SATIRE

Sonia Gandhi Returning to Italy

April 01, 2006
Aaman Lamba

We can now reveal that Sonia Gandhi has told her children she is tired of the heat and dust in India and doesn't care much for the cuisine either. The last straw that broke the camel's back was the recent imbroglio for offices-for-profit. She was not cut out for this kind of political disharmony in her waning years and would prefer to return to Orbassano and the solace of her villa.

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A subpoena to the Government of Italy has provided us a map of her planned retirement home, near the town of Torino. We cannot indicate her precise address for security reasons, but it is close to the Centro Anziani, or the Old Folks Centre, which has the following activities planned this year for the older residents of Orbassano:

  • 2 event-days, one recreational and one cultural
  • A marine stay
  • The festivity of Been born them or New Year's Day
  • The festivity of 8 Carnival and March
  • 2 seminary lectures on the topic of the health of the old ones and their solidarity.

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The Centre organizes paper games and bocce periodically, the dancing game of the tombola once a week and evening activities, so she should have a lot to do.

She has asked for her first meal when she arrives home to be Gnoccho di ricotta di capra alla noce moscatta and Panna cotta alla noce moscatta con pere al vino rosso. The flavors of the home country are sadly lacking, she feels, in La Piazza and the Italian Crust.

She will not be forsaking her attachment to the Indian Political scene, citing her affection for the sycophants ardent fans and true believers. Preferring to be seen as a Dowager Empress ruling from afar instead of the dusty streets of New Delhi, she intends to subscribe to the Congress RSS feed and VOIP on GoogleTalk whenever the need arises. With Google's acquisition by China, she feels borders have no meaning anyway, and cannot wait for the olive trees and verdant gardenia.

All we can say is, arrivederci!

Aaman Lamba is the Publisher of Desicritics.org, a Blogcritics network site. He also blogs, more infrequently nowadays, at Audit Trails Of Self
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#1
mayank
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April 1, 2006
03:12 AM

It wud be a dream come true!

#2
temporal
URL
April 1, 2006
09:49 AM

china buys google
sonia dreams
ganguly declares
clooney muses
scientists make discovery

where is my morning cuppa?


#3
Vikas Chowdhry
URL
April 1, 2006
10:28 AM

Haa haaa - good one. And Nirad Babu - even better!
Happy April Fool's Day :)

#4
aJ
URL
April 1, 2006
10:35 AM

Sheesh.. If you had not mentioned the China buying Google, people might have believed her to be leaving India and most likely missing the date at which this article was posted :P ;)

#5
Amrita
URL
April 1, 2006
01:25 PM

lolzz... the china buying google thing was the icing on the cake. not but what is a joke today may well be a serious news item tomorrow. dumb world and the hypocrites that run it, etc etc ...

#6
Q Bit
URL
April 1, 2006
05:04 PM

When I woke up, I was vaguely aware of the significance of today. As an honorable citizen of fool's paradise I do have a mental block recognizing days, weeks and years dedicated to fools in particular.

However, I am willing to admit that I took Aaman seriously (blame it on last nite's pool, bowling and gambling) till I reached "A subpoena to the Government ...".

Nevertheless Aamaan might be eligible for the visionary of the century award ... I hv to check the rules though.

I also clicked on Nirad Babu (am telling you this day is never ending).. and made an ass of myself (who else). To be fair (to self) this is what went through my mind before I managed the dumbest click of the day : "another nirad chaudhuri? Gosh ! how come I have never seen him before at DC? ahhh ..well... am new here so might have missed him ..no big deal ..kind of strange though...better check him out".

Now you know why am an honorable citizen of FP. :)

#7
Aaman
URL
April 1, 2006
07:44 PM

Thanks Q-Bit, glad you fell for it:)

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