SATIRE

Satire: There's Life After The Cricket World Cup For Team India

March 27, 2007
GV Krishnan

Let's look at the positives. We won against Bermuda, didn't we? Why not build on this win. Let's try Outer Mongolia (trust they have a cricket team) next, and thus, strike a winning streak. I don't see the great idea in India playing the same teams - Sri Lanka, Australia, Pakistan etc. - year after year. If Indian cricket has to survive (for the benefit of sponsors and live telecast right-holders) we need to look at fresh pastures beyond our sub-continent.

We under-rated Bangladesh, which has been one of our unfailing failures. It is time India started playing sure winnables. I already mentioned Outer Mongolia. We could tour Indonesia, Malaysia, Burma and Brunei. That would be a morale booster, and give our boys the feel of victory, so that our team members can come home to a grand airport reception. This time around, though, I visualise our men in blue flying home, on a late night flight, and being whisked away from the airport by personnel on bandobast duty.

Speaking of airport receptions, newspapers carried a photo of Pak team transiting London's Heathrow under police escort, presumably, to guard them from being ambushed by enraged fans at Heathrow. I guess there is scope for BCCI initiating bilateral exchanges with the Pakistan cricketing board on ways to improve our cricketing fortunes. I don't mean we play for World Cup losers' trpohy. In fact, an India-Pakistan series at this time would not be a good idea. If only because we can't ensure that both India and Pakistan lost any match. We could resort to match-fixing by which every tie is made to end in a draw.

I have an out-of-the-box idea. Let us hold a joint selection camp of cricket players from both India and Pakistan; split the top 22 into two opposing teams, comprising players chosen irrespective of their national colours. In fact, the 'blues' and 'greens' on the field would be replaced with plain old white, the only colour our old-fashioned cricketers knew.

Speaking of old-fashioned cricketers, the opposing teams should be led by legends such as Zaheer Abbas and Sunil Gavaskar, as non-playing captains. Legend has it that during an India-Pak tie when Abbas got into a seemingly unending run-spree, the then India captain, Sunil Gavaskar, walked up to him and said, "Zaheer bhai, Ab-bas karo."

Zaheer Abbas, interviewed on an Indian sports TV channel, didn't confirm this story, but said that Sunil was a good friend. So was Bishen Singh Bedi. During their tours overseas both team members socialized. Zaheer recalled the match in which he completed 100 centuries. That evening Zaheer hosted a party -"every member of the Indian team I invited turned up at the party."

The former Pak captain, referring to an India team tour of Pakistan, said he didn't sleep during the entire five weeks of the tour. The Indian bowling trio, said Zaheer Abbas, was so much on his mind that he spent sleepless nights thinking of ways to cope with Bedi, Prasanna and Chandrasekhar.

Retired Times of India correspondent, based in Mysore.; hosts MysoreBlogPark, a parking lot for a bunch of Mysore-connected bloggers; writes a Monday column for www.zine5.com
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#1
Mohamed Z. Rahaman (Breado)
March 27, 2007
04:05 PM

Okay Mr. Krishnan. Your article started out as I expected, i.e., funny, but then you got a little too serious towards the end. Having said that, I think that you should first propose that all Indians and Pakistanis set aside a day - let's say April 28th - to observe a 2 minute silence for the state of cricket in both nations. By the way, I understand that Nepal has a cricket team, maybe India and Pakistan can play thenm in one of those triangular tournaments. Personally, I think that all those B/deshis should be tested for steriods. Several of them loked like the bulked up quite a bit. A final thought... Indian and Pakistani bowlers should start smearing their faces with that white stuff like the Sri Lankans. This will ensure that if "you can't bowl 'em out, then scare 'em out. Show me a batsman who is not frightened by the sight of Malinga's face or Murali's expression when he bowls. These are teh nitty gritty details and tatics that they don't coach.

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