Desicritics Author: Suresh Naig

Barack Obama in the Indian Context

Suresh Naig — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:52:24 EST

One more article on Barack Obama, and certainly not once more on Barack Obama and U.S. elections. On the day when Barack Obama won the elections, I was in Colombo and all the Newspapers there screamed, “America creates history with its first Black President”, as if blacks were substandard and unworthy for consideration for the highest post.

Similar things happened when K.R. Narayanan became the president of India, when everyone shouted that India had established its non-partisan credentials, by electing a Dalit president. The crescendo was so much, it would have made KRN shrink at the revile, for people conveniently relegated his achievements as an IFS, a former diplomat, ambassador of India in China etc, and recognised only by his Dalit identity for the coveted post. The corollary of it was, had he not been a Dalit, he would not have been elected for the highest post. The cynical extrapolation of it is, “it is more important to be a Dalit than an IFS” or a diplomat” (is Natwar Singh listening?).

Every now and then we hear people commending Dr.Ambedkar – for introducing reservations for Dalits, as the panacea to contain the evils of caste system. Little we realise that Ambedkar rose to eminence, without the system of reservation for Dalits. Reservation is an opportunity, in the absence of efforts, negates its very purpose and turns the whole exercise futile. That’s why we see today, more people are fighting for backwardness, so as to claim the undue opportunity.

I would define luck as the meeting point of efforts and opportunity. We also know the adage that, opportunity knocks only once. Since we do not know when opportunity would knock, we keep on putting efforts, which is in our control. If one knows there is abundant opportunity available out there, it would turn the person lazy and effortless. Fortunate for Obama, that he was not caught on the vicious circle of reservation. Obama, Ambedkar, KRN or any person who puts in efforts do not require reservations. (is Bihari listening?)

Similarly when Dr. Zakir Hussain was elected as the president of India, people praised Indian polity for its secular credentials. I recall the comments of Dr. Zakir Hussain to a scribe, when the pointed out the cacophony of Indian intellectual press, in this context. With a twinkle in his eyes he said, ‘true secularism lies when you don’t remember and recall a person’s religion’. How true and pertinent in present day context.

I would further add to his statement, “true secularism lies when people do not recall and remember a person’s religion, neither for achievements nor for crimes”.

Survival of the Creative Fittest

Suresh Naig — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:41:46 EST

It was just 4 years since I was married; the euphoria of love marriage had drained for my wife, which was replaced by other weighty and worldly things. Her warmth and compassion towards me had seen several ups and downs, putting even the Sensex to shame.

Whatever she had admired and loved in me during our courtship, she felt, had turned against her. She liked my openness and friendly nature, which had ensured a large friends’ circle for me. The same friends, whom she felt, I earned due to my humorous and witty nature, had become hindrances in her opinion, prying on our privacy.

She was very creative; even till date she continues to be one, she started focusing her creativity in turning my friends into foes. It was the age old tactics, which she adopted. Comparing my inadequacy with their positive side, so much so she had the knack in picking up only the positive side of each of my friends, and pitted it against my negative sides.

She had compared me with a friend of mine, who was very considerate in helping his wife in domestic chores, but he being a “Harry Potter” did not bother her. His name is Hari and who was fond of “pot”, the fact which she conveniently forgot, and never took it up for comparison. Or for that matter with another friend, who never missed an opportunity in gifting his wife, at times for as flimsy a reason as cooking palatable food, yet he being a “Birbal” didn’t bother her. My wife knew he had earned the nick name, for his unbridled love for ale, turning his tummy to the shape of a beer barrel, which was never taken up for comparison.

All her tactics failed to evoke the desired effect and it never impacted me, for two reasons. The day I decided to get married, I had resolved not to get provoked, a euphemism for thick skin. Another reason for her failure was, my creativity being a shade better than her. I told her, ‘if you want me to imbibe all good things from all my friends, soon you may feel that you are sleeping with a stranger than me. I am what I am, and others are what they are’. Still it failed to cut ice with her.

