DESI Confusion : Part Deux

"Oh! and a helpful tip - keep those clothes closets tightly shut specially while cooking; everyone does not need to know what you ate last night."

Good one..learnt this the hard way..
another tip..disable the fire alarms..they apparently are highly sensitive to any Indian food and are guaranteed to bajao daily...

Vikas, interesting, and one thinks there's more sauce left in this curry:)

I, for one, do find the obsession you describe quaint and not describing me or some of the 1G/2G families we know. We might be in the minority within the larger group of immigrants, but, all the same, it would be unfair to deny the existence of PLUs, who prefer Chipotle to China Town, Fats Domino to Ilayaraja. In the global flat world, is any place different from anywhere else, and is one culture more special than any other?

Stay tuned for a post from me on this theme, a first chance.

Aaman: I agree with you that my post does not even begin to describe the wide variety of DESIS that populate this wonderful melting pot called the US. In fact, there are quite a few who are actually at the total opposite end of the spectrum and shun anything that is even remotely connected to the desi culture.

And then there are the PLUs as you describe. I look forward to your post.

It's up, though not directly related to DESIs:)

A neat piece and doesn't lose in the telling.

I think many of these observations relate to any immigrant experience. For example, Amy Tan in Joy Luck Club too examines similar emotions and drives in the expat Chinese community. Closer to home (meaning India), many Tamilians left Tamil Nadu post the Periyaar movement in the 1930s and settled in places like Bombay and Delhi. My grandfather who was one of them settled in Bombay in 1925. The key thing even with the Non Resident Tamilians if I may call them that is that they enshrine and preserve custom in a regressive way sometimes long after the practice stops existing in the original area. In Singapore, which has a large expat Tamilian population many of whom arrived there as indentured labourers in the late 1800s and early 20th century, even today the Thaipoosam festival commemorating Lord Murugan is celebrated by devotees in a trance piercing their cheeks with tridents. The practice is banned in India.

Part II of my comments :)
I sometimes wonder whether we over dramatise this dissociation and effects thereof on either FG or the next. Such emotions of course provide fuel for literateurs and Jhumpa, Naipaul, Bharati Mukherjee, Pico Iyer to name a few have milked this particular cow (aka ghai) until the udders bled. I cannot help wondering whether the seeming angst of the Lahiri saying, "According to my parents I was not American, nor would I ever be no matter how hard I tried. I felt doomed by their pronouncement, misunderstood and gradually defiant." is real or exaggerated for dramatic effect. It does seem a bit like the 'storm in a teacup' moans of a desi Bridget Jones.

While I dont know whether this is common, I have met several desis (both FGs and next gen) who feel enriched by belonging to two cultures. They seem to take the best of both universes and have emerged the better for it.

This was a much better part deux to your previous article :)

Have you read "The Namesake" by Jhumpa Lahiri? I think its one brilliant book which brings about the feelings of both first and second generation Indians in US beautifully - her smallest observations about the simplest things in life hit you like a rock.

Suyog

Suyog: Thanks. The first part was essentially a build up to this one and I am glad that you liked it. As you know, being a Wodehouse fan I always try to give satisfaction :).

I have not read the book you mentioned but I will put it on my call list from the library.

Hey Vikas - you can check out a review of the book I wrote here

Suyog

I agree with bevivek. Jhumpa Lahiri and many of the first and second generation immigrant authors have made a career of whining about the impediments and difficulties faced by immigrants and many times this sense of struggle is delivered at a very high pitch in order to be able to resonate with their intended audiences - the non-immigrants. And of course, it does not serve their purpose to accentuate the positives in their experiences.

Yes, we need to be aware of the differences and report them in our writings, etc., but they are not the basis for an angst ridden life.

As long as there has been civilization, there has been immigration,if not between nations, then between cities and towns in a region. We moved every two years to a new house, a new school, a new set of friends, having to learn new languages, studying (in my husband's case under trees and in temples in villages where there were no schools). But I don't ever remember my mom or dad being "confused" about their lives and neither do I. If you think there is a distinction between going off to America and just moving across the border to Andhra Pradesh, there isn't. Because all this moving about was done years ago when life in another state was as alien as life in another country. Lives were lived far away from the rest of the family.

Regarding the argument that children suffer for the decision of the parents to move to a different country, which family does not have children that have to bear the brunt of their parents' decisions? That is precisely the nature of familial relationships. If it's not moving away to another country, then it's the decision NOT to move away to another country, it's the decision to switch careers, it's the decision of both parents to work, the decision of one parent to stay home, the decision to not live with in-laws, the decision to live with in-laws. Every single thing we do affects our children, but they are what they are because we are what we are.

