Desicritics Category: Media: Television

Abusing the British Welfare State

DesiGirl — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 07:38:59 EDT

The BBC’s Famous, Rich and Jobless (telecast at 9.00 pm on March 10, 2010) seems another in the long list of “Celebrity tourism”, as the Guardian puts it, to grace our television. A bunch of “celebs” visited various members of the public who are living purely on benefits to see if they can help them.

That the rationale behind the show was shaky as hell is another topic altogether. What I want to discuss is the issue raised by one of the celebs, Diarmuid Gavin, as he visited a big family receiving £29,500 a year from the state. 28-year-old Mum and 29-year-old dad are both jobless and mum is pregnant with her sixth child. They live in a massive six-bedroom detached house and the dad hadn’t had a paying job in seven years.

Of course, this small fact doesn’t deter him from having more and more babies, that the taxpayer pays for. When Diarmuid asks the wife what she feels about sponging off the state, she points to her husband and goes “it is his fault! He wants a big family.”

That left me speechless.

How can you have a child without figuring out how you are going to provide for its future? When you yourself do not have a job, how can you have more and more children?

Answer: Quite easy. Get the state to pay for it.

There was some sob story in the offing, of course, why the dad hadn’t got off his backside and found himself a paying job in 7 years but I don’t buy it. Both husband and wife used to do menial jobs before and chances of them pulling in £30000 a year are slim. But now, thanks to the gazillion kids, they not only have the money, they even have other perks like rent, council tax etc that are paid by the state, aka, taxpaying mugs like you and me.

Apparently, the sick bastard labelled ‘British Fritzl’ was “driven by child benefit greed” and kept raping his daughters and having babies with them because he got child benefits! Ba$tard wants a plush lifestyle and instead of going out there and working his butt for it, he impregnates his daughters repeatedly and bills the state for the childcare.

If these are not examples of gross abuse of the British welfare state system, I do not know what is.

I say give the benefits to the old, the infirm, those who cannot fend for themselves. The OAPs who die every winter because they cannot afford to pay their heating bills, give them the money. The disabled person who cannot go out there and earn her daily bread, give her the money to look after herself. The others, able-bodied ones who are sitting in the comfort of their six-bed taxpayer-funded life, get over yourself and go out there and get a paying job.

I used to work for a social research agency and one of my projects was working on the incapacity benefits – who was receiving them, how much and what was their status. The findings made my blood boil. Whilst there were genuine applicants, there were many who, despite their claims to go out there and work if given a chance, would rather sit comfortably and watch the benefit cheques come in month after month.

I say the simplest way to reduce the massive deficit is to completely rehaul the benefits system. If guys like the father-of-five-with-one-on-the-way had to pay their own way, I am sure they would stop whingeing and get a vasectomy first and a job next.

Homosexuality Versus Violation of Privacy

Aditi Nadkarni — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 08:04:22 EST

Dr.Siras, reader and chairman of Modern Indian Languages at the Aligarh Muslim University (AMU), was filmed having consensual sex with a same sex partner in his on-campus home without his knowledge. This video was then sent to his university employees. This likely seems the work of a group of pranksters looking for either entertainment or the settling of some scores. Some media outlets speculate that a local news channel may have been involved in this "outing" which I find bizarre.

Our media is now invested in splashing private sex lives over the news? When did that happen? It is very easy for the decent and thinking ones among us to pick out the victim and the perpetrator in this situation. If a heterosexual couple were filmed having sex in their own home, practically everyone would immediately conclude that the couple were innocent victims of a gross violation of their privacy. Would it matter if they were doing it doggy style or in the missionary position when they were filmed without their knowledge? I don't think so. It would be a slam dunk case where police would have gone after the people who filmed the video without Dr.Siras's knowledge and Dr.Siras would've eventually been able to file a lawsuit against the perpetrators. Right? Well, apparently, our societal morals and ethics depend upon a person's sexual orientation. AMU has pronounced this as grievous conduct on part of the professor to have sex in his own home and has suspended him.

