A 70s Love Child Reviews The 50th Grammy Awards

The Grammys is the best of the awards shows.

Kanye West's "Stronger" is actually a weak song, and it was the first song of his that made me think he could really be using his abilities to come up with much more meaningful songs. He also sang, Mama, and as he sang it was when i remembered that his mother died last year, suddenly and sadly. i had panned that song somewhat when i reviewed the album because a lot of rappers seem to have some type of basic, nothing-new-to-say "Thanks ma" song.

Of course, this rendition, this time, took on a depth of meaning he wished it had not. And it was largely acoustic which made it stronger.

The Beatles songs were also good because they were different from the originals. "A Day In the Life" is just different anyway and one of my favorite Beatles' songs. Since i haven't seen "Across the Universe" the "Let It Be" version was new to me. And judging by how much they were advertising the thing on DVD, I'm guessing not many others saw it either.

The Time and Rihanna were OK, The Time have lost a little energy and edge over time, without the trappings of Purple Rain.

Beyonce just isn't that impressive by herself or singing music meant for her. She's very good in collaboration, and with Destiny's Child. With Jay-Z. With Shakira. With Tina Turner - tonight with Proud Mary. I noticed, couldn't help it really, the plastic surgery of TT's face, kind of sad. Elsewhere too, of course, but now it looks like its painful for her to sing. I would have loved if she had said something along the lines of, good riddance to Ike, her former abusive husband. but I suppose making it clear she's moved past that is more powerful.

It was also good to see Tina, finally, with a booty.

I almost forgot Fergie and John Legend's joint production. Fergie has a surprisingly good voice - more Aguilera than Akon.

I guess I should give Amy Winehouse a listen, but her antics are pretty disgusting and completely meant to shock it seems. Hate that. None of it makes me want to listen. She's won two Grammys so far, though. I have a strong feeling I did start listening to one of her songs, probably "Rehab" and actually didn't like it at all.

I missed whatever the opening number was by the way.

Foo Fighters. That song started and the first thing that came to mind was Patrick Swayze's "She's Like the Wind." After that, no matter how rocking it was going to be, it was ruined for me. I wish the violinists and cello player in their whatever that was "moment in the spotlight" mini-competition had been able to play longer instead of The Foos.

Having just watched the first season of Arrested Development on DVD, it was good to see Jason Bateman.

I guess I'll be able to listen to Amy Winehouse, who wisely was pre-recorded [Late correction, no she wasn't] in case she went on a Aerosol binge and fell down the stairs prior to the Grammys.

It's the 50th Grammys by the way. I'm going to be looking for some type of apparel of that - or playing cards or shot glasses. Poker chips?

I had to make sure i was hearing some of the stupid shit coming out of Brad Paisley's mouth before I said it was stupid and shit. " I'd like to check you for ticks? Waa th fuuuuuuck? "Jeans playing peek-a-boo with your butterfly tattoo." Seriously? "I'd like to kiss you deep in the sticks." (OK, I kinda liked that last one). Truly, there must've been something better for him to sing, to highlight country of the evening?

Apparently not.

The "retired" Jay-Z's name has been mentioned a few times. The first award of the evening I cared about was the Best Rap / Hip-Hop Album went to Kanye West's "Graduation."

"You going to play the music over me?"
"It would be in good taste to stop the music, now."
Quote of the evening, so far, as the "see ya, so long" music played and he spoke about his mother, Donda. Truly the mini-speech was somewhat self-serving, saying she would want him to be the biggest artist in the world. Still, it's true, I think, otherwise he wouldn't say it.

Ludacris introducing gospel, the Queen of Soul - and mentioning Cab Calloway - hooray - that was pretty awesome. It was trombone's that played instead of trumpets, unless the trumpets just weren't on the screen. The gospel medley didn't work to well, for me. Gospel builds to something higher. Little snippets don't let the material breath and find their power.

20:55 time check

Fiest, Canadian. 1-2-3-4 is way too light. From Apple to spotlight. The brass was a nice touch. If she'd brought the guitar - it was a nice guitar - out more it would have worked well. But too light.

Keely Smith won the first ever grammy for best performance by a vocalist. I hope she wasn't forced into singing with Kid Rock and she wanted to do it. Kid Rock is surprisingly versatile copying styles. Martha Stewart and Busta Rhymes anyone? "This Old Black Magic Called Love." Thankfully short because it was just awkward.

Best Rock Album - John Fogherty???? Gag. Back to the old. Springsteen for once might have deserved it but I'm glad he didn't get it. The Foo Fighters won???? Well, OK, Springsteen was better than this album by a long shot. And I like the Foo like I like Barack Obama. In other words, I do, but reluctantly and not my first choice.

