match up to the Bong. While we talk about Ganguly's failing form, why is Tendlya not measured by the same yardstick? And please don't make excuses for him now like the ball was unplayable or the ball kept low or the umpiring did him in.

Come on Tendlya, do something quick or retire instead of hanging around like Kapil well past his best. Would hate to see you go the Ganguly way.

Indrajal Comics - The Game Of Treachery (Hindi)

The Comic Project — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 21:16:12 EST

Indrajal Comics

In March 1964, the publisher of The Times of India, Bennet, Coleman & Co., launched a new series called Indrajal Comics. The first 32 issues featured The Phantom, but thereafter, the title alternated between various King Features characters, including Mandrake, Flash Gordon, and Buzz Sawyer.

Indrajal Comics commenced with a monthly schedule. The first 10 issues devoted 16 pages to The Phantom, so many of the stories were edited to fit this format. Twelve pages were devoted to general knowledge (Gold Key style) and other stuff. The next 19 issues were 20-24 pages. Beginning with issue #29, Indrajal standardised on the conventional 32 page format. The series switched to fortnightly publication from #35 on 1 Jan 1967 (released on the 1st and 15th of each month). Mandrake made his first of many appearances in #46 (15 Jul 1967). The cover artwork for the first 50 or so issues of Indrajal Comics was done by B.Govind, with the back cover featuring a pin-up poster.

About this comic:

Location: Wamba Falls Inn

Time: Some time after 9 PM

It all begins when 2 gold miners, Pete and Ike, after many days of digging, find a lot of gold and check into the hotel. They take a shower, have a sumptuous dinner and a merry drink or two. They then retire to their rooms for a good night's sleep. In the morning, Ike is missing. His partner, Pete, approaches the Jungle Patrol for help. While the Jungle Patrol colonel tries to think how to solve this case, he gets a note which says "CO. JP., Send patrolman disguised as miner to investigate Wamba Inn. Commander, JP."

What happened to Ike? Will Patrolman Smythe find anything at Wamba Falls Inn? And who is this Commander?

Read on at www.thecomicproject.blogspot.com

Rang De Basanti - Inquilab Zindabad! - Well, The Rebel Has Arrived

The Comic Project — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 10:03:22 EST

"Inquilab Zindabad - Well, The rebel has arrived." That sentence pretty much sums up the film for me.

The Characters:

A documentary filmmaker:
Sue McKinley - who's apparently grown up on her grandfather's diary where he, a jailor during the British Rule in India, presides over the execution of freedom fighters saying "Is this god's work?". She comes to India to shoot her documentary on Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekhar Azad, Ramprasad Bismil, Ashfaqullah. despite her TV channel pulling the plug. She responds to her producer in a unique way that will make the theatre burst out in laughter.

Six Friends:

Ajay Rathod: Flight Lieutnant, who has never done a thing wrong in his life. Loves the cool jackets, honour and the girls that get attracted to his uniform but wants to serve the country in a Mig-29. Sonia's boyfriend.

Aslam Urf Ashfaqullah: Poetic, Idealistic, Romantic. Paints graffitti. From a family that thinks they are a minority and the country is "un logo ke liye", asks him to make friends among their "Quom". Tells his brother that he can't live with hatred in his heart.

DJ, Urf Daljit Singh, Urf Chandrashekhar Azad: Carefree. Under the influence of beer admits "I passed out 5 years ago, but I like being in the campus. Because people know me. Respect me. Say that DJ will do something. But little do they know that in the outside world, a thousand DJs are lost in the grind of life every day."

Karan Singhania, Urf Bhagat Singh: Disillusioned son of a very very rich man and doesn't get along with his father. Most cynical of the lot. Always talking about how the country can never change. Lends money to a friend and says "Baap ka paisa hai. Pade pade sad jaayega"

Sonia Urf Durga Bhabhi: Sue's friend who helps her in making the documentary. Brave and proud, Idealistic but seems to be practical. The baby of the group apparently.

Sukhi, Urf Rajguru: Funny, the joker of the pack. When he is not making funny faces, he worries about getting married. Can't live without DJ.

Lakshman Pande, Urf Ram Prasad Bismil: A political activist. Right-wing, trishul-dhari type political activist. Considers Aslam a Pakistani. Firebrand, idealistic, refuses money from his party leader who persuades him to keep the money for his kharcha.

It is a movie about the filmmaker, "her" freedom fighters and contemporary India. Their carefree life. Latenight beer drinking parties at "the classroom". Dilliwallahs, when you see the film, tell me what this place is please. Between "Sue kar, mere man ko kiya tune kya ishara", Sukhi's antics, Karan's cynical comments, Aslam's poetic predictions after reading Sue's palm and a couple of fights with Lakshman Pande, they start making the transition into Sue's freedom fighters. At first not taking anything seriously, they seem to understand slowly what it must have meant to the freedom fighters to do what they did.

The camaraderie between the friends reminds one of Dil Chahta Hai but it is much more than that. The director takes us on a trip of these friends changing from "carefree, irreverent and cynical" to "purposeful and passionate". The use of sepia-toned scenes to show each of these 6 friends getting into the skin of their respective characters as freedom fighters is impressive. There are no desh bhakti wala dialogues, no ear shattering screams (think Sunny Deol). And while they slowly understand the magnitude of what these freedom fighters did, tragedy strikes. The Defence Minister utters something absolutely indefensible. And if the first part of the movie is about the matter-of-factly, irreverent and cool: "Well, the rebel has arrived", the second part of the movie is an angry, helpless but passionate "Inquilab Zindabad".

The film is NOT only about Aamir Khan and it is not as if he has the best lines. He does a great job in a film where all other characters are given equal screen time. His breakdown at the dinner table while taking a bite of chapatti is most realistic. Atul Kulkarni, his recital of "sarfaroshi ki tamanna" is soul-stirring. He seems to be getting right-wingy roles but does a great job. Sharman Joshi holds his own against the rest of the gang, his outburst towards the end almost shakes one out of the seats. Soha Ali Khan is wonderful too, no overacting, displays the right emotions at the right time and breaks down in a way which makes you feel her pain. Kunal Kapoor, does a good job of being a misfit among his "Quom", great screen presence and a couple of good movies is going to have a huge female fan following. The british actress (what's her name?) mouths the best hindi uttered by a "gora" after Tom Alter. She is earnest and plays her part oh-so-perfectly. But the one I liked the most is this guy called Siddharth. I don't know who this guy is, but at times you wonder if he is actually acting. His quiet voice betrays the angst within him. He needs to work on his crying I guess, but his role demanded something and he has delivered.

The support cast in the form of R Madhavan, Om Puri, Waheeda Rehman, Kirron Kher, Anupam Kher, KK Raina (took me a while to recognize him) and Mohan Agashe do their respective roles as required and have exactly as much screen time as required.

This is not the Manoj Kumar-Sunny Deol type of patriotism nor the Lagaan-Mangal Pande type. No jingoism. If I try to draw a parallel with Yuva, I'd be dead wrong. The patriotism is subtle and not in-your-face. This is a brilliant movie. Brilliant script, fantastic acting, music that blends into the film and the best climax I have seen in years. It is the kind of movie where you desperately want to know what happens in the next scene before you completely understand the one that's playing. And both scenes hit you like sledgehammers at either side of your head.

It has its flaws but anyone who pans this movie should be shot. The movie reflects the state of the nation in a crude but effective way when DJ says "We have one leg on the past and one leg on the future, and we are peeing on the present".

Rakyesh Mehra - Take a bow!!!

This review has appeared earlier on my blog, which has a rather select audience :-)