Desicritics Author: Melody

Losing Your Life, One Post at a Time

Melody — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:45:49 EST

My archive section at my blog will tell you that this is my oldest post here.

The truth is though, it wasn't my first blog post ever. One of the early ones on the Indian blogosphere, I started blogging in May of 2002 at Blog-City.com, my url - melody.blog-city.com

Don't bother going there, because all you'll find is this:

This is what happened - I was living away from home in those days in a place with no internet access. I used to write all my blog posts in a word document with the correct dates & then copy paste them whenever I got home in my blog on the corresponding dates.

My "system" was really working for me, until one day, I reached home & omg, my blog - and all my blog posts - completely deleted. To my utter dismay I checked my email and found 3 "notices" that had been sent to me in the past month to update, or lose the blog. Since I hadn't been home in over a month, I, by default, "lost" my blog - and along with it, over two years worth of entries.

Blog-city turned a pay site and lots of others who were regulars, are no longer around. Added negative: I also lost lots of "friends" - like Leah, a young teacher from the UK, who wrote one of the best blogs I read in those days - Ducksecho.blog-city.com. Why "Duck's echo" ? Yeah, that was the question I first asked her too, before we became online friends who read each other's blogs. I do hope she's out there somewhere still blogging, she really is a fabulously funny writer.

As any serious blogger, whoever has lost any post for whatever reason will tell you, losing a blog post is like losing a part of you, and losing years worth of posts, is like losing a bit of your life.

Most of us, I'm guessing, do not go into our archives and read our old posts. But there's a certain security in just knowing that they're there, if ever we do feel like reminiscing. Or if we want to double check a date or a fact or to link to something that we felt/went through a long time ago that has some relevance currently.

Saket Vaidya knows what I'm talking about - he lost three and a half years worth of posts. His controversial posts (any of you remember his preference for North Indian women over their South Indian counterparts?!) that wrecked havoc on the Indian blogosphere, his funny posts (like his preference for small breasts! Viva Kate Moss!) and so much more, all gone. To quote him:

"that psychopath is yours truly, and is deeply pained"

Hardik Shah, a new friend, was telling me just yesteday of his similar woes he faced pre 2004. All he could do, was keep shaking his head and say: "Tcshay".

Sadly, I'm sure there are many others, perhaps many of you reading this now, who have lost blog posts. I empathize, it is indeed like losing part of our lives.

Then again, it may not be the big deal that I'm making it out to be.

Movie Review: We Own the Night

Melody — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 04:33:45 EST

Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Wahlberg team up to produce and act in this Crime / Drama / Thriller, in a movie that's as much about family dynamics as it is about war between drug cartels and police forces.

It's about a family, a father & a son in the police force - and another son, who manages a busy night club. This second (seemingly prodigal) son, with a completely hedonistic lifestyle (starkly contrasting with the holier-than-thou images of both his father & brother) slowly by virtue of his job, gets sucked into a drug cartel against his wishes. He is faced with classic dilemmas of family versus career & reputation, good versus evil, finally life versus death.

Though this is not an action film (it's mostly drama) the movie moves along quickly and is interesting enough, but somehow after 'The Departed', this seems rather less for Wahlberg. Phoenix is brilliant in the main role however, the role completely became him.

Eye candy & a brilliant performance (though most men, I'm betting only paid attention to the former) by Eva Mendes, who sizzled in every which way in the movie as Phoenix's girlfriend.

Not a date movie definetely, this movie is filled with lots of blood and gore - including a scene where a man slits his own neck - and you see the blood gushing & spurting out.

The movie is scary, moving and makes you think all at once. Coming home we had a long discussion on whether drugs should be legalized (surprise surprise, I'm against that) and the implications of the legalization of drugs and it's effects on society as a whole.

Breaking the Cycle of Consumerism and Poverty

Melody — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 05:20:52 EST

Rs. 1000/- Entry, Rs. 600/- for a Jack Daniels. That's what it costs us, relatively rich, Mumbaikars for a single night out at an average night club. And that's not counting how much we spent on dinner before we reached the club. Or the number of drinks we had there. Or the cost of the clothes we wore. Or the fancy car we gave to the valet.

And then there's this and this, where parents of young girls are, "Caught in the vicious cycle of poverty, the cash-strapped parents can ill afford to refuse an offer that helps them earn Rs 100 per night"

Rs. 100/- a night. Imagine that.

Here's me. I want:

A new Video iPod
A new Phone too - preferably the iPhone (yes, loving apple these days)
New Shoes (can never have too much of those)
New Jeans (I can't seem to get the right shade of basic blue I want)
- not to mention the daily entertainment I crave. I want to go out with my friends; see movies, club, eat, drink & be merry.

