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Where Are We From, Really?
Amodini Sharma
The recent controversy – that of the "true Mumbaikar", brings to mind the question of belonging. I have no “accent” so to speak, no Haryanvi influence, no UP-ite drawl, no Punjabi ruggedness, no American accent. I am often asked where I am from , now in the US, and many, many times in India. I often want to ask people what they mean when they ask that. Actually I do ask for clarifications from peers – Do you mean where my parents are from? Or do you mean me? They’ll clarify.
However try asking the Unclejis/Auntijis this sort of stuff, and I get these weird looks like they’re thinking I’m an odd girl (Not very docile, is she now?). Do they think that I have remained rooted to the birthplace of my ancestors? Is that what they mean – where were your grand-parents from? Surely not, since they are talking to me? Surely they care about me – the person standing in front of them, more than my great-great-grandfather’s home-town? Are they asking me what my native tongue is? Where I went for my summer holidays? Mussoorie??? Are they asking me where my father’s elder brother lives? Or my Mom’s? Or where I live now?
In the US, sometimes this question is understandable – I ask it, and I couldn’t care about the language you spoke at home, as long as we can communicate somehow. You try to get a feel for the person you just met – where did you go to school? Non-vegetarian? You try to form links and connections – do you know so-and-so etc. But I’ve noticed that there are also other reasons people ask this – you can see their minds work. Reasons such as the reason to classify me as a Northie, or a Southie, to find out my caste and my Gotra, to find out if I am one of them.
To those people I give the whole schpiel :
“My father is from so-and-so, and my grand-father was from so-and-so village. My mother’s side is from this city, but that was because my grand-father moved … And then of-course we never actually lived in my “home-town(s)”, so I don’t if I actually belong there. And then we moved again . . . to the US. Let me tell you where all I’ve lived here . . “
At this point, people’s eyes are glazing over. If I notice, I stop. But, sometimes, I don’t.
The question of “belonging” has always got to me – what really is the correct answer? Do you belong to the land of your ancestors? You may or may not have been brought up there, so how do you profess links? Do you belong to your Dad’s “place” or your Mom’s? Or both? What if they are really far apart? I have lived all over India, and least of all in the states to which my parents/grand-parents profess attachment. If I live anywhere for more than 5 years, can I say I belong there? When I learn a language which is not my mother-tongue, can I say I belong? If I move to another country, and consider it home, do I belong?
Who decides if I belong? Just like who decides if I’m a patriot, a Hindu, or fit to live and speak my mind? Who, really?
Where Are We From, Really?
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annamma
March 2, 2008
09:42 PM
Amodini,
The way i see it, we belong to several communities at the same time. Beginning from all of us being earthlings....:-) In that for me, lies freedom, and inclusivity, at the same time. Narrowing it down to state, village, age group, choice of food, professional groupings, religion, and so on is also alright, as long as I remember that ultimately we are all earthlings!
On a lighter note, that may be the big question for our descandants : "Should we think of ourselves as earthlings, or martians, or Planet Xians?" Planet X may quite possibly be in some far-flung galaxy that earthlings have colonised...
kerty
March 2, 2008
10:56 PM
Amodini..
Being on the move all the time, obviously your family does not belong to any one particular place. Therefore, issue of identity, belonging are irrelevant for you, and perhaps irritating.
However most Indians do have a definite place, roots, ancestry, castes, religion, language - which they identify with or can be identified with, and it helps them understand each other better, establish appropriate level of understanding and connections. Asking each other where they hail from is a way to break the ice, and keep the conversation flowing. Its is also a way to discriminate and decide with whom to open up at more personal level and with whom to keep it strictly at professional level. When I meet a person, I try to know if a person comes from same region as I do, speaks same language as I do, shares same caste as I do, knows same places as I do. If that person does, than it establishes a special connection and helps take the interaction to a next level, resulting in a stronger relationship and often into friendship. If we both hail from same linguistic region, it allows us to switch to our mother tongue. If he or she hails from same town or caste, the discussion immediately moves to establish if we have common friends or relatives, well-known places that we both may have common liking for etc. Indians are highly networked people and that is the instinct at play when two Indians meet and first thing they ask is where each of them are from. People who have no roots to their past, who have left or dropped out from their roots for whatever reasons will probably not understand or appreciate this slice of Desiana.
commonsense
March 2, 2008
11:36 PM
Amodini,
Great post! My point exactly...we are all polycultural, hybrid and mongrels, and that's a damn good thing too. It does not mean we are confused. Just more flexible, more agile and more open to new influences. Not so open that our brains fall out, but still, open enough such that our brains can select, filter and retain whatever fits our lifestyle. As for the seekers of purity, or unadulterated cultures (hint: Kerty and his ilk), they are welcome to their wild goose chase...
