Desicritics Section: Media

Aamir Khan Blogs Shahrukh

Deepti Lamba — Wed, 14 May 2008 12:47:42 EDT

An Indian blog that gets about 1288 comments belongs to a fellow called Aamir Khan and the latest post is about a dog named Shahrukh! Before you jump the gun- the dog isn't Aamir's nor did he get to name the dog.

Now, before you jump to any conclusions let me add that Shahrukh is the name of our dog. And before you jump to any further conclusions let me add that I had nothing to do with naming him. In fact Shahrukh is the dog of the caretakers of our house. When I bought this house it came with the caretakers and their dog! Apparently Shahrukh (the actor) was shooting for a commercial in this house a few years ago, and that very day the caretakers bought a pup…, and named him Shahrukh. What are the chances of me buying a house which comes with a dog called Shahrukh!!!

Aamir is a precocious fellow and there is supposed to be some kind of uneasy rivalry/acquaintance between Shahrukh Khan and him. In fact, if we are to believe the Bollywood rags, Aamir told his child prodigy Darsheel Safary not to overact like Shahrukh and had the wounded Khan reply 'I thought we were friends'.

It seems this time round, Aamir has ensured that the new gossip came from the horse's mouth.

There are a number of celebrities, actors and even anchormen who have blogs maintained by their PR people and treated as sites where their official statements are made:

I am sorry I showed my coochie (paraphasing Britney Spears)
I am sorry I have to go to prison, save me from imprisoned she-men (para-phasing Paris Hilton)
I'm what hot stuff is made of ( Premiere SRK says it all without SRK having to say a word)
I'm about making a difference and like Huffingtonpost its my name but others write ( para-phrasing Anderson Cooper 360)

The Celeb List goes on, and yet the websites of most celebrities don't give glimpses into their lives except when deeply effected like Paris Hilton (I couldn't help that one).

Aamir Khan's blog, like Neil Gaiman's, is a novelty since he lays his life somewhat open for others to read and observe. Aamir's blog is his personality and in many ways his life. He is a hardworking man with an impish sense of humor and while the google news is buzzing with words like - Aamir's dog's name is Shahrukh, Aamir is having a ball acting like a cat amongst the pigeons.

Movie Review: Iron Man

Aaman Lamba — Sat, 10 May 2008 02:13:52 EDT

What if Goliath turned against the Philistines? David wouldn't be really needed, save as a spark, or a mirror to show the seeds of destruction sowed by the makers of sickles and swords. The walls of Jericho might come down, and the horror of crumbling bricks be revealed in small villages off Haditha or perhaps Gulmira, Afghanistan.

Iron Man carries dangerous memes with it, perhaps the kind that increase the knowing to a point where it breaks out of the pages of comic books. Then again, the knowledge has always been there, and shadows on curtains provided simulacra of reality, audiences have taken it in, had glimmers of awareness, then let it drift away, or buried it under unending torrents of media messages.

Tony Stark finally understands what he has probably already known - and breaks away from his carefully cultivated playboy image. It is a mission of self-redemption, by a knight in shining armor, quite literally. He is looking to make up for a lifetime, indeed a familial sense of guilt, and yet, his actions are explained away as 'accidents' or 'training exercises', yet again enabling media masseurs to manage reality. His attempt at balancing the scales between the asymmetrical counter-parties might be in vain, and the film avoids any examination of ultimate responsibility. The villains are stereotypical bad guys, and the centurions not expected to reason the whys and wherefores of their actions.

The best parts of the film are the intensely detailed engineering scenes, a kind of geekporn-meets-steampunk mashup. Post-modern user interfaces, including one that looks like what Microsoft Surface might turn out to be, and intricate CGI stunts blend, but don't quite flow together well. The CGI could have been better, especially in the flying scenes. The reactor is a bit fishy, especially in a climatic scene where the prototype explodes at the cost of one faux-Iron Man, yet spares the real steel.

