The Rizwanur Rehman - Priyanka Todi Love Story

You sound like you are stuck in the 1970s and an age where it was forbidden to have social mobility. What is wrong with marrying 'below your station' or out of your community?

You are correct that the tragedy is entirely that of the families concerned, but it was an eminently avoidable one, if only people did not apply feudal concepts of society to the modern age or to the adult choice of people to marry whoever they choose.

One wonders how much of this reacion from the parents is because the boy was a Muslim, and there are indications they wanted him to convert to Hinduism - religion rears its ugly head once again.

Her parents might be devastated by their daughter marrying below her station but that is not a reason for murder.

the tone of this story was really.... off.

"Which father who has brought up his daughter in the lap of luxury feels happy when she runs away with a man who might not be able to give her the environment she is used to?"

uuuh... which father teaches his daughter that money and what your neighbors think about you is more important than being happy and having a marriage built on love and respect?

And if the author feels it is not right to blame the Todis why is she blaming the victim and the victim's wife? that makes no sense at all?

I don't see the logic in this piece at all. someone was murdered, plain and simple.

"The daughter had eloped, which parent would not go to the police?"

If my adult daughter elopes and willingly marries someone I don't care for, I would be sad about it, I would try and reason with her, and I would wonder if I could have raised her differently such that she would have the courage to talk to me when she had a different opinion rather than do things behind my back. But unless there is some fraud, what can the police do about it?

Ms Dhody, I agree that the case has become sensational and there is a tendency to assume that the Todis are guilty of murder before there is any proof, but it seems that most of the outrage is because the cops, including the Commissioner himself, allowed themselves to be influenced by the Todis --- and one assumes money played a role here --- and harassed the young couple when it was clear that their job was to protect the two of them.

I feel that, irrespective of one's personal opinion on inter-faith and inter-class marriages, this case should cause outrage and provoke us to make "noise" against the authorities.

Ms Dhody: Do you feel otherwise?

Ms. Dhody asks :Has anybody stopped to ponder on the pain and social embarrasement the Todis are facing?

Nothing like the pain and social embarassment they will face if justice is done and they are hauled to jail!!

An arch there is nothing wrong in marrying out of the community,for your information I was married in the late sixties,my husband is a Sardar and I belonged to an Aryasamajist family.
Family reactions were there due to various reasons .My mother who was a widow was afraid of my grandmother,',s reaction,For her nothing else mattered 'she was afraid of society.My husband tried hard to convince her to accept this proposal.which took a while but in the end we had a proper engagement and marriage. No doubt as Shakespeare says "love is blind it looks not with the eyes but with the mind" I was blinded by my love insensitive to my mother's tears, my husband was ready to accept all the conditions placed by my family ,but for me marriage meant no conditions you accept each other thr way they are.
I am not justifying Todi's method of coercion at all he should have handled the situation in a more subtle fashion. Taking the help of family is fine reporting to the police was fine,but after that the role of the police is questionble. Was the transfer of the officers involved enough?They should have been suspended.Todi had his reasons but what reasons did the polce have for making a mess of the whole issue leading to Rizwanur's death --murder or suicide .
I was only wondering what led Rizwanur meet his end the way it did,Was it fear ,frustration ,or blackmail which ended this lovestory into platform for outsiders to speculate, the media to have juicy story which the general public are viewing out of curiousity or genuine concern against the System.
Till the mystery is solved we can say our silent prayers for th edead soul, and hope that the guilty are punished.

Looks like you are condoning murder and honor killings. Most parents file a false case of kidnapping when actually their daughter has gone out of her own free will. So you are endorsing filing false FIRs as well.

asha, your article scares me!! I cannot believe can make a medieval style statement like..
"Would anyone of you welcome with open arms if your daughter eloped and married somebody below your status -- it could be your cook or your driver?"
So what if your kid marries a driver or a cook or even a vegetable vendor... as long as they are happy and know what they are doing why do you care?
It is people who share views like yours that have stratified society to such an extent that if any one tries to break it, it becomes serious enough to be reported to the police.
Why do you say in your response that "reporting to the police was fine"? Was it a crime to elope?

Simply there is no murder here. That does not matter to the Bengalis and leaders like Communist Jyoti Basu and charlatan like mamata. I am a Bengali Hindu and I know how much Bengalis hate Marwaris because they are rich and successful in Kolkata. The hatred is so intense that no one wants to hear the reasons, just crucify Todis at any cost. Some of the associated Bengalis are simply doctoring the evidence to make it look like a murder. Bengali Hindus disown their daughters if they marry a Moslem for obvious reasons. But in this case they are relishing the suffering and the misfortune of the Todi family in the hand of Moslems.

