OPINION

Fiction: An Internet Tale

May 01, 2008
Kiran Dhanwada

She was in Mumbai. He was in the US.

She sat in her bedroom in front of her age-old computer, twitching the end of her chunni endlessly.

He had just gotten up from sleep, visibly excited, switching on his laptop - revising one-liners, statements-that-a-girl-will-fall-for and opened the chat application.

They both were online now.

It all had happened by chance. Engineer-MBA guys were the flavor of the season and he was an Engineer-MBA. He wanted to marry an Engineer-girl. Their parents were looking out for matches - traditionally as well as online. During the course of searching through one of these online matrimonial websites, they found each other. Each one liked the other's profile (and necessarily, their parents' also liked each other's family background) and decided that they should communicate. Because of the distance involved (she in India and he in the US) - after exchange of few mails, decided that Internet chat would be the best option.

Today was the D-day.

They saw each other online.

(Lines in Italics are his/her internal thoughts. Others are the ones which they type on the chat application).

He: Should I ping her first? Or will she ping me first? Will I appear too eager if I ping her immediately? No, let me hold on till she pings me.

She: He is online right now, so why doesn't he ping me? Is he not interested in me? I guess being a guy he should take initiative. What will I do with such a non-initiative taking guy? Did I make a mistake?

After a 5 minute standoff, where each party is thinking why the other is not pinging, the guy loses his patience.

He: Hey! Hi.

She: Ufff, finally you dumbo! Hi.

He: I was just checking my mails till now. Didn't see you online?

She: Oh yeah, really! Kid someone else. Same here. Not an issue at all. Glad you pinged.

He: Isn't this chat a wee bit uncomfortable? It would have been better if we had met face to face.

She: Didn't know what to say and didn't want to look stupid. One trick she learnt over the years if she didn't know what to say, say - Heheh!

He: Ooohh!! She's funny too! Sense of humor. Good, Good. So...finished your dinner?

She: Ah! How boring? Anyways, let me continue. Yes. Finished it just now. How about you?

He: I just got up. So....

She: So...

He: Strange behavior lady. Take initiative somewhere. So, what do you like?

She: Like, like what?? Her mother had always taught her to keep the guy in suspense.

He: No, in general, hobbies like that, like that.

She: Ohhh...that!! My hobby is photography. I like reading books too. She always found it fashionable to say that her hobby was photography. Never mind she never had any expertise in it. Her hobby was photography simply because she had a cute digicam. Reading books - ahhh..she wanted to appear intellectual.

He: Ohh!! That is greattt. My hobby too is photography. In fact, I love photography. Reading books - ahh..not that much. But I love listening to music. Again, back in Engineering college and his MBA, he was awed by others because he mentioned photography as one of his hobbies (Later, when they came to know about his photographic skills - well, the matter took a different turn). He had also heard that mentioning the word 'photography' turns on many a lady.

She: Wow!! He too likes photography. I think I found the right guy in my life. What wavelength and frequency match. That is lovely!! So...what if I want to do higher studies? Is your family ok with it?

He: He was always told by his friends to appear progressive. All girls want to study after marriage - that was a rule rather than a exception. He didn't want to whine. She will study right...what the heck? No, no...not at all. In fact, my family would love a girl who is ambitious. They would be proud of having such a girl in the family.

She: Patting herself again that she found the right guy...so, what else??

He: So, what about cooking? Do you know cooking?? His friends had always taught him to add disclaimers when he asked such questions...No, not being a male chauvinist but asking in general!

She: Smiles...adding disclaimers too, he must be intelligent...I know cooking...not an expert though...will you help me? And she didn't want to upset him with the next line..so...And how about you? Will you help me with the cooking part....Heheh!

He: Oh..sense of humor again...good, good! Yes, yes. Sure. Will help you with cleaning dishes and washing clothes too. She wants me share everything already...yuhoo...I think this is a done deal.

She: And...how about wearing western clothes?

He: Progressive behavior was the order of the day...No, not an issue at all. Unless you decide to wear spaghettis and minis...hehe!

She: Good sense of humor...I like the guy! Heheh! No, no...I was just talking about jeans and t-shirt.

