Desicritics Author: Sheetal Makhan

What Is in a Name?

Sheetal Makhan — Fri, 6 Oct 2006 09:21:09 EDT

It's no longer Aishwarya - it's Ash. And it's no longer Sushmita - it's Sush. It's not Kamala, it's "K". And it's not Barvant, it's Barry.

This has been bugging me for quite some time now, and this month I'm going to vent about it. What is up with the anglicizing of our Indian names? In other words, why are our Indian names being shortened and abbreviated by non-Indians...just because they can't make the effort to pronounce it?

We call Jennifer, Jennifer - not "Jen" or "Jenni", unless of course it's an accepted nickname by that person. And we call Daylen just that. Not "Dee" or "Day".

So - just because some Indian names are a bit "difficult to pronounce" is it correct that a new version be given? Of course not! I can't begin to tell you how many times my name has been mispronounced. For goodness sakes, you say it the way it's spelt - Sheetal. Shee-till. Some versions of my name include Sheetaaarl. I even remember hearing Shantal once. But - most of my friends have given up and now resort to calling me Sheets. It's become so common that most people, even my family calls me that too. I suppose it's shorter than Sheetal and doesn't require much effort.

My brother, Darmesh, has had a couple of variations of his name. At school, he was known as Daaarm-esh or Daaarm. It stuck so much that sometimes I find myself calling him that too. But now, his friends have resorted to calling him by his DJ name, "Damage" Even my parents' names have been so anglicized over the years by family friends that it's actually laughable!

So is it effort to say Kalapana? Of course! That's why they'd rather say Kay or Kal. And Sameer becomes Sam. It's like when you're talking about Sameer to someone, they have no idea who you're talking about. But say Sam, and everyone knows who he is! For all I care, Sam can be short for Samantha!

This is all I'm saying: We say Sebastian and Priscilla. So why can't we say Urmila, without getting our tongues twisted around it?

I'm not saying that nicknames are wrong. They're endearing. But what grates on my nerves is when people shorten Indian names for pure convenience.

But even Indian people are anglicizing their own names for convenience. Harish may change his name to Harry. After all, when dealing in business, he can save the time when he introduces himself to people and they say, "Can you repeat that?" If "Harish" stays, I bet it will become Hareeeesh.

My friend, Nethan is South African-born, now living in Australia. Pronounced "Knee-than", he says people he only meets once call him Nathan (Nay-thin) and he can't be bothered to correct them. To his friends he's known as "Neth". Of course there are other variations which are reserved for family and close friends. He's gotten so used to this that he says he answers to anything these days.

And then there's my friend Asmita. Asmita - what a lovely name. Pity people don't appreciate its beauty, because she has become "As-meeee-taah". It's the same thing with another friend of mine, Shakeela, whose name has been converted to "Sha-keeee-lah". I have even heard of a baby's parents wanting to call him Rohan, but changed the spelling to "Rohern", just so that people don't get into the habit of calling him "Ro-han"

When people can't pronounce my name or don't even make an effort, I just find it a sign of disrespect. Of course, this is my opinion which I am entitled to it. Readers, I'm interested to know if you go through the same thing. Is your name anglicized by non-Indian speakers too?

Bollywood, Bindi's, Samoosa's...And My White Friends

Sheetal Makhan — Sat, 5 Aug 2006 14:50:35 EDT

For a recent assignment, I had to discuss my construction as a 'raced' subject.

Writing this essay made me question my identity which left me quite baffled. I'm a South African Indian, meaning that I'm of Indian descent born and living in South Africa. I understand the hardships my forefathers endured to achieve basic rights in this country just as I am aware of my religion and motherland.

During the age of 8 and 15 which were my days at Primary and halfway through High School, I now realize how assimilated I had become to the whiteness of my friends. Now you may question what I mean by the term 'whiteness'. When used in relation to my friends, I mean it to be the way in which they spoke and behaved.

During the lunch hour at school, I would sometimes have toasted cheese sandwiches from the tuck-shop, while, my white friends ate hot dogs and beef burgers. They did not understand why I was not allowed to eat red meat even though I told them it was against my religion. It did not bother me. I had never eaten it, so surely I had no idea of what I was supposedly missing. If I declined an offer of biltong, I was told that I did not know what I was missing out on. It was as if they didn't even make an effort to understand who I was.