Slayer won a Heavy Metal award. Surprising there's still a category, but I guess the Rock category is, well see above. in the scrawl.

By the way, I am enjoying the show in case that wasn't clear and it may not be.

Alicia Keys was aiiight. It's a song that has great words, said earnestly. Herbie Hancock, Itzhak Pealman and Max Roach playing together was much more in the mood for the evening. What's that, they didn't all play together? Well the rambling speech by whoever got me completely confused as to what was going on. The music - Rhapsody in Blue - just the music, without campy Gershwin musical singing over it was great. The dueling pianos - we definitely could have had more of that, and the Halloween theme moments lurking in the background of the piece. Ah, rhapsody. The eager hug of the pianists at the end was pretty cool too.

Taylor Swift, after that great music step, went straight into clumsy script. Cough.

Best rap collaboration as a separate award? OK. most everything is a collaboration. Winners were Rihanna and Jay-Z for "Umbrella."

I'm just glad Jordin Sparks' "Tattoo." didn't win a fucking thing. That is the ass-whipingest dumbest song ever. She was great at the Super Bowl, but on my heart like a tattoo just doesn't work for imagery. No heart has a tattoo. Many tattoos are hearts but ...

"We honestly didn't know whether this woman would be available to perform tonight. Cuba Gooding Jr. (????why) about Amy Winehouse, both in London. Translation - "She coulda been dead y'all."

After listening to her now, other than some serious mumbling, and rambling music that seems to have no beginning, middle or end - not too bad at all. I like distinction in voice, even if it doesn't go anywhere (cf. Tori Amos, Bjork). She can't dance but she moves well. I really want to listen to more now but since I'm already tired of her foolishness, it's likely to be a quick hook. A little too much coquet in the "dish." I don't believe the surprise. Fragile? Maybe emotionally.

Doris Day? No way. She won today? No way. Lifetime achievement, you say? No way.

"For my Blake, incarcerated." Gotta love that from Winehouse. Perhaps the second best line of the night. One of the strangest speeches, no doubt. I actually liked that, though. At least it wasn't safe or boring. And can you tell I'm looking for dumb stuff in an awards show now?

Totemic Flute Chants by Johnny Whitehorse won an award. Worth a scrawl at the bottom of the screen.

A mini-celebration of 50 years of Grammy award-winning music. and the most exciting part of all that for me was finding out that Boots Randolph wrote / composed the Benny Hill Show theme.

Luciano Pavarotti is very much worth celebrating but whoever the Euro-trash was who bored the fuck out of me to get to the bit o' opera, isn't worth much - as a presenter. Josh Groban, boring, too thick in the voice. The person singing with him? Much better. An actual tonal range exists within.

This quote unquote, rock and roll segment is just blowin' in the wind. It's dusty. It's old. John Fogherty, moving like an old man and I've never much liked his voice. Jerry Lee Lewis tickling the black and whites of the piano. I guess they're supposed to be bringing us through the history of "true" rock n roll. They made it sound oh so old, boring and slow. I mentioned old right? And slow and boring? Not fast.

Can't blame 'em. Good to see the old pedophile. First time i'd seen him not rail thin. We're looking at shades of gray. Little Richard the one saving gray, sorry grace. His hands are moving fast and there's some Jeez-jumping energy in that voice. Hallelujah. They needed to let him sing a little more there.

Barack Obama won a Grammy for the audio book for "Audacity of Hope." Again, in the scrawl. In the scrawl is where it's at.

Will.I.Am did a embarrassingly crappy Grammy rappy, following a Mack the Knife snip. Added a Strangers in the Night Beat. The Don't Worry, Be Happy glimmer was awesome, as was the trip from Beat It. Whew, weird but thankfully short. Why?

Usher and Quincy Jones (who's won 27 Grammys) presented the Album of the Year award to - drum roll. Foo Fighters, Vince Gill, Herbie Hancock, Kanye West, Amy Winehouse. Herbie Hancock is the winner with, The River: The Joni Letters. This year is what they're talking about, re-ight? Quincy Jones said unbelievable, and I think I have to agree.

Jazz artist. Only second jazz cat to win the AOFYA. OK. Quixotic. ";Yes We Can", to coin a phrase'" A little, off-kilter shout out to Barack Obama. (Herbie's old, established). He's thanking Joni Mitchell because he put new music to her vision.

Go to Grammyintheschools.com, and then tell me why.