Childhood Fights - Bonding Or Juvenile Misdemeanors?

Hi Deepti,

Your post was both interesting and thought-provoking. I actually still believe that children should be allowed to work out their relationships and problems amongst themselves. Bullying and being bullied, territory wars, punch-ups, arguments, team dynamics and power-plays all start early in life and I can't see any value in delaying (or repressing as I see it) a child's natural tendencies. I'd think it makes sense to let a kid learn about it and find his/her own feet as soon as possible.

But I do think that families should be responsible for the messages going through to their children in the form of the media they access (TV, Internet, books, games, comics etc) and the toys they play with. I'm seeing way too much of guns and bloodshed in gaming and toys and these are not-so-subtle cues to kids that it's "okay" to be violent.

Also, I'm guessing you're 'temporal' who commented on my first DC post? :-)

No, temporal is our resident poet and senior editor:)

I do believe we parents need to take more interest in our kids lives than our parents did since we really cannot hold back information.

We have to empower them but at the same time they do need protection from what can go badly wrong.

Hi Deepti, sorry for the mistaken identity (and apologies to temporal as well!). I guess parenthood is a constant walk on a tightrope, juggling multiple priorities, isn't it? My respect for my parents goes up a hundredfold.

I think the difference is this. when we were 10 and got into a fight, we did not run home to get out "gat" and return to shoot the person who was causing us trouble. there was some tamasha, then it was all over. or it carried on for a few weeks then it usually got smoothed over. the worst case was you had a "mortal enemy" whom you just kept your distance from. I never had to worry about getting shanked from one of my classmates.

same with bullying. we used to get upset about it, yes. I was made fun of for having a big chest, and I was terribly self conscious about it. but it did not make me suicidal, and I never thought about killing myself over it. now kids have surgery because of low-self esteem caused by bullying, and kids return to school to settle long-overdue scores with knives and guns.

it is all so out of control.

I do think that kids need to learn to work out their own boundaries. the key is to have open communications with your children to know when incidents have reached a point where they are no longer able to handle them on their own and adult intervention is needed. but trying to sheild your children from any kind of altercation is neither possible nor optimal... if you rescue them every time they will grow up without the coping mechanisms needed to live in this world.

the key, as always, is balance.

SS, I agree but when guns come to schools - I'm in favor of a zero tolerance policy.

As such even in my son's school they are not allowed to bring any kind of personal belongings since its known to cause altercations.

And yes, one can't be there all the time but when kids get beaten up the parents do need to get together and be on the same page over the matter.

Thats how the parents in our neighborhood kept an eye on our kiddie politics while we were growing up.

Sometimes childhood or sibling rivalries continue into adulthood - case in point, the Ambani brothers' feud

aaman

the 'case in point' is more about moolah than the distant sibling rivalry perhaps ;)

I thought it all began with Tina, no?

#8 Dee, fooder for Ekta Kapoor's 'K' factor serials :)

Heh