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Paradigm Shift in Male Identity: Freedom From Being a Hunter
Sumanth
As I write articles and experiment on small choices for men in their life and in their relationships, I find a pattern in the responses that I receive from majority of men. This response pattern is not based on reality or what is appropriate, but is based on a fixed hardwired mental position.
Regarding the issue of a small choice in the matter of men shaving or not shaving related to a sexist campaign by Gillette (link), the typical responses from "men" were:
"There are bigger issues to cry over."
"It's time you guys get over these small things."
"Why these men are fretting over small issue like shaving or not shaving?"
"Grow up. Be a man."
"Man, you sound like a woman."
In fact, the responses from men had the same pattern, with complete disregard to what is appropriate, when we started a campaign for choices to men to lead a peaceful life free from domestic violence. This perplexed me, when I found that the very men whose asses we are trying to save are against the campaign.
When a man says to another man, "be a man", it sounds like, "man, grow up. Be a hunter." And "Why are you feeling hurt like a girl? Be a Spartan warrior. Hunters and warriors do not crib about hurt or pain."
Men are sent to Spartan Agoge(link), where other men drill conformity, denial and obsession with big issues into their heads. They are told, "You are a man, and you have got bigger issues in life to deal with. You will be killed, if you cry like a girl." It's not strange. The older men have just finished a hunting expedition, in which some 10 million people died. Now, they are ready with special hunting weapons, which can hunt on ground, in sky, in water and can carry out hunting expeditions into space as well.
So, when men are made to work for 10 hours a day, this is not at all a big issue for them. It's not an issue, if most of them remain stuck in professions that are unfulfilling. They find it strange, if some men crib about a company calling men lazy, if they do not shave.
So, what are the big issues for men? Iraq War, running out of fossil fuels, plight of girl child, global warming, international terrorism and creation of the state of Telengana.
You ask them, how you feel, when you do not have time to exercise and remain fit. Having no choice to access the world of feelings, they respond, "I am trying to get up early and then I will go for jogging."
Ask them, "what you know about relationships", they will say, "yeah. We have to watch the growing economic relationship between US and China".
When they are tired of big issues of life, they head to a pub or sit silently in front of a 21 inch box, watching some ancient hunting games, while the wife keeps yelling at him to throw the garbage out.
So, the men do not know where their ass is. It can be in fact termed as a disease: "Misplaced Ass Syndrome (MAS)".
However, inside these matured grown up man, you can clearly see little scared men nailed to their role of hunter, the protector and provider.
The male role of a tribal hunter for 50,000 years makes them focus on bigger and serious/life threatening issues. They have to collectively go for hunting, taking risks and injuries. So, any man who focuses on trivial issue, say a scratch on his leg or minor pain on his back is going to bring down moral of the hunters. When someone says, "be a man", then he is saying, "Behave like a hunter".
Women in cave age had a different role to play. They were gathering food and taking care of children. For women, focusing on smaller issues like small insects, poisonous plants, hygiene etc, were important for survival of their children.
Today, the situation has changed. However, men still focus on big things, ignoring the small stuff which they consider as trivial. The women have adapted better than men in these changed circumstances. Today, women not only take care of small things and small issues, say in kitchen or in the house, but also they have trained themselves to take on so called big things in male domain areas like being a fighter pilot, politician or a soldier.
For men, they still feel proud of their old identity of a hunter. So, for them fretting over small things is still uncomfortable. If a man frets over small issues like choices to shave or not, for most men this is lack of maturity. They are right. However that is lack of maturity as a hunter and it is immature to think or behave like a hunter in 21st century ignoring small things or choices in life. Often, they have lost so many small choices in their brief life that they have no freedom or power over their lives at all, even when they drive a 3000 horse power train or run a company of 3000 people. When a man talks about small choices in life or in relationships, the other men pull him down like a bunch of monkeys.
So, this seriously impacts men around the world. Now imagine, couple of hunters gathering at Copenhagen to discuss about climate change or a group of hunters on an expedition to flush out terrorists from dense jungles.
There is feminine side to every male just the way there is a masculine side to every female. The females are comfortable with exploring masculinity in them, while the males are still extremely uncomfortable in dealing with feminine side of them. This has created an identity crisis and terrible confusion in men.