Eventually I told her to put all the things she didn’t like about me on a paper and I would do the same thing about her. She agreed readily, for she was confident that my paper would be blank, but I proved her wrong.

She could manage only two sheets of paper and 30 minutes, but I went with more than six sheets of paper, and well past an hour. I was enjoying her discomfort and anxiety to look into what I was writing, but I refused to show her. We had neatly put our papers into separate envelopes, pasted and as agreed, the waiting started. We had agreed earlier to open it only in bedroom in the night. I was not at all anxious to look into what she had written, as I knew it verbatim, having listened to it for long. I could also predict the reaction of my wife, on witnessing my scribbling.

And it was as I expected. Tears welling up in her eyes she started punching me, followed by a tight hug, whispering in my ear, ‘you dirty sweet scoundrel, I love you too, though you don’t deserve’.

All the six sheets of paper contained only one line, repeated like an imposition writing, as we did in our school. And it was,

“I love you, for what you are, and not you will”.

Was Ayyappa a Tool to Fight Conversion?

Suresh Naig — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:39:02 EST

Ayyappa's shrine is situated on the hills named as Sabarimala in south Kerala. Sabarimala - a part of Western Ghats, in Pathanamthitta district is adjoining other hilly districts of Kottayam and Idukki. I had undertaken pilgrimage to this shrine regularly, for more than five times and out of which, three times I had trekked the long path from Erumeli to Sabarimala, walking for two days and spending a night in the temporary sheds enroute.

Besides visiting these hilly regions on religious pilgrimage, I also visited all the above mentioned three districts professionally for over a decade. This article is the result of some loud thinking, leaving behind the religious passion.

The legend of Ayyappa goes like this. Ayyappa is the avatar of Shiva and Vishnu, the followers of these two deities, known as Shivities and Vaishnavites respectively, always at conflict with each others’ philosophy. Ayyappa took this avatar to conquer a demon named Mahisi, who was tormenting people to stop the traditional worship and terrorising them to worship her instead.

The king of the province, Pandala Raja, did not have an issue and happened to come across the abandoned Devine child Ayyappa in the forest, by the pre-determined design of Vishnu. The abandoned child Ayyappa was growing in the kingdom nurtured by its foster parents, until the queen was blessed with her own son. So as to do away with the foster son, the queen cunningly dispatched Ayyappa to the forest to fetch the milk of a tiger, to cure her stomach ache. In the forest Ayyappa encountered Mahisi and destroyed her to fulfil his purpose of birth. He not only abdicated the throne, in favour of the biological offspring and vowed to stay celibate, so that even his future generation would not demand the throne of the Kingdom.

Before conquering Mahisi, he had conquered Vavar, a muslim trader who had landed on the coast and after conquering he had become a close friend of Ayyappa. Even now people who are on pilgrimage to Sabarimala are expected to pay their obeisance at the dargah of Vavar at Erumeli.

Ayyappa should have been a recent existence, because of the character Vavar, a muslim. Muslims’ entry into Kerala started only from 13th Century onwards. To my knowledge Ayyappa’s existence does not find place in any works earlier to 19th century. We can safely presume then, that Ayyappa came into existence only 200 years back, i.e. after the missionaries started propagating Christianity in the hilly regions of Kottayam.

Perhaps the major plank of conversion was the divide between Shivites and Vaishnavites, and the caste system in Hinduism. Hence Ayyappa was depicted as an outcome of Shiva and Vishnu. Caste system is underplayed in Sabarimala, again to curtail fodder for the missionaries.

When fighting a common enemy, enemy’s enemy becomes a natural friend and that’s how Vavar had become a friend of Ayyappa and collectively they wanted to fight the spread of Mahisi’s religion-read Christianity. A leaf is drawn from Christianity in the making of Ayyappa, granting celibacy as the highest virtue for God, forbidding women of fertile age from visiting the shrine.

I presume Ayyappa could have been a real character akin to Lakshmananda of Kandhamal, succeeded in reconverting many to Hindu fold, or could have been a figment of imagination aimed to dissuade conversion.

