OPINION

Fiona MacKeown's Concept Of Freedom

March 18, 2008
Deepti Lamba

How many times have we heard our parents say to us, "Till the time you are under my roof you do as I say!"?

Frequently, I guess. They invaded our privacy, befriended our friends parents, set up spying networks with other parents , went through our personal diaries and mails, eyed our paramours and despite all our teenage hormonal rampages told us that what they did was for our own good, that they trusted us but not the world.

Those of us who saw love behind their actions forgave them but some did the rebel with a cause routine and further aggravated the situation.

Yes, 15 year olds do push their boundaries, they do get nasty, become head strong and like two year olds going through temper tantrums they refuse to listen to reason.

Do parents then bail out on them? The answer is a definite No!

In the movie Juno, the young teen has sex with her boyfriend and gets pregnant. She has a tough time breaking the news to her father and step mother.

Hard news for the parents to swallow but they were relieved that she was pregnant but not into drugs.

Initially I couldn't comprehend their reaction but as the movie progressed, Juno's father's and step mother's protective attitude towards their daughter, their silent support through her period of turmoil, while all the time respecting her need for privacy were sure signs of good parenting.

Parents know their children and their wild streaks. It is hard to direct them the right way once they are teenagers but one doesn't abandon them or begin to treat them like adults without making sure there is a safety net for them.

Though Juno had sex and then made an adult decision to give the baby up for adoption, but her father knew she was still just a teenager. She was still his child and he was going to make sure she wasn't taken for a ride. Thats what parents do.

Definitely not abandon them with their 25 year old boyfriend and his aged Auntie. Fiona Mackeown admitted she used to do Hashish but gave up when she saw her son doing it. She knew her daughter was sexually active, used to smoke cannabis and drink beer or Bacardi but was never out of control.

Then she proceeded to say that she regretted letting Scarlett return to Anjuna Beach, and like any 15 year old she was pushing her boundaries.

Drugs, sex and the determination to have adult freedom at any cost. No parent would in their right mind let a teenager with such habits out of their sights within their hometown, let alone in a strange country, especially in a place like Goa known for drugs and deviant behavior.

It was like leaving a child in a candy store thinking the tot won't go on a binge.

Scarlett was to stay with her boyfriend, take a bus to Karnataka every now and then, and meet her mother and siblings.

A 15 year old traveling alone in a country like India? What was the mother thinking?

Scarlett reportedly hooked up with the tour guide she was left with, then he and his aunt threw her out of the villa, she stayed at a guest house, ran out of money, got drunk, drugged, allegedly raped and was left for dead.

Fiona MacKeown returned and found out that her daughter had been raped and murdered and excused her own negligent behavior with "I didn't understand the culture or the mindset of the Goan boys, right up to when she was killed."

Didn't understand the culture? Maybe in her hippie world no one did anyone wrong but in Goa where the seedy underbelly is well known, what was the mother thinking by letting her child return to such a decadent place where in the month of January alone 16 foreigners had reportedly died? 

Maybe in the hippie world, Freedom means not being able to say Over my dead body. Maybe it means getting stoned and having free sex and believing in everyone's Buddha nature but it all has consequences.  .

Unfortunately for MacKeown, her free lifestyle cost her daughter's life. Yes, Goa should be safe, yes, there are lots of Indians who are racist and criminal in their intent and I agree the government and the Goan police should be pulled up for letting Goa become a sleaze joint, but that does not take away the mother's culpability in this entire tragedy.

She failed in the first rule of parenting - watching your child's back especially in a strange country. 

3522219025_f800a15f65_t.jpgDeepti Lamba is a writer and an editor for Desicritics. She can be found at Things That Bang
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#1
Aaman
URL
March 18, 2008
03:12 PM

I'm sorry for her, but hope that the UK Government Social services investigates her and evaluates whether she should be with them

#2
bd
March 18, 2008
04:08 PM

and all this on taxpayer money!

#3
desigirl
URL
March 18, 2008
04:27 PM

I hope I don't end up picking the tab for that, Aaman!

Nice article, Dee! Totally agree with you.

#4
temporal
URL
March 19, 2008
12:04 AM

dee:

the mother's dharma spelled her karma which cast a deep shadow over the daughter's pursuit of moksha

sad!



#5
Deepti Lamba
URL
March 19, 2008
01:19 AM

DG and bd, in Britain can one forever live on benefits even when suitably healthy?

temporal, yeah everything is maya till reality bites the ass

#6
Deepti Lamba
URL
March 19, 2008
01:23 AM

DG and bd, in Britain can one forever live on benefits even when suitably healthy?

temporal, yeah everything is maya till reality bites the ass

#7
Amrita
URL
March 19, 2008
01:44 AM

Dee - lol @ "everything is maya till reality bites the ass". I don't think I've seen one person in this whole sordid mess to whom I'd cut some slack.

#8
Deepti Lamba
URL
March 19, 2008
01:58 AM

Ams, Seriously all this could have been much avoided. Even the star witness skipped when he saw the rape. Things really are bad in Goa.

#9
IdeaSmith
URL
March 19, 2008
06:26 AM

Strange as it may sound I'm sorry for her. Her replies sound pathetically naive to me. Losing a child can never be an easy thing and this woman has to live with the thought that her free-spirited lifestyle may have led to her daughter dying, raped and murdered at 15.

#10
desigirl
URL
March 19, 2008
08:34 AM

Dee,
The welfare state means that anyone without a job can go on the dole. If you have children, you can appeal to the council and get a house to live in. More children, more bedrooms. And more dosh, by way of child benefits.

There's also this delightful thing called Incapacity Benefits. If you cannot function cos of an incapacity and are unable to do an honest day's work, then the govt will give u more dosh. At my prev company, I worked on a project that was collecting data from folks on this roll. The actual number of infirm we found were a lot less than the actual numbers suggested.

#11
Deepti Lamba
URL
March 19, 2008
08:38 AM

DG, When can I move to Britain?;)

Ideasmith, I'm not sure whether its gotten through to her as yet. She continues to pass the buck

#12
Deepti Lamba
URL
March 19, 2008
08:44 AM

BTW DG glad to have you back:)

#13
desigirl
URL
March 19, 2008
10:42 AM

Ha ha thanks, Dee! It is good to be back. Hopefully will be in writing form soon!!!

Well, these financial freebies are not for the likes of you and me! We have to pay the taxes that will fund these projects but will still have to be prepared to be the subjects of arbid hate and abuse by offended natives. That's our lot!

#14
Deepti Lamba
URL
March 19, 2008
11:18 AM

Next time tell them- we pay for your upkeep!!

Thought chicken Tikka was their national dish. Our money and food is good but not our presence? tsk..tsk;)

#15
ramesh
March 19, 2008
01:29 PM

it appears several of these foreigners are attempting to (illegaly) purchase homes and land in goa and with restrictions now being imposed they are blaming everyone from developers, lawyers to the government for a situation that has backfired on them. the fact is very few foreigners have set up a bonafide businesses in India - the sole intention of most foreigners is to grab property here by flaunting the rules. indian authorties are not blind to this abuse of a provision which was put into place for the benefit of (bonafide) foreign businesses. boanafide means - businesses who maintain books , P/L statements, file tax returns, have employees and show profits. those who went by the (popular) misconception that indian authorities are too naive and would overlook this farce are now paying the price ..

the recent fiona/scarlett incident , while unforunate has brought to light to the people and government of india that several of the foreigners who have an obsession with living in goa includes trailer trash / dregs of european society who are inherently irresponsible, habitually abuse their own social system,and would eventually do more harm than good to goa / india. such people are should NOT be allowed into goa or any other place in india. the government is taking the right step by screening people at overseas embassies before issuing visas to them.

http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/story.aspx?id=NEWEN20080044296&ch=3/17/2008%2011:57:00%20PM

to get an idea of the true nature of the type of people who are trying to infiltrate indian society one only has to see the britishexpats.com website which is full of comments by crass uneducated and inherently racist people who are trying to get a place in the goan sun as other places in europe like spain are too expensive for them or wont accept them .

as far as getting refunds from developers is concerned - if any developer offers 'any' refund for what foreigners thought would eventually be a free hold property, they are being good to them and should consider themselves lucky. foreigners have been always welcome for short stays - but we should screen them carefully before allowing them to stay long term and corrupt our land and indian society with their filthy values and racist attitudes.

#16
Sarah
March 19, 2008
02:30 PM

This woman has brought up loving, polite, intelligent children, and a terrible tragedy has befallen them because of a deliberately wicked murderer. What sort of people are we to add to the torment of her AND THE REST OF HER DEAR CHILDREN WHO KNOW HOW MUCH THEIR LOST SISTER WAS LOVED AND WILL BE MISSED - I contend we are worse than anything what we are accusing their much loved mother off.