However, the world does not need hunters. The gender roles have blurred themselves. So, men as hunters are badly stuck. Giving up the identity of a hunter is painful, so they cling even more to it. When they face a marital problem, they get violent imagining a pack of wolfs cornered him, mistaking the policemen and mediators as pack of wolves. When wife shouts at him for spending more time with friends than her, he feels that he is being forcefully separated from his hunting tribe. When wife is not with him, the guys really feel like a group of hunters and start having a beer party.
In short, men have made an ass of themselves and their life by being remaining hunters in this modern age. Feminists call this hunter behaviour as "male ego", while men are completely powerless in that hunters dress stuck in their roles as bulldozer drivers, corporate CEOs, presidents, prime ministers or even terrorists and suicide bombers. They have converted half of the world into a hunting ground.
As Men are reluctant to challenge their traditional identity of hunter, this has also created confusion in women. Then find him manly, if he behaves like a hunter. However, they crib, when he shows some of those disgusting habits of hunters. Their lack of focus on small issues also frustrates women sometimes.
Now, it all fits, why most bachelor men are so disorganised and seem so dangerously out of control. It is not because their mama spoiled them, but because they went to an invisible Spartan Agoge.
World won't run, if small things do not work. Your car does not run, if the small wire sending signals to your engine breaks. Small is big. It's the small things in life that make all the difference.
When men are stuck in Spartan Agoge or in the role of hunters, then one can forget about them solving any problem in this world.
Some of these issues were raised by feminists. However, feminists had no guts to go all out to liberate men from the identity of a hunter. For them, it was too risky and hence they stopped well before the complete paradigm shift stranding the men somewhere in the middle. So, sometimes, we hear stuff like metro sexual men etc.
Can men be freed from the hunter identity? Yes. And this paradigm shift can be caused by simple methods.
In fact, this very research is carried out on hundreds of men in last couple of years by men's rights organisations and it has been found that men became much more healthy, happy, powerful and confident as they go beyond the hunter identity.
This paradigm shift is done by:
1) The transformation of men caused by making them focus on small things in life. Men are told that power and beauty of life exist in small things and small choices.
2) Men being trained to be non-logical and get some non-linear thinking (2+2 can be 9, when 1+1 is 6).
3) Men being trained to be vague, uncertain or show contradictory behaviour. They are taught that uncertainty is a higher state of mind. So, do not struggle to get clarity, when there is none. Embrace uncertainty in your own mind and that makes you immune.
4) Men are trained to develop the ability to be vulnerable.
5) Making men think like women. Those who could not do so, were told to watch soap operas in TV.
6) Making men accept people and circumstances with complete tolerance (like women) without compromising.
7) Making men focus first on their immediate basic needs, rather than focusing on needs of parents, children or anyone else. They are told anyone who is hungry cannot fill other's stomach.
All this did not change the men. This shifted them from deep inside. The men got a skill to go beyond their hunter identity when needed, by choice. Suddenly, to these men small choices in their own life became more important than terrorists bombing cities.
Imagine, a session where a man is harshly interrupted the moment he tries to logically analyse a complex situation. Then, he is told, "Logic works in machines and in engineering problem solving. Do not make life get stuck in a net of logical threads. Were you logically thinking about 50 million good and bad permutations and combinations of life every day, when you were 2 years old? A 2 year old is free and you have put chains all over yourself."
"Experience life, just watch it and listen to it. You will find your way and your solutions automatically. And no one, no system can stop you."
And that's when Gillette called men lazy, if they do not shave every day using Gillette shaving razors.
Paradigm Shift in Male Identity: Freedom From Being a Hunter
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temporal
URL
December 26, 2009
04:00 PM
sumanth:
nice rant..get a girl/boy friend and stop obsessing over homophobia;)
seriously...
some men (mainly von-siffers) seem to suffer from TVS (tunnel vision syndrome)...everything is all too black and or white...
yawn...the tone of the article is condescending...and repititive...and foolhardy...flogging a dead horse AND not knowing the horse is dead...
life is full of grays...be humble and learn to respect the other person/gender for they too have their dreams, desires and rights
and the impression this mahatma gives of speaking to men ... all 3.5 billion is preposterous...and speaking of humility...do not speak or represent all men...
