Desicritics Category: Culture: Humor

Aamchi Sarkar Raj

thedeskjockey — Sun, 4 Jan 2009 04:53:17 EST

There is something uniquely mystifying about visionaries. They think on a level we take years, decades, perhaps even generations to understand. But when we do, we are awestruck with the grandness of their plan. Which is why you should all think twice before dissing one of the grandest visionaries of our time – Raj Thackerey.

Seriously, who thinks of a party name which includes the word “Navnirman” whose prime motto is to drive out anybody who can do “nirman” but cannot speak Marathi? Who can think of doing something more symbolic than digging up cricket pitches just because they hate Pakistan and hence Pakistani cricketers? Who dares to dream beyond the unscrupulous secularism of our country that forces us to live with those geeky Madrasis, loud Sardarjis and unintelligible Bengalis? It requires a special kind of visionary and orator to feed such grand plans down the throats of people who call themselves soldiers or “sainiks” but yet resemble the neighborhood gang who breaks windows and vandalizes walls just because they believe in their brand of coolness.

Other such visionaries that come to mind are Osama Bin Laden, Pol Pot, Benito Mussolini and of course Hitler, who the venerable Balasaheb, Raj’s uncle and one time mentor, admires to such an extent that he made statements to the effect "I am (the Hitler) of the whole of Maharashtra and want to be of whole of India." and my personal favorite, "If the Muslims of India behave as the Jews in Germany did, they will deserve the same treatment". Priceless wisdom!

To understand Raj, you would have to understand his grand visions right from his younger days when he wanted to take his skills as a cartoonist and film maker to Walt Disney Studios. However, his love for the Marathi Manoos kept him within the confines of Maharashtra. The world’s loss of Walt Disney Marathi themed cartoons was the average Marathi Joe’s (lets call him “Joe-kar”) gain. The sacrifices the man and his family have made! Think of a conversation his little son Amit might have with him

Amit: Dad, I want to have a birthday party for all my friends!
Raj: Sure buddy, now who do you want to call?
Amit: The Khans?
Raj: Nope, we hate them. None of them speak Marathi.
Amit: The Bachchans?
Raj: Are you kidding? After we threw bottles at their house and called Jaya an old witch?
Amit: Sigh. How about the Tendulkars?
Raj: Dude, unfortunately we don’t like Gujjus either! You know, Anjali is one. I mean really, those fat businessmen eat undiyo-jalebi-fafda and fart all day in an AC train compartment with no outlet for all that smell.
Amit: Never mind dad! Let’s just do a family thing.
Raj: Now that’s my boy. See you are picking up on our family motto already…”All in the family”.

Shame on all the political commentators, media persons and so called experts who claim that the man is a divisive force in a united India. Really? Come on here to the US in any university and you’ll see the Tamilian share a 2 bedroom apartment with 10 other Tamilians but won’t live with the 2 Delhi-waalas across the street. The Mumbaikar prefers to live with his fellow denizens ‘coz he can’t quite understand the frugality fuss of the Andhra dudes. And the Gujarati Patel won’t even live with the Shahs ‘coz his daddy told him they are not nice people. So if people naturally confirm to the people within the people theory, why decry a man who calls it like it is and encourages other people to do the same? You can imagine my angst at all this when I’ve used the word "people" 4 times in the last sentence.

So what if he encourages taking out anything and everything related to Pakistan? For e.g., nobody seems to like Atif Aslam’s quivering voice [video link 1][video link 2]. And how many books from famous Pakistani authors can you name anyway?

So what if he wants migrants from UP and Bihar to leave the state? Isn’t the average gunda in the movies always portrayed from these states?

It’s about time we got a guy named Raj who has some balls and breaks the unfortunate image we have associated with that name. It’s about time we got someone who cared enough to bring the plight of his people out in the open. And it’s about time that people get past the violent demonstrations, the jingoistic speeches and the lack of any contribution from him. For the true genius of a vision lies in the patience of the people to wait a reeeeeeeally long time for it.

While the tone of this post may be satirical, my heart remains firmly on his side. And being a non-marathi, I pledge my support to his cause by staying far far away from his beloved state.