Towards the end of my high school career, Bollywood was being placed on the global map. English music artists began remixing their songs with Indian tunes and musical icons like Madonna and Gwen Stefani started wearing bindi's. All of a sudden, my white friends started taking an interest in Indian music and my culture, when before they mocked me when I listened to Indian music or if I did not know who Alanis Morissette or Bon Jovi was. In retrospect, it almost seems as though the western pop culture gave the go ahead for the Indian culture to be "hip", "cool" and "in fashion".

As I grapple with the issue of my Indian identity, I am almost ashamed to admit that in order to fit in with the dominant culture, I laughed when my white classmates told jokes which are derogatory to Indian people. They'd put on heavy Indian accents or tease me about why I didn't study Pharmacy or a B Com degree - fields that many Indian people pursue. Despite the fact that I engaged in the laughter, deep down I would be furious.

How dare they (my white classmates) laugh about Indian people or talk of us as though we were of a different human species altogether. Not once would I ever even pass a racial slur regarding any of my friends, regardless of their race.

My question that I pose then is, when do racial comments become funny? Are they meant to be taken light-heartedly or are there hidden meanings behind them?

When I meet a white person, I certainly don't ask them for koeksisters or vetkoek. So why do people find it necessary to ask me for "roh-tee" (roti), chicken curry and samoosa's? ...based on the simple fact that I'm Indian!

But the thing that really grates my nerves is when people say, "Where are you from... Durban?" If someone dare asks me that again, I will almost surely write them off. For the six billionth time, No - I'm not from Durban! Believe it or not, not all Indian people hail from Natal!

Looking back on the past few years, I can see the dramatic changes that occurred in the formation of my identity and as such, the construction of myself as a 'raced' subject. I should stress that by writing this column, I am not downsizing my white friends. I have merely shared with you my experiences as a South African Indian, and how I have been assimilated into what I regarded was the dominant culture. By doing so, I have come to realize who I really am.

Beauty Contests: Brawn Over Brain?

Sheetal Makhan — Mon, 5 Jun 2006 09:44:10 EDT

A while ago, I wrote about weddings being like a 'meat market'. I felt that Indian weddings were becoming an event where single girls are dolled up and are inadvertently judged by the single guys at the back of the hall. After reading my column, a friend said to me, "I gather you don't support the concept of a beauty pageant".

This got me thinking back to when I was younger and watched Miss South Africa and Miss World/Universe pageants on TV. The contestants looked like real-life Barbie dolls!

According to an online encyclopedia, a beauty contest or pageant is a competition between people based largely on the beauty of their physical appearance.

Even the term, 'beauty contest / pageant' grates my nerves. Isn't the term in itself degrading? Being judged on ones physical appearance? So my answer is no, I don't support beauty competitions. It places far too much emphasis on what is deemed important in our society - being beautiful with a perfect figure.

So what is beauty? I bet if asked this question, many people would rattle off a list of Bollywood stars, many of whom are now "model-turned-actresses". Aishwariya Rai and Sushmita Sen are regarded as "beauty queens" and are said to have boosted India's image to the rest of the world when they won the Miss World and Miss Universe titles, respectively. Both have made a name for themselves in the film industry, with Aishwariya being ranked as one of the most beautiful people in the world. I'll agree that both actresses appear to be grounded. No doubt, they're both stunning - but I ask you, how much are good looks worth in the real world? And by the real world, I'm not talking about the glitz and glamour and being the cover girl of fashion magazines.

Granted, no one is forced into taking part in these events. But do I do find them to be extremely superficial. How can strutting across a stage in a bikini with high heels, with heavy makeup pasted on ones face with (most of the time) a fake smile be beneficial?

Having watched these pageants on TV, I can't help but think how ridiculous it is to be rewarded "Miss Lovely Legs" and "Miss Photogenic". I find it obscure and absurd. More importantly, I wonder what kind of message is being sent to the rest of the world.

As if we don't have enough competition in our daily lives as it is. Everyday we're competing against each other for things like business and sports. And yet we still have to be concerned about competing with each other on the basis of physical appearances or how well-toned our bodies are?

Sure, intelligence is one of the judging standards, but the most important thing in these pageants is having a beautiful face. I remember thinking how silly some contestants sounded when they proclaimed that they wanted to promote world peace and alleviate poverty, or feed starving children in Africa. That's as attainable as me winning the lottery - not impossible, but not really realistic - right?

Just as I know people who've participated in beauty contests "for the fun of it", I also know many people who watch them for sheer entertainment. And that's fine. I have nothing against models who participate in beauty pageants or people who watch them. All I'm saying is that competitions based on the most beautiful face and sexiest figure is, for me, ludicrous.