Sumanth
December 26, 2009
05:37 PM
temporal,
I do not represent 99.999% of 3.5 billion men stuck in the identity of hunters.
I already wrote, men live in denial and the pressures to conform to existing worldview are too great in Spartan Agoge. Men are conditioned that way since ages. So, I am not surprised.
temporal
URL
December 26, 2009
06:13 PM
sumanth:
you used "men" 49 times in your post...not once in this obessive diatribe did you ever mention:
- that you do not speak for all men
- or, who are these men you speak for
this is TVS
;)
Sumanth
December 26, 2009
10:52 PM
temporal,
If I used "amoeba" 49 times in the post...
- Does that mean, I am speaking for all amoeba.
It is completely black or white, when it comes to gender identities and behaviour, if one excludes transgenders.
The constraints imposed by identities have to be questioned.
temporal
URL
December 26, 2009
11:35 PM
sumanth:
there!
our basic and irreconcilable difference
all living organisms...including TVS afflicted von-siffers...live in a colourful world...a world that is not black, white or any solid colour...the world has shades...being oblivious of shades means?....TVS....you know what it is....;)
T N Balsubrimanian
December 26, 2009
11:48 PM
Very thought full article. men and women has inherited burden of past in the form of duties, responsibilities, expectation; but with times women are able to remove burden of past and adapt to new changing times but men are stick in the past and past is past, so men need to look to present and future and bury the ghost of past
Rani_laxmibai
December 27, 2009
12:51 AM
temporal, how do you fill in the male/female box in an application form? Do you print "shades of grey" next to the box? Gotta avoid that tunnel vision syndrome.
mbjesq
URL
December 27, 2009
01:00 AM
Sumanth:
The self-righteously progressive attitude you cop is also somewhat betrayed by in the breathlessness with which you announce that "gender roles have blurred themselves." When did you get back?
Look, gender inequity is an evergreen topic; and you'll find no shortage of good material for discussion ranging from serious deliberation of systemic human rights offenses to talking smack about the institutionalized cluelessness permitted to men. Somehow, the concerns you have focused on miss the twin marks of real and interesting. You don't get points for exhaustive superficiality in this game.
I'll tip my hat, however, for one short passage, that gets lost in the mishmash: your riff on "Be a man!"
As a feminist who grew up in a household of four stunningly talented, self-confident women, I was always impressed with the blunt idiocy of boy-to-boy exhortations "Be a man!" or "Don't be a girl!" These never seemed to correspond with the way I selected my role models, lending a sense of unintended irony.
The crude synecdochic insults, "Don't be a pussy!" and "Don't be a dick!", are also telling in their differences. The former says to men: don't behave in ways we find virtuous in women. The latter says: don't behave like the man you are. Small wonder that the former never sounds smart and the latter always stings.
You also note that men are supposed to be tough. At the risk of touting my own crap, I wrote on this subject in an essay called, "Getting in Touch with My Feminine Side". Don't be such a pussy that you hesitate to shred it if you don't like it; but don't be a dick about it.
Suresh ram
December 27, 2009
03:27 AM
Feminism encompasses connotations and often misrepresents the voice of every woman.
If feminism prevailed, the world would be drastically different and women wouldn't like the final result.
The day men and women have the same level of power is the also the day when chivalry dies. Many women enjoy visiting bars and having men buy them drinks in exchange for a casual conversation. It seems that after all the work women put into getting ready for a night out, they won't compromise their ability to get free alcohol for the sake of self-independence.
Other women appreciate a man paying for dinner or movie tickets. But in a world where men and women see each other as equals, a man might not open his wallet and show a level of gallantry toward an intriguing woman.
Many of life's common courtesies would disappear if men and women were the same. Women would have to protect themselves and a lot of women would find themselves walking home alone instead of being escorted home by a man. A man's reflex to open a door for a woman would be replaced with the thought of her being comfortable enough to open the door for herself.
If both sexes were equal, love would become awkward as well. Marriage, or even deciding who should propose or pay for the ring, would be a different experience. The days of a husband pulling out his wife's chair would be over because men wouldn't want to risk hearing a reminder about how women can do things for themselves.
It seems that if men and women acted as equals, dating would be pretty boring. The chemistry created between two people is not defined by strong similarities, but by the differences and struggles for power that some feminists seek to destroy.
http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2005/11/11-08-05tdc/11-08-05dops-column-01.asp
Sumanth
December 27, 2009
03:43 AM
mbjesq,
This article is not about the gender inequality "mess" existing in the world today.