A Love For Shoes: This Has Nothing to Do With Iraq and Yet...

temporal — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:32:20 EST

mera joota hay japani
yeh patloon inglistani
sir pay laal topi roosi
phir bhee dil hay hindustani
shailendra - shri 420

tr:

my shoes are Japanese
this trouser is English
the red cap 'ver my head is Russian
but my heart is all Indian

Shoes had a fascination for me. (Notice the tense?)

The diabolical reason for that fascination was champagne. I had seen some actor drink champagne from his companion's red high heels. I was enamored with the companion too, but geography won over anatomical inquisitiveness by a few thousand miles - more in kilometers.

Backgrounder: Prince Henry of Prussia visited the Everleigh Club of Chicago in 1902. A dancer's shoes flew off, hit a wine bottle, spilling some champagne into the shoe. A guest at the table picked up the shoe and imbibed the wine. As if on a cue, everyone there borrowed a shoe from their companion and drank wine from it. In case the reader is fascinated with this more here.

In the mall, or on the street, passing by a shoe store, eyes inadvertently look for red high heeled shoes - whirling sleek stilettos.

And if encountered on a hourglass bombshell - double the envy. More on Kelly shortly.

***

Leather can be tough. It protects the animal through ravages of heat and cold and when turned into footwear it can withstand the wear and tear of trudging miles upon miles.

Memory is fickle - high school or college it was - when I heard a sweet one warn a friend "jooti khao gay." Gold Rush and Charlie Chaplin aside, there was something in her tone that sent a chill up my spine even though the young lady was so diminutive.

A movie still shows Charlie Chaplin in the

classic shoe-eating scene from The Gold

Rush (1925). (Bettmann/Corbis)

The scar above my left eyebrow, comes in handy when government directives blatantly ask one to mention scars or body marks on official applications. In the pre-scan passport days they even used calligraphy to highlight this minor blemish for foreign officials.

Yes, a leather chappal caused it. She hurled it at my friend J. He ducked. Passports can reveal unusual stories sometimes. [Reading a draft of this M says, 'hmmmmmm.' - translation - so you did not fall on your face?]

Wonder what George W's passport says. He ducked today. Luckily no one was standing behind him. The shoe hurler also called him man's best friend.

I wonder if in Arab culture what is worse, calling one a dog or a pig? Yasmin can you help?

I also wonder where is Kelly LeBrock? Am not sure if it is the shoes or...

The Lord of The Rings is a Bollywood Movie

Fleiger — Thu, 4 Dec 2008 11:51:06 EST

Just a few days back, I was talking to a friend who was ranting about the hindi movies, and the completely over the top masala ingredients added in them to spice them up. After defending the Bollywood for a long time (hey, we Indians may make fun of those movies but we stand together when some outsider does it), I went back to my most recent re-reading of Lord of The Rings.

And I got an epiphany. Here are:

10 Reasons why LoTR is just another Bollywood Masala film:

10. If you are a good guy and a father, you get to die at the hands of The Villain or his Henchmen. Which of course will inspire your kid(s) and others to vanquish the villain for revenge.

9. Things are going very badly for the good guys, when BAM! Help arrives in the form of the Hero.

8. The hero has a bumbling but faithful sidekick (or a group of them), who provides the comic sidetrack, but will lay down his life for the hero.

7. There's a costumed villain, sitting in his snazzy layer, surrounded by costumed henchmen and weird looking followers.

6. The "supporting actress" loves the hero, who cannot return her affections because he is in love with the heroine. But don't worry, she will find her life partner in the "supporting actor" before the climax.

5. The hero and heroine belong to different social groups, and hence her father is not exactly happy about their union, but there is a loving aunt who will help the lovers.

4. The heroine, the one belonging to higher social group in this case, will "sacrifice" her advantages in order to marry the hero.

3. The hero has greedy, conniving, thieving relatives who have their eye on his estate.

2. You can stab him, fire arrows at him, slash at him with swords, poison him. The Hero just goes on and on and on...

1. At moment's notice, there's at least one person who has got to sing up. Sometimes that quickly grows into a group song.

Anybody got any idea which characters I am talking about here?

P.S. The comparison is based solely on the basis of the books, and those who know LoTR as only the movie trilogy may be a bit confused.