Robert Downey, Jr., gives the role his all, yet comes across as Terminator on a Robocop mission, cloaked in a XOS exoskeleton. This is more interesting, given we know of his own failings at the all-too-human level. His transformation from smooth-talking playboy to metalmouth is compelling, and the shift in acting style quite evident. He does not turn misanthropic, or even pacifist, going for the counter-terrorist angle. The lightweight Jon Favreau could have done more with his source material, yet went for a gently muddled anti-war, pro-little guy tale, a safe bet when dealing with masters of destruction. He does go further in the quest of authenticity, than say, Spider-Man, with quite graphic scenes of torture. There are various layers to the film, despite its weaknesses, and it is most definitely enjoyable and promising, from a franchise perspective.

Stalking Hasan Elahi: TrackingTransience Delusions

Ms. Anona — Sun, 4 May 2008 14:34:20 EDT

“He’s just a media whore.” said Rajesh, my best online friend. “Why are you so infatuated?”

“I just want his data, that’s it mostly.” I said, trying even to convince myself. “I thought it would make a good Grad project. I’m wasting time, I should just forget it.”

It’s been over four months since I first spotted Hasan Elahi on Yahoo! News. His story was just another blip found in passing and I almost ignored it. But wait, I thought, is that a DESI with hydrogen peroxide splashed through his hair looking like the prototype of an ABCD? Interesting. So, I read his story. Then I checked out his videos. Hmm, he’s a professor, easy to find. So I e-mailed him, and e-mailed again. And then I called his hotel room. Whoops!… Uh-oh… rewind!!

Hasan says that the main purpose of his website, TrackingTransience, is to keep the FBI, INS, and all the other ‘three-lettered bureaucracies’ off his back and up-to-date on his frequent and highly unpredictable movements. The website’s design is gratifying as it pinpoints his exact location in real-time along with a photo of the locale.

His idea for the website dates back to an experience where he was apprehended for suspicious behavior not long after 9-11. Since then, he has been proffering the authorities his whereabouts in the hopes that he won’t be further detained and subject to interrogation.

In theory, the project is simplistically brilliant, but for the regular online blogger like myself, Hasan’s site is like a trip down the wormhole if visited often enough. I would personally reckon the experience to the time I tripped off acid at a Phish concert. I felt perfectly fine for the longest time and thought that the blue plastic-like tablet I had taken earlier was defunct, but why was everyone scowling at me? The stage was full of colorful lights and spinning things orbiting all around. Everyone was in a trance, and I seemed to be the only one who was missing something. Where are the musicians, I mused. I never did see them peek out through the thick smoke. For all I knew, they were at home in Arizona!

Needless to say, I got sucked into TrackingTransience. Hasan offers a psychedelic porthole into his life without really giving the observer a glimpse of what lies behind the world of placid and oftentimes ordinary scenery.

The intangibility displayed is the only thing that the observer has to embrace and I was left to yearn for more. Who is this Hasan, and why doesn’t he clean his house? That’s a nice restaurant, I wonder if he’s dining with anyone. What circumstances would cause someone to drive clear across the country and then fly somewhere else? I had to know more.

I waited patiently for him to appear on chat. When he finally did show, he came up with almost laughably dry comments like, “My life is boring.”

“You seem very superficial,” I said.

“Well, I try,” he said, in response.

My hyper-sentimental self was weary of an emotional cripple. Why wasn’t he asking me any questions? I don’t even think I got a “how are you?” out of him. Of course, he had no problem talking about himself. And that’s when I realized I was really talking to every ex-boyfriend I’ve ever had and my memories of one in particular, (who I’ll call Specimen J here) a local DJ sensation, came back to me.

A typical conversation with Specimen J went as follows:

Me (speaking loudly above deafening house music): Hey, what’s going on?

Specimen J (crinkling nose while halting his head bop): What?

Five minute lull in conversation.

Me: That’s great, who did that song?

Specimen J (turning down the music, clearly annoyed): What

It is important to note that in this case the word “what” is not intended to be a question or to initiate a response. By my provocation, I was clearly breaking some kind of unspoken rule of cooldom that I was apparently not attuned to.

“Help! My regular appeal and flirtatious chatting behavior is not working on Hasan,” I complained to Rajesh.

“I don’t get it, just get over this guy,” he said while I envisioned him at work in his Manhattan office. Rajesh is a magnificent listener and multi-tasker. He can chat with me while talking to his boss on the phone, writing two Word documents, and grooming himself, but he has a terrible long-term memory and would probably forget me altogether if I didn’t pop up now and again.