For too long, the world has used the feminist models to understand men or male identity. If you are a feminist, then you may have to unlearn the conditioning that you have gone through to think afresh.
My upbringing is somewhat similar to yours and I was also a feminist before I started unlearning and started asking serious questions about identity and gender roles/expectations assigned by society.
I also wrote about a direct experimentation on hundreds of men conducted by us enabling them with more power and freedom over their lives.
Just a minor increase in tolerance to vagueness, uncertainty, contradictions and non-logical thinking, gave them more power, freedom and enhanced their capability to influence others. The experiment was mostly conducted in Bangalore.
So, the experiments on groups of males have a high success rate. Some of the successes include complete deescalation of serious marital problems.
DCritic
URL
December 27, 2009
08:56 AM
This is a nice article to read about the hard-wired attitudes that men have which works against their own well being and rights
sandeep
December 27, 2009
10:50 AM
sumnath
because men do not fret over the little things in life and have developed the ability to go emotionally numb and think about the bigger things, they have managed to achieve so much....they have managed to become scientists, capitalists, and athletes. it is exactly the reason that also gives rise to the WAGE GAP! because they take up boring careers of finance and engineering and go thru the cut throat competetion while risking hypertension and dying 5 yrs earlier than women. and yes i may sound like a 'dick' here.
seriously dude...feelings are over-rated. it all comes down to how we are brought up. ppl encourage their daughters to complain about the slightest problem they have in school but tell their sons to deal with theirs themselves. women are encouraged to huddle together and talk about their problems...they are not looking for solutions most of the time...but sympathy.
if you are a sensitive male. go ahead then live your life as one.
you are time and again ignoring this point. or maybe just ignoring it.....the majority of issues that feminists cry about are crap/baseless. what good would happen to men if they follow in their footsteps.
temporal
URL
December 27, 2009
11:01 AM
rani:
there is nothing gray about tangibles;)
mark:
that last para was priceless...and was lost on the intended recipient
Sumanth
December 27, 2009
02:30 PM
Sandeep,
When men focus on small things, ask for X when they want Y, become vague, uncertain and non-logical once in a while, they become relaxed, happy, free and powerful. Their spouses find them mysterious and lively.
The males in hunter identity are boring for most women as they are so predictable, so much stuck.
I also know, consequences when some modern women start taking "male hunter identity" in urban India. I also know what can happen to women, who are highly logical, straight forward and honest, when they are in a serious personal problem.
Yeah. As temporal spoke about shaded of gray, women who show hunter identity and get obsessed with big things, have a greater chance to lead miserable and powerless lives.
------------
The results of shift in male identity are easily demonstrable.
I know, how difficult it is for a judge to deal with a male, who is non-logical, vague and asks X when he wants Y (just like most women).
It is difficult to deal with people who are non-logical and persistent.
sandeep
December 28, 2009
10:31 AM
sumnath
you have a point that maybe plausible but i personally cannot imagine benefits accruing to men if they follow in feminists footsteps.
i dont think (any)society is structured in a way that it will accommodate men who are irrational and who like to blame others for their problems.
furthermore if men dont take the 'hunter identity', they lose their value as mates. for a lot of women, its still a choice. because even the women who are earning and are thus hunters themselves still want a man who is atleast equal to them in earning potential. men on the other hand are willing to ignore a womans earning ability when looking for a mate.
similarly women who take the 'male hunter role' in urban centers get unhappy because they dont see the benefits accruing to them the way it does to men who are 'hunters' mostly in the sense that they dont see their sexual/relationship value go up like it does for men when they land in a high power job and they realize all the men their age are going for hot secretaries half their age. and then their frustration comes out as "men are oh so intimidated by high powered women" when infact high power in a woman just doesnt increase their sexual/relationship value for men.
Sumanth
December 28, 2009
04:17 PM
Sandeep,
This article is not about males following feminist footsteps. Neither does it tell men to be weak powerless creatures blaming others for their problems.
In fact, males in hunter identity actually blame others for their problems when you give them the opportunity to open up, where as men who are free from that constraint, actually take responsibility for their lives and start acting on what creates a powerful influence.