It is an interesting time in India for homosexuality and sexuality in general. We as a society have never been openly homophobic or openly opinionated at all about anything remotely sexual. We don't talk about it. We just do it and then shush other people when they bring it up. As a nation we are all secretly homophobic, especially the men of our masses, the ones who adjust their crotches in public and molest women in trains as a mark of their machoism. They might not go around bashing homosexuality in public like the right-wing Christians do in the United States but they do their bit. Raani, chhakka, hijhda, all code for eunuch, are the terms they have coined to add to the existing offensive nomenclature for those whose sexual orientation does not quite fit with rigid ideas of who should sleep with who. Our commercial filmmakers gingerly broach homosexuality in films, often doing more damage than good for the LGBT community in India. Gay men are portrayed as weak, overtly effeminate and used mostly as comic relief in films thus successfully reinforcing popular and damaging stereotypes. I have personally witnessed college kids torment a classmate who is not into girls or does not invest into building a macho image. We all watch people being teased or left out but how many of us speak up? I grew up in this very society and yet when I see a gay couple, I see a couple. When I see homophobia, I see irrationality driven by fear of the unknown.

When I first read about this case, I desperately hoped that the story would be about how AMU stood by their professor and how the police immediately were on the case, looking for the people who had violated Dr.Siras's privacy. I set myself up for disappointment. In my mind, academia and media are the the outer, growing fringe of our society's thought map defining how progressive we are as a populace, they make up the forward moving wave on which intellectuals ride out and set themselves apart from the rest of the crowd. In this case, it was television reporters who allegedly filmed a man having sexual relations within the confines of his own home and then a university condoned this by castigating the professor because the form of sex he was having was not appealing to them. When media and academia promote regressive thinking it comes as more of a shock than it would have if it were say a political party doing it to pander to voters or a religious group looking to recruit. This sort of thing could happen to any of us. Even if you, my reader, may not be a homosexual, I am pretty sure you do things in your own home that you would not want media filming and showing to your employers, right? I guess 15th August is just a public holiday then.

History is witness that it takes times like these to brew a revolution. It takes nerve to side with the right kind of morality, the one that does not pause in doubt and morph into something unrecognizable when overcome with prejudice, intolerance or fear. In my opinion, the LGBT community in India needs to empower themselves and be more vocal. A lot of homosexual individuals do not make their presence known. They prefer to lead privately gay lives often offering up the understandable explanation of "My sex life is nobody's business". Sure. And this attitude may afford them a relatively drama free life, but as a community it will not bring them to the status of equal citizens with equal treatment unless they come forward and fight for it. Today in the face of this scandal, Dr.Siras according to a news report is voluntarily leaving the university. There are so many gay individuals who avoid a scandal and walk away from the mess, not demanding their rights or questioning the raw deal they are dealt.

Last year, Chief Justices Shah and Muralidhar made me proud when they mandated that Section 377 was inapplicable to consenting sex between adults in private. They noted that, “Constitutional morality must outweigh the argument of public morality, even if it be the majoritarian view.” It was a small, yet mighty step in the right direction. And now, a group of idiotic television reporters and the Aligarh Muslim University has brought us a few steps back again.

My Name Is Khan - Media Holds India Hostage

sufferingsocrates — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:25:28 EST

Though I have been trying to restrain myself from blogging about My Name Is Khan (MNIK), the outcome and the coverage it has been given warranted me to write atleast a few words about the entire episode. There are three main protagonists about the entire MNIK episode. Shah Rukh Khan, the Badshah of Bollywood, fondly referred to as SRK, Shiv Sena, and the third annoying protagonist, the media.