He: So...what kind of music do you like?

She: When in doubt, say A R Rahman! She was taught this cardinal rule repeatedly. Classical Indian was out-of-date. And Spice girls would sound outlandish. Conservative but good-taste - that was the mantra. Nothing really special, but I like A R Rahman.

She: Oops!! Music of A R Rahman....Heheh!

He: Nice timing of humor again...I really like the girl! A R Rahman...Conservative and good taste. Good, good. I like Backstreet boys and A R Rahman too....wanted to sound macho as well as force himself to like her taste...agreeing with the lady was a big plus - he was told.

She: Wavelength and Frequency match again! She was beginning to like it. So...how about food habits? Non-veg, Smoking, Drinking etc etc. You know typical habits..Heheh!

He: Enquring ability...nice trait of a lady! Good, Good!! No, No, No...I am a vegetarian with no smoking and drinking habits. How about you? Not that I am questioning you...but still would like to know more about you - He was told the line 'to know more about you' was very satisfying on a lady's mind. It helped soothe all her fears and anxiety...in fact, it was a big plus for any guy who asked that question.

She: What a gracious way of asking the question!! Now, I really like the guy. He wants to know more about me - good good sign J Nope, am a vegetarian too...with no smoking and drinking habits.

He: Good, Good. So...what else?

She: You tell.

He: So...do you like me?

She: Hmmm...let me think ;)

He: Was that a YES?

She: Ahhh...I never said that...Did I? She was taught never to say YES directly in such matters - it looked too arrogant. In fact, not saying a YES was more ladylike and guys liked it - she was told by her marriageable friends.

He: Should I ask my parents to proceed?

She: Aren't we supposed to proceed? Heheh!

He: Good sense of humor again. She is the girl I want to marry!! Yes, we will proceed. I will talk to my parents to talk to your parents.

She: Ok! Hope to talk to you at length after you come to India.

He: Of course, of course! Can I call you now?

She: Nope, not so soon! Heheh! Shall we meet same time tomorrow online?

He: Sure, I am already waiting for tomorrow to come.

She: Heheh!

With that, he closed the chat window. She had good sense of humor, could cook okish - what else did he need in life?

She too closed the chat window - He was gracious, although he was slightly boring - which I can change after our marriage, his hobby too was photography. What else does she need in life?

She smiled off to sleep. He decided to enrol in the gym. And the proceedings began.

A business consultant by profession and a blogger by passion. Other interests include Handwriting analysis and Quizzing. I blog on a variey of different topics - Humor, Finance, Technology, Politics, Views, Gyaan etc. Do drop a line at http://www.sarvamekam.wordpress.com.
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#1
Deepti Lamba
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May 1, 2008
01:42 AM

Do women really do so many - hehehhehee on chat? I never really noticed till now. Entertaining story:)

#2
Kim
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May 1, 2008
10:51 AM

Good one Kiran. A very familiar sounding tale. Guess we all know someone or the other who has met their future spouse this way.

My only issue was Good, good. I like Backstreet boys and A R Rahman too....wanted to sound macho as well as force himself to like her taste

Backstreet boys wouldn't be macho from any point of view right now. They have been classified as a boy band and supposed to appeal mainly to the teen and pre-teen female population. So not a "macho" band as such. You may like to change the name of this band to something else more macho, some hard rock or rap or metal that are perceived as being more macho?

#3
Ms. Anona
May 1, 2008
12:05 PM

They are so mundanely boring that they are interesting. That's blind faith in it's finest.

Heheh!

#4
Blogbharti
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May 1, 2008
01:55 PM

Pingback from Blogbharti: [...]Kiran at Desicritics writes about a fictional chat conversation between an Engineer-MBA in the US and a girl in India who [...]

#5
PM
June 1, 2008
12:24 PM

HaHa "He decided to enrol in the gym" good one !

#6
AJ
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July 15, 2008
05:32 AM

Nice one. Good build up though the "hehehe"s were a little too much but then maybe girls do that ;)

The ending was a kicker. "He decided to enroll in the gym" =))

#7
Celine
URL
July 15, 2008
12:55 PM

And she decided to learn that night how to switch on her cute digicam.

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