Desicritics Category: Culture: Children

Why Does Ragging Happen?

Freya — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 10:49:35 EDT

I have never been ragged. In Mumbai, thankfully, many colleges either have Anti-Ragging Squads or the seniors are really good people who just mind their business. In my college too, there's no ragging and seniors are real sweethearts. I once ended up in a third year classroom by mistake, but still they all were very nice to me and neither did they tease or bully when I realized my folly. But that's another story.

The recent news of a 19 year old boy named Aman Kachroo who succumbed to the severe injuries inflicted upon him by his drunk seniors doesn't shock me. This is not the first time someone's killed due to ragging. The authorities of Dr. Rajendra Prasad Govt Medical College are trying to pass this off as a suicide case which makes it sound more heinous. I'm sure that either the seniors boys involved here mostly come from rich families who can silence the authorities with their money or the authorities are trying to just protect their image. So, when is this going to be stopped?

Ragging is a part of college-dom. Every college prospectus says that "Ragging is strictly prohibited". But how many colleges actually have no ragging? Very few.

I would first blame the college authorities. It is their college and the students belong to it. Strict steps should be taken against ragging of any form. In residential colleges, there should be more than one warden for every dorm. If possible, they should have separate dorms for juniors and seniors. Alcohol should be banned and there should be raids in dorms regularly. I have studied in a residential school myself and though there wasn't much ragging, bullying surely existed. I had some senior friends who used to proudly boast how they gave "treatments" to their juniors.

Next, I would blame the parents who don't believe their children or don't care. Most parents who have sons have this habit. They have the "ladka-hai-toh-sambhal-lega" kind of attitude. When it comes to girls, parents become overprotective. I say, stop idolizing your male children as supermen. THEY ARE NOT! Males are definitely more physically powerful than females but when 5 grown-up boys or even 5 girls attack a boy who's equally grown up, he cannot definitely do a Shaktiman there. Now, how do you expect your sons to protect themselves?

I cannot blame the first-years much. Though they can do something to protect themselves like forming groups of students who complain the same thing and demand an explanation from the administration. Sadly, there is a different kind of student politics in every institution. There are so many colleges who don't care what's happening or just ignore whatever is happening. There are still parents who think of their children(boys, especially) as superhuman. Only the tormentors can stop what they do. Senior students should be matured enough not to behave in this fashion. They needn't be godfathers to their juniors but at least think about their own future or their conscience which can prick them later.

Health Care at Home

Ravi Kulkarni — Sun, 8 Mar 2009 03:30:23 EDT

In my previous blog I listed a litany of complaints about the health care system. In this blog, I will talk about some actions I have taken to ensure a healthy lifestyle.

By most standards, I am a health freak. It is not that I always do optimal things nor that I am in perfect health. But I have improved my health considerably in the last ten years or so and my blog is an effort to share my learning.

Over a period of time, I have been consulting doctors and getting lab reports. In order to improve something, one needs a baseline. One measure is to count the number of times a person falls sick. This is very subjective and sometimes deceptive too as major diseases can lurk under seemingly good health. The metrics in the lab reports provide a more objective basis. Based on these metrics I do my own research on possible lifestyle, diet and exercise changes that are needed to get better. I have realized measurable improvements of health over several years.

In my opinion, diet is the primary source of our health issues. After all we are what we eat. I avoid junk food, including all sodas, colas, synthetic additives and preservatives, synthetic sugar substitutes and so on. Where possible I have substituted whole grains for bleached floor, brown rice for white rice, olive oil for peanut oil and so on. I buy organic where I can. About 50% of my personal diet consists of only raw fruits, vegetables and nuts. For example today my lunch consisted of the following (all raw): sprouted moong (green gram), red and yellow bell peppers, Persian cucumbers, broccoli, apple slices, a mango, blue berries, raspberries, almonds and walnuts. I try to consume flaxseed in many different preparations.

Recently I purchased a Vita-mix whole food machine. It is an excellent device for making juices, soups, dips and assorted other things. I highly recommend this product to anyone interested in cooking and especially those who enjoy raw food.

Our teeth play a very important role in our health. It is not just the social consequences of bad breath or discolored teeth; they have a much more profound impact on our lives. Treatments like root canal can do more harm than good in some cases. I have followed a very simple regimen: I make sure to brush at least twice a day and floss after every meal for at least 2-3 minutes. Just flossing alone has made a tremendous difference in my dental health. Recently I also purchased a Panasonic mouth irrigator. This product is available for about $25 at amazon.com and worth its weight in gold.

As I am an IT professional besides being an internet junkie, it is almost certain that my eyesight is weak. However, I have always resisted wearing glasses and never got a pair. I think eyes are the best optical instruments ever designed and they are capable of working under extreme conditions. I have always relied on eye exercises and yoga to keep them in reasonably good condition. I definitely need reading glasses but don't yet wear any. I also do no wear sunglasses even in the sunny locale where I live. I think sunlight is good because we just don't get enough of it in our home and office bound existence.

I have mixed feelings about supplements. If one is deficient in certain vitamins or minerals, it may make sense to take a few supplements until that deficiency is overcome. But I am not sure about the effectiveness of multivitamins. Ideally we should get all our vitamins and minerals from our diet. It is almost impossible to determine the action and interaction of so many different nutrients which are present in foods an isolated in a pill form. Our ancestors did not take any supplements but at least some of them enjoyed perfect health. However, I must admit I have taken certain supplements over the years and they have certainly helped. In particular, Co-Q10 which helped eliminate PVC (premature ventricular contraction, a benign heart condition) and Niacin which helped reduce tri glycerides. I have discontinued use of both.

Our ancestors used to rely a lot on the natural and home remedies. As a result they probably lived a much healthier lives than we do, though our life spans have increased during the last century. Invention of antibiotics and vaccines have reduced deaths due to many infectious diseases. That the overuse of antibiotics is now being seen as a leading cause of super infections is the irony of progress. We are born with amazing healing capabilities. And yet we provide crutches and artificial props in the form of concoctions of harsh chemicals in the mistaken belief that intervention is better than letting the nature take its course. As a result we compromise the very body we want to keep strong and fit for a hundred years.

My favorite home remedies are: turmeric, cinnamon, ginger and garlic for simple infections. Home made yogurt, buttermilk with asafoetida for many stomach ailments. There are a few commercial preparations that have become standard faire at our home. These are:

Inflameric as an anti inflammatory supplement
Oil of Oregano as a powerful natural antibiotic
Calendula Ointment (homeopathic) for cuts and bruises
Septilin for colds and flu

As a family, we have almost eliminated consumption of any prescription medicines. Neither of my kids, ten and six years old, have had to take antibiotics, ever.

We do consult doctors on a regular basis, but we tend to pay more attention to their diagnosis and much less to prescription. But once I have confirmed a diagnosis, subsequent course of action depends on my own research. Nobody knows my body, diet and lifestyle better than myself. Best course of action often depends more on these factors and less on a formulaic prescription. An average doctor does not have enough time or patience to take into account all these factors. My source of information:

Curezone - Lot of information, user contributed information, first hand reports etc.
WebMD - Information about diseases, medicines
FDA - US Food and Drug Administration
Allayurveda - Information about Ayurvedic medicines and principles
Yahoo groups - Individual ailment discussion groups

Our modern lifestyle almost ensures that we need to exercise on a regular basis in order to maintain good health. I try to get at least 45 minutes of 3-4 days a week, mostly on a treadmill. I probably need more flexibility and strength training, but I guess I will get there. While my lifestyle and diet do provide major benefits, exercise provides a further boost to it. My tri-glycerides have been high for the last several years. I have noticed that they come down measurably whenever I exercise regularly and go easy on simple carbohydrates and fat.

Yoga and meditation provide benefits to body, mind and spirit. I am still struggling to incorporate these into my daily routine. When I do that, my at-home health care should be complete.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and this article is not medical advice. Please do your own research and always consult a physician for your health concerns. If I am mentioning certain brands and products here, it is because I found them to be useful, not because I derive any benefits from this mention.

Educating our Kids - The Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan

Shantanu Dutta — Mon, 2 Mar 2009 13:17:16 EST

A school that I visited last week in Dehradun awakened me to one of the many changes that are quietly taking place in the country. The school, which usually fell silent after the last student had left for home in the afternoon, is buzzing with activity all through the day. Till the evening shadows lengthen, the class rooms are full, the play grounds abuzz with activity and the staff room is busy. No, the school is not running a double shift. It is just that after the regular fee paying students have left, another batch of students from the near by slum communities come in and utilize the school facilities and the classrooms. The arrangement is sponsored and paid for by the government under the Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan (SSA) program.

Contrary to the usual belief that nothing in the government works, the SSA is a great endeavor to universalize elementary education. Although the 1990s saw noteworthy progress in education indicators in India, wide-ranging gaps were prevailing across states and districts. For example, the net primary enrolment ratios ranged from 63 percent in Bihar to 98 percent in Kerala. Inequity across scheduled castes and scheduled tribes was pronounced. However because of efforts like the Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan, the number of Indian children out of school went down from 25 million in 2003 to about 7 million in 2006 (exceeding the target), thus steadily moving towards universal enrolment (about 185 million children were enrolled at the elementary level in 2006).

Although, there is no doubt that the average drop-out rate in primary classes suggests a consistent decline; but the same is still too high to attain the status of universal retention at the primary level of education. Universalisation of education comprises four components- universal access, universal enrolment, universal retention and universal quality of education.

The SSA has ambitious goals. It was launched in 2001 to universalize and improve the quality of elementary education in India through community ownership of elementary education. In order to effectively decentralize the management, it has involved Panchayati Raj institutions, School Management Committees, Village and Urban Slum Level Education Committees, Parents' Teachers' Associations, Mother Teacher Associations, Tribal Autonomous Councils and other grassroots level structures.

SSA, apart from being a programme with clear time frame for Elementary Education, also offers opportunities to the states to develop their own vision of elementary education. It had set 2007 as the deadline for providing primary education in India and 2010 as the deadline for providing useful and relevant elementary education to all children in the 6 to 14 age group. In order to improve the quality of elementary education in India, the SSA has emphasized on improving the student teacher ratio, teachers training, academic support, facilitating development of teaching learning material and providing textbooks to children from special focus groups etc.

The SSA is getting carried out in collaboration with state governments to cover the entire country and address the needs of its children in 1.1 million locations. Keeping an eye on sanitation and the girl child, the government has built under the programme nearly 222,000 toilets at primary schools. Similarly, nearly 187,000 new schools have been opened in the last seven years - courtesy the SSA.The campaign has also helped construction of over 656,000 additional classrooms and provided drinking water facilities at 175,413 schools.

The programme seeks to open new schools in locations which do not have schooling facilities and reinforce existing school infrastructure through provision of additional classrooms, toilets, drinking water, maintenance grant and school improvement grants. In the budget of the last two years (2007-08, 2008-09), the government has allocated over Rs.262 billion ($6 billion) for universalising elementary education to achieve the millennium development goal (MDG) of universal primary education.

The challenge has been a sizeable one but the rewards have been many. The achievement stories range from children in far-flung villages to slum clusters in India's many expansive cities. As always, it is evident most effectively not in figures but in real life stories like the children in the school I visited in Dehradun last week, whose education is being taken care of by the Sarva Shiksha Abhiyan. And for once I am happy that the educational surcharge levied every time I pay a service tax on any transaction is reaching the right people in the right way, and the government machinery is working. The story is not all bad.

Fake Charities and Real Charities

Dr Bhaskar Dasgupta — Sun, 1 Mar 2009 12:51:51 EST

We are working on the technology for a long term sick and disabled children charity on a shoe-string. There is a bunch of about 50 odd people, part and full time, who are working on a shoe string salary and mostly free. We have to force our CEO to take a minuscule salary. But we manage to keep on going and have managed to get more than 5000 pieces of technology to individual children over the past so many years.

What does that mean? It means that we are actually improving disused pieces of equipment, saving companies money which would have gone to recycling the equipment. This improvement is done by long term unemployed kids who have been in trouble with the law or long term unemployed or what have you and they get training on PC repair and maintenance. The equipment goes to the hospital schools, or special needs teachers or kids who are at home on long term illness cover. We are struggling every year to get pc’s and laptops. Laptops specially are important as the kids cannot use big pc’s when they are bed-ridden.

While government departments offer us with equipment which we actually take away, refurbish and recycle on our costs (we actually save taxpayer money), we do not get any assistance from the government in terms of equipment or funding. And in these days/times of recession, it has further dried up. So it was a a joy to love and behold when I read that there are fake charities out there which are hitting the existing charities hard.

What do they do? take a look at these charities and their background:

Alcohol Concern—an anti-drinking lobby group that receives less than 1% of its income from public donations
Campaign for Better Transport Charitable Trust—strong opponents of road building. Funded by the Department of Transport
Christian Aid—anti-free marketeers, campaigning for "justice on climate change and tax" on your pennies.
Action on Smoking and Health (ASH)—the original fake charity, formed by the government in 1971. It receives just 2% of its funding from public donations.

And then there are many more. What really gets me going are two things. (1) why on earth are taxpayers monies being paid to these charities? (2) what’s the point of the government giving charities money to lobby the government? Can somebody explain this?

Well, seems like this blogsite tried to explain this. Just read the article, you will find the amount of hypocrisy and stonewalling gobsmacking. One wonders what these people are doing? How can they do it? By taking monies away from legitimate charities and misallocating public monies, the government is actually stealing twice.

I agree, any charity which accepts government funding is fake. Period. The situation is much more horrible, take a look at this proposal. The proposal is good, but Barnardo’s (78% state funded); NCH (88%); and Leonard Cheshire (88%) are pokes in your eyes. One weeps, on seriously weeps at the tremendous waste of resources done by this government and the fake charities, the scabby leeches on the body of the state.

The Healthcare Crisis, Part One

Ravi Kulkarni — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 08:28:32 EST

There is a big crisis in the health care system (some would like to call it sick care system). The prices are going up by 10-15% every year, and correspondingly the insurance premiums. There is a tuberculosis epidemic that is threatening to breakout anytime, even in the developed countries. The chronic diseases, such as cancer, diabetes, hypertension continue to plague us with no solution in sight. The pharmaceutical companies and the medical community have managed to find palliative measures that keep a patient alive for a long time, but there is no true cure for many health problems. Every new drug invented, every new procedure developed is costlier than the one before, but with few exceptions, most of them do not cure the patient. Instead they keep him or her dependent on the system for a long time, with attendant expenses and unwanted side effects. Even antibiotics which saved so many lives in the 20th century have become ineffective against increasingly virulent and resistant bugs.

Every spoke in the wheel of health has had its own role to play in creating the mess we find ourselves today. Let's start with the health care professionals. General physicians seldom get to spend enough time to understand an individual patient, his or her lifestyle or diet. More than 50% feel they are overworked. More often than not, it is a quick enumeration of symptoms and some lab tests and a prescription. Physicians are happy to prescribe antibiotics and other strong medications even when they are not strictly called for. The pediatricians are the worst offenders of overprescribing antibiotics. Majority of the cases do not even need them because the infections are viral. This not only creates super bugs, but also weakens the immunity of a child. My reasoning is simple – if you give a crutch to the body, the body stops making an effort to heal itself and comes to rely on the crutch. See this article on antibiotics. Specialists such as dentists and orthopedics doctors are even more culpable. Often they tend to treat individuals like mechanics treat your cars – the more repairs the better – for them. This is not to say that there are no ethical, sincere and loving doctors around. But often they become unwitting part of an establishment that is too hard to navigate and change.

Next come the insurance companies. They show no interest in ensuring that an individual gets proper health care. For them every medical expense is another expense and it is their stated goal to reduce this expense. For example, most insurance policies do not cover preventive measures such as multi vitamins or supplementation. Most policies won't cover the membership of a health club or give discounts if you are an active member. Most often they are not interested because the employers who provide the biggest chunk of insurance policies, keep changing the insurance companies frequently. Thus insurance companies have zero incentive in keeping an individual healthy.

Then come the pharmaceutical companies. While they have done some wonderful work in the past in developing life saving drugs, now they are in a rat race. Their credibility lies in tatters due to recent scandals. Peddling drugs that are of dubious efficacy, suppressing research that shows negative aspects of their drugs, bribing doctors to prescribe more medicines, encourage doctors to use the drugs off label, you name a perversion, they have indulged in it. The scandal goes on and on and with no end in sight. What is worse, there is hardly any liability for the individuals who consciously swindle the society. At the most they get a slap on their wrists.

This brings us to the fourth spoke – the regulator – FDA in America. For all practical purposes they do the bidding of the pharma companies. It is a revolving door at the FDA, often professors and researchers with deep connections to pharma industry head the FDA. While there is a process to certify and monitor drugs, FDA uses its big stick to beat back any attempt by alternative medicines to address a market need. In the States, no supplement or food producer can make a claim that his ware can cure anything. There are many such instances where a traditional (really traditional like an Ayurvedic preparation) can and does alleviate a certain condition, but they are not allowed by FDA to make that claim or at least FDA won't certify them. According to FDA, something is a drug only if it has gone through certified clinical study. No matter that these clinical studies are conducted by the interested parties, and that the traditional medicines have gone through millennia long trials. A lot of the funding for FDA comes from the pharma industry itself.

The final spoke is the consumer. This is where the biggest blame lies in the whole system. People tend to believe that a doctor knows everything. We are ultimately responsible for our own health – failure to recognize this simple truth often results in fatal consequences. People go to doctors with their mundane problems and accept prescriptions which are often not necessary. Doctors have become very defensive because of the ever hanging threat of malpractice lawsuits. So they will choose the strongest measure even when a wait and watch method will work just as well. We are too lazy to choose a careful diet that's suitable for our lifestyle, genes and body. We do not exercise enough. We eat and drink a lot of junk food. In the end is it any surprise that we are at the mercy of harsh chemicals and - at best - indifferent professionals?

In the second part of this article I will write about some of the methods we have adapted to ensure a healthy lifestyle.

POGO, Kellogg's Special K, and Body Image Issues

Deepti Lamba — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:11:46 EST

Yesterday just as we sat down at Coffee Day my seven year old eyed me and told me with twinkling eyes "Ma, You are fat." I gasped for breath. I asked him where he had heard about fat. He shook his head and gave me his usual - Don't know and dug into his Black Forest Cake.

I wasn't about to give him an explanation about fitting into a size 12 jeans after 4 months of rigorous work outs or that giving birth to him, his sister and taking care of them had made me 'fat'. I wasn't going down the defensive mode with a 7 year old child.

I was more interested in knowing where he had come across the concept of body image. And it didn't take me long. Today while the kids watched toons on POGO the Special K ad rolled in. And before my horrified eyes I heard a small girl talking about her mom looking like Aishwarya Rai and her mom laughed and said she had lost two kilos by being on Special K. The little angel ranted about her mom looking the prettiest in the school and my mouth hung open.

What kind of shit was this? I looked at my son and then back at the TV. It was bad enough that cable channels were feeding shit to our kids about junk food but now we had cereals sneaking in body image neurosis to our underage children.

Where is the protest from parents about these sorts of ads? Maybe its time Kellogg's was taken to court for propagating unhealthy habits to our kids. Can you imagine a kid asking just for sugary cereals for 2 meals to be skinny?

Anyone who has tasted Special K would tell you that its like sugary wood shavings. And to be on a cereal diet is the worst thing one can do to their body. Eating right and exercising is the best way to leading a healthy life.

Once the ad finished I spoke to my son and told him that not everything that is seen on TV is the truth. And that having a fat or skinny mother doesn't make the child happy, what makes a child happy is having a mommy who loves him.

And that if I ever heard him say those words to anyone I would personally come and teach him the meaning of respect.

He looked at me with big saucer eyes and asked 'Why?"

I replied that it was the meanest and most hurtful thing to say and he wasn't a mean boy.

His mind switched gears when he realized his mother was done lecturing and asked if he could go out and play. I nodded absentmindedly, still upset about the kind of bogeymen we were letting into our homes via kiddie channels.

The Pursuit of Fun

heartcrossings — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 08:00:18 EST

Any given weekend when the sun is shining brightly, the kids in my neighborhood are outside making the most of the good weather. That I might have a problem with that would make me the worst kind of curmudgeon - specially since I am the mother of a young child myself.

Now, imagine if you will that in my neck of the woods the sun is shining nice and bright all day long almost 70% of the year and the temperature is pleasant enough to remain outdoors until dusk. Imagine also that the kids age between 3 - 13 years old and outside having a fun time for 7-8 hours of the day. More often than not a bunch of parents are having fun right along with them. Throw in the long summer break and the spring break and do the math on the sum total of fun hours and maybe I won't be such a horrible Scrooge after all.

The pursuit of fun is perfectly reasonable but within reasonable limits. If you treat each warm day as if it were the very last one of the year, set out a picnic table and lounging chairs on the grass and get a party started and have this pattern repeat for most of the year, it gets old, tiresome and boring - the very antithesis of fun in my mind at least.

Despite my reservations, I used to let J join in these fun-fests but found it impossible to pull her out of there once she got sucked into the swirl of things. She'd come home dead beat at dinner-time with face-paint and nail-polish on her and one sugary juice too many. After a couple of days of all-out fun, J found it difficult to get interested in the mundane business of life in our household.

I have since diverted her away from the neighborhood fun-fests. Having a bunch of after-school activities has also helped. Yet, J often complains that she is not able to have fun and relax like her friends. She feels like she is "always doing stuff" instead of "relaxing and having fun". Being a FOB, I cringe at those words knowing their connotation. In our culture relaxation is the privilege of the superannuated - the rest of us have to have work to do. We have to earn the right to have fun and relax - it does not happen automatically.

Hanging out, chilling and doing nothing useful is the American concept of fun J is talking about - working hard to achieve something is most definitely not. So a kid with a flair for music practicing his instrument for hours would be uncool as would be a math "nerd" who loves to live in the world of numbers and patterns. They are not the fun, party crowd. In her book The Yin and Yang of American Culture - A Paradox, Eun Y. Kim tackles this very subject i.e. The Pursuit of Fun and the quandary it poses for Asian immigrant parents.

It is not part of our culture - we definitely don't give it the same amount of importance as Americans do. We tend to value hard-work and concomitant achievement much higher. Yet when in America, we want our children to assimilate the mainstream culture enough to be able to blend in comfortably.

In my specific situation, that may entail J joining the fun and games every once in a while but find ways to engage herself without the high-octane excitement at all other times. I am terrified of her turning into a fun-junkie. That is sometimes too much to ask of kids. "Why must I always be the one that comes home the earliest ?" , "Why can't I have pink lemonade and Cheetos with everyone else ?" and finally "Why must I work when everyone else is playing ?" are the questions I get posed.

The "work" in this case would be reading a book, working on an art project, practicing her music, dance or otherwise "gainfully" occupying her time. No matter what balance of "fun" and "work" we agree upon, it will still seem inequitable to J because her peers live for fun, it is a matter of incredible importance to them and to not have had enough fun is qualification to be a loser. No kid wants that label stuck on them.

So they try to meander in and out between cultural and parental expectations and peer-pressure to cut loose and have fun. I realize my challenges are only beginning. I try to explain to J that the greatness of America is built on an incredible amount of hard work by the people who first settled in this land and for several generations continued to strive relentlessly to make life better. The culture of fun that she sees all around her is a relatively new phenomenon and will likely not yield the same results as hard-work did.

I tell her that there are plenty of historical role-models in this country who will attest to my conviction that hard-work is by far the only real mantra for lasting peace and prosperity. I tell that to be a good American, she must continue the best traditions on which this country was founded and this whole business of fun at all costs and to the exclusion every other consideration is certainly not one of them.

I am sure this lesson will need to be repeated one time too many. If I am very lucky, some of it will stick with J and actually make sense to her. In as far as being able to straddle the different world-views successfully, she is really on her own and only time will tell how she will fare.

You Cannot Adopt, You Are Too Fat

Dr Bhaskar Dasgupta — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 12:34:54 EST

One of the things which I deeply regret in my life (and there aren't many of those, I promise), is the fact that I was not able to adopt here in the UK, and all because of those interfering busybodies in the social services. The range of exclusions and factors were very bizarre. You are a Hindu so you cannot adopt a Christian or Muslim baby! You already have a child so its not fair on others. You are of a brown race so you cannot adopt a white child or a black one and so on and so forth. Thank god they didn't say that I was too fat or too tall.

I can only tell you anecdotal evidence that the number of Asian foster and adoptive parents are significantly lower than white parents. While I can understand and know about cultural and religious factors (such as purity of bloodline, casteism, Islamic reasons and the lot), still, when one does want to adopt, they find it very difficult.

I am still furious about this situation. And that's something that really gets me going every time I read about this. These bloody awful social services people are simply too interfering. They actively force kids into fostering and force them into a horrible situation of not having loving parents. These people are seriously well meaning, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

But hold on, the social services did say this to this couple.

The letter the couple were sent by Leeds City Council, signed by a team manager and seen by the BBC said: "I am writing to confirm that we are unable to progress an application from you at this time.

"This is due to the concerns that the medical advisers have expressed regarding Mr Hall's weight.

"I have discussed this with our medical adviser... who considers that it is important to alter lifestyle, diet and exercise in a sustainable way so that any weight reduction can be maintained in the long term.

It went on: "I understand that you would like to begin the assessment as soon as possible and while appreciating your reasons for this, I consider it would be more appropriate to begin the assessment once Mr Hall's BMI is below 40."

What on earth is this? This is bureaucracy gone mad. Who gives them the right to play god and prevent a child from having a good family home? Where is it written that fat people are not good parents? Both my parents have had pot bellies and look what I turned out to be (perhaps this is not such a good example…), but all joking aside, this is ridiculous.

While they will take decisive action on stopping kids from being adopted, they dither such as in the case of Victoria Climbié or Baby P. Makes me want to weep for the missed opportunities for the poor babies. Also see this brilliant take on this story.

Then comes news of the fact that a foster parent has been struck off the rolls just because a girl in her care has converted to Christianity. What did the council say?

But council officials allegedly accused her of failing to ‘respect and preserve’ the child’s faith and tried to persuade the girl to reconsider her decision.

So these council officials can literally be prosecuted (and will be, as I understand) for violating the fundamental rights of both the mother and the child. More I read about this and the more upset I get.

They said that she should have undergone counselling to ensure that she understood the implications, especially as such conversions are dealt with harshly in some Muslim countries. In April, council officials told the girl that she should not attend any church activity for six months, so that she could reconsider the wisdom of becoming a Christian. The carer was also instructed to discourage the girl from participating in any Christian activities, even social events. The council then told the carer there had been a breakdown of trust and in November removed her from the register.

Just because some countries have medieval and frankly stupid views on conversion (like India and many Muslim countries) does not mean that I am happy to let the UK also be ruled (in howsoever small a way in a council) by those intellectually vapid theories. Makes one’s blood boil to read about the social service care.

Then you read this interview of Sharon Shoesmith trying to excuse herself. Yes, there was a witch-hunt, but no hint of an apology. This is fast becoming the face of officialdom. Nothing, nobody is to blame, but yet, a baby has been tortured to death, the mother/father/lodger in prison, some people have been fired, but what is happening? Then this woman has the effrontery to try to defend against what the inspectors said

The inspectors' report into her department criticised everything from insufficient supervision by senior management to poor record-keeping and a failure to identify children at immediate risk of harm.

I know they are doing a good job under trying circumstances, but by God, some of these lot are hideously incompetent and by and large, the entire social services department is full of some very strange principles.

And at end of the day, there is an orphaned baby and two loving adoptive/foster parents who are not together. A tiny tragedy in the great wash of humanity, frequently overlooked in the big news about Israel-Palestine wars or the great Credit Crunch issue.

Technorati Tags: Welfare, United Kingdom

Valentine's Day: Love Expressed On Desicritics

Deepti Lamba — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 12:18:17 EST

Valentine's Day is close by and we are already swimming in pink undies, pink sarees, listening to passionate calls for and against the celebrations but what is going unheard is the silent love that beats deep within our hearts. No matter how cliched it may sound Love deserves to be aired out like fresh sheets in sunny breeze and we'd run through our memories and those expressed by others like children enjoying nothing more than the carefree moment lived and forgotten within the darkened recesses of our hearts.

Love makes us pause and smell the roses, enjoy the caress or maybe for once realize that we have much to be grateful for no matter how hard life may get. Love heals wounds, love gives hope and more than anything love makes us want to be better than we are.

Its all about love and its being painted pink. Pink is not the color of love. Its rich red like the blood flowing in our veins. It lives within us and flows through a touch, a glance or a word. Express what deserves to be aired. Anger and hatred cloud our horizon but love barely scratches the grime reality we live.

Its time to express what makes us human and its called Love.

Articles Written For the Valentine's Day Competition:

Articles Written By Editors:

Tell us how you feel. Posts for the competition are invited until February 16th, and prizes will be announced soon after.

So What Happens After Divorce?

Dr Bhaskar Dasgupta — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 06:54:04 EST

Divorce statistics are not pretty reading, behind those statistics is a landscape of utter emotional devastation. Divorce is rising everywhere in the world, whether it be in China, Indonesia, Bhutan, you name it. Lets just concentrate here in the UK. Seems like the number of divorces is falling.

Each of the reported statistics have a challenge and needs further analysis

In 2007 the provisional divorce rate in England and Wales fell to 11.9 divorcing people per 1,000 married population compared with the 2006 figure of 12.2. The divorce rate is at its lowest level since 1981.For the fifth consecutive year, both men and women in their late twenties had the highest divorce rates of all five-year age groups. In 2007 there were 26.6 divorces per 1,000 married men aged 25-29 and 26.9 divorces per 1,000 married women aged 25-29.Since 1997 the average age at divorce in England and Wales has risen from 40.2 to 43.7 years for men and from 37.7 to 41.2 years for women, partly reflecting the rise in age at marriage.One in five men and women divorcing in 2007 had a previous marriage ending in divorce. This proportion has doubled in 27 years: in 1980 one in ten men and women divorcing had a previous marriage ending in divorce. Sixty-nine per cent of divorces were to couples where the marriage was the first for both parties.

The graph shows a bit of leveling out rather than increasing which, I suppose, some good news. We still have pretty young people divorcing, but seems like people don't learn, 1 in 5 already had been divorced once before and now they are divorcing again. Only 69% of marriages were for the first time for both parties. The average length of a marriage before divorcing has been 11 years. This is a bit confusing to me, does it really take that long before the marriage fails? Also, more than half divorces had a child less than 16 years of age.

While researching for this article, I came across the strangest of behaviours. For example, after divorce, one man wanted his kidney back which he had gifted to his wife. Or how about the Nigerian man who was forced to divorce his 82 wives. But that’s nothing when you consider the cost of each divorce in the UK. One estimate is that it costs up to £13,000 per divorce in the UK. And with the credit crunch, the situation has turned really bad. It has apparently increased by a gobsmacking 150% last summer. I quote:

Relationship experts say that they are not surprised with the Summer figures, blaming Summer vacation’s for a high percent of divorce, factors such as spending money they don’t really have, finally spending more than a week in their spouse’s company when they are probably more used to 3 hours maximum, bickering children and the time to reflect sitting on the beach wondering is this really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But by and large, divorce is horrible for the woman, even these days after loads of improvement in the legal system. See the table below for a comparison of legal systems in the matter of divorce from the Economist.

According to recent research, and I quote:

Divorce makes men - and particularly fathers - significantly richer. When a father separates from the mother of his children, according to new research, his available income increases by around one third. Women, in contrast, suffer severe financial penalties. Regardless of whether she has children, the average woman's income falls by more than a fifth and remains low for many years.

This means that society has to carry the load for much longer and women keep on suffering for a very long time. But one crucial aspect, the differences arise for fathers and mothers, not males and females. Its the impact of managing children which impacts the women and as usual, the women usually get custody of the children.

All in all, divorce is frankly not good, not for the man, not for the woman, not for the children, not for the society but even within this, the woman usually gets hold of the short end of the stick. The tax system does not help either, and this is something that I find seriously stupid on parts of the succeeding UK governments. Why on earth do you not want to support marriage? when the downside is much worse for the economy and society? Study after study says that marriage, children, health, family, tax takes, you name it are better for married couples compared to individuals or even cohabiting couples. Not only it does not support, but it actively discourages marriage. I quote:

Experts say that couples where one partner works and the other stays at home are the worst affected, paying a far higher proportion of their incomes to the taxman than in almost any other civilised country. Britain is almost alone in failing to reward couples that stay together, according to the first international study of its kind. A one-earner couple on average earnings of £30,800 a year pays 40% more tax in Britain than in comparable members of the OECD group of developed nations. And, compared to European Union states, the average family is paying 25% more tax.

Bit silly, no? but then, lets not hope for economic literacy from this government of idiots. But that's besides the point. No simple answers, but if I did have to draw a lesson, I would say to women, do not marry till you are absolutely sure and be financially independent under all circumstances.

Technorati Tags: Women,United Kingdom,Welfare