Frankly, the Shiv Sena's protests and insensitive posturing and violence are but sure signs that it is in its last leg as a prominent political outfit. Its protests against Rahul Gandhi died down in a whimper, and even though they threatened to cast a shadow of violence around the screening of MNIK, the film has gone on to open to full house audiences. Another blunder by Shiv Sena, which is ailing under the senile leadership of Bal Thackeray. Not only is the Shiv Sena devoid of any agenda which helps Mumbai or Maharashtra as a whole, it has brought embarrassment to itself by taking on national icons like Sachin Tendulkar, Mukesh Ambani and now, SRK.

SRK, to be fair to him has found himself in the midst of unnecessary politics, which Shiv Sena claims to have had success at. SRK had made statements on NDTV that there was a problem about signing Pakistan players in IPL. And that he wanted to have Abdul Razzak in his Kolkata Knight Riders for the IPL. Shiv Sena conveniently misconstrued his statements and branded SRK a traitor, and asked him to apologise, questioning SRK's intentions behind signing Pakistani players and his statement of Mumbai for All. SRK to his credit, stuck to his stand and insisted that no one should question his Indianness. He was even asked to go to Pakistan if he felt so strongly about his support for Pakistani players. SRK repeatedly held his ground and refused to tender an apology for something which he never alluded to as anti-Maharashtrian or anti-Indian.

While SRK has been strong and has won the hearts of millions of Indians, the Shiv Sena has further floundered and its demise seems all too imminent. Uddhav Thackeray looks more like an order taker from his father, Bal Thackeray and is devoid of any political know how. In all this peculiar drama, one eerie coincidence is noticeable. Karan Johar (KJo) has been involved in all the major Sena protests in the past six months. Beginning with the use of Bombay in Wake Up Sid which Raj Thackeray's Mentally Nil Sena (MNS) protested, then the Shiv Sena presenting sarees for Kareena for her dare bare in Kurbaan, both of which KJo produced. Now it's his own directorial MNIK under the Sena hammer. Is Karan Johar the silent marketer that the Sena badly wanted? Is Karan using the Sena to gain publicity for his films?

Amidst all this, the media has enabled and embraced this episode and lapped it all up. The media has tracked down what SRK tweets, what Shiv Sena retorts and given it all the coverage which KJo would have hoped for. What is astonishing is the kind of headlines this whole nonsensical issue has generated. Over a period of an entire week, SRK emerged as new age India's freedom fighter against Sena and its goons. The media kept praising SRK over television, and insisted to the audiences in the country that SRK is being hard done by, and the Sena is being over the top.

Now why does this issue need to make the top of the headlines day after day, is downright ridiculous. Important issues such as fuel hike, its impact on inflation, and even the upcoming budget has been sidelined. These are the issues which need media coverage and will influence decisions and inform citizens of what lies ahead. Utterly irresponsible coverage by the television media which is hungry for TRPs alone. The day isn't far away when sting operations by media are done inside the hospital ward of film stars to assess if their urinary trouble is still persisting. The reporter may then say - "As you can see from the sting operation we conducted, X (the star) still urinates in trickles. The drops fall down due to force of gravity, and each drop is less dense than the last time we did the sting operation. Up ahead, watch our live coverage about how X goes about morning defecation."

The positive outcome of all this farce has been Sena's complete rejection by almost the entire nation. With MNIK opening to packed theaters, the message is loud and clear. Holding a city hostage to prevent screening of a movie and creating violence is insane and unacceptable. The other observation has been the alacrity of the police establishment. If only Mumbai Police had acted with such co-ordination and alertness during 26/11. The attacks could have been atleast mitigated to an extent. SRK and KJo have achieved their objective, and walked away with laurels for MNIK. The Shiv Sena has yet again shot itself in the foot. The television media has walked away with TRPs, and held the entire Indian audience hostage to an issue which has neither thrown light on the upcoming budget, nor addressed inflationary trends.

Phir Mile Sur or Frivolous Mile Sur?

sufferingsocrates — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 06:13:19 EST

India celebrated its 60th Republic Day yesterday. A moment every Indian, including I, am proud of. India is expressing itself on the global stage, and Indians are becoming confident, self-assured and assertive, all in a positive sense. Perhaps its this freedom of expression that is running deep in all of India. Especially it would seem, among the emboldened and influential television medium.

This Republic Day was more remembered for the spiced and hyped Phir Mile Sur, a rehash of the 1988 original version by Doordarshan. Spiced, because of a skimpily clad Deepika Padukone and banyan clad Salman Khan amongst other Bollywood celebrities (even Karan Johar found a place!), and hyped because it was apparently 'released' by Amitabh Bacchan. Now, what bemuses me no end is what do these esteemed figures stand for? Are they the epitome of Indian patriotism or Indian achievements?

I wish I weren't cynical. But the way the new Phir Mile Sur has been done up, looks very botched, annoyingly long and at times even ridiculous. It looks more like a marketing gimmick to win TRPs for Zoom television. It was good old Doordarshan days which brought about the original Mile Sur Mera Tumhara (see original below). Zoom has been one of the gossip channels promoting everything from Bollywood to Bollywood (pun intended).

In the guise of a fresh new look for an amazingly original and endearing Mile Sur Mera of the 1980s, the new version has been launched with so much of Bollywood emphasis that the Olympics medal winners have been pushed to the very end of the music video. I wonder what is it that Bollywood has done to represent India, unlike Olympic Champions like Abhinav Bindra? Even in the new Mile Sur Mera, Salman has no qualms appearing in his vest. I am thankful he didn't remove it to show his true patriotic colors!

When A.R. Rehman re-created Vande Mataram in 1997, it was truly a magical rendering which was soulful, fresh and pleasing to the eyes. Rehman had re-done the tunes of the original song, and his mastery was clearly on display. Sadly for Phir Mile Sur, neither is it original, nor does the video look pleasing on the eyes. The music tries to retain the original Mile Sur Mera tune, with traditional music and tunes, but keeps losing track and gets completely boring at over 15 minutes. For me, personally the music and the video look more like an advertisement for Bollywood to promote its patriotic self, and what better a platform than Zoom TV?

Come to think of it, the media seems to be playing the devil's advocate. Times of India promoted Aman Ki Asha, as if this was the only hope left for India and Pakistan. It ran ads and then a music concert to promote its idea of a peaceful neighborhood with Pakistan. While the intentions are right, I can't think of one reason why patriotism would be etched in the minds of those who come to music concerts. Yet again, a hypocritical approach to promote patriotism while on its own channel, accusations from and to India and Pakistan are made literally everyday. I wish there was an Aman Ki Asha mission for these debates.

All said and done, the true sense of spreading patriotism can only come from those who have represented the nation. It can certainly not be celebrities who only want to market their own brand and themselves. They can be enablers for the mission, but cannot be the mission itself. It is sportsmen, and most importantly the politicians and ministers themselves who should go around promoting patriotism. It is important for people to feel that they should be as patriotic as their leaders or sportsmen, not be dreaming about acting patriotism for a music video.

You may now ask if I liked the original Mile Sur Mera. Of course I did, because it was pure, original and very well done. The message and the music was short and crisp. There was no attempt to forcefully include all major Bollywood celebrities individually. Sickeningly, the new Mile Sur does just that, and is very much in the face. It is unfortunate that patriotism has gone into the hands of privately owned channels unlike the fading Doordarshan which created the Mile Sur magic. I wonder where is Shiv Sena to protest the skimpily clad Deepika Padukone in Phir Mile Sur now.

The original:

The Day The Sur Died

a traveller — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 02:18:18 EST

If you haven't seen the "new" version of Mile Sur Mera Tumhara, you clearly haven't been on Twitter or Facebook all day. Both sites have been full of updates lambasting Zoom's attempt to modernise the classic we grew up watching on DD 1 on a regular basis.

I sat through it, all 16-and-a-half freaking minutes of it (which is nearly thrice as long as the original), and have the following thoughts on it:

1. In the original one, you felt you were watching Indians sing about their country. In this one, you never, for one second, are allowed to forget that these are the stars of Bollywood you're watching. I mean, did anyone look at Priyanka Chopra in that suit with the kids and think, "awww, look how sweet and loving she is"?!? And what the heck were Shahid and Deepika doing?!?

2. Some of the acts were truly cringe-worthy. I love Aamir Khan, but his whole act with the kids was totally uncool. And SRK at the end, with his trademark spreading arms out. Really? What was this, a promo for your next movie?

3. The original had mixed India's two passions, movies and cricket. This one, being made by Zoom, naturally focussed on move stars and movie stars alone (with a few musicians thrown in for fun). For some reason, however, they decided to then also throw in a few sportspersons at the end, all people who've made it to the papers in recent times. Firstly, the way it was shown seemed utterly patronizing and there-for-the-heck-of-it. Secondly, and interestingly, not one from cricket. What happened, was Lalit Modi not entertaining their calls?

4. The singing, oh, the singing. The original had Lata Mangeshkar's gorgeous voice for all the actresses. I know she's not singing anymore, but really, could they have at least tried to match the singer to the face? And didn't someone tell Shiamak Davar years ago that he should never, ever sing in public again?

5. The original had managed to show glimpses of India, the country. This simply couldn't. This was nothing but a bunch of actors being taken to a bunch of scenic spots, and asked to smile at the camera.

See the new version, and tell me you didn't feel like a little piece of your childhood died.

Here is the old version for comparison.

TV Review: Colors Bingo Fails to Click

Aaman Lamba — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 11:39:58 EST

Colors Bingo premiered after a melange of promos over the last month, including a muddled Twitter campaign termed @iamaarami - that had little connection with the show. This wasn't the last thing to go wrong with the show, which is Abhishek Bachchan's television debut.

To put it baldly, Colors Bingo is the worst, most ill-conceived poorly produced product-promo show ever on television. Amitabh Bachchan rendered a few dialogues, random people stood up and a trusty sidekick seemed to have no role to play other than interrupt proceedings randomly. The other sidekick was even less relevant than a gangster's moll to the main action.

The first episode garnered viewership with the presence of the Big B, but the repeated Paa shtick seemed tired and overdone. The game is stacked against the viewer/audience, with the celebrity guest standing to win over Rs. 25 lakhs while they can get only Rs. 1 lakh. Psychologically, seeing the celeb win doesn't do much for the viewers or the audience. Amitabh Bachchan did give his winnings away to charity, setting an excellent example, but there's no guarantee other celebs will do this.

Online reactions seemed to be universally negative, ranging from opinions that the show was boring to views that it was confusing. People seemed to be clicking away to other channels, such as Star Plus' Music Ka Maha Muqqabla, which featured Shah Rukh Khan. Some pretty good singers were on the show when we switched to it.

It seems unlikely Colors Bingo will sustain beyond the first season, but the fan following is sure to give it quite a bit of momentum.

TV Censorship Issues

Hardik Ruparel — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:11:35 EST

NOTE : As the gender wars are on, consider every generic he or him to read as he/she or him/her. I do not mean to sound sexist but I am doing so for my own personal convenience.

I have been blessed - I live in a hostel during my undergraduate studies and am only exposed to television either while watching Arsenal play a wonderful game of football, or when I come home for vacations.

The topic of censorship has irked me some time now - and TV channels' censorship rules have become strange - or are just being followed in the incorrect way.. Let's take a look at some of the case studies. ( Don't get me wrong, I am not looking for frontal nudity on Indian Television but the current state of affairs just puzzles me )

1. On any English Movie Channel - HBO, Star Movies, PIX, Zee Studio, and so on, whenever the "middle finger" is shown - it is blurred out ( just the finger ).. Now let's assume someone does not know what it means - he will obviously not understand even when the finger is shown. And suppose someone does know what it means - he IS GOING TO KNOW what was implied.. So, what did they set out to achieve and what is the result ?