Rizawanur Rahaman was a real failure in every aspects of life. He got admission in one of the best English departments in the country. While his classmates were studying English literature, he was playing Romeo and Juliet with Pompi Roy and strangely his family did not beat him with a chappal (juta) like my father would have done in these circumstances. I wonder whether it is that important for Muslim families to steal a Hindu girl. Anyway, he did not do well and did not get admission to MA English whereas his girlfriend Pompy did and in turn dumped him. He got into a hocus-pocus Web design program and eventually got a low paying job. But instead of trying to educate himself and move up, he again started chasing Hindu girls. I also wonder how many other Hindu girls were victimized by him.

The only success he had in his life was to marry a billionaire Todi girl who was only 21 when he met her as his student. What he did was unethical to begin with and then only after a year he mamnipulated Priyanka and engineered a very secret marriage without giving her an opportunity to know him, his family, his community, his environment. I am a teacher and I see numerous female students get infatuated with the teacher for no reason. My educated guess is that Priyanka was only infatuated with a teacher who paid her lots of attention that she needed and this is common with teachers as well as physicians. Once Priyanka enetered one room living facilty of Rahaman family and got to know the Moslem food, family, culture, smell, neighbors, the 23-year old was simply not prepared for this life. It is possible that Rahamans put pressure on her to convert to Islam, which was not part of this marriage deal; she could not deal with all of these and went back to parents before it was too late. I do not believe she was planning to come back to him in the near future. It is clear
from CBI report that Rahaman did not money in the bank and did not have a place of his own to accommodate any ordinary girl let alone a billionaire heiress. What exactly this man was thinking? only thing I can think of is that he thought Ashok Todi will come to his senses and give Priyanka a house, car, spending money etc. just to make her life somewhat comfortable. Otherwise, why they will call Todis after two weeks of marriage when they could have simply eloped and get away from Kolkata for a while. When all his carefully orchestrated plan simply failed and lost his prize wife, he went insane and took his own life.

In addition, the special marriage act of 1953 is different from regular Hindu Muslim marriages. Their marriage under the Special Marriage Act had a 30-day clause for anyone to object to this marriage and a 3-month clause to affirm the marriage in the presence of the marriage officer to solemnize without which the marriage is null and void. roage is thus null and void. Thus, their marriage was not finalized in the days before Rahaman's death. Therefore, technically Priyanka is not Rahaman's widow and her marriage to Rahaman was voided by default.

In summary, Rahaman being 8 years older than Priyanka, showed absolute lack of judgment like a true looser and screwed up any possibility of succeeding in the only apparently successful event in his 30 year life and took his own life.

wow shyam, what's it like to live life as a cynical racist? maybe you can tell us about that...

The point is not whether they murdered Rizwan or not. It is evident that they spent a lot of effort in trying to persuade the young man to give her up. That is enough proof of madness.

The way the CBI is running the investugation it is pretty clear that the Todis will be absolved. It is an absolute shame. Money can buy anything these days.

The most embarassing thing of course is that there are bloggers like you who actually have the courage to defend people like the Todis. God bless you for your misguided passion.

rgds

Shyam Roy

Please post an audio-video of your consipracy theory on youtube under the heading " PR's manual on converting a murder to suicide". All the best for that.

rgds

Shyam, were you living in their house that you know what was going on or what the girl was feeling?

And what is the "moslem way of life?" Ah, you mean she wasn't into the daily bomb making for Allah? Or perhaps they were slaughtering cows every day? And, of course, we all know Muslims are filthy and dirty creatures? Maybe they told her she could only bathe on Fridays? Hey, maybe Rizwanur was already looking for his 2nd, 3rd and 4th wives.

If anyone is a loser and does not get into an MBA program but gets married to a rich girl, the *only* thing to do is to murder him. Isn't that what anyone would do?

The last time I checked a 23 year old can vote, drive, get married of her own free will. She wasn't some innocent 15 year old led astray.

The 23 year old just happened to realizes she didn't want to be seen as the shoe string relative by her extended family.

First, I came from a HINDU family in Thakurpukur as poor as Rahamans . I did not have money to go to any fancy college like St Xaviers. I supported my family partially by porivate tutoring many girls starting at 19. I dodged all the temptations because like Rahaman, I could not afford a girl friend. Despite that, I was admitted to Rajabazar Science College and at the same time worked as a clerk for PNB and as usual helped my family financially. After getting first class in M.Sc., I left for PH.D. in the United States and kept supporting my family using my fellowship. Rest, you don't need to know. The point is I know first hand the rare opportunities like St Xaviers college, which were presented to Mr. Rahaman and he wasted womanizing and turned himself into a Kolkata trash. He was NO HERO of any kind and simply a looser. I am absolutely certain Ashok Todi thought similarly. If you have a son or brother like Rahaman, you should be ashamed of yourself. If he loved that girl at all, he would have waited a while until he could give her a decent life without begging to her father. If he had any dignity, he would not ahve called Todis papa and mom, two weeks after marrying their daughter without their permission.