My friend who sparked this discussion said he had no opinion about beauty pageants, but he did support the right of choice. So do I. But I just have to wonder whether a divide exists in today's world: Models vs Mortals?

The Roots of Religion: Why My Bindi Is Different?

Sheetal Makhan — Sat, 3 Jun 2006 13:49:56 EDT

A recent chat with my 15 year old cousin inspired me to write this column. He asked me a question which I had never gave much thought to. He asked: "Do you know why certain rituals and fasts are performed in our religion?" I am sure that I speak on behalf of many people when I say that most of what we do has become routine and close to meaningless.

Things like lighting a lamp becomes part of ones daily chores while going to the temple for a special festival is significant only because you were sent a pamphlet in the mail by your Hindu society. Maybe it's an opportunity to wear a recently purchased outfit? Perhaps it's even to meet up with people from the community and catch up on the latest news. What I have noticed is that most traditions are being upheld for the mere fact of there being a senior family member in the household.

Why does a Hindu wedding procession take over a week to complete? Why is it such a big deal to do a prayer for a birth or a death? Why is it important to bless any property before moving into it or when we buy a new car? What about basic questions like why we light a lamp and use incense sticks, or why we offer sweetmeats and milk to deities.

The question I am mostly asked by Westerner's is "Why do you wear that dot on your forehead?" I then go on to explain the significance of it warding off evil and it being the third eye. Then I am asked "But why does your mother wear a red one all the time" which brings on the explanation of women wearing a red bind signifying their marital status. It is usually when we are faced with questions like these do we realize that we, ourselves do not know the significance of certain rituals. For some, they seem silly and pointless, that is until you get to know the significance and meaning behind it all.

Most of my friends can't believe that Hindu engagements are so lavish and that it can carry the expense of a small-scale wedding. They then tell me that in their respective cultures, they become engaged by merely having a ring placed on their finger.

Hinduism is a religion steeped in tradition, richness and value. I probably speak on behalf of most people when I say that most of us don't know why we do certain things. We go to temple on special occasions and fast for certain periods of time. Yet, we never bother to ask why we do so or the reason behind it.

While a portion of our culture may be maintained, I fear that the lack of knowledge on religion itself will be lost. There is only so much we can learn from books, and more recently the internet. In my opinion, the best way to learn is by asking questions - asking your parents, grandparents or members of the community about age old customs and practices.

Because what then is the purpose of fasting and going to temple if you don't know why you're doing it. In years to come, it's no use saying something like "My parents made me go".

I believe parents and any other influence can play a limited role in someone's life when it comes to instilling religion, culture and heritage in someone. It is pointless teaching someone who is not willing to learn. If anything, it is for this very reason that I wish my grandmother were still alive. I can just imagine what a wealth of information she would have been in my life. But, as oral tradition has proved to be the most effective way of passing down historical information, she has instilled most of the knowledge to my mother. As a result, I have picked up some tidbits on why we do certain things and we certain gods are acknowledged on specific days.

I have said this many times and I will say it yet again - it can prove to be a great challenge for Indian families to uphold traditions in the home. Our lifestyles just don't seem to cater for it. We are either too busy or we have just become too westernized.

When I am asked questions by people, they expect me to know the myths and traditions that surround my faith. Let's face it, no one enjoys looking ignorant. I certainly don't. But it is not for this reason that I have decided to go on this spiritual journey that I seem to have undertaken. It's because I want to. Why? Because it think it's important to not only know where we come from, but to know the meaning of our existence.

Smoking: Ladies, Please Butt Out!

Sheetal Makhan — Wed, 31 May 2006 13:04:10 EDT

What's wrong with this picture - you see a girl (she's Indian) with long, dark hair. She has hazel-coloured eyes with a cute smile. She's sitting amongst a big group of friends. From your point of view, she looks carefree and fun to be around. She appears to be a snappy dresser, with a matching bindi between her perfectly shaped eyebrows. Clearly, she has a balance of eastern and western values. She looks like she's self-confident and sophisticated. She's the type of girl you'd want to be friends with.

Then, she's handed a lit cigarette by one of her male friends. She puts it to her lips and inhales. A few seconds later, a cloud of smoke escapes from her glossy lips. I can sum my feelings up in one expression: "Ewwww!"

The tobacco epidemic - which was earlier restricted to men has now spread to women.

I know I am at risk of being bombarded by angry readers for what I'm about to say, but keep in mind that this is merely my opinion. I invite you to email or SMS me about your views on this issue.