Swami and His Foes

Suresh Naig — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:32:52 EST

It was one winter evening at Coimbatore, in the year 1984. Even till date I couldn't recollect the reasons, which made me to visit Bharatiya Vidhya Bhavan, to listen to a lecture of a Swamiji.

It was a moderate crowd of less than 100 persons, most of them having attained superannuation, found the lecture an inexpensive entertainment. The Swamiji, whose name I forgot, was no different from any other Swamijis. Like many of the Swamijis he was also 60 plus, but beyond which his proper age was not discernible. He had also sported a long beard, like any other person of his clan, which had turned grey, had long unkempt hair and he worn a long piece of cotton jubbah, which had obviated the need for a dhoti, though he was wearing one.

At a much younger age, I had a problem of differentiating one cine actress from the other, since I felt all of them looked alike with heavily made-up face and all the cine heroines of yester years appeared to me as padded horses! of a different kind.

As I grew up, I developed the skills in identifying a female cine personalities, but my problem of identification shifted to Swamijis, who not only looked alike, but also behaved alike, with their monotonous uninspiring lectures. This swamiji was no different.

He opened his lecture praising the U.S. from where he had returned, after a long and fruitful visit. He said, 'I was discussing with few young Americans about Indian culture and our ancient practices aimed at healthy living. This discussion happened in the house of my host, an Indian settled in U.S.A. The American youth were casual in their approach, some with cigarettes dangling from their lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke, some with coke bottles in their hand, some casually lying on the sofa and yet showed seriousness in learning about our culture. I was astonished by their questions and eagerness to learn new things.'

When the swamiji continued his monotonous lecture, praising the new found land of his opportunities, a person who was sitting in the front row was infuriated. He burst out at the Swamiji, 'I have not come here to listen to your praises for America, I had expected that you would deliver a lecture on Geeta or Mahabharat.' Sitting four rows behind, I was curiously enjoying all these things.

When the Swamiji tried to reply to the infuriated man from the first row, with an innocuous smile, the agitated person in his early forties fumed and left the hall in a huff. It appeared to me that the person left the hall out of envy, on the Swamiji's foreign jaunt.

Unfazed, the Swamiji continued his lecture. His lecture was centred on the need to live in tandem with nature, with abundant examples from his day to day observations. He was narrating, 'the other day I saw some people eating cucumber bought from a road side vendor, peeled, cut and after applying salt and pepper powder on it. If God wanted us to eat cucumber with salt and pepper, he would have put the same in cucumber.' His lectures continued on the same line with many more examples, which all of us would have commonly encountered on a daily basis.

His concluding punch was, 'we have stopped eating to satiate our hunger since long, we have stopped drinking to quench our thirst since long. Since our acts no longer reflect the purpose, we are facing certain peculiar problems. If all our acts are purposeful, intended for the specific and natural purpose, we no longer would need to worry about our physical and mental health.' The Swamiji concluded his lecture and the forum was open for questions from the assembled audience.

My question was specific. 'Swamiji I agree with you on many of the points, which are parallel to the views expressed by Van Dyer in his book Sky is not the limit. However there is one act in India which is very purposeful, and we are witnessing the population explosion. Is it not right to indulge in it, relegating the purpose, for the benefit of the society?'

Before the Swamiji could respond, many in the audience, tried to show their disapproval for my question. Swamiji, after some thoughtful silence for maximum effect, opened his mouth fondling his grey beard. 'it is easier said than done, but regular practice of Yoga is the answer for your question.' And he left it at that.

After so many years I felt otherwise. In 1984, when I was young I felt, "It was easier done than said" and now at my 50+ age I realise it is easier said than done".

Truth and Bliss-The Hindu Way

Suresh Naig — Tue, 4 Nov 2008 09:44:54 EST

His face exuded warmth and bliss, perceptible to everyone known or unknown. His bliss and warmth were different from the ones we encounter every day, on the face of air-hostesses, or hotel receptionists, for even a novice can easily detect a falsehood on the cultivated plastic smile. Neither his bliss was similar to the preachers, who come on the T.V. every day and night, speaking in alien dubbed languages. His bliss was so genuine, that he did not realize he was blissful. The irony with true bliss is, if one realizes it is lost immediately.

Being an Indian, he never fitted into the Indian frame for blissful. For he was never attired in saffron robe, nor he sported a long beard, he never delivered lectures to any congregation of confused people, half of whom appreciating the lectures, because it was unfathomable and the other half pretending to have understood.

He was like any one of us, carrying out day to day activities, carrying unavoidable appendages in the form of lap-top and cell phone. Hopping from one place to another, visiting clients, most of his meals eaten at 30,000 feet above sea level. To overcome the monotony of long hauls, he developed a habit of reading almost everything. As age advanced his reading also matured, he started assimilating many philosophical literatures, which had given him indigestion earlier. Again his confusion was compounded, since there was no homogeneity and cohesiveness from one philosophy to another, one faith to another, everyone claiming the supremacy of their faith, failing to see the other with open mind. He was perturbed and anguished at the number game, indulged by different persons, at different locations and different times, because he was sure, mere numbers do not convey the merits.

Having born to Hindu parents, he was a Hindu, but he loathed the name, since the name is not natural and thrust upon his faith by others. He used to wonder at the contradictions of the name - or any name, defining a faith, which is beyond definitions. Like so many of us, he was also confused at many of the religious customs and rituals - an easy target for the poachers.

His questions on the why of it for anything and everything had only one answer. 'Better follow it and don't ask questions', because many of them had no convincing answers for his questions. Undeterred he continued his search for the answers. His search led him to interesting dimensions for certain rituals and practices and he was convinced many of them were not religious at all. Some of it was intended for environmental harmony, and the same practice by a gross misunderstanding turned counterproductive as witnessed in present times. One such practice intended for the preservation of purity of water - the elixir of life, turned out to be a nightmare now, contaminating many water bodies in the name of Kumb Mela and Ganesha festival.

He marvelled at some of the practices, which had the purification effect of the environment and his views were reinforced, when he read an article connected with Bhopal gas tragedy. On the fateful night in the year 1984 when lethal gas methyl iso cyanide leaked from Union Carbide factory, one family in the midst of the poisonous gas, started a religious ritual Agni Hothra, though it was not supposed to be done at night, as a last ditch effort. They were spared and untouched by the engulfed poisonous gas, which had left a trail of death on its tracks. A phenomenon safely relegated to trash by our scientific community, because they were convinced that a religious practice was not worth evaluating, especially when it belonged to Hinduism.

He came to a firm conclusion, that many of the practices and rituals were non-religious originally, but later tinged with religious colour losing its intended purpose. Once the purpose was lost, it had lost its splendour, and reduced to a shell without soul, susceptible to mockery from within and outside. His sojourn continued in search of the elusive truth. During his search he came to the conclusion that it is not ultimate truth, for ultimate is again a destination, whereas truth is all pervading, omnipotent and omnipresent.

His thought process continued, if it is omnipresent it should be present everywhere and in everything. It should be present in him, it should be present in his neighbours, his relations, his friends, his enemies, his competitors, the whole world, and the universe.

When the realization dawned on him, the bark of his neighbour's dog failed to disturb his sleep, his obstinate client failed to infuriate him, he never felt like punching his arrogant boss, his brother, always in need, never bothered him anymore. From the moment of realization he had no enemies, no competitors, no envy, no anger, and the whole world was filled with purest love. When he started loving everything animate or inanimate around him, his face exuded warmth and bliss, perceptible to everyone known and unknown.

Medical Ignorance and Patient's Bliss

Suresh Naig — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:55:03 EDT

The young boy of 14 years was lying on the hospital bed, concealing his amusement. He was amused seeing the anxious face of his father, whose second nature was anxiety. His father exhibited the same anxiety as he would every time, before signing the school report card. Between now and the report card, it was his helplessness which caused the anxiety. While signing the school report card of his son, he was helpless to understand his consistency in scoring just above average grades. In the hospital he was at a loss to piece anything from the conversation of the doctors.

With all the sudden attention, the boy was feeling elated, but he never had reason to know that it was the virus inside his body, which had created all this. He was afflicted by Dengue fever, a viral fever causing no pain, no swelling, no vomiting for the afflicted person, but only anxiety for the parents and the doctors alike.

On the third day in the hospital, fever was erratic rising on and off without warning, rashes appearing all over the body, yet without any pain. His parents wanted to do something, but having no clues on what to be done; they constantly beckoned the duty nurses, who compounded their problems. Instead of one paediatrician who visited the boy regularly, a gang of doctors descended on the bed, where the young boy was lying, appearing pink and smiling. He appeared pink due to skin rashes all over the body, yet complained of no itches, which was a hitch for the doctors.

The doctors were confused; the boy never exhibited allergic reaction for he never had itches, neither his blood pressure was lowered to conclude anaphylactic shock, yet the rashes were a cause for concern. They were discussing the case in English, yet it was difficult for the father to catch up with, as their conversation had liberal dabbling of jargons. The physician was telling the paediatrician it is "idiopathic", which the father clung to, and conveyed the same to me, when I visited the hospital during visiting hours, a courtesy demanded by the society. The father narrated the whole episode of doctors' visit, and concluded his son's condition as "idiopathic", to my amusement.

I refrained from saying anything to my friend, as the hospital and doctors were my best of clients, contributing huge sales for my company's products. On the 5th day the boy was discharged from the hospital, without any apparent damage. He was his usual, bubbly and peppy. The credit for his discharge without any damage was due to his condition "idiopathic". The boy was rendered only palliative treatment and not therapeutic.

"Idiopathic" literally means not comprehensible, because it never fitted into any known parameters, since it was a new affliction, less documented. Had it not been for the physician's pronouncement as "idiopathic", they would have started treating the patient, which would have triggered chain reactions.

Had they known that it was a haemolytic fever, reducing the platelets significantly, prompting them to infuse platelets from another donor, which would have increased platelets subsequently, threatening internal clots mostly in veins, leading to a condition of premature DVT- deep vein thrombosis, triggering the hospital to prescribe an anti-coagulant, which would have caused epistaxis- nasal bleeding and capillary bleeding resulting in urticaria- skin rashes, demanding platelets infusion from a donor. The perpetual cycle was broken by the ignorance, euphemised as "Idiopathy". Ignorance could be bliss, at times in medicine too.

Colas and Religions

Suresh Naig — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:03:35 EDT

What’s the similarity between Colas and religions? I posed this question to one of my friends and regretted later, for he had given a long lecture, instead of a short answer. Though he started only with a short answer, soon he got into the mood to expand the answer. While I felt it was long, never have I felt it was impertinent and hence I am sharing it here.

His one line answer for my question was, ‘both are useless, and that’s why they need powerful marketing strategies to thrive.’

Colas are not staple food for the mankind to survive and at best it can be qualified as an accompaniment. So also the religions, which create emotional bonding between people, yet it cannot qualify for strong emotions such as love and compassion.

Colas, though positioned as accompaniments with main course of food, soon people were made to feel that Colas are the main course and the food as accompaniments. Colas are so versatile they can go well with “masala dosas” and also with Kentucky fried chickens.

Many of the religions and its customs though started as a part of cultural need as demanded by geographical and climatic conditions, soon acquired the propensity of inevitability among the people. Many customs are either redundant or unnecessary.

Colas have created brands for the convenience of their customers, while religions have branded their customers. Colas come attired in different shape of bottles and colours, while the customers of religions come in different attires. Some with huge turbans, some with beards, some with marks on their forehead and some with incision marks.

Religions have originated from East and conquered the West, whereas Colas after conquering the West corrupted the East. Colas have become indispensable with break-fast, with lunch, with dinner, with alcoholic drinks and with supper.