I greatly admire Ashok Todi. One thing he made it clear to the world or Kolkata is that you can have his wealth, his life, his freedom but you cannot have his daughter. This man is a real man and no spineless beef-eating Bengali Hindu debauch willing to sell their daughters to any Moslem for few rupees. He defended his daughter the same way, our Sikh, Jath, Rajput (not spineless bengalis of course because they are singing and protesting) jawans standing tall in Jammu and Kashmir and defend India. If you don't like Ashok Todi, you have a problem not him. He will always remain a hero to me no matter.

I find it sociologically interesting that we seem to be getting extreme elements crawling out of the woodwork at both ends of the country - Gujarat and West Bengal, as evident from the comment above and others on the Gujarat threads.

I agree in the general sense with the article that the media is all too ready nowadays to cry havoc and then let the issue pass into oblivion when TRPs go down. Not having the entire picture about the case in question, I'll refrain from holding anyone accountable, per se.

I don't get it. Pretty much no father actually ever likes the man his daughter marries. But you don't see them going around murdering their sons-in-law.

The real outrage in Calcutta is because the victim is perceived as "one of us". Primarily because he taught at one of the coaching classes. Just like Mr. Roy, and countless other people who had to make extra money during college.

The question of whether Mr. Rahaman was a good match for Ms. Todi or not was entirely up to Ms. Todi to decide and she apparently decided that she liked him enough to marry him. This is none of Mr. Roy's or anyone else's business.

This is the first time I've heard that the outrage against Mr. Todi is because he is Marwari; and not because he cynically used his close connection to the communists to get someone eliminated. (Note to the leftists on the board: this is the reason people like us support the bjp, because we think that the communists are the bigger murderous goons)

First of it's wrong to assume that Rizwan was killed.There are several twists that have surefaced of late.

I agree completely with Shyam's views on Hindus unwilling to have a muslim son-in-law.Todi certainly has a right to dispprove the match.If he got the muslim guy murdered,then that's wrong.I guess he could have disowned his daughter,who might or might not have come to her senses later.She could not have remained in the rizwan household without converting to islam.

I have personally seen a case where the daughter of a high ranking govt official eloped with a guy of ordinary background.The guy lost his interest after the girl was disowned by her father.It's easy to say parents should let their daughters marry whoever they like.But in real life,it's lot tougher for the parents.

Its interesting to see how we always jump our guns to be politically correct and exhibit ourself as rationals.

None of the points Asha points seems medival to me. Its funny when people say "So what if your kid marries a driver or a cook or even a vegetable vendor... as long as they are happy and know what they are doing why do you care?"
So if a kid ( no matter how legally mature he/she is) takes a step assuming that they are going to find happiness in it, as a parent should they just give up? thankfully we don't work way. We care that what really matters.

I also agree with Asha on point that we just need a scapegoat to blame for the problem, this time it is Todi's. Today in India, hundreds of Hindus and Muslims die everyday to various types of abuse and violence, no one seems to care about them, but just this case media is focusing so much attention,I was wondering if it is on someone's personal agenda to grab that 45 sec fame.

Even if we consider that Rizwanur was killed, isn't possible someone got Rizwan kick the bucket and then blamed Todi's for it, Look at it wasn't the situation ideal to blame him. R we even looking at other possibilities????

I do not endorse the hate aspect of the Marwaris as projected by Mr Shayam Roy neither do I appreciate him calling the Bengalis as spineless. Kolkattans are as a matter of fact most cosmopolitan and tolerant,
However the fact about the students having a crush on their teacher is quite common.In India the Guru Sishya relation is looked upon with great regard.At this point it becomes important for the teacher to be in control of his emotions and respect the trust parents have in them. . India is still behind in its attitude towards marriage,don't you think this kind of episode could jeoperdize the asperations of many young girls from conservative families. LIberal and broadminded youngsters
might accept such situations ,law might allow it ,but it is difficult for any parent to accept their child to live in an envoirnment where the basic neccesities of life are not possible.
Many a time such marriages end in divorce, the romance evaporates into thin air in pursuit of the basic needs of a household.

Well, we'll never know whether this romance would have ended in divorce now will we? Actually murdering young men and throwing them on railway tracks is a great alternative to divorce.

I can understand the outrage if he was 30 and she was a child. What is this weirdly paternalistic attitude towards a young woman of 23?

Parents being unable to accept their child's marriage is one thing. Justifying murder on these grounds is another.

I married outside my religion and my parents showed their displeasure. However, they did not murder my husband.