And then there's Moushumi, a 10 year old girl, one of the Bengali girls rescued from Bihar after being locked up, beaten and forced to dance sleazy numbers in front of violent, gun-toting crowds.

Here's what she says:

"Although they beat us up, they served good food. It was much better than what we get at home"

Because of that, 10 year old Moushumi is willing to risk everything and go back on the stage.

And I? I'm now questioning what I can do, I know I must do something... Suggestions?

Marry me for my Money

Melody — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 06:59:31 EST

Imagine this: A young marriageable girl from Tiruchi with parents anxious to get her a 'good' husband. There must have been much rejoicing in the Jenita household when the boys family agreed to the marriage with their son, an Infosys employee. To make it better, the future son-in-law for the Jenita family was from the 'US'; a prestigious alliance no doubt.

The young girl, though an MBA herself, must have no doubt been excited. And then there probably was a wedding. Again undoubtedly, dhoom-dhamal. The Jenitas must have proudly told family & neighbors about the "good catch" their daughter had got. Sweets. Saris. Flowers.

And then the day she had to depart for the US with her husband and his family there were tears. Her parents must have come home from the airport, taking solace in the wedding photographs, feeling now they had finally done all they could for their daughter.

Now she was "settled" in life.

At what stage did dreams turn into nightmares for the girl Smalin?

In a shocking case of dowry-harassment, a 23-year-old pregnant woman was beaten by her husband and in-laws and thrown out of a moving car, while she was in the US. The 7-month pregnant Smalin Jenita was comatose till a week ago, and had sustained 52 fractures while being harassed for dowry by her husband and his family in the US.

Perhaps we'll never know. Perhaps we'll never know if from day one she was harassed by Christy Daniels, the man who was meant to be her life mate. We'll never even know how she got pregnant, whether she had a good union with her husband.

What we do know is that shortly after her marriage, Smalin got pregnant. And we do know that even in her seventh month of pregnancy, she was being harassed, beaten and ultimately thrown out of a car! by her husband and in-laws. We know she was abandoned in a hospital in the US in a coma. We know her family in India wasn't even informed by the in-laws of her condition. We know it was only by the intervention of a kindly good Samaritan, a Pakistani doctor in this case, that these matters were brought to light. More details here & here.

(Smalin is currently in the ICU at Mehta hospital in Chennai. She and her unborn child are in stable condition. Besides the 52 fractures suffered, Smalin is now paralysed on the left side due to the brain injuries she suffered)

Smalin Jenita's case brings one more ugly fact to light. It is something that everyone knows but justifies in many ways - that Dowry still exists, and not just among the poor, uneducated class in India, where women do not know their rights, but even among rich, wealthy and educated families.

Another family in India might have gone through a similar ordeal like the Jenita family - had it not been for very plucky action from the bride's family.

On the night before the wedding was to take place, the grooms family demanded a dowry of Rs. 50 lakhs. Instead of canceling the ceremony or paying the dowry, the brides family went ahead with the function - and then in front of all their relatives told the prospective in-laws to be that they had filed a complaint with the Patiala police. The girls side of the family was enraged with the behavior of the groom & family & actually beat the groom up before he was whisked away by the police.

Again, both families were wealthy and educated - here both prospective bride and groom (Gurpreet Singh) were doctors.

Last minute dowry demands are as common as they come.

Can India forget the story of Nisha Sharma the bride-to-be called the police after her father was asked for more dowry money just minutes before her wedding ceremony? Her act was heralded as "brave" and overnight Nisha went on to becoming an anti-dowry icon, being featured worldwide on the BBC & even on shows like Oprah.

However Nisha Sharma & the (unnamed) bride at the Gurpreet Singh rebellion against dowry demand stories are few and far between. It is still unfortunately stories of Smalin Jenitas that are still common.

I've long since been in "the marriage market" and I have seen all sorts of "proposals". One thing I know is that dowry is still asked for. It is shrouded in many different ways, often so indirectly that a novice may not realize it, but it does exist.

And since it exists, it's important to make sure that one has a plan in place to deal with it. My personal stance gainst Dowry is this - my family and I are both very clear that there will be no dowry given. If the boy's family even so much as hints that they are interested in what my parents are giving me, I refuse to even see the boy.

Though I do wish I find my soul mate - I definitely rather remain single than marry the wrong guy. And someone who is interested in how much money my family is bringing to the table is in now way close to being "right".

I am very vocal about my attitude towards Dowry because I hope it will positively help even one other person from the ordeal Smalin Jenita & her family have had to go through. Let us realize that this problem is still rampant among educated people & it is upto us, those who are anti-dowry, to speak out about it, as loudly & as often as we can.

Sports and Religion Do Not Mix

Melody — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 07:05:23 EDT

"First of all I want to say something over here. I want to thank you back home Pakistan and where the Muslim lives all over the world."

Wen I first heard the Pakistani Skipper Shoaib Malik saying those words during the cup ceremony at the Twenty 20 finals after losing to India, the first thought that went through my mind is "He must be scared to death". I remembered all the mystery shrouding the death of Pakistani coach Bob Woolmer after the ODI World Cup earlier this year and I thought - how could he be anything but scared?

However the world is shaking it's head against Shoaib Malik's comments. Many non-Pakistani Muslims are speaking out about the fact that they are patriotic to their own countries and not to Pakistan. And that Shoaib's comments were completely out of line.

Sample: Sohel NR at BanglaCricket forums says "Pak does not represet all Muslims..India has more muslims than Pak ..he does not have to apolgize to Phatan"

and hsheth01 from IndianPad who says "think the persons who should be most offended would be the muslims of the world who do not hold the same view as Shoaib Malik. They should launch an offensive to get an apology from Pakistan. Muslims all over the world are not supporting Pakistan".

I remember, even after the first India v/s Pakistan match (where India won in the Bowl Out), I was gTalking with another blogger Abdul Qabiz - he was as ecstatic as I was that India won. He's a Muslim and he supports the Indian Team completely "and I guess that goes for all the Indian Muslims" he says. After the finals he simply posts:

India has won ICC twenty-twenty cricket world-cup. Final match was entertaining, breath-taking and totally cool. Congratulations to everyone. I hope and wish, Indian team continues the same form and wins the upcoming series with Australia.

However the comment has spurred more than just the Indian Muslims (& indeed non-Pakistani Muslims) to condemn the statement. It has raised bigger issues - of how and why the skipper should feel like he had to apologize to Muslims all over the world in the first place?

Mukul Kesavan from Cricinfo makes this summary:

The problem here isn't the syntax, it is the sentiment. I don't expect Shoaib Malik to be a politically correct intellectual, but it is reasonable to expect him to know the world of cricket that he inhabits.

It is a world where Muslims, Hindus and a Sikh currently play for England, where Buddhists, Muslims, Christians and a Hindu play for Sri Lanka, where Hashim Amla turns out for South Africa, where a Patel plays for New Zealand, where Muslims, Sikhs, Christians and Hindus play (and have always played) for India.

Why would Shoaib think, then, that the Muslims of the world were collectively rooting for the Pakistan team or that they felt let down by its defeat? Did he stop to think of how Danish Kaneria, his Hindu team-mate, might feel hearing his Test skipper all but declare that the Pakistan team is a Muslim team that plays for the Muslims of the world?

The Times of India (TNN dated 26th Sept) hit the nail on the head (the ball on the wicket?) with this comment:

While the charitable explanation for Malik's remarks was that he was trying to preempt an Islamic backlash at home and did so with poor command of English, the general feeling was he unwittingly revealed the growing radicalisation of the Pakistani cricket team.

The world online and off has made a huge noise about Shoaib's comment. I hope any radicals sit up and listen. And perhaps next time, we can keep religion off the sports field.

Movie Review: No Reservations

Melody — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 02:31:15 EDT

I went for the premiere of No Reservations two nights ago.

It was the regular star-studded affair; lots of models, actors, press and other creatures associated with the Indian glamour world.

If I were the dissing type I'd tell you that Lascelles Symons is looking ridiculously thin (but good nevertheless) and that Nina Manuel (which is now Man- U-Elle, or didn't you know dah-lings?) is seeing some guy with the most horrendous hairdo on the planet ~ very sad indeed. A. D. Singh of Olive catered but it was nothing to write home about.

The movie, too, rather disappointed, but perhaps I was partly to blame. I was expecting a romantic comedy - and there was absolutely no comedy in the film (barring a few measly scenes which I refuse to categorize the movie from).

Rather, there was lots of drama.

Both Catherine Zeta Jones (Kate) and Abigail Breslin (Zoe) do brilliant jobs with their characters, who have a pretty sad and difficult relationship due to the fact that Zoe's mother has just died leaving her with Aunt Kate, a fanatic but top-of-the-line chef who's in therapy on her boss' strict instructions.

Aaron Eckhart (Nick) is introduced way too late in the movie and has way too little screen time for the movie to be termed as a romance. If you are to see the film, then see it for the wonderful dynamic between Kate and Zoe.

The movie opens in Mumbai this Friday, 21st September.

---------

Leaving you with this thought:

Why is it that the first part of so many movies have the principal character coming home, checking her (or his) answering machine which then promptly tells her (or him) that "You have no new messages"?

Movie Review: Because I Said So!

Melody — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:13:52 EDT

Because I Said So tells the story of an overbearing mother obsessed with getting her youngest unmarried daughter a suitable match, so much that she starts hunting for proposals herself. So far it sounds like my life, which I tell my mother, only to be told that she is not overbearing and that she's never forced me to do anything (hah!). But I digress, back to the movie.

Mother Daphne Wilder (Diane Keaton) consistently meddles in ridiculously unkept daughter Milly's (Mandy Moore) life. It was so frustrating on both sides that I literally threw my hands up in the air a couple of times. In front of them, most of our Indian mothers and daughters look like saints.

There are two main boys: Johnny (Gabriel Macht) and Jason (Tom Everett Scott) - predictably one is good and the other is not. Predictably, Milly sees them both, fights with the good one, sort of chooses the bad one until she finally gets with the good one. I hope you don't think you've just read a spoiler - because seriously people, this Hindi movie-esq plot was obvious from the word go.

It was particularly Hindi movie-fied when two scenes (back to back!) have Milly dropping and breaking things in the houses of both and we see the good and bad reactions of both. Somehow, I just KNOW some Bollywood director is gonna be "inspired" by this film and soon Milly will be dancing around some trees with the two heros and mummy spying from safe distance.

That being said, however, it's not the worst film ever. I think it'd make a good date movie; it has some good laughs and lots of 'cho chweet' romantic moments. And Gabriel Macht is SO gorgeous, I'd even watch the movie over just to see him smile again. Seriously, it's THAT amazing. Sigh.

Movie Review: Shrek the Third

Melody — Mon, 28 May 2007 02:08:35 EDT

Last night I went for the premiere of 'Shrek the Third'.

The plot sees Shrek's new dad-in-law-frog-king fall ill & die (in a hilarious lol scene that I loved) and the mantle of new king fall on Shrek. That is, unless he can find the king's distant relative Arthur (Justin Timberlake) to do the job instead.

Meanwhile Prince Charming has riled up all the fairy tale bad guys and takes over 'Far Far Away' and has an evil plan to kill Shrek off in the midst of a Monty Python-esque (which I think was unfortunately lost on Indian audiences) theatrical play.

Other references I caught in the films were to Harry Potter, the Lord of the Rings and Charlie's Angels (go women power!) to name a few.

Undoubtedly the film is carried off by Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) and a plot twist involving the two of them which I won't give away. Frickin' funny stuff!!

The movie has not had good reviews, critics have called it "tired" and "aging" and "all out of ideas". I however think Shrek The Third will do great at the box office - just like the other two Shrek films for one reason itself - the kids.

The movie is undeniably a great family entertainer. Though the adults may be a tad tired of all the Far Far Awayness of it all, I think the kids will enjoy the heck out of it. I know I sure did. And I also know I'll go & see a Shrek 4 if ever there is one.

'Shrek the Third' hits Indian Cinemas on Friday 1st June.

It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas

Melody — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 10:34:04 EST

Indeed it is! Even the weather's looking up in our beloved Mumbai city... sometimes when we least expect it, there's a nice (almost!) cold breeze...

My house is totally decorated already - we always decorate by the first week of December - as it the fabulous prize-winning window display at the store 'Damian'. (I'll see if I can get some pics later).

I'm so excited about Christmas that I'm starting a whole new category at my blog dedicated to this wonderful season of love & peace.

Here's a couple of things I suggest you do to start off the season on the right note:

(01) Decorate, decorate, decorate!!!

I know it can be quite a pain getting all the Christmas things out & decorating all the nooks and crannies of your home - but when it's done it can truly life your spirit like nothing else (the more crazy things you do, the better!)! I suggest having a "decorating party" - it's a great thing for the whole family to do together - but if for any reason your family can't make it, then invite a couple of friends and in between snacking on Christmas sweets (more on this later) get everyone to put up the decorations with you. Then the next day you all could move the party to another person's house until all your homes are Chrismassed!

(02) Get your freak on!