Religions have become indispensable in every sphere of life from birth to death. It may be birth, christening, initiation into education, marriage or death. The invisible hands of religion are felt everywhere, and in the absence of one, people were made to shudder.

With Colas, one can switch brands with ease, but with religions it is deterred. A brand ditcher is ditched by everyone. First by the alienated religion and later by the alien religion.

Marketing wars of Colas and religions are mostly similar – decent and ethical. At times it can turn nasty and bloody. A brand of Cola would buy all the empty bottles of another brand and destroy it, creating a temporary vacuum in the market, which is filled by the competitor’s Cola.

Religious marketing would at times stoop to the level of denigrating the other religion, for its benefit, triggering a bloody bath. However, the marketing of both Religions and Colas are not without benefits, since it creates employment opportunities for so many persons and the money generated out of it is awesome.

He concluded with his usual punch. ‘The other day a market researcher came knocking at my doors, when I told him that I don’t drink any Cola, he diligently recorded it. Whereas when an enumerator came to my house for my voters ID card, threatened me that I would never get my voters ID card, if I said that I didn’t belong to any religion.”

Indian Traffic Sense - Unity in Diversity

Suresh Naig — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:02:04 EDT

I am sure Owning your own vehicle in Bangalore is not going to be different from owning one anywhere else. But what about driving one in Bangalore?

When I posed this question to many of my friends in Bangalore, all were unanimous in their opinion, it is hell. Except for one ingenious guy, a maverick like me, who said, "I don't drive on Bangalore roads, I navigate."

Comparatively new to Bangalore, he often loses his way in confusing famous "one ways" of Bangalore, which keeps changing often, losing its intended purpose, of improving the flow of traffic. He even mentioned, once he became a traffic offender by a day, when he left his car in the right direction on a stretch of road, which turned out to be the wrong direction, the next day. He also mentioned that Bangalore could be the only city in the world to have a traffic signal on a fly-over.

Leaving Bangalore apart, traffic in any city in India, could be no better with signal jumping, driving on the wrong side of the road, driving through one ways, provided no traffic cops around, would remind us that we are in our own country of unlimited freedom. Unlimited freedom to defy law and law enforcing authorities. The worst traffic sense everywhere in India is our unique unity in diversity.

In addition to Bangalore, I have lived in many other cities in south India and visited few in other parts of the country, where I was overwhelmed with the unifying traffic culture of our country men, always chaotic. Not to be left behind, women in India are vying with men in defying traffic rules and I feel this is one area where women have certainly overtaken men in India.

I had the taste of this recently, when I visited Chennai. A girl (or a woman), was blocking the free left in a traffic signal and when the chauffeur of my borrowed car honked the horn for the second time, she turned back and mouthed a real bad word in Tamil, which though we couldn't hear, could certainly decipher. Against my expectation of a fitting rebuke, the driver of my friend's car, turned back and gave a meek smile to me, as if it was nothing new to him. I felt perhaps, he was conditioned for long not to react to an angry woman.

I felt this undisciplined traffic culture is unique to India, for I have not witnessed signal jumping or any compulsive traffic offences in other countries including Nepal and Sri Lanka. When I pondered over this for long, I could blame only the British and Gandhi for this worst traffic culture in India.

The British unified India and M.K. Gandhi taught us to defy laws through his civil disobedience movement.

Pobody is Nerfect

Suresh Naig — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 11:37:03 EDT

Pobody is Nerfect

Yes. It should have been Nobody is Perfect. But if I say it perfectly, it would tantamount to me addressing others and I am excluded from the statement, which all of us including me, know cannot be true. All of us have our own quota of imperfection, knowing of which drives us constantly to evolve, towards perfection, so that at least we can be near perfect.

Perfection is not a destination, but a transition. As one evolves towards perfection and attains it, perfection would have travelled to a next level, perpetuating the race towards perfection. That is one of the reasons imperfection is all pervading, manmade or otherwise.

Zoologically we human beings come under the classification of symmetrical animals, where the left and right sides are in perfect symmetry. But any medical professional or a beautician would vouch for the slight imperfection, all of us possess between the two sides, biologically and structurally.

