Desicritics Comments on Fiction: A Muslim Wife's Birthday

Comment by (a+b)^2

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 16:54:10 EST

The title and the passage doesnt relate to each other. Either the author's pen is highly influenced by western rhetoric or the author is trying to attract readers by using the word muslim.

Comment by commonsense

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 23:14:31 EST

kerty: "And that is what nations and communities usually go thru because they lack that glue of will, love and sacrifice among different cultures..." Wanted: a national glue company...

Comment by commonsense

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 23:11:53 EST

kerty: "If a personal relationship lacks or is not able to develop that glue" Erotic, gooey stuff....

Comment by kerty

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 22:25:14 EST

Anona... Men in general tend to forget or trivialize dates and anniversaries and I would certainly include myself in that category. I know why I do not attach too much importance to them, but I do not know about others though. I do not know enough about Moslem culture to know how widely b'days and anniversaries are celebrated in their culture. Nor I would pretend to know how wide spread it is among hindus as they tend to be too diverse in social-cultural matters to be amenable to generalization. I know that my family historically never celebrated them, nor all the families, communities and towns surrounding mine that I knew growing up. B'days and anniversary milestones were confined to Gods and other events of religious/cultural importance. Individual-centric celebrations were confined to weddings and other sanskaras. We certainly celebrated death anniversaries of departed family elders in the form of homage. But not the living ones. I think things began to change gradually after 60s and main exposure to these new rituals came from Bollywood movies. Still, it was confined to rich and Baniyas, while common folks like us wondered what the big deal was all about. Our calander was never dull, always full of ceremonies and festivities of weddings and religious festivals celebrated at whole village level. So nobody needed additional excuses to create new ones. But in last 20 years, I have seen a sea change. B'day celebrations have became a norm in most families I come across. Though cake and candles are not always part of celebrations. In my own family, with the birth of our kids, we too have started celebrating b'days but in a little subdued manner(my wife cornered me into it as she was feeling embarrassed not celebrating while all other family relatives were celebrating their kidss' b'days) - we make it a point to go to a local temple on that day and than feast on specially prepared dinner or sometimes go out for a lavish dinner, but still, it strictly remains a private family affair. I still have not come around to celebrate my own b'days yet. The point is, these things are ingrained culturally in many parts of India. There is no personal slight of loved-ones intended or involved in such cases. I know many Indians who do not celebrate mother's day but their mom remains number #1 in their lives 365 days a year. But if one were to look at such things from different cultural sensitivities, lots of things would look baffling and one could end up reading more into it than there really is the case. If one were to look everything as caricatures without being mindful of each other's cultural sensitivities, than blending or co-existence of two cultures within a family relationship can become a very rough and bumpy ride. And that is what nations and communities usually go thru because they lack that glue of will, love and sacrifice among different cultures that a loving personal relationship is able to have. If a personal relationship lacks or is not able to develop that glue, such relationship would likely inherit some of the prejudices and struggles that both cultures at large may be projecting. Bottom line, only spirit of love and sacrifice can bridge the divides in relationships.

Comment by commonsense

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:45:44 EST

Ms A: ""The one I wanted you guys to read is pretty long and tending towards erotic."' You might just end up hurting my a-erotic sentiments. Just kidding! Let it rip!

Comment by Deepti Lamba

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:22:02 EST

Lol! I know how it feels, one needs nerves of steel when a work is ripped apart but being writers we are glutton for punishment;) I am looking forward to your next piece:)

Comment by Robert

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:04:06 EST

I think it's cool.. Robert. http://onlinehardware.blogspot.com

Comment by Ms.Anona

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 20:53:38 EST

Deepti, you misunderstand me. I like temporal's response a lot, especially after I have been told he posts in small quantities. Please, take another stab at me, feels great.

Comment by Deepti Lamba

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 20:47:19 EST

Mrs Anona, as writers we give our readers and critics the freedom to judge our stories. Temporal merely provided feedback. Take it in the spirit it was intended. And welcome to DC:)

Comment by commonsense

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 19:43:04 EST

Ms. A, a bit too black/white, but, keep writing. temporal is, by his own admission "a man of few words", but sometimes he is not. as poena says, keep writing!