#17
Amrita
URL
March 19, 2008
04:50 PM

Sarah - I hear what you're trying to say and I don't think anybody disputes the fact that this was an awful tragedy. And it would have been a horrible tragedy even if Scarlett was a complete brat and her mother a horrible person. Nobody deserves to die like that. There's also no disputing the fact that the men who did this would have found another victim in time if they hadnt found Scarlett. But none of that means her mother was right to leave the kid behind in a place like Goa either.

#18
Deepti Lamba
URL
March 19, 2008
11:25 PM

Amrita, I don't see Fiona Mackeown as a good parent.
She took her kids on vacation for six months while school was going on. If her kids don't get educated how will they break the cycle of poverty?

I do hope she gets investigated by the services when she returns. Her grief does not excuse her attitude towards life and its influence over her parenting techniques.

Also I agree with Ramesh our government should do strict background checks before letting people visit our country. As it is Fiona has a criminal record and most countries because of it would have denied her visa.

#19
Ms. Anona
March 20, 2008
12:15 AM

Are we really still talking about this and running three thread on DC for these stupid people? Like a thousand people have died of simple car accidents all over the world since she died and no fussing.

Please, the men who killed her were just dumb, she would have put out regardless.

I would love to go to India, but not this tourist trap. I'll just say no, I don't wanna Goa.

#20
Amrita
URL
March 21, 2008
06:04 AM

Dee - I havent been following this story with the attention it deserves but I'm sure you have your reasons for saying so. However, tangentially, this makes me wonder if we ought to judge people as parents based on their worst parenting decision or by their record as a whole. I simply don't know. What do you think?

#21
nigel
March 21, 2008
12:24 PM

Sarah, While describing her children you seem to have left out the fact that her other children are also drug addicts - all this at the UK tax payers expense ! I dont see how they would miss the poor girl if they are perpetually stoned. Your sympathy towards her is not shared by others in the UK and it appears you are one of those who your countrymen despise - here is a comment written by a briton which i read recently :
' I have no sympathy at all for this woman. It's another example how the government is fleecing the taxpayers to pay huge sums of money to this type of lazy inbred trailer park trash that should have been neutered years ago.How on earth can she afford a trip like that when as taxpayers working 60hrs a week I have never been able to afford to take my kids out of the country. This whole thing makes me sick and as far as I am concerned she has got what she deserves.

- Razorray, London '



Sarah Wrote:
This woman has brought up loving, polite, intelligent children, and a terrible tragedy has befallen them because of a deliberately wicked murderer. What sort of people are we to add to the torment of her AND THE REST OF HER DEAR CHILDREN WHO KNOW HOW MUCH THEIR LOST SISTER WAS LOVED AND WILL BE MISSED - I contend we are worse than anything what we are accusing their much loved mother off.

#22
Deepti Lamba
URL
March 22, 2008
12:51 AM

Amrita, I don't like her hippie style of bringing up her kids its as simple as that

#23
Vardhan
March 22, 2008
01:11 AM

A true parent owns up responsibility and not blames people.

I see the following issues.

a) Drugs rampant in India. The school kids are getting addicted at an alarming rate. Especially Indian boys. They are seeing crime at a very young age. I remember 3 years ago, a ninth grader caught robbing from an old woman's home. Even though his parents were well todo, they can't enforce him.

So it means the drug mafia has penetrated us deeply.

b)Enforcing ethics: Unless you have a good family with you, it is tough to enforce ethics. It is no wonder that most people astray from broken families or families where ethics are not enforced/instilled at veyr young age

c)Crime: The Goa police thinks they can do away with anything. Admitting guilt in its own backyard goes a long way. Police-Drug cartel nexus is definitely there.

d)Ownership: Parents must learn to take ownership of children, atleast when they are overseas. India is not bad. But if a girl is partying at 4 in the night, all the factors a-c) come in play.

factor a) is Legislative/Exective . Make drug mafia the top issue for political parties.

Rahul Mahajan is an excellent example to show to the levels it has penetrated in our society.

factor b),d). The family must stand up and understand that we don't live in a utopian world where crime is bound to affect you.

factor c) We need a honest non corrupt brave executive. This is after a crime. bUt factors b,d are before crime.

#24
Madhup
March 22, 2008
01:11 AM

IP Banned

#25
Amrita
URL
March 22, 2008
01:49 AM

Dee - lol, fair enough.

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