Perhaps recognising this fact, Hinduism never considered imperfection as a sin. To drive home the point powerfully, even an avatar of Vishnu - Ram expressed and possessed his quota of imperfection. Killing of Bali, by deceit is one glaring incident in Ramayan – a blot on otherwise a perfect character of Ram. In Mahabharat, a noble and virtuous character – Yudhishter, slipped from his perfect portrait, when he gambled everything including his wife.

Father of modern management Peter F Drucker highlighted the imperfection of persons by his famous quote, “where there is a peak, there is bound to be a valley”. I could identify lot of parallels in Mahabharat & Bhagawat Geeta and Drucker’s management theories, portraying different individuals at different times. A person’s perfection is dependent on circumstances and situation. A perfect father need not be a perfect husband, a perfect teacher need not be a perfect father, a perfect leader could be a disastrous head of a family and we can go on and on endlessly.

The same principle is employed, thereby gullible sinners are exploited by so many quacks, in promoting so many drugs, purported to increase virility, which is allegedly lost due to masturbation. These quacks know masturbation is not uncommon and by their declaration that masturbation is a sin, quacks make so many rural youngsters guilty and that guilt is their USP, in trapping these gullible for their rich harvest.

Wait. Do I see a parallel? Yes. All of us are repeatedly bombarded day in and day out by so many people that “wages of sin is death”, when we all know that death is the only certainty, whether one sins or not. If I believe their statement to be true, then I can surmise, that all of us die, for the sin of propagating a lie that, “wages of sin is death”.

Fiction: Pink Slip Cover

Suresh Naig — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 08:26:24 EDT

Necessity is mother of all inventions. Having read so many success stories originated from this ever green principle - the concept of Credit cards out of necessity by Robert McNamara, the metamorphosis of snake oil to Viagra and a plethora of successful products was the driving force behind the success of Anand Zusur.

His original name was Anand Padmanabhan, which he changed to Zusur, because it conveyed his versatility better - A to Z. Very soon he became popular among his colleagues of all directions, upwards, downwards and sideways, in identifying an opportunity in every threat and strengthening the strength, by weakening the weakness.

Zusur, a mastermind in inventing new products in the insurance industry, took up a challenging opportunity in the land of opportunities. He knew that the insurance industry thrives on "fear concept" - fear of losing something, tangible and intangible - the driving force, forcing people to insure anything and everything. As an insurance expert he had classified threat as "safe threat" and "unsafe threat". A safe threat is one, on which insurance companies thrive, creating fear among the customers on its potential loss, yet statistically less prevalent, amounting to less than 2 or 3 percent of claims from among the total insurers.

It might be the losses of goods due to a burglar's wilful act, theft of valuables due to thieving in transit, again due to wilful human act, in the eyes of insurance companies, qualify for a claim. While allowing wilful acts of burglars and thieves towards a claim, it excludes the wilful acts of God, such as natural disasters, for a claim. While denying a claim for the acts of God, insurance companies have elevated certain human beings to the level God.

By denying claims arising out of wars - a man made misery, insurance companies equate war mongers with God. Not that the insurance companies acknowledge the presence of God, nor they respect the leaders, equating them with God, in both these cases, claims would be more than the premium collected and hence, the indemnity clause absolving the insurance companies from settlement of claims. For the insurance companies, more than the acts, the percentage of people claiming insurance money is more important. Lesser is profitable.

In other industries selling a product involves producing goods; demanding personnel, precious raw materials, machineries and factory premises to produce goods. The sale of which ensures profit for the company. In insurance industry every product is an outcome of figment of imagination, highly appreciated as creativity.

Zusur was creativity personified, when it comes to identifying, a new concept, converting it into a new product, devising strategies to market the product and enriching the company by a few billions, while converting him to a millionaire.
However he never expected that things would change so dramatically, that before one could comprehend, it left so many companies and many more individuals stranded, on the foot path of economic highways. Suddenly he felt that the road to prosperity had turned bumpy, like the ones he had often encountered in his native country. He had also realised to his consternation, that there are no matching vehicles in the land of opportunities, capable of withstanding the bumpy ride.