Comment by Poena

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:28:01 EST

That was a very moving story. It captures, through a single event, a forgotten birthday, much of the inter-cultural tensions between a white woman and a muslim husband. It's got subtleties that address not just the dynamic between the husband-wife but also the transference and identification with others with culturally different backgrounds. The concept is very strong. The form could use a little work. But i think you said a lot with a few words. Keep writing!!

Comment by Ms.Anona

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:13:20 EST

Ok, just forget about that last post, not important. Yes, you will see personal drama unfold here, is that a problem? I think deep inside temporal likes me, but he's not the type to say it. Temporal, I do really appreciate the long retort and I do not see you as a hazard. I would expect nothing more from you, no offense. This isn't my best piece, but I like it, that's enough for me right now. The one I wanted you guys to read is pretty long and tending towards erotic. A negative response is much much better than silence.

Comment by kerty

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:58:45 EST

Anona. T is not known to be highly verbose and he kind of surprised me. But your retort ate the cake. What do you mean by 'you old farts'? Where did that come from? It smells fishy to me. I hope you are not out to rattle gaseous windpipes here right from your first post. I also couldn't make out what "Last night a DC saved my life!!!" meant. Are we suppose to know what happened to you last night? Are we going to see personal drama unfold here?

Comment by Ms.Anona

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:09:42 EST

I don't expect you old farts to get this, but "Last night a DC saved my life!!!"

Comment by temporal

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:28:12 EST

a/m: welcome to DC:) since you are new here let me begin with this caveat: no offense intended:) now, i don't really know where to begin with...there is so much that can be avoided here yesterday in a comment i mentioned "show don't tell" let me illustrate above: take this scenario: as a director you have to execute a scene in a busy restaurant...dinner time...a table for two...the 30+ couple is about to break up... a smart director would "show" the story...camera panning the restaurant...focussing on the ring in his/her hand....moving to fingers clutching the glass very firmly eyes looking past her at others in the restaurant...camera cutting to her misty eyes....cutting to her hands fidgeting nervously with table cloth...voice a few decibels above normal to show anger,resentment, bitterness...this is how the director is showing the audience something not normal exists between the couple and they are about to break up... a lazy director would just show an angry he-said-she-said scene and wrap up the former effort could be remarkable while the latter is forgettable *** back to this story * the heading is simplistic...first you are already "telling" ...and why muslim? ... what follows is too universal to confine to muslims alone the first sentence It was his wife's birthday, but no one would have known if not for Jane. is unremarkable...and rather torturous... you have introduced THREE characters here ALREADY! (in short stories or even in a chapter of a novel in the beginning ... you have to take the reader with you...do not overwhelm your reader) second paragraph: Rabia. her name was Rabia. need i say anything?...the construct is more torturous and out of genre ( based on the format as it follows)... and really...it is not the editor who can fix the writer's spelling errors...they are all voluntary editors here and have time constraints...the principal onus is on the writer to check and if necessary double and triple check before submitting for publication

It was only acknowledged after Rabia asked Jane's husband, Johan when was the birth date of Annabelle, their daughter. Johan hesitated and looked to Jane for help. Jane didn't know what they were discussing, but after it had been revealed in English, she rolled her eyes and spit out the date along with "And, when is my birthday?!?"

again FOUR character rather undeveloped are introduced... and for an american (as you confessed elsewhere .. the narration is faltering and unsmooth) i guess i have said enough? story telling is magical mesmerism...you have the story...you have to mesmerize and spell bound the reader/audience...if you falter...they will lose interest... don't feel like going through the rest...maybe others can chip in and carry this forward...

Comment by IdeaSmith

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 07:16:49 EST

Nicely written piece. I'm just wondering though, whether it is too stark, too much of a black-and-white picture. But I guess if you're simply describing the world as seen by one person, it is quite perfect.