I seriously go crazy over Christmas carols! What an amazingly easy way to transport yourself into times past, to be with people loved (regardless of where they are right now), to be "in" the Christmas spirit. If you've got WorldSpace, then there's a 24 hour Christmas carol channel - or invest in a good set of Christmas CDs, past & present.

(03) Forget the diet!

Ok, actually, you shouldn't completely forget the diet, but still, it is the holidays! Don't worry too much about adding on the extra kgs - what's Christmas without our delicious Indian Christmas sweets - neoris, kal-kals, marzipan, chocolate & chocolate-walnut fudge and of course, most people's favorite - milk creams!! (yummmm). You can also go global & make some more international treats like ginger-bread men, candy canes & sugar cut-out cookies (great fun for the family!). Here's where I get my Christmas recipes from.

(04) See it on screen

I love Christmas movies so much, I literally watch them the whole year through! This year, there are a couple of new releases which you can snuggle up with a loved one & watch:
Deck the Halls, The Nativity Story, The Santa Clause 3 and what I'm REALLY waiting for (hope it's not disappointing) - The Holiday.

Of course, all the olden goldies like It's a wonderful life, Miracle on 34th Street, The Santa Clause (if you haven't seen the first part, you should!). As for me - the utterly butterly romantic-comedy Christmas lover, it'll be While You Were Sleeping (my all time favorite movie ever) and any other movie, where boy meets girl & they fall in love during Christmas, lots of nice decorations everywhere in the movie, snow falling, carols playing. Ahhhh.

Finally (for today at least)

(05) Don't forget the reason for the season!

It's so easy to get caught up in all the merry making that we forget that Christmas should be about Christ - about His birth, His Presence among us even today. Christians, Catholics and even non-Catholics alike should make it a time to thank God for all the abundant blessings received throughout the year, to pray for peace, to forgive and to mend bridges.

(More Christmassy stuff soon!)

Why I Need a Loving Mate

Melody — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 07:44:01 EST

Why do I need a loving mate, you ask? I'll tell.

It's because I have morning sickness.

Well, not the kind that a woman gets when she is with child (mercifully). Rather it's the achoo-ing variety.

This is what happens. I get up. I sneeze. Then I sneeze again. And again. And again. And it continues. And continues.

Once, as an experiment, in between sneezes I counted. I stopped at 22 (or was it when my tissue ran out? I can't be sure right now).

And this is not on most mornings. It's not on some mornings. No, it's every morning.

Finally, I have decided to be proactive. I have now stacked up on a dozen toilet rolls (I find them more sneeze-absorptive than regular tissue paper).

I have also looked up online for a cure to my problems. One site tells me, "Morning sneezing or "hay fever" ... is so common that people often pass it off for normal. It is not. No one should wake up in the morning and sneeze for the first hour or so."

Damn. Just when I thought I was like everyone else. And what's this about hay? I never rolled in the hay with anyone. I never made hay while the sun shone. Heck, I'm a city girl; I've never even seen hay. Oh well maybe once, during a Christmas play, when I was the donkey at the manger scene.

Back to the net, one site tells me it's season related. Yet another one assures me it's not.

Most others agree it has something to do with pollen. A "Dr. Fink" (love his name!) says, "The most common inducers are pollens, molds, dusts, animals, and mites." The only way I know to get rid of all that from the air I breathe is to move out of Mumbai.

After all, "a recent study by the Environmental Pollution Research Centre (EPRC) found that about 10% of the population of Chembur suffers from bronchitis and respiratory distress caused by pollution." Not that I stay in Chembur, but I could have (and just imagine my state then!).

I'm an avid and loyal netizen (I always Google before I call my doctor) and I know and love the internet for this reason - you can always find something to prove your point, to say what you want, to justify your stance. No matter how wrong, stupid or unjustified you may be.

I finally find what I'm looking for - Dr. Grossan states his case (and mine) most eloquently: "Do you have morning sneezing and hacking? For this you take breakfast in bed!"

(Wait, there's more.)

In sleep the body temperature is lowered and the cilia that defend the body do less work, so the dust accumulates. On awakening, the body wants to get rid of that dust and at the same time warm the body. So, especially if one is allergic, the person sneezes and coughs. This certainly warms the body but then a "cascade" starts that is hard to stop. So, to avoid morning sneezing, have hot tea before you get out of bed. This can be from a Thermos or a hot plate, or a loving mate.

I'm not really a tea person. But I do love the idea of breakfast in bed - so will settle for hot coffee to warm me up.

And that's why I need the loving mate, to go fetch. I promise you, my health depends upon it.

(PS: If you think I'm lying, because sometimes I do, check up on Dr Grossan here!)