Amodini
URL
March 5, 2008
06:27 PM
Annama,
Thanks - yes I do see what you mean. I think we are all OK knowing that we are different - ie; different in language, state etc. as long as we don't use that to exclude others (as in the Mumbaikar controversy).
Kerty,
Yes, desis are highly "networked", but "networking" should not be used to exclude others. Yes, ties to similarities are important, but then do "dissimilar" people become "the enemy" ? The "slice of Desiana", as you put it, for me, is inclusivity, and understanding. Understanding that we are all essentially the same, it's human vs. human, not Mumbaikar against non-Mumbaikar. And if appreciating this "slice of Desiana" actually means telling others that they "don't get it" (the whole us vs. them thing again) then I'm better off not appreciating it.
Commonsense,
Thanks for understanding ! Good to know that there are people like you around (there is hope yet !).
rumana husain
URL
March 27, 2008
02:39 PM
amodini, i enjoyed your post thoroughly, also the comments.
our son has a pakistani passport, just like we do, but our daughter-in-law (half pakistani, half brazilian), has a brazilian passport as well. they were studying and later working in the US and they now live in china. while our son's parents were born in pakistan, his four grandparents come from four different cities in india, and nearly all their relatives still live there. We have an 8-month old grand daughter who will soon be speaking chinese, urdu, english and probably portuguese and gujarati as well. we hope that she is going to turn out into this marvelous blend, belonging to different cultures.
And then there is our daughter...well another time!
rumana husain
URL
March 27, 2008
02:41 PM
amodini, i enjoyed your post thoroughly, also the comments.
our son has a pakistani passport, just like we do, but our daughter-in-law (half pakistani, half brazilian), has a brazilian passport as well. they were studying and later working in the US and they now live in china. while our son's parents were born in pakistan, his four grandparents come from four different cities in india, and nearly all their relatives still live there. We have an 8-month old grand daughter who will soon be speaking chinese, urdu, english and probably portuguese and gujarati as well. we hope that she is going to turn out into this marvelous blend, belonging to different cultures.
And then there is our daughter...well another time!
Ayan Roy
URL
March 28, 2008
01:56 AM
Very nice article, Amodini.
For some people caste, ancestry, religion, roots are very important. It's sad however that they miss out on many new ideas, experiences and cultures because of their exclusive thoughts, and because of their decision to open up (or not to open up) to people based on these factors.
I try to open up to anyone who is genuinely nice to me and is a good human being at heart; whether he/she is African, Chinese or Arab, or more locally a Tamilian, Gujrati or Assamese, does not matter to me at all.
(Yes, it does help to have a common language to ease exchange of ideas! :-))
Personally, as far as time permits, I try to appreciate and learn about all types of people, ideas, religions, philosophies, food, art, music, etc. from all over the world. I believe this makes a person richer and well-rounded.
But that does not mean that I neglect or denigrade the Bengali culture taught by my family.
I think it's best we all try to consider ourselves as 'Earth humans' or 'Earthlings' as Annamma put it so nicely.
Love and peace to all,
Ayan
Ayan Roy
URL
March 28, 2008
03:22 AM
A very apt quote w.r.t. this article:
"To me, it seems a dreadful indignity to have a soul controlled by geography"
- George Santayana
Love and peace to all,
Ayan
Amodini
URL
April 8, 2008
05:41 PM
Rumana,
Thank You ! How lovely to have this nice mix of language and culture ! You are lucky indeed.
Ayan,
Thanks - I really like the quote. I do agree - appreciating the different does make you richer.
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