The Astrologer, Pushan and Other Marriage Tales

The phone rang. I picked it up to hear the thundering voice of the South Indian Amma bellow “I got him!"

"Who?"

"The Astrologer from the Vinayaka temple, the one i was chasing for the past 2 months!"

I groaned. Oh no! Here we go again...

"He said you will definitely get married but...."

"But what?" I asked in spite of myself, berating myself idealistically after I realized that I had said that.

"You have done tremendous amount of negative karma in your previous lives and that is the reason why nothing is taking place right now!" I winced. The previous lives explanation for which you have no answer....I love those ones.

“Yes, a lot of negative karma!" I coughed. "Okaaaayyyy momeee...not a lot, just probably a little!"

"No, no, Sandhya. the astrologer said that you had done a lot. He is going to Shringeri now. When he comes back we will do a homam to eradicate your sins."

I shook my head. Astrology is now beginning to turn out like a recipe. Give the same recipe to a thousand women and they will all come up with different versions of the same dish. The same applies to astrologers. give them the same horoscope, and they all come up with different predictions. the number of predictions I had heard until now was just amazing.

"So amma...," I was still trying to sound non committal. "Did he say love or arranged marriage?" (For the newcomers, the count currently is 4 for love and 2 for arranged.)

“What is this, Sandhya!" the south Indian Amma cried exasperatedly " here I do not even know whether you will get married and you expect me to ask this question!"

"Anyways," she continued, in a slightly milder tone, "he said you will become very powerful after marriage"

Now what sort of prediction is that! As if I was running for political office! the word powerful conjured up images of me riding astride some animal, wielding a mace in my hand, fully armored, decimating all those in my way on a huge battlefield. (Amar Chitra Kathas! Where would my imagination be without them?)

“Are you listening to me?" the Amma bellowed again." "Yes" "Oh really? Then repeat what I just said!"

"You said that i would be riding on an animal, wielding a mace, fully armored, decimating all those who were in my way on this huge battlefield!"

Long silence.

Then the South Indian Amma does what she is used to doing in cases where she is confronted with her progeny's mental aberrations.

She ignored me.

“We will do the homam as soon as he comes back in July. He’s very powerful, so your negative karma will get eradicated and you can get married." She yelped happily at the thought of it all.

A little too happily, if you ask me.

That got my imagination working and you all know what happens when that happens :)

What could have I possibly done to accumulate negative karma?

In one of my previous existences, I pictured myself sitting behind some rusty iron desk, an inept, corrupt and arrogant Babu, in charge of the marriage registry:

“what only 1 witness?....you know the rules ...come tomorrow with another one."

"What only 2500k for a bribe? Do you know how the prices are nowadays? See these people, I say! Go, get some more money and come tomorrow"

"This driving license does not look genuine...i cannot see the age properly. What you youngsters - don't know how to get proper documents. Go get it notarized and come tomorrow."

"Why you come now? See the time ...in half an hour we will have lunch. How can I finish this work in 30 minutes? You kids must be reasonable. You think you are the only ones getting married? It’s not possible...come tomorrow."

I can just imagine all those couples slinking away frustrated, thinking to themselves “you bastard! This lifetime we can't do anything, you are already married but we will catch you the next lifetime, just you watch!"

And so here I am, the infamous and much hated marriage registrar babu reincarnated with leftover karma as the rabble rousing rebellious rabbit of this age!

until the busy pundit finds time to propitiate the souls of those couples frustrated by me, I shall languish in singledom, which incidentally has always suited me very, very well ! Maybe a bit too well, if you ask me!

 Anyway, this got me thinking and I did a Google search to find out who was considered as the Indian god/goddess for marriage. The results threw up the formidable Parvati but everyone already knows about her and you know that the most popular one never interests me :) but Google never fails and soon enough it threw up someone whom I had never heard of in my life.

Pushan.

Yes, Pushan is considered, among other things (and you thought multitasking was an American phenomenon!), the god of marriage in Indian mythology. Well, primarily it seems the dude was the god of traveling, protector of cattle and so on, but he is also invoked during the marriage ceremonies. An ancient sun god, mostly associated with Indra, in Indian mythology he has been given the responsibility of giving away the bride and blessing her for her married life. He was the guide of the common people, taking them to richer pastures and the giver of wealth. He was also given the task of ferrying the souls of the dead to the afterlife.

Basically, the dude did everything. They must have been having a shortage of gods back in his time.

What amazed me was that no one had ever had heard of this guy but in every marriage ceremony in India, his name is invoked!

This is why you should ask the priest what the hell he is mumbling at super fast speed during all the rituals.

But when you think about it, it all makes sense. Life is a journey dotted with fertile pastures and not so fertile pastures and it is very easy for human beings in the course of their travels to get lost. In this long journey, the biggest path that one has to travel upon is the path of marriage.

Pushan, the lord of paths, was the much needed friend of humans, the one vested with the power of nourishing their lives. The Google searches revealed hymns asking Pushan to bless the native with love and successful conjugal relations - essential for a happy, prosperous journey in life.

Alas, Pushan was lost in obscurity as time passed on. Until our very own ferreting fish stumbled upon him :)

i was thrilled. This blogging stuff is really bringing forth people and concepts that I have not heard before. For a GK fanatic like me, I felt like a kid in a candy store!

This brings me to that lot of people who did not have the beneficial presence of Pushan in their lives. Dowry deaths in India were estimated to be 7618 in 2006 (this is the "official" figure). According to India's National Crime Record Bureau, a dowry death is reported every 77 minutes in India. The influx of prosperity has not brought about any change in the mindset, in fact it has had made matters worse. People want all the symbols of success now - the expensive cars, clothes, the reception in the five star hotels and so on. The girl just has to bring all of this - dowry demands have now shot up. This culture of materialism has made the ill of dowry even more prominent.

Who would want a girl if she causes so much of pain? In a way, its good I guess. You never know the importance of something until you lose it. Let there be a shortage of women for a generation, then maybe this riches-obsessed society who have always considered women to be second class citizens will then understand. Who knows? What has not happened in centuries, what is the guarantee it will happen now?

According to the NCRB, Andhra Pradesh topped the list among the states for crimes against women, accounting for 13% of all cases reported in 2006. Also the state topped the list when it came to cases of torture meted out to women by their in laws and their husbands-14.5% of all cases.

Why am I not surprised?

My mother used to always tell us about the culture that existed in AP but no one in my family listened to her. In the last couple of years I have realized that all what she had said was not nonsense - some of it was very, very true.

By mistake, the marriage bureau sent my mother profiles of women. In them, blatantly along with age, qualifications, height and so on, property of the family was mentioned (they actually have such categories!) and in that category, all the profiles had expressly mentioned - for e.g., total family property x crore, girl's share 80 lakhs.

This was in a public marriage bureau and all the profiles mentioned the amount the girl would give. What’s the point of an act, rules, laws an so on? We have seen cases where those who are responsible for implementing the laws are the ones who take the most dowry. My mother was shocked. She said it was almost like an act of god telling her, Lakshmi, don't worry. This is the reason why your daughter is not getting married.

I was taken aback by the blatancy of it all. Wow! It’s out in the open. The law has no value whatsoever!

Funnily enough, Renuka Choudhary, the Union Minister for women and child development is also from Andhra Pradesh.

I don't see this trend going anywhere. one more generation (at least!) has to suffer this great evil.

In these times, I have great respect for my dad who almost 30 odd years ago refused to take dowry. Because he was the eldest, he set a precedent - no one in the Tenneti family ever took dowry after that. I also respect my grandfather. He could have told my dad to shut up and obey his elders, it was a common practice and he would lose face among his peers but my dad said no just once and my Granddad bowed down to his wishes without any fight whatsoever. He respected his son's wishes when he could have so easily overridden them. For a young man like my father - he was an idealist who led by example. I am proud of both of them.

I do not know if I can change society but I know one thing for sure - I can control what is in my hands.

I too will lead by example.

And if more of us do that, then one day India will become a place where women from all walks of life (not just women in urban India) are able to hold their head high and without fear.

And as we embark upon this journey may Pushan guide us all in reaching our desired destination.