I sense a hint of defiance and denial in the comments here. even blaming the messenger for some of the bad news that comes our way. Awash in our financial success in the US, it would seem, going by the comments at least, that we Indians are the perfect immigrant community and the US should simply feel blessed because of our presence.

Do we honestly believe that we could not fine tune some of our ways and absorb something from this environment? Do we honestly believe that our kids are always better off with incessant pressure to perform academically? If not, then what explains the flight of some of the American families, especially on the west coast, from school districts with majority of kids from immigrant Asian families? Those families have often sighted the intense academic pressure on their kids because of immigrants' zeal for a single track obsession with academics.

"Well then, they can't handle the pressure while our kids can" would be the most repeated answer to that while failing to realize that the American school system is different from the Indian one in the sense that it allows a multi faceted development and that there is much more to development than rote learning.

What has been striking for me here is the inability to yield even an inch on the core issue that there could be a scope for improvement in how we react and interact with society in the US. We've ascribed responsibility to everything, the natural learning curve, the historical experience of immigrants, even the second generation Indians - except to ourselves and that, in a twisted sort of way underscores the point that I've been trying to make here.

Vikas, the point was not that Indians are a "perfect" immigrant community (whatever that means - who is the perfect immigrant?), but that we are an immigrant community. Period. And that means we have our baggage, our fears, our trepidations - just like every immigrant to every other country. What I'm saying is, yes, what you are describing is true, but I don't see those as problems. You are describing a desire for immigrants to switch off their pasts and switch on the present and the future. That is just not practicable. We cannot and will never be and should not aspire to be what we are not. That is not definance, but that is reality. I'm not saying accentuate your differences, but I'm saying know who you are and be comfortable with that.

About the Spelling Bee, Indian children have only recently started winning the competition. Winners in the past have been Americans or children from other immigrant communities. It is a given that in order to win that competition, kids have to mug reams and reams of dictionary pages. There's no other way. What does this mean? This means that kids from other communities have been going through the same kinds of pressures you describe the Indian children being under. If anything, this is a sure sign that Indians are becoming part of the mainstream, participating and winning in competitions in which there was no Indian presence until a few years ago.

Your post describes all the shortcomings in the Indian immigrant community and what I am resisting is pigeon-holing Indians into that. What about all the Indians are integrated into the community so well as to hold leadership positions in industry, politics, policy-making, etc? All of the Indian friends I have in the US live in communities with few other Indians and have close relationships with their American and other neighbors. If you see the other side as well, you'll discover that the learning curve and the integration curve that the Indians go through are what is to be expected from any community members of which move lock, stock and barrel from their home countries to foreign environments.

As for the US eduction system, there has been enough said in the mainstream press about how weak the children are in the basics and this is seen as a reason why the US is fast losing ground to other nations in the area of research and development in key areas such as science. Integration into your adopted society does not mean giving up your strenghts (work ethic, for instance) and adopting the host society's weaknesses.

Sujatha: A valid (and well-written) counterpoint in first three paragraphs and point well-taken. I think there is room for both our viewpoints in that area.

As for the American education system - I still believe, despite all the hoopla in the mainstream press about weakness of the American kids in Math and Science basics, that this system is far superior to what goes on in average universities in India and China. Rote learning was never the focus of this school system and mainstream press are simply hyperventilating as they always do for most other things.

The only malaise this system is suffering is from lack of funds, with property owners trying to pay as low a property tax as possible (which is what drives the public schools here) and Federal government cutting taxes and in turn cutting funding of public universities and federal loans for students.

As David Brooks succinctly puts it in his advice today to college bound students:

"Forget about your career for once in your life. This was the core message from everyone I contacted. Raised to be workaholics, students today have developed a "carapace, an enveloping shell that hinders them from seeing the full, rich variety of intellectual and practical opportunities offered by the world," observes Charles Hill of Yale. You've got to burst out of that narrow careerist mentality."

Careerist mentality - now why did I not think of that phrase? This is the syndrome that we DESIS suffer from the most when it comes to education.

Vikas, thank you for your lovely compliment! And I agree with you totally about teaching kids to learn by rote. I am struggling with it here in India where my son has been in school for the past year and a half and will be for another year. I wrote about our experiences here.

But, from a personal perspective I can understand why immigrants overemphasize eduction, many times at the cost of other activities. As immigrants, we have only ourselves to rely on for financial security, unless you come from a very rich family in India who can support you financially if something goes wrong. Most times, we all go the US with the two suitcases, our I-20s and money enough to cover one semester's fees. After that, we are on our own. In this scenario, there's not much room for taking risks. Whatever money you've saved by the time the kids come along is not enough to play around with alternative careers and the only way immigrants see a secure future for their kids is by doing well in school, getting into an ivy-league college and getting a good job. And this drives every decision that comes before it and it is exactly what you say it is - a careerist mentality. It thrives in Indian communities.