-----
There is nothing irrational about men speaking about small choices, small issues and men being emotional about it.
Issues like work life balance, freedom to have hobbies, freedom to have a peaceful existence, freedom to cry, freedom to be vulnerable are as important as breathing.
"If men dont take the 'hunter identity', they lose their value as mates. for a lot of women, its still a choice."
Why men have to remain stuck in cave age, just for the sake of choices of "a lot of" women?
Actually, the men in hunter identity have less chance of mating on an average than the men who have broken free from that constraint.
Competitiveness in male world for seeking a mate, actually increases the premium that they pay for having a mate. So, reduction in competition leads to premium rationalisation.
(This itself can be another complete article).
"men are oh so intimidated by high powered women"
Well, I would call that common sense. Who would like to live with an arrogant person, at a time when men have no legal rights in most relationships?
------
However, your points clearly show that a minor shift in identity of males will have many different implications for men, women, children and the society as a whole.
------
As I have mentioned earlier, the implications can only be seen when a social experiment is conducted. When we conducted this experiment for couple of years on large samples of men, we found men became happy, healthy, powerful and even their wives transformed gracefully stopping all the nagging, abuse and threats.
This article is bit abstract. I will come with an article on very specific of small choice for men, where you can clearly see how it makes a difference not only for the man, but also for his spouse.
"Misplaces Ass Syndrome" makes men blind and they fail to see certain portions of reality in their own lives. There are many things that just do not occur to them.
temporal
URL
December 28, 2009
05:15 PM
understatement of the month
This article is bit abstract
finally a grudging admission?
;)
Suresh ram
December 28, 2009
09:53 PM
An abstract is a brief summary of a research article, thesis, review, conference proceeding or any in-depth analysis of a particular subject or discipline, and is often used to help the reader quickly ascertain the paper's purpose
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abstract_(summary)
A Man
December 31, 2009
04:18 AM
gorky you should have end with the result which is evident in Crime bure reports, sucide of married men vs women, which more than 99% men are unaware :( once again proved the pain of a mother or sisters is nill, when they loss thier son or brothers, right my dear frineds?), let enjoy the domestic violence against men and let them die, it is not crime in india.
Indian Husbands End thier life:It Was A Crime That I Was Born As Man ?
Crime Bure data,
In the Year 2005, the Crime Against Men, More than Twenty-two Lacks sixty Four Thousands ( 92.88%) vs One Lack fifty-five thousands against women( 6.38%)?
http://ncrb.nic.in/crime2005/cii-2005/Table%201.1.pdf
Comp. Sue Moto By Police(FIR Registered): 24,37,973/-
Crime Against Women : 1,55,553/-
Crime against Child : 17,975/-
Crime against Men : 22 ,64 , 445/-
In the Year 2005 the Crime Against Men, More than Twenty-two Lacks sixty Four Thousands vs One Lack fifty-five thousands against women?
% Wise All India Crime Against Men, Woemn and Child as Under :
Crime Against Women : 6.38%
Crime Against Child : 0.73%
Crime Against Men : 92.88%
We wonder Whose life is in More Danger in India : Men or Women?
Crime Bure data 2005 : Married Men Sucide : 52k vs Married Women Sucide 28K.Still there is no LAW to Protect Men why?
2006 Crime Bure Data : Married Men Sucide:55452 vs. Married Women Sucide:29869.
2007 Crime Bure Data : Married Men Sucide:57593 vs. Married Women Sucide:30064.
Will Our LAW Maker change the LAW 304B( dowry death) to 304C( Sowry Death) and 498A ( harrasement to wife) to 498B ( Sowry harrasement by wife) ?
Sumanth
January 7, 2010
01:17 AM
DNA: Boys Need Special Focus
Women, especially Indian women, have played a major role in making men what they are. The typical Indian mother, trying to make up for the emotional deficit in her relationship with her spouse, ends up building up her son as surrogate to step into the void.
This kind of toxic maternal affection and high emotional expectations permanently scars boys and as they develop their own sexuality, they sometimes develop both deep bonds and deep anxieties about their mothers.
The vast majority of ordinary, decent men have limited awareness of their own emotional needs and an even poorer ability to communicate. Half their human faculties have been sacrificed to the cause of evolution.
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