He was one among the early birds to get the "pink slip" and his woes were compounded, when he found to his dismay, that there were no opportunities open to him anymore. A person who would not give up so easily, Zusur returned to his native country with alternative plans. Like always, converting a threat into an opportunity, his plans were ready at touchdown at Palam air-port.
He had converted his own experience, an uncertain future into an opportunity.

In spite of the jet lag, he straight headed for the pre-appointed meeting, after a quick wash, for an impressive presentation with an upcoming insurance company in Delhi. Having seen so many giants in insurance industry biting dust, decision makers of the insurance company were non committal and their reception was only tepid, to Zusur initially. Within ten minutes of the presentation, everyone was attentive, to the magic proposal of Zusur.
He started his presentation with a question. 'How many times in the past, any one of you received the pink slip unexpectedly?' No one responded, for the answer to his question was not a pleasant one to remember and recollect. Zusur proceeded further, 'pinks slips are always unexpected, without advance notice and I had received one recently, as recent as one week back'. He continued, 'not that I deserved it, nor many of my colleagues, yet we received it'. The CEO of the insurance company with a clean shaven shiny head, sporting a recently dyed French beard growled, 'we have not assembled here to sympathise with you and your pink slipped colleagues, come to the point'.

Unfazed, Zusur continued, 'that's the precise point. My proposal is for the insurance company to sympathise with the people who have received the pink slips, by financial compensation.' Everyone was attentive now for the new proposal of Zusur.

Zusur elaborated, 'unlike other countries, in India pink slips were rare in occurrence due various reasons of culture and militant trade unions. My target customers are not the ones who are unionised, but the recent breed of professionals, high salaried, but without security for the guaranteed employment.' He purposefully paused to drink water, so that what he said would take effect slowly.

'With all the financial mess happening all over the world, everyone I am sure is shaken from slumber, to the reality of uncertain future. This lurking fear is where my product is going to be positioned. To have a better and dreadful impact I have named the product as "Pink slip insurance" with the catch phrase, "No longer would the pink slip affect the pink of your financial health".
By then everyone was convinced on the success of the product and as always, Zusur landed in a prime post in the insurance company, heading the "pink slip division". The strength of the product as explained by Zusur was, in India seldom people accept the pink slip and often submit the resignation fearing future implications. Yet the fear is real and no one would take chance in the present precarious conditions of uncertainty, yet claims would be minimal as no one prefers a pink slip over voluntary resignation.

As per the salient features of the product, a person gets equivalent of last drawn pay, on receiving the pink slip. The payment would stop on getting new employment or three months, whichever is earlier. The annual premium is a variable in accordance with the pay packet of a person. The product was an instant success, contributing huge revenue for the insurance company, by way of premium and it had surpassed the projections of Zusur. Within a month Zusur had become the hero of not only the company where he is heading the pink slip division, but in the entire insurance industry.

The change started slowly, almost imperceptible, but people in claims department started noticing steady increase of pink slip claims and before an in-depth study could be conducted, claims started bleeding the insurance company.
By the time the company realised the reasons for the unprecedented claims, it was on the brink of bankruptcy. In the absence of pink slip insurance, people did not prefer it over resignations, contributed by the subtle threat of inhuman HR managers. However many ingenious employees preferred pink slips over resignations, and confessed with the subsequent employers, by citing the pink slip insurance cover for their exit through the pink route. Another important reason was the greed of big financial conglomerates in making fast and easy money, showing way for individual greed, in making fast and easy money, by way of pink slip cover. With pink slip cover, it was no longer a taboo for employers and employees in issuing pink slips and accepting it.

When one person convinced the future employer with the plausible reason and excuse for accepting the pink slip, the news travelled faster triggering more number of persons preferring it, bleeding the insurance company out of its wits.
Though the author of "pink slip insurance", when Zusur received the pink slip from his company he never had the cover.