Thanks Sandeep for taking a more practcal approach to the incident.Jawahara nobody knows the outcome of such marriages we are talking of possibilities and aspects of such marriages. Your circumstances might have been different, I feel strongly in calling anybody a murderer till it is actually prooved in the courts till then dont condemn anybody,the guilty will pay for their actions,trust the judiciary ,the investigation is in on the results will be out then.

Thanks Sandeep for taking a more practcal approach to the incident.Jawahara nobody knows the outcome of such marriages we are talking of possibilities and aspects of such marriages. Your circumstances might have been different, I feel strongly in calling anybody a murderer till it is actually prooved in the courts till then dont condemn anybody,the guilty will pay for their actions,trust the judiciary ,the investigation is in on the results will be out then.

Some of the posts her are frankly [EDITED - PERSONAL ATTACK]. I dont understand how it is anybody's business if two people are in Love.

Again, murder is a secondary issue here. The attempts to bribe the family etc are sick attempts by stupid parents.

the guilty will pay for their actions? BAH! what a joke!!!

since when has that even been what happens in India. has jessica lal got justice? what about all the cops that just got a clean chit for dragging that guy in bihar? that monstrosity was caught ON TAPE and they got away with it. what justice do you mean, asha? since the todi's have heaps and heaps of money, what is this poor family to do in the face of that? do you honestly believe that justice will prevail here when it seems to hide its head in every other case?

Ah, Asha, you feel strongly about calling someone a murderer but it's totally okay for you and others to defame a murder victim and his family? You can't have it both ways.

I support what ever Todi family did here to bring back their daughter except killing him (IF THEY DONE IT)
Leaving religion angle, just imagine how much love they have for their daughter. They know what is right or wrong for their kid.Infactuation, crush dies down soon and then comes the reality.
I can't convice a Bollywood infected young guy but a 27 plus year old it shd make sense.
Just reset your inclinations and think

- Why do Todi's parents want some thing bad to their daughter. If they believe some thing is not incorrect what is wrong in correcting it. But they shd not go to that extent as killing some one.
-It is incorrect to assume that the daugher is grown up and she knows every thing. She is still young and immature to take a proper decision. She has to to be guided and allowed to take a right decision.
-the marriage process shd be a combined decision with 60% decision making to daughter and 40% decision left to parents.This gives balance to the infactuation/crush to the matured forward-looking future.

"... it becomes important for the teacher to be in control of his emotions and respect the trust parents have in them. India is still behind in its attitude towards marriage,don't you think this kind of episode could jeoperdize the asperations of many young girls from conservative families."

The argument above is certainly thought provoking. But, as Jawahara mentioned, the girl in this case is 23 years old. We allow girls as young as 18 to assume the responsibilities of a married life, and of parenthood shortly thereafter. Why should we be hesitant to allow them to choose their own life-partners half a decade later?

"... but it is difficult for any parent to accept their child to live in an envoirnment where the basic neccesities of life are not possible."

Umm... basic necessities like AC, cars, bungalows, trips to South India? Surely the Rehmans could afford the really basic necessities. And with education, personality, and talent (so his friends claim) wouldn't Rizwanur most likely have been reasonably well off?

On a slightly different note, is it not a concern that the girl chose to elope rather than talk to her parents? I get the feeling that she didn't feel free to express her feelings at her home, and don't find it particularly healthy. If the romance is a la Bollywood, the attempts by the Todis at forcing their way through is no less filmi.

Finally, I know many marriages that were arranged by parents and are not good matches. The couples would have divorced long back were it not for the associated stigma. I also know love marriages that have turned sour. What do you think is more likely: (i) an unhappy but wealthy couple willing to give up their wealth for a happy married life, or (ii) a happy couple but of humble means willing to give up their happiness for riches?

Asha, just by looking at the social and economic status, you cannot say a marriage will be successful, neither judgment by parents are always correct. There are several examples in our society.

If parents cannot create an environment of free interaction, it's their problem. They cannot keep holding the life of their kids just because they gave birth and facilities. Even if Priyanka (according to her parents) had made mistake, her parents should have disowned her. They have no right to kill someone (if they have done so).

And don't talk about justice in our country. If you have money, no crime is big enough to get you a punishment.

I salute ashok todi for standing by her daughter and not like cowards who will disown her in these sorrows despite all her fault she should be lucky to have a father like him

Razor: They know what is right or wrong for their kid.Infactuation, crush dies down soon and then comes the reality.


Chandra: Kid? She is 23 years of age.
What do you mean by they KNOW? What do they know that this girl did not know?
Your arguments are weird. You are perfectly OK it seems with a man and woman sleeping each other because their parents approving of it but not OK if a woman of 23 years decides to do that. This is easily the most frivolous argument ever.

Razