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DESI Confusion
Vikas Chowdhry
One day we arrive - at O'Hare, at Newark, in Detroit, in Atlanta, in San Diego and in San Fransisco; holding our I-20s, H1/H4 papers or other visa documents, either fresh out of the college, recruited by a "consultant" or plucked by another desi and transplanted into this new culture through marriage - arranged or otherwise; either heading to dorms, a family home or to bachelor apartments with 8 people stacked in a single unit; aware of the success stories of the South Asian immigrants before us; carrying our emotional baggage with us along with all the masalas and utensils from home.
The physical confusion of having to deal with a different environment and a different work culture is overcome pretty fast and easily. It is the psychological confusion of having to deal with a different social culture and identifying our place in the bigger scheme of things that makes us a DESI - Desis Everywhere Searching for Identity.
Of course, we like to think that we have the ability to straddle both cultures and environments successfully - the culture of our birth and the culture of our adopted homeland but at every opportunity, life throws surprises and litmus tests that constantly prove that assumption false. We try to preserve our culture and our way of thinking and force them on our kids, in turn making them confused and clipping their wings.
Our regional prejudices come with us through thousands of miles, two oceans and X-ray scanners and we are never able to let go of them; if anything, we add racial and national prejudices to the explosive mix. We are always confused when another Desi asks us (which is much too often in the initial years) whether we are planning to stay here or go back and we answer with a non-committal "it depends". At the check-out counters and in elevators, in cafeterias and trains, we speak to each other in our native language confusing the hell out of people who are within earshot and don't understand what we are talking about.
Except for a select few (and that includes most of the Desicritics), for years we work day in and day out never bothering to understand the history and culture of our surroundings, never knowing about politics of our adopted country and never getting involved in social and voluntary organizations that make the US what it is even though we unfailingly make our annual Haj trips to pay our homage to national landmarks - the Niagra, the Yellowstone and the Smokies and dutifully send the pictures back home for relatives to enjoy.
When the time comes for mandatory donations that our employers make on our behalf at the year end and let us select charities we are confused between whether to select Asha or a local organization that helps kids of under-privileged families. Do we support Democrats (they will help our jobs here, won't they?) or Republicans (they will help globalization that helps people back home, doesn't it?), are we in favor of outsourcing or not, do we yell at the Dell support person in India who does not know what the hell he's talking about or should we be patient with a college kid who is working at 2 AM in the morning? Do we invite the Americans across the cul-de-sac at our house warming party? Will they fit in or get bored?
We are confused about our contribution to the US tech industry (we always overestimate) and while buying a car we are confused between honoring the traditional Indian values of reliability and (the ephemeral) resale value or the horse power, style and bulkiness that the Americans seem to favor (c'mon, how many Desis have you seen in a Ford F-150?)
The confusion grows by leaps and bounds and knows no end but the biggest confusion is yet to come and that confusion comes in the form of cute little packages - yes our children. But then that should be the subject of a different post altogether.
PS: Thanks to Aaman for suggesting the acronym DESI.
DESI Confusion
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Sujatha
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February 27, 2006
05:03 AM
Vikas, rather than characterizing it as confusion, I would say that immigrants are very aware of their history and their legacy. I think it is human nature for immigrants to be wary of their new surroundings to begin with, but slowly and surely, we all integrate, in our own unique ways. "Confusion" tends to suggest not knowing how to go about things, but in the initial years we are just trying to figure our way around things. Any immigrant in any foreign country would go though experiences similar to ours. I don't know if you had a chance to read my essay on immigrant parenting that I sent you, but the message that comes through there is one of success - immigrant parents not only integrating themselves into their adopted societies, but also rasing children who are aware of their history and their future.
I'm not saying that every single thing you describe does not happen. It does. But so what? If you are suggesting we should change, how should we and why should we?
Vikas Chowdhry
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February 27, 2006
07:34 AM
Sujatha - Yes I did read your article on parenting and found it to be very insightful. I will write on issues surrounding parenting in the second part of my post.
However, regarding the question why should we change, that attitude is probably summed up best by "WALTO - We Are Like This Only". I am not expressing any opinion regarding what should we change, or even if need to change but just making an observation of the FG experience (though if you'd really ask me - can we please stop talking in Hindi/Telugu/Marathi...or whatever the language might be in social settings and where there might be people within earshot who do not understand that language - it bugs the hell out of me). Of course, I myself am not above doing some of the things I describe here - indeed some of those things are my own personal experience.
Aaman
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February 27, 2006
08:17 AM
Great post, Vikas, worth contemplating and reading.
Suyog
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February 27, 2006
10:26 AM
mmmh - dunno why there was a need of part 1 and part 2 to this article. I think this article was more or less what everyone knows and seems like an introduction to something... just my opinion. I was expecting more insightful rather than paragraphs of cliches.
Suyog
Nachiketa
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February 27, 2006
11:24 AM
I have written similar articles on the H1-B experience (http://flying-donkey.blogspot.com) in the past.
I think for the most part we face the issues that we do because of the disconnect b/w what we expected America to be and what the reality is.
Also, the recent resurgence of India has made us re-evaluate our situation.
temporal
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February 27, 2006
12:16 PM
Vikas:
when a person moves adjustments are the order of the day...a good rule of thumb will be this: the adjustments made are directly dependent on distance moved
my digressions:
infusion not confusion
we (desis) provide a greater infusion and add much more to the social, cultural and economic fabric of the countries we move in to...(generally speaking and based on my N.A. experience) we are already educated...meaning the local taxpayers have not spent a dime on us...we are hard(er) working and have a better work ethos ...(no flacks please, these are my observations;))...we tend to save more...make big ticket purchases....thus putting back in to the local economy...are generally more supportive of our kids taking up higher education...are more law abiding...the list goes on but suffice it to say you will get the drift...
so the next time some one smells curry off our clothes and makes a face, smile and say salaam/namaste to you too:)
Vikas Chowdhry
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February 27, 2006
07:03 PM
Suyog : There is a need for part two of this post because I want to write about how we unload this emotional baggage of cultural alienation over our kids. Of course, this might look like a series of clichés or restating the obvious because these things happen every single day in our lives and somehow we adopt a blasé attitude towards it all.
Nachiketa: Appreciate your comment and enjoyed your post.
Temporal: Interesting point. So what you are saying is that here I am, a DESI, who is bringing all these economic benefits to this country, so accept me as I am with my smell of curry, my inclination to break into vernacular at ever possible moment and most of all my arrogance that says that I am from a 5000 year old civilization, what can I possibly learn here that I've not already?
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