I realized there is something all these people have in common, however, besides the obvious lack of emotional response. They all offer an experience beyond that which can be gathered out of my own mundane life, and in that way, they can never fail. Hasan creates a world where the common is instantly art. It makes you yearn to be somewhere more interesting, even if just a baggage claim in a Utah airport.

“I feel safer this way,” Hasan told me.

“Wow, that’s disillusioned,” I chatted. “What if someone has the urge to commit a hate crime? You’re a pretty easy target.”

“Yeh, I guess,” he said, like the thought had never crossed his mind.

I can’t fathom how someone can feel safer in this way, but somehow my emotional reflexes understand. In some ways Hasan is like the perfect ex-boyfriend. Who wouldn’t want to check up on an ex-fling every now and then without really having to contact them directly? You could just go online every once in a while and affirm that, yup, he hasn’t changed.

“Dude, I’m breaking up with you,” I said.

“What.”

Movie Review: Iron Man

Vijayendra Mohanty — Sat, 3 May 2008 13:43:41 EDT

More than one superhero's soul has been sacrificed at Hollywood's altar. So I was unsure about how "Iron Man" would turn out. One thing I was sure of was that I would watch it. I did, and I'm glad.

Redemption is a frequently revisited motif as far as Marvel heroes go. Be it Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk, several of the X-Men, or even Iron Man. Marvel Comics have shown, time and again, that the true hero's path leads through the murky waters of pain and remorse. Marvel heroes have always learned from their mistakes and that is what makes them what they are.

Iron Man, played in the movie by Robert Downey, Jr. is the latest Marvel avatar to have walked down that road.

Moral motivations apart, the movie is a pretty much solid block of glee for anyone acquainted with The Invincible Iron Man. And remarkably gripping entertainment for first timers too.

Industrialist Tony Stark lives the unaware life of a millionaire. Until one day, after a weapon system presentation to the US military, he is kidnapped by terrorists and forced to build a missile for them. This is where he meets Yinsen, a fellow prisoner, who becomes Tony's saviour in more ways than one. Yinsen pushes Tony to take another look at his life and make some tough decisions.

What follows is the story that has entertained Marvel fans for decades now - the story of Stark donning the red and gold armour and becoming Iron Man.

Downey is fantastic (as was expected) as Stark/Iron Man. Gwyneth Paltrow fits in as the responsible and reliable Miss Potts. Terence Howard is perfect as Stark's future wingman Jim Rhodes. There is a scene in which Howard looks at an Iron Man suit and goes, "Later, baby..." (or something like that). Hopefully a sign of things to come!

Jeff Bridges works well as the formidable Iron Monger. Although, I preferred the desert terrorist-bashing and the jet plane-racing to the one on one hero-villain fist fight towards the end.

Iron Man is good because it doesn't overdo things, stays true to Stark, and keeps things where they belong.

Movie Review: Iron Man Packs a Punch!

Varun P — Sat, 3 May 2008 13:27:03 EDT

To tell the simple truth, I simply went ga-ga over Iron Man! Yes, the Other Man of Steel, yet another comic book hero (this time from the Marvel stable), made his on-screen debut worldwide on May 2. And what a debut it was!

Though the climax felt a bit underdone compared to other superhero movies, the most likable part of the movie was the way the director essayed the making of Iron Man. I simply loved this part and I am sure those of you going to watch the movie are going to come out of the hall smiling! Paisa Vasool guys!

Before I move into the details, let me draw a brief sketch for those of you who have not grown up on a staple diet of such superhero comics.

Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), a.k.a. Iron Man, is the owner of Stark Industries, the leading manufacturers of weapons and a major supplier to the U.S. Army! In Afghanistan to show off his latest missile system, the convoy carrying Tony is attacked and he is kidnapped. His abductors want him to build the exact replica of the missile system he test fired for the US Army prior to his abduction. In return, they will set him free.

However, instead of building them a missile, he builds a powerful suit within which he stages his escape. Once back in the US, he decides to shut down his weapons manufacturing unit and instead concentrate on making the world a better, safer place by modifying the design and properties of the suit he built under captivity. Such things are easier said than done and the problems and adversities faced by Tony Stark in building the new suit is something that the viewers are surely going to enjoy!

While this was a superhero movie, the movie still had a real feel to it — something similar to what I experienced when I first watched Batman Begins (2005). I mean, the characters are more real, especially the SUPERHERO! T

hey have problems, like the rest of us mortal beings, and the depth in which both these movies chronicle the making of the superhero is something I quite enjoyed watching! If we relax the definition of superhero to include a super-agent, then we may also add Casino Royale (2006) to the mix as that movie gave a good rewind on how James Bond came to acquire his trademark signature moves.

With good, in fact rocking, background music and a running time of just under 2 hours, the movie is a real delight.

In addition to the crisp screenplay, I liked the subtle shades in the movie a lot. Special highlights in the movie are interactions between Tony and his secretary, Pepper Potts, and the conversations between Tony and his U.S. Defense friend, Rhodey. And of course, the gadgets and the technology will please all die-hard techies and gadget lovers! And to borrow a girlie expression, the robots were soooooooo cute! Yes, indeed I agree, the robots were intelligent, smart and humorous!

I hope in the years to come, we can see some good sequels of Iron Man, however, I do hope that the director makes the hero a bit more slimmer; a paunch on a superhero is not desirable. And, of course, some added depth and unpredictability to the characters would be great! Develop more suits, like they have done in the comics, maybe? At least a suit for everyone — that would be fun!

But that's then, this is now. Go watch Iron Man. It's a movie you should IRON out some time for!

Movie Review: The Spiderwick Chronicles

Vijayendra Mohanty — Fri, 2 May 2008 07:16:20 EDT

Family moves into a spooky house, adventure follows. We have had these before. Spiderwick Chronicles doesn't depart from the formula and yet packs in over 100 minutes of solid watchable fantasy.

Let us quickly go over the setting. The movie features the twins - Jared and Simon Grace (they only look like each other), their elder sister Mallory (she carries swords on her), their constantly frazzled mom Helen, the ogre Mulgarath (with world domination on his mind), and more goblins than you can count. There are also sylphs, a troll, and a griffin in the picture.

Then there is someone called HOGSQUEAL!

Based on the book of the same name by Holly Black, The Spiderwick Chronicles tells the story of a young boy Jared Grace's struggles to keep Mulgarath from taking over the secrets of the fairykind. Secrets that Jared's great uncle Arthur Spiderwick recorded in his journal before sealing it shut and hiding it.

Director Mark Waters delivers a well done book-to-movie presentation. Freddie Highmore is brilliant as the Jared/Simon duo.

Clever, captivating, and well-paced; you will miss a lot if you miss The Spiderwick Chronicles (if you do miss it that is).

Cosmetic Changes in Islamabad

temporal — Thu, 1 May 2008 09:11:55 EDT

Pakistan's Moment: We will fight terrorism -- our way appeared under the byline of Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gilani. Since his name is on the mast, I will assume that he takes full responsibility for this article. He writes:

It is important for Pakistan -- which has transited from an authoritarian regime to democratic governance -- that the message of this first critical post-election period be bold and clear. Like newly elected governments in other democratic societies, we intend to set the tone and agenda. We want to show the world that our nation is back in business, with an overwhelming mandate from our people.

It has been thirty days since he and his cabinet took oath. What does he have to show for the past thirty days? Please keep in mind that his party (PPP) and his coalition partners, PML-N, ANP and JUI had nearly six weeks to prepare an agenda before this oath taking.

Inflation is unchecked, prices for rice, flour, petrol and other commodities are still escalating. Law and order is still in a mess. The ministers travel in motorcades and the traffic is still diverted and blocked as it was under the previous administration.

The Judiciary issue is used as a lightening rod and a smokescreen simultaneously to deflect the attention and scrutiny away from the pressing problems facing the nation. The irony is, while the issue is being debated in Dubai between Asif Zardari the interim co-chairman of PPP and PML-N chief Nawaz Sharif, Mr Gilani is not even a member of the participating teams.

I find nothing bold and clear nor any attempts to set the tone and agenda.

Mr Gilani describes Benazir Bhutto as "Pakistan's quintessential democratic leader" ...facts and history speak otherwise.

My government is a coalition of modern, moderate, innovative, progressive democratic forces determined to jump-start the economy and to rebuild the social fabric of Pakistan.

We saw many of these "modern, moderate, innovative, progressive democratic forces" in the previous two terms each of PPP and PML-N. And the Pakistanis have not forgotten why both the PPP and PML-N were turfed out a total of four times.

We understand that unemployment, inflation and poverty are corrosive elements that, if left unaddressed, can create hopelessness and ennui that undermine authority.

The people of Pakistan did not elect him and his coalition to "understand" - they elected him to act quickly to alleviate these issues. Other than playing the blame-the-previous-government his administration has done nothing substantive.

He writes of "smuggling of Pakistani wheat across our borders."

Does he realise how impotent this sounds when read by the US readers? It reads as an confession of his Administration's inability to exercise control within his territory. This is going to raise eyebrows in the foggy bottom. The Pakistani detractors bring up the issue of Nuclear Weapon's safety and control every other week. If Pakistan cannot effectively control her side of the border how can he cite this weakness as a raison detre for smuggling?

Now we are negotiating from a position of strength.

The proof is in the pudding. This is what I have written here in Zardarigate: Who's Afraid of Judiciary:

Witness these recent developments from the new coalition government of Raza Rabbani:

* The coalition accepted the appointment of Maj Gen Jay Hood (of the Qur'an desecration infamy) in the US Embassy at Islamabad.

* The coalition recalled Gen. Mahmud Ali Durrani, a protege of Shirin Taher-Kheli and a colleague on Balusa, as Ambassador to the Court of St. Bush and appointed him National Security Adviser to the PM Raza Rabbani (Shirin is also a neocon and knows Hussain Haqqani, Ayesha Siddiqua and others through IDSA and other fora.)

* The coalition appointed Hussain Haqqani, first as Ambassador-at-large and then as Ambassador-designate to the Court of St. Bush. Last week Blogger Pakistan ran a long, rambling article by Moin Ansari - Husain Haqqani:-Dangerous 5th Column or Selfish opportunist? which tried to establish Hussain Haqqani as a neocon at best and a neoconzix at worst. * Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi has "detached himself" from the Balusa Group according to Mariana Babar.

The parachuting of Washington's dream team means status quo remains unchanged in Islamabad. And the criticism and bunking of President Musharraf's US tilt is self serving lip service. Playing His Master's Voice (no pun) does not indicate a "position of strength."

Yousaf Raza Gilani is in an unenviable position. He cannot tell people to eat cakes. He has to act boldly, clearly, firmly and quickly: which means refraining from blame-game and delivering results.

Movie Review: Khuda Ke Liye

meetu — Wed, 9 Apr 2008 07:52:51 EDT

I can't decide what moved me more. The way in which the author's take on Islam - the use and abuse of the religion - unfolded, or that someone even dared to touch upon it so openly in the first place, that too in Pakistan. I think there would be very few makers for this kind of a story even in India - a secular state.

And by the climax, I was amazed at the number of issues Khuda Kay Liye touched upon. We had the whole gamut. Atrocities faced by women at the hands of fellow Muslims, double standards of Muslim parents living abroad (I have seen this with non-Muslim Indians too), injustice disseminated because of racial profiling, Jihadi's misuse of easily-influenced-relatively-meek youngsters to turn them into terrorists. Each problem is given its own space to breathe and develop.

The parallels drawn between the racial profiling storyline based out of Chicago and all the other things happening in Pakistan were amazing. There are points where you can interchange the US law officials with the Jihadi leaders in terms of their unyielding attitude towards whatever they believe is the truth. How they all mince words to have people say what they want to listen to. And to make sure the audience doesn't miss the parallels, the similarities are directly shown towards the climax.

The strong and clever dialogues had a huge role to play in the overall impact In the name of Godhad. I was wondering how much more effect it would have had on me had I understood the language completely. The use of Urdu is elegant, and at the same time not entirely overwhelming. Since the movie is more or less situation-driven you can make a fair guess from the context.

However, there was a lack of the same aptitude in the departments other than story and dialogue. In particular, the editing was very abrupt and didn't render a smooth flow. The only exception was in the climax scene in the courtroom, where the cuts worked towards narrating the story. Similarly, while the songs were beautiful, the shifts in and out of western classical in the background music seemed pretty random.

Most of the actors too came across as very stiff. Only, Shan (Mansoor) stood out with an excellent performance - from the inspired musician to a completely broken down man. Fawad Khan who played a confused youngster, Sarmad, did look aptly baffled. So it would be too soon to judge whether he can really enact other emotions.

But, given the strength of the message all these shortcomings seem pardonable. The questions that I am left with are - Has it reached the right ears? Or at the very least have the people sitting on the fence convinced to keep from committing such heinous acts?

Rating: Watch for sure, preferably in theater

Rating Scale (best to worst):
� Must see - on the big screen
� Watch for sure, preferably in theatre
� Wait for video release
� Watch if you have nothing better to do
� Switch channels if it's on cable!

Movie Review: Jodhaa Akbar - Mystery Solved: Why There Was No Birbal?

Aditi Nadkarni — Wed, 2 Apr 2008 10:49:52 EDT

Those who have read my movie reviews know of my unexplained aversion to commercial Hindi films....at least the plot-less, song sprinkled, melodramatic embarrassments that we have to watch dazzling at us from their lofty places on box office charts.

I now have developed significant and upsetting reactions to the Punjabi family of Bollywood, to the melodramatic unmarried uncle (Alok Nath), manic Papa (Anupam Kher), plump and cloying mummy-jis (Reema Lagoo, Farida Jalal), overtly shy, mature bahus (god, there are so many of them) and the immature and tomboyish damsels who continue to roller-skate in the house, eat unexplainable amounts of candy and pull kiddish pranks way into their twenties (usually the leading lady).

More about these characters "here" , but whatever. Since this is Bollywood's treatment of family dramas, I am all the more skeptical about how they would execute the period romances that require intricate detail. But this review is about the one film that I watched in the theater armed with my narrowest and most disapproving gaze and emerged not half as disappointed as I had expected to be.

If it hasn't been said enough, the visuals of Gowariker's Jodha-Akbar were breathtakingly beautiful. Aishwarya's couture stood out and so did Hrithik's brawn.

The actors did what they have always done. Aishwarya looked pretty and wept when she wasn't engaging in occasional bouts of hip-jutting sword duals. Hrithik flexed his biceps and fought wild elephants with his bare hands. Apart from a few notable performances such as Ila Arun as Maham Anga, this film was a director's feat and not really carried by any of the actors' performances. The director's sensitivity can be detected in scenes where the new bride cooks a feast for her husband, where a mother advises her daughter to pick death over humiliation, where a princess first earns her husband-to-be's respect by making known that her faith and beliefs warrant a non-negotiable place in her life and where a great king stands up for his wife and becomes a husband.

With Lagaan, director Ashutosh Gowarikar established that he could tell us a fascinating story, with Swades he demonstrated his prowess at weaving art into the escapist fabric of commercialism and now with Jodha Akbar he proves that he has the finesse to convey the delicacies of a love story.

The redundancy during every intimate scene in all the songs bare his weakest points and that somehow to me makes him seem like a better director than those who are brilliant at the choreography and love scenes but fail at the story-telling.

What is interesting to note is Gowariker's clever use of rich, warm colors that add to the cultural identity of each scene. He used this apparatus in Lagaan for the song "Radha Kaise Na Jale", did it again with Swades and Jodha Akbar is teeming with such cinematographic delights which underscore the cultural richness that a period romance would've been incomplete without. Gowarikar also uses a dash of unexpected humor especially in the Jodha-Akbar sword dual.

The art and creative direction is what truly gives this film its grandeur. The colors surround you and make the film worth watching in a theater rather than on a television screen. The orange and red hues with the dusky backdrop of the desert, the cackling fire set amidst colorful tents, the majestic pink forts and the glorious white robes light up the screen. A.R.Rahman as always delivers and while all his songs are catchy, the "Khwadja Mere Khwadja" number is sublime.

For those who criticized the film for its conspicuous lack of political detail and a sorely missing Birbal, I would just like to point out that the film is called "Jodha Akbar" and not "Akbar the Great" or "Akbar Birbal" or "Akbar and the Navratnas". Any focus on the navratnas or the presence of a witty Birbal would've, I strongly believe, pulled attention from the romance itself. Sure, Jodha's role could've been meatier, Ms.Rai could've sobbed less and Hrithik could've delivered his dialogs in a more believable tone without looking like he was going to sneeze each time.

My only major grouse was with the length of this film. This romance was about the cultural disparities between a couple that had an inter-religious marriage in a time when religious differences were probably more pronounced than they are in the present world.

The film showcased a husband-wife relationship and managed to include snippets of loyalty, trust, identity and respect that form the basis of a successful marriage.

It could've covered all those areas and been wrapped up in lesser time if we wouldn't have to watch Aishwarya riding a horse for ten long minutes only to then fall on Sujamal's chest and do what she does best...weep. We could always do without the classic "running to Krishna idol" scene whenever someone's life is in jeopardy and the listless stream of foreplay poses packed into a never-ending song. If Mr.Gowariker is reading, I would want him to know that with Lagan he changed the acceptable format of commercial cinema and no longer requires to stick to it.

But I am starting to make peace with these lost hours of my life that Bollywood devours and that I will never get back. I tell myself that directors have considerately made these lengthy inclusions just so I can have a samosa and still have time for a leisurely bathroom break.

...and that my friends is probably where Birbal went.

Movie Review: The Blue Umbrella - Rustic Bond

PH — Wed, 2 Apr 2008 02:45:36 EDT

The Blue Umbrella opens with a telling sequence: when you’ve taken in the snowflakes and the pine trees synonymous with a Himachal winter, you squint to notice a little girl with an umbrella, camouflaged in the scenery. And it’s a telling sequence because in presenting little Biniya (Shreya Sharma) as completely one with the region she belongs to, Vishal Bharadwaj is simply mirroring Ruskin Bond’s idyllic vision of a pahaaRii people seeped into their surroundings.

An interesting dualism emerges from Bharadwaj’s work so far. The films he’s made with child protagonists (Makdee, The Blue Umbrella) are infused with the innocence that adult nostalgia projects onto childhood, and his adult films (Maqbool, Omkara) are unmistakably dark. In this film, the nutty Nandkishore Khatri (Pankaj Kapur) embodies this conflict between childhood and growing up. His coveting the blue umbrella – Biniya’s little piece of heaven with clouds sprinkled on its canopy – is after all an adult's longing for a lost childhood.

Having spent a calculating life in pursuit of profit, Nandu sees his possessing the umbrella as his one shot at redemption – priceless precisely because it offers no real advantage, like “watching a sunset”. And this is what gives the plot its bite: Having grown up, we too have robbed childhood of its gay innocence and coated our worldly concerns on it. We too have, as it were, stolen and painted the umbrella red.

The film is a visual delight - the use of the blue and yellow tinted night scenes, a toy scarecrow, a woman sieving wheat, a Ferris wheel in a tizzy, and the picturesque Himachal hamlet with its motley characters - all make the quotidian seem quaint.

Mark the swooshing shot of the umbrella’s descent, as if it were an angel seeking Biniya out. Bharadwaj’s background score and the gifted Gulzar’s lyrics add an adorable touch to the proceedings. There’s a lot to laugh about: the idiomatic dialogue; Nandu swaying his head religiously to a bhajan set to the tune of “You are my Sonia” from Kabhie Khushii Kabhii Gham; or a Beatrix Kiddo-esque montage of Biniya wielding the umbrella followed by a remark emphasizing what “khilbil” (mayhem) she caused!

The only false note is the morphing of Ravana’s heads into Nandu’s; the cut from Nandu’s speech to the Ravana-burning shot is enough to convey Nandu’s villany; spelling it out robs it of its subtlety.

Pankaj Kapur deserves a hundred hat-tips for his comical, childlike, neurotic and vulnerable rendition of Nandu. Here is an actor for all seasons: quirky carrot-loving detective (Karamchand), tormented cop (Raakh), tragic scientist (Ek Doctor Kii Maut), harassed teacher (Zabaan Sambhaalke) and Marlon Maqbool Brando. Clearly, the man is no Phateechar when it comes to acting.

In some ways, Vishal Bharadwaj is the most Indian of mainstream Hindi filmmakers. He seeks out the rugged, rustic, forgotten-by-Bollywood India – a decadent Urdu speaking Mumbai mafia, a political fiefdom in the cow-belt heartland, and a tiny Himachal hamlet. And he’s at home in this ‘other’ India; he isn’t the voyeuristic urban outsider (think Swades). Instead, he revels in becoming and making us become one with them. That is what makes his cinema refreshing and real.