'Marriageable' Off Your Radar Please!

40000. Yes, 40000. No, I am not mentioning any salary figure – those were the number of marriages conducted on a single day around a week back in one particular state in India. 40000!! Isn't the number by itself mind-boggling?. However, the number of marriages on a particular day is not the subject matter of this article.The statements made pre-marriage (just before and after engagement but before marriage) and post-marriage (till 6 months after marriage) are!

Over the years, I have learned quite a few pearls of wisdom dealing with ‘marriageable’ (pre and post) people - and I felt it would make immense sense to share these with my dearest readers.

1) I met this friend of mine (a girl) at a multiplex. She came along with some guy I didn’t recognise (a first-time meet). After exchanging the usual pleasantries of ‘Hi’s and ‘How are you’s, she moved in for the kill.

She: So, this is my fiancée Amit.

Me: Hey Amit! Nice to meet you!

She: So….

Me: So… (still didn’t get the clue, I was waiting for her to start/end some topic)

She: So….(desperately rolling her eyes, screaming silently)

Ah…I pick the clue, albeit a trifle too late!

Me: Hey!! Both of you look lovely to-gether. You make a great pair.

She: Ah!! (smiling with vanity) Everyone keeps saying that...not sure why! That’s nothing. But anyway thank you thank you.

That was it. I had to push off before the next ‘So…’

2) I still can’t fathom why people getting married (and immediately after marriage) state the obvious ever so often. I'm still amazed. Few examples to substantiate.

a) He/She: We are both so happy being to-gether. He/She makes me so happy, we are perennially on a laugh riot. So comfy with each other you know.

Me: Oh..that’s great!! (To myself: if you weren’t happy/comfy to-gether then you would have got divorced or not got engaged at all – you silly!!)

b) He/She: So many things change post marriage you know. I thought that I would never change for that one person coming into my life. I am glad I was proved wrong.

Me: Ha ha ha! (To myself: Why the laugh, I have no idea! They just expect this reaction. Probably I was just laughing at his/her foolishness of feeling vain in proving themselves wrong. How stupid! Ha ha ha!)

c) He/She: It is like we were made for each other. Both of us were like ‘Why didn’t we meet each other before?’ types. It’s so much fun you know!

Me: Ha ha ha! That’s very interesting! (To myself: What’s interesting…Don’t ask! And No, I don’t know. And why didn’t you meet each other before – that is because you had to hammer(bore) me with this statement and many more statements to come. That’s why!)

3) Also, I still can’t understand why they don’t get literal and state the obvious in certain situations – say like what happened during honeymoon? Why? No clue. Probably it was too boring, and that is why they don’t want to share it. However, I am all ears to hear this OBVIOUS part, although it’s boring – all my time, all my ears to it. No, Seriously :)!

4) Never ever enter these ‘marriageable’ people home(whether they be friends/relatives, anyone for that matter). They will either kill you by

- Showing you different types of dresses/jewellery/why they chose one wedding card over another/food items for marriage (in pre-marriage scenario) or
- Submerge you with reams and reams of wedding photographs with ‘So…how is this photograph? The lighting was not proper, no?’, ‘So…how are we looking in this photograph?’(post-marriage scenario)

You get what I mean. So…AVOID by all means.

5) One common, most common statement I have heard (and got terribly bored over the years)

He/She: You know why there are so many rituals, functions during marriage…mannn, it’s so tiring.

Me: Ya! (And before I finish my short yet sweet syllable)

He/She: And that is why I guess divorce rates are much lower in India. Who in their right mind would want to go through all the trouble (all functions/rituals) all over again. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha (If I don’t cut him/her off, they would continue the saddd joke and their laughter to infinity)

Me: Yes, Yes..completely agree…the customary laugh…Ha, ha and a ha…So, when you knew that there were so many rituals/functions, why didn’t you opt for a register marriage…so easy and simple, you know…and by your logic, you can get married again and again (A wisecrack indeed…or so I thought)

He/She: A wry smile (didn’t know what to say; they somehow seem to change the entire marriage topic after that statement…still wondering why!

Those were a few of my encounters with ‘marriageable’ people. And if you thought that knowing all the above, I would not be making such stupid/foolish statements and not state the obvious when my time to marry comes – you are very wrong. I am a firm believer in compound interest and I shall have my REVENGE (if you know what I mean, Beware!)