First Annual Desi Meet in Washington, D.C.

temporal — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 08:52:33 EST

I sent out invites for the first annual Desi meet in DC next weekend back in September. The response from the Beltway area has been healthy, if not overwhelming.

I have already mailed out the Questionnaire to be filled out by prospective attendees. I am thankful to my friend Barry the Mutt for help with the questionnaire. Between us I preferred Kalloo but he likes Mutt. And I am so deferential.

Barry the Mutt, regrettably will be unable to attend due to a small family do in Illinois.

I do not have many phobias as you probably know. Arachnophobia, photophobia, cainotophobia, hypnophobia, xenophobia come and go but lately pogonophobia has dwarfed all other phobias. But overcoming them is a continuous goal. So, back to this annual meet. Should check the questionnaire - does it mention anything about beards?

Personally I shun huge gatherings. Get the feeling of being lost. As you probably have not read (from my poems) less is preferably more. Both in words and people. So even though this is billed as an Annual meet of Desis, I would not mind if only as many Desis show up as would fit around an intimate table.

(How can a table be intimate?)

The meet will be held in an area central to Va. Md. and DC. --- perhaps Georgetown? The exact location will be announced on a need-to-know basis to ward off the Homeland Insecurity.

C. R. Sridhar will be the keynote speaker. He will deliver a talk on Humour and its Affect on Environmental Pollution in South Asia. Sujai is also expected to read a paper on Environmental Pollution and Its Affect on Humour. Canadian Ice Wine will be on the liquid diet menu.

Smallsquirrel, shy as ever, will give a talk on Discernible Desi Mores in the parking lot.

If there is enough interest we can arrange for video-conferencing-telecasting too with Bangalore, London, Mumbai...

Time is of the essence. Beginning tomorrow morning I would be throwing leaflets along QEW, I-90, US 219, I-80E, US322, I-99, I-70E, I-270S, 70S and of course the 495.

Wave at us if you happen to see us.

If interested, download the questionnaire fill it and forward it to Aaman, Dee or me.

Survival of the Creative Fittest

Suresh Naig — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:41:46 EST

It was just 4 years since I was married; the euphoria of love marriage had drained for my wife, which was replaced by other weighty and worldly things. Her warmth and compassion towards me had seen several ups and downs, putting even the Sensex to shame.

Whatever she had admired and loved in me during our courtship, she felt, had turned against her. She liked my openness and friendly nature, which had ensured a large friends’ circle for me. The same friends, whom she felt, I earned due to my humorous and witty nature, had become hindrances in her opinion, prying on our privacy.

She was very creative; even till date she continues to be one, she started focusing her creativity in turning my friends into foes. It was the age old tactics, which she adopted. Comparing my inadequacy with their positive side, so much so she had the knack in picking up only the positive side of each of my friends, and pitted it against my negative sides.

She had compared me with a friend of mine, who was very considerate in helping his wife in domestic chores, but he being a “Harry Potter” did not bother her. His name is Hari and who was fond of “pot”, the fact which she conveniently forgot, and never took it up for comparison. Or for that matter with another friend, who never missed an opportunity in gifting his wife, at times for as flimsy a reason as cooking palatable food, yet he being a “Birbal” didn’t bother her. My wife knew he had earned the nick name, for his unbridled love for ale, turning his tummy to the shape of a beer barrel, which was never taken up for comparison.

All her tactics failed to evoke the desired effect and it never impacted me, for two reasons. The day I decided to get married, I had resolved not to get provoked, a euphemism for thick skin. Another reason for her failure was, my creativity being a shade better than her. I told her, ‘if you want me to imbibe all good things from all my friends, soon you may feel that you are sleeping with a stranger than me. I am what I am, and others are what they are’. Still it failed to cut ice with her.

Eventually I told her to put all the things she didn’t like about me on a paper and I would do the same thing about her. She agreed readily, for she was confident that my paper would be blank, but I proved her wrong.

She could manage only two sheets of paper and 30 minutes, but I went with more than six sheets of paper, and well past an hour. I was enjoying her discomfort and anxiety to look into what I was writing, but I refused to show her. We had neatly put our papers into separate envelopes, pasted and as agreed, the waiting started. We had agreed earlier to open it only in bedroom in the night. I was not at all anxious to look into what she had written, as I knew it verbatim, having listened to it for long. I could also predict the reaction of my wife, on witnessing my scribbling.