I detest being in the company of smokers, especially those with no consideration of others and blow their dirty air in my face. This leaves me with a stench that sticks to my body and clothing for hours after. Even though I have been told that we aren't living in the dark ages anymore, I have a serious problem with women who smoke. Even more, I can't stand the sight of an Indian woman smoking.

Sure, times have changed and Indian women don't want to be stuck in a kitchen with their mothers-in-law rolling roti all day. Many are academic-driven and career-orientated. With all this, comes independence and confidence within themselves. But I just don't understand why women think they cut a glamorous picture to be seen with a cigarette in their hand.

A recent study in the UK revealed that women are twice as likely to develop an untreatable form of lung cancer than men. In fact, lung cancer has surpassed breast cancer as the leading cause of death among women. It appears that the majority of female smokers are aware of the health hazards that come with smoking, but they still prefer to go ahead with it.

But besides the obvious health risks that exist, the question I pose to you is: "Why do women choose to smoke?"

Does it symbolize a rebellious attitude towards the male dominance? Or does it signify a "don't-care" attitude? While we don't realize it at first, media play such a big part of our lives, and many of us are guilty of being brainwashed by advertisements. Tobacco products are promoted to us as a means of attaining maturity, gaining confidence, being sexually attractive and in control of one's destiny. As a result, women are being victimized by tobacco companies who create false images of good health, fitness, stress relief, beauty and being slim...all in the name of marketing their deathly products.

I often question why many men find women who smoke to be sexy and alluring. I have found that those who do are smokers themselves. But I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised to find that some young men I spoke to did not find women who smoke to be appealing at all. One of them is 21-year-old Himesh Trivedi, who says, "It's a filthy and disgusting habit. It's not our culture. In this day and age, we tend to become too westernized."

So...is smoking a western craze?

I have been told, "If men can smoke, why can't women smoke?" Smoking is becoming one of the major agendas of feminism all over the world. This habit among females has become a universal cultural norm and more women are actively and publicly smoking. By speaking to female smokers, I have found that many have taken up smoking to gain prominence against their male counterparts. They are trying to acknowledge their liberty and they do so by lighting up a death stick.

Let us not forget the issue of peer pressure. It is more challenging to say "no" to a large group of friends. Imagine you're the only one who doesn't smoke amongst your group of friends. Surely, in time you will feel left out and there is a great possibility that you will try it out. You may enjoy it, and think you look ultra-cool.

We live in a society where male smoking is an established norm, and again I am at risk of saying this, but in my opinion, women are the better halves of society. After all, where would we be without loving mothers and wives? Because of this, they really ought to act that way. I'm not saying women should wear aprons and look picture perfect all the time, but instead of smoking themselves to death, why don't they motivate their other halves to quite this disgusting and deathly habit? By doing so, not only are we conserving the environment, but you're also probably adding many more years to your life!

Getting to Know Our Indian Coconuts

Sheetal Makhan — Tue, 30 May 2006 00:26:30 EDT

Many people are aware of the term 'coconut'. For those of you who don't understand this concept, let's work it out step by step. Think of what a coconut looks like. It's brown on the outside, but white on the inside. Hence the term has been given to people of brown complexions, but who are actually "white" inside - in terms of their mannerisms, thoughts and speech.

I asked a friend to give me her definition of what a coconut really is. She said: "It is someone who doesn't wish to be associated with his/her cultural or ethnic group and is almost completely westernized."

Let us now explore some of the characteristics of an Indian Coconut, shall we?

For starters, they cannot even say two words in their mother tongue, and probably battle to say "Namaste" or "Wannekum".

They've probably never even heard of screen icons Amitabh Bachan, Shah Rukh Khan or Aishwariya Rai. However, they swoon over the likes of Britney Spears or Brad Pitt. They probably idolize artists like Eminem and sing along to his embarrassing lyrics.

If they happen to be at an Indian gathering, for example a wedding, they may pull faces at the potato and bean curry. They would sneak out and head off to the closet Pizza Hut or KFC. After all, they "can't be around too many Indians for a long time". Also, they can't tolerate anything spicy. Even the "Mild" at Nando's is too wicked on their sensitive taste buds.

I would also imagine them to hog the DSTV remotes at home. Their mothers want to watch the soapies on Zee TV, but our coconuts would much rather watch vulgar artists on M-TV gyrating their hips with piercings in all places unimaginable.

At school, they would laugh at the girl whose mother had drained her scalp with Amla Oil. When she entered the classroom, she would give off a pungent smell of incense, combined with fried onions and masala.