2. Now, as a contrast, take the Titan Fast Track Advertisement - where the girl on the webcam is clearly showing the middle finger - that's not censored ? Why ? Have they got some sort of free pass ? Or do you have to count down to your middle finger and only then show it ? Hmmm, looks like we have a major pit fall here.

3. Again, on English movie channels, there is now censorship of Subtitles too - believe it or not- see if you can notice - it''s ridiculous ! Now there are permutations on censoring the spoken word and/or the subtitle of that word.

a) The sound is not censored but the subtitle is : Examples - The voice says "son of a bitch" but the subtitles say "son of a gun" .. Wow, very encouraging.
Also "shit" gets morphed to "crap" , "pussy" to "coward" and so on.. It's sickening really..

b) The sound is censored but the subtitle is not - This is plain ridiculous - the guy is saying the "Fuck" but the subtitle is "****" .. Unbelievable.

c) Both the voice and subtitle are censored - This becomes a big problem - especially in movies like Phonebooth where half the script is filled with Fucks.

4. All these F-words are a BIG problem - but a show in which half naked ladies are exercising - and the cameras are always keen to zoom in on to their private parts - this is fine. Yeah I know call me a pervert - but wait - if this show was being broadcast for the purpose of helping people exercise - it would've been at 7.30 in the morning or so - NOT at 2.30 am - which is clearly the time for people switching channels looking for exactly such shows - as it is clear by the FTV Fiasco a few years ago.

I really don't get it. All this just doesn't add up. Something somewhere is terribly wrong - and it's a problem for people like me - who like to view things in a rational manner.

Personally, I feel that Indians need to grow out of this censorship business. Yeah, Indian culture and Yeah Indian values. I get all that. But seriously, when we descend to condescending business like modifying the subtitles of a movie - is that even legal ?

Media - The Sure Race to Stupid

Ruchi — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 13:29:13 EST

Headley, Copenhagen, Liberhan, Telangana have dominated the news for days, weeks interspersed with some impassioned rhetoric on Naxalism, regionalism, and whatever trivial comments Rahul Gandhi makes at some university or about landing his chopper in poor visibility etc. Is it really possible that a country of India's size, diversity and development challenges, will have such paucity of newsworthy events/issues that we would need to devote primetime news to watching a tour of Headley's mom's bar in Philadelphia? No, of course not. Neither is the Indian viewer so obsessed with the above that any addition to the meager portfolio will irritate. The real reason is that focus on limited topics and their endless regurgitation is the lowest cost business model for all news media.

All news channels do the following: report event; interview main protagonists; discuss event to death with talking heads/public. Given that all news channels will report the same 4-5 events, the first step requires no intellect. The latter two require little money or preparation - generate programming on the fly with precious little waste in editing. News channels like to differentiate themselves on the last two, by calling it "analysis". And the public is so appallingly ill-informed, that we actually welcome the 101 fresher course with background information and basic interpretation to help talk pseudo-intelligently about reported events. For the idiot savant public, not only will they tell us the topics to think about, they will also tell us what to think about said topics.

Cue the shepherd; the sheep are ready.

The (Sur)real World of Indian Television

Arundhati Thapar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:39:32 EST

Have any of you recently tried to watch soap operas on Indian television channels? If so, you will probably have complete empathy and sympathy with me and understand why I’m still tortured by the memories of what happened.

Here’s what happened: We’d driven off to London for the weekend (on one of our-‘let’s just drive off somewhere’whims). I have to say the weekend went by very well – we managed to catch We will rock you- the musical and had some fabtastic Indian food which is always the attraction on a trip to London (God bless the Gujjus).

On the way back, we decided to stop by at one of Rohit’s old friends, Neha. She is not just a devout fan of Indian TV soaps but in fact eats, talks and breathes television.