And it was as I expected. Tears welling up in her eyes she started punching me, followed by a tight hug, whispering in my ear, ‘you dirty sweet scoundrel, I love you too, though you don’t deserve’.

All the six sheets of paper contained only one line, repeated like an imposition writing, as we did in our school. And it was,

“I love you, for what you are, and not you will”.

Swami and His Foes

Suresh Naig — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:32:52 EST

It was one winter evening at Coimbatore, in the year 1984. Even till date I couldn't recollect the reasons, which made me to visit Bharatiya Vidhya Bhavan, to listen to a lecture of a Swamiji.

It was a moderate crowd of less than 100 persons, most of them having attained superannuation, found the lecture an inexpensive entertainment. The Swamiji, whose name I forgot, was no different from any other Swamijis. Like many of the Swamijis he was also 60 plus, but beyond which his proper age was not discernible. He had also sported a long beard, like any other person of his clan, which had turned grey, had long unkempt hair and he worn a long piece of cotton jubbah, which had obviated the need for a dhoti, though he was wearing one.

At a much younger age, I had a problem of differentiating one cine actress from the other, since I felt all of them looked alike with heavily made-up face and all the cine heroines of yester years appeared to me as padded horses! of a different kind.

As I grew up, I developed the skills in identifying a female cine personalities, but my problem of identification shifted to Swamijis, who not only looked alike, but also behaved alike, with their monotonous uninspiring lectures. This swamiji was no different.

He opened his lecture praising the U.S. from where he had returned, after a long and fruitful visit. He said, 'I was discussing with few young Americans about Indian culture and our ancient practices aimed at healthy living. This discussion happened in the house of my host, an Indian settled in U.S.A. The American youth were casual in their approach, some with cigarettes dangling from their lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke, some with coke bottles in their hand, some casually lying on the sofa and yet showed seriousness in learning about our culture. I was astonished by their questions and eagerness to learn new things.'

When the swamiji continued his monotonous lecture, praising the new found land of his opportunities, a person who was sitting in the front row was infuriated. He burst out at the Swamiji, 'I have not come here to listen to your praises for America, I had expected that you would deliver a lecture on Geeta or Mahabharat.' Sitting four rows behind, I was curiously enjoying all these things.

When the Swamiji tried to reply to the infuriated man from the first row, with an innocuous smile, the agitated person in his early forties fumed and left the hall in a huff. It appeared to me that the person left the hall out of envy, on the Swamiji's foreign jaunt.

Unfazed, the Swamiji continued his lecture. His lecture was centred on the need to live in tandem with nature, with abundant examples from his day to day observations. He was narrating, 'the other day I saw some people eating cucumber bought from a road side vendor, peeled, cut and after applying salt and pepper powder on it. If God wanted us to eat cucumber with salt and pepper, he would have put the same in cucumber.' His lectures continued on the same line with many more examples, which all of us would have commonly encountered on a daily basis.

His concluding punch was, 'we have stopped eating to satiate our hunger since long, we have stopped drinking to quench our thirst since long. Since our acts no longer reflect the purpose, we are facing certain peculiar problems. If all our acts are purposeful, intended for the specific and natural purpose, we no longer would need to worry about our physical and mental health.' The Swamiji concluded his lecture and the forum was open for questions from the assembled audience.

My question was specific. 'Swamiji I agree with you on many of the points, which are parallel to the views expressed by Van Dyer in his book Sky is not the limit. However there is one act in India which is very purposeful, and we are witnessing the population explosion. Is it not right to indulge in it, relegating the purpose, for the benefit of the society?'

Before the Swamiji could respond, many in the audience, tried to show their disapproval for my question. Swamiji, after some thoughtful silence for maximum effect, opened his mouth fondling his grey beard. 'it is easier said than done, but regular practice of Yoga is the answer for your question.' And he left it at that.

After so many years I felt otherwise. In 1984, when I was young I felt, "It was easier done than said" and now at my 50+ age I realise it is easier said than done".

