Desicritics Comments on Fiction: An Experiment

Comment by immobilie

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 03:03:29 EDT

Sehr wertvolle Informationen! Empfehlen!

Comment by immobilie

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 03:02:49 EDT

Sehr wertvolle Informationen! Empfehlen!

Comment by hostel berlin

Mon, 2 Mar 2009 14:45:59 EST

Gut!

Comment by hostel berlin

Mon, 2 Mar 2009 14:44:42 EST

Gut!

Comment by Deepti Lamba

Thu, 8 Nov 2007 23:36:05 EST

Kaisa hero? Do the pushing and get over with it!! Loved the story Jawahara:)

Comment by Jawahara

Thu, 8 Nov 2007 17:41:07 EST

Arrey, t, you are such an optimist ;-)

Comment by temporal

Thu, 8 Nov 2007 16:55:34 EST

another experiment The train stops once. The man remains where he is, letting newcomers jostle past him roughly. It starts again, then gathers speed. If all is well, it'll fly through the night for at least three hour stretch now. No stops. Its rhythm picks up speed. He stares at the rails, hyponotized. His fingers grip the bar convulsively. "Please brother, push me." The air now rushing past makes him teary eyed. He could not go to relieve himself. The doctor told him to go to the hospital. He did not have fees for the procedure. The pressure inside him was increasing. If he did not relieve himself soon he felt he would blow up. Death would be a relief. Nobody was there who would miss him. The train was rushing past now. With the rush he felt a coldness between his legs. Relief finally. For the first time he looked inside the compartment and felt ashamed of himself. How could he let them see he wet himself? As the train slowed down at a wayside signal, he eased himself off the compartment and disappeared into the darkness. At three in the morning, the hero goes to the bathroom, giving himself a loving glance in the stained mirror above the sink. He fluffs up his hair, then looks to the side. Beyond the empty, unobstructed doorway, the night slithers like poison. The rythm of the train continues uninterrupted, unbroken.

Comment by Deepak Maini

Thu, 8 Nov 2007 16:48:41 EST

It's a nicely written piece. The voice is clear and resonant. You could have developed the characters a little more for a stronger effect. Anyway, the words, the language, the voice, everything melds nicely in this piece.