She told us of this exciting new reality(?) show which has a bunch of guys staying together (No, don’t let your imagination run wild- that just does not happen on Indian television, yet!), a bunch of girls staying next door with their mothers (the guys’ mothers, silly) and they are supposed to assess each others’ compatibility - the guys and girls with each other and the girls with their prospective mothers in law. Needless to say there was a lot of bitching, sobbing, outrageous statements a la Big Brother (or is it Bigg Boss?) and generally everyone seemed to be terribly stressed about leaving the TV show, having made a lifelong commitment or found their soul mates. Watching it, we went through a complete whirlwind of emotions in rapid succession - disbelief, amusement, puzzlement, frustration, and then downright rage… Rage at the way producers of these shows take the Indian audience to be made up of part cretins and part masochists. There is this complete dumbing down of TV shows and the audiences don’t know to expect any better.

What is particularly frustrating is the portrayal of female characters: if she’s not running a corporate powerhouse in a sexy mini, she must be a stay at home bahu, indulging in politics of the most complex nature (move over Mayavati and Rabri, the Indian bahu is soon going to overtake you), all the time bedecked in tons of jewellery with, of course, a pallu over her head. She wakes up in the morning with more jewellery than most of us manage to wear in a lifetime.

We thought we’d had enough when she insisted there was this other reality show (!!!!) featuring the newly engaged Rakhi Sawant and her partner showing their parenting skills - with other people’s children! The idea is to have celebrity couples staying in a swanky Goa resort with successively older children every week, starting with toddlers. To judge what? How these smooth actors and actresses cope with the stress of being around other peoples’ kids for a few weeks?

I would not even like to venture into what the repercussions could be of one of these ‘celebrity’ parents abusing their proximity with other peoples’ children (Yes, despite 24 hr camera surveillance). What kind of parent leaves his/her child with some fake TV parent to have a showdown on national television?

One good thing to come out of the ordeal was that it reaffirmed our views that we do not need television for entertainment. Looks like the news is all I can watch anyway - as long as its not Star News reporters screaming down my throat, that is!

P.S.- Interestingly my spell check suggested changing Mayavati to Amravati (I didn’t know that was part of MS word repertoire) and Rabri to Rabbi (If only!)

Nawwab and I: Teflon Hilary

temporal — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:08:49 EDT

Reuters

t: It seems Hilary is on a charm offensive
N: She is on a trip to show who is the boss.
t: You mean President Zardari?
N: He is a poodle.
t: Prime Minister Gilani?
N: He is a under-study.
t: Gen. Ashfaque Kayani?
N: He is already on the payroll.
t: Then who, the Pakistani citizens?
N: They do know who is the boss.
t: That leaves Holbrooke.
N: Woof woof.

***

t: Did you watch her yesterday in Islamabad?
N: Her talk with the media big wigs?
t: Yes, what did you make of it?
N: She took their darts. Deflected most. Smiled a lot.
t: Your words summed it up well. The talk show hosts are still analyzing her.
N: Most of them need a valve job.
t: To let out hot air?
N: Woof woof.

t: Deflection?

N: McGuffin. Her statement about Al Qaeda.

***

t: She also said nobody is forcing Pakistan to accept the US aid.
N: And how many of the talk show hosts countered her with figures?
t: They are spending US5 billion per month in that un-winnable venture.
N: That is in Afghanistan only, and did anyone hear a peep for the 1.5 peanuts?
t: Zi(n)a had more balls
N: Don't you get me started on him. He is the father of Talibans.
t: But he is dead. They could only find his lower jaw.
N: Just because Hitler is dead you think there is no fascism?
t: Let us not go into Israel-Occupied territories. I concede.
N: There is only one way to solve it. Peace in the east, focus on the North West.

t: Take up Manmohan Singh and the glowing option?
N: Seal the Durand Line. Let them sort it out.
t: Can't be done. Iran, Pakistan, China, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan - too many countries to seal.
N: Then resurrect the Maliks and Sardars and govern them the old way.
t: Can't be done either, the Talibans have knocked them off.
N: Then roll over.
t: That is not a viable option either.
N: Then be prepared for mayhem, death and destruction.
t: Thanks for cheering me up this morning.
N: Let's go and checkout that hydrant.