Election Fatigue - Look its a bird, it's a Palin, uh Plane

Kavita Chhibber — Mon, 3 Nov 2008 19:56:52 EST

Is it just me or is everyone suffering from election fatigue? I just can't seem to escape the never ending dissection of every political move, every word uttered-I have distorted vision-(yeah I really think Tina Fey is Sarah Palin), distorted mind-(I wish Tina Fey was Sarah Palin) and a never ending refrain in my head-I need ear plugs and opaque glasses.

And in spite of all the hoopla, the mind boggling discussions, the heated debates and media blitz(Wolfie isn't the only one blitzing or should I say obliterating the television screen), I see so many people still clueless about what the candidates bring to the table.

I get answers like McCain's too old, Obama too young from most people- depending on the age group I talk to- on why they aren't voting for one or the other.

People talk more about Palin and McCain's appearance on SNL, then the issues at hand. Instead of serious discussions I get jokes like the one below and I actually laugh

Why did the chicken cross the road?
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

So yeah is it just me or are we all really thrilled Tuesday cometh.

Let's Talk!

IdeaSmith — Mon, 3 Nov 2008 05:54:06 EST

Good communication, I'm told, is the foundation of healthy relationships. No, I'm not going "Bah, humbug!" The wise one said good communication, not mindless all-out communication. There is a fine art in communicating with men. You see, Martians and Venusians may both speak Earthese but they seem to process them differently. Sometimes I think it's a wonder I manage to talk to men at all. And yet, since I pride myself on being a good conversationalist, maybe its time to examine exactly why.

A conversation with the opposite sex (when endowed with a brain in the correct head, even if they don't usually use them...well, they do, at least initially) can be interesting, enriching and delightful. It's a cross between an African safari and a minefield. It's almost always a trip through a brave, new world....ooh, how exciting...but watch, watch, WATCH your step (and your words).

Career: Forget about equality in the workplace. Or wait, let's just understand that better. Men have never bothered much about our opinions of their professional lives, have they? Just so long as we look up to them with adoring eyes and coo over the bread-winner bringing home an extra loaf or two. Here's to equality then. Why should it matter what his opinion of your professional life is, then? Don't even go into the potentially explosive areas of who earns more, whose job is more important. I mean, really...you didn't need him to get a degree, an interview and a job. Obviously he's curious about what you do (or he pretends to be, in an effort to seem interested). There's no need to lie, all I'm saying is, there's no need to discuss your professional goals and dreams with him. Take it from me, he's not interested...or worse, he'll feel upstaged and threatened. He wants to know you're intelligent, sound the part, you don't have to hold it up on flash cards for him (though the idea has crossed my mind several times....why do men never understand the simplest of things???) It isn't even an issue if he's in the same line of work as you are (though it could be if he works with you). From what I see, men can distinguish their professional and personal selves as clearly as they do love and sex. Take a cue from him and do the same. Don't of course follow suit, when he starts to talk about his work. All little boys like showing off, they do need our approval after all.

Family: There's nothing more annoying to me than a man who goes on and on and on about mama dearest, the big sister he's always looked up to and the dad he never got along with. No, actually there are several other things about men that annoy me but this is right up there on the list. So don't subject him to the same thing. This is difficult, some of us actually like our families and it is hard to make conversation while all the while avoiding talking of the people in one's life. Well, just don't overdo it. It's fine to love your parents and siblings, only don't take it to the extent where the listener wonders whether you're just out with them because the family was sleeping in that day.

The past: I've always advocated honesty, especially about one's past, in relationships. However, it occurs to me that there are degrees of honesty. He is not your sounding board or your therapist. He does not need to know how many people there were and what you got upto with all of them. He may be permitted to know that you've been schooled in dealing with his kind but really you don't need to lay out the curriculum for him. This has always been debatable but I find men make a bigger deal of this than women do. Let's face it, a cliche holds true again: A man wants to be a woman's first love. Women are more subtle; they just want to be a man's last romance.