Images of India make them cringe in disgust. They vow never to visit such a dirty place and to be put through the torture of looking poverty in the face.

But my personal favourite characteristic of coconuts is that they speak with a "twang". They probably pick up these accents of some sorts from their "white friends". Also, perhaps on Diwali, a coconut's teacher will wish him/her for the auspicious day. The coconut may look back at the teacher in sheer confusion, not knowing what it is or not bothering to find out.

Ok, now we've had our fun with gunning down coconuts. But surely they weren't born that way? Or were they? Is it dependent on the family, ones school or working environment that one should not forget his/her cultural and ethnic groups?

Again, I don't claim to be an expert on anything Indian-related. But I do however make an effort to know as much as I can about my own culture, rituals and traditions. Because if we continue to allow westernization to take over our lives, what kind of culture is left for future generations?

If you havn't already, you should watch the film, American Desi. Arguably one of my favourite films, it is the story of Krishna Reddy, who'd much rather be known as Kris. Growing up in America, he isn't too keen on the Indian traditions and customs that his parents have tried to instill in him. He longs for college life where he will enjoy the taste of freedom. Things turn out much differently as he had hoped.

I would be interested to hear your views and opinions on this topic. Have you encountered any coconuts? Do you go to school or work with them? Are you perhaps one?

Prospective Brides Sitting in a Row...Eeney Meeny Miney Mo

Sheetal Makhan — Mon, 29 May 2006 08:23:04 EDT

Eeney Meeney Miney Mo. For me, that is a perfect summary of the happenings at Indian weddings. Because that is where Cupid's little helpers work overtime trying to find partners for those unable to do so themselves.

For many years, it has been traditional for mothers, grandmothers and aunties (or anyone for that matter) to polish up their matchmaking skills at wedding ceremonies. To my knowledge, girls are dolled up and sit with innocent-looking faces next to their mothers. Then boys are suited up, their hair carefully spiked or neatly gelled back. Their eyes discreetly wander around the hall and they make mental notes about prospective brides.

I imagine boys to see someone they fancy, and to hint to their mothers about whoever they saw and took a liking to - from a mere distance, perhaps. I would think that maternal family members of both parties exchange notes on the boy and girl, and when things seem to be suitable, phone numbers may be exchanged between the (future) bride and groom.

The boy and girl may start off with friendly SMS's and it may progress to phonecalls, and finally - the big meeting. Maybe it's over a cup of coffee in an overcrowded mall. The boy and girl know very well the intentions of their mothers, but play it cool. They try not to make it obvious that they are summing up the character of their possible future life partner. It's like a screen test, an interview, even an evaluation...

I know some readers may disagree with my views and opinions on the "going to weddings to meet prospective brides and grooms", but my personal take on it is that it has lost its subtlety. Granted, large and lavish Indian weddings were the ideal place to meet people other than those in your social circle. But I believe that it has become a savage meat market for today's youth.

I respect that in our culture, arranged marriages have been the way to go for eons. It goes back many years where one's name and social status were the end-all of everything. While there have been marriages which have been successful, there are also cases where young people are thrown into a lifetime contract signed off and made official by their parents. On the topic of an arranged marriage, I've heard that people "fall in love after marriage". But in this day and age, love is not all that it takes to make a marriage work.

Mind you, I am only still taking baby steps into the so-called adult world, so I don't claim to be a specialist on the topic. But what I do know is that communication plays a major role in any relationship, from friendship to romance. With more females entering the male-dominated work industry, many are trying to make it on their own after completion of their studies. The key word is independence - something that especially Indian women were unable to enjoy for years.

Yet, in the year 2006, I still know of independent hopeful youth who are being dictated to by elders on how to live their lives. Of course, one may and can disagree or object to an arranged marriage, but take heed - the family name is at stake! What will the community say? Why isn't he or she married yet? The final conclusion to it all - "the youth of today are becoming too westernized". That appears to be the answer for most of Indian youth's flaws these days.

Next time you're at a community or family wedding, notice how young boys and girls (probably in their twenties and older) gather in groups - I notice that young gentlemen huddle in the back of the hall. Is the view better there, perhaps? I can assure you that the next wedding you will grace with your presence, a boy and girl will be "fixed" and you will soon hear of an upcoming engagement and wedding in the community... and so the cycle goes on. As my column title explains it - "Prospective brides sitting in a row...Eeney Meeny Miney Mo."

Indian weddings. Has it turned into a savage meat market for the youth?