Secrets: Please do not make the mistake of assuming that you can be best friends with him and romance him at the same time. I'm not saying couples can't be best friends. But a real friendship takes time and understanding. Even more so between people of opposite sexes since they don't have the intuitive understanding of each other's randomness (women) or an instinctive grasp of the other's linear thinking and actions (men). People who are dating are also grappling with the billowing clouds of game-playing, mischievious romance, sexual chemistry and all the jazz that goes into it. It is just way too much to expect to get to be friends as well. I've made this mistake myself (several times over, I admit it!!!!). Just because you get along well, does not mean that you can or even should be friends. It just means that you share some great chemistry and both of you like each other enough to play along. Give it some time, get past the clouds, shake out the sparkly dust from your eyes, have a few arguments and then see the other person and think about whether you actually want to be friends with them. And hence corollary to that, please don't talk about things that you would only discuss with a close friend. Your most embarassing moment, your greatest fear, your wildest fantasy.....these may make for some exciting conversation-starters but they can also turn into demons later on. Sharing little intimacies too early is just an attempt to speed up the 'getting to know each other' process...some things just require time and effort so give it that.

A quick check-list of the things one must never say to a man on the first few dates:

My best friend is getting married. I want to be married this year too.

What was I doing when you called? I was watching Titanic. The scene where Jack dies always makes me cry, wouldn't you agree?

45 girlfriends! Will you remember me tomorrow then?

I really like you. We have this amazing connection.

Is your friend single? Because I know this lovely girl who'd be perfect for him.

What would I like to do tomorrow? Oh, would you help me pick out a dress?

Will you be my date for my friend's wedding next week?

So now that leaves us with what to talk about? Ah, that's for another post. In the meantime, enjoy your drinks. And each other. ;-)

Cartoon: Lucky Escape

IdeaSmith — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 12:07:37 EDT

We all have days when we look back at our desicions and wonder "WHY??".

And when you have too many such days, you just shrug and thank your stars.

Amen to miraculous escapes by mistake.

(Click to see full comic in a new page)

Sarah Palin Meets Asif Zardari and Manmohan Singh

temporal — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 07:32:13 EDT

The first-term Alaska governor plans to meet seven world leaders and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger in New York City this week, where the U.N. General Assembly is convening. The meetings might help her answer critics who say she is not ready to handle world affairs. Palin obtained her first passport last year. Sarah Palin to meet with 7 world leaders at UN

Here is an exclusive transcript of the one on one meeting between President Asif Zardari and Sarah Palin held today in NYC.

SP: Mr President
AZ: America Khapay
SP: Yes, yes...
AZ: You remind me of Shaheed Bibi
SP: Can I invite back my interpreter?
AZ: Yes, yes
(interpreter takes seat)
AZ: You look too young to have a daughter
SP: Well, kids today....
AZ: On behalf of the people of Pakistan I invite you to Pakistan
SP: Yes, I always wanted to see the Taj
AZ: You can address the joint session
SP: Joint? You smoke too
AZ: How do you know? Oh the CIA must have told you
SP: You must do more Mr President
AZ: More? Do you want to address the Corps Commanders Conference too?
(SP looks at the interpreter: she explains CCC)
SP: Mr President I meant Pakistan must do more in war against terror
AZ: Error? We all make error. Musharraf made an error. Sharif made an error
SP: We have a fight on our hands, we have a lot in common
AZ: Yes, we do. Both of us wear glasses

***
(later Sarah Palin meets up with Dr. Manmohan Singh)
***

SP: Mr President
MS: Ha ha you are funny
SP: What did I say?
MS: We are the largest democracy in the world
SP: Yes, yes I have heard about it
MS: Good luck in November
SP: Thank you, the world does not need more camel jockeys
MS: We have camels and elephants too
SP: I'd love to skin a tiger
MS: Tamil Tigers pose a problem for us too
SP: Are they also on the endangered species list...
MS: List?
SP: ...if they are our Administration would remove them...
MS: Remove what
SP: Then we can both go shoot them
MS: Mrs. Palin...
SP: Call me Sarah
MS: Mrs. Sarah India faces the terrorist menace too
SP: Sad, sad about the Marriott. I prefer Hilton though
MS: Can we talk about the Nuclear business
SP: You must curb nuclear proliferation
MS: Mrs Sarah, you mean Pakistan should...
SP: Oh, am so sorry. You are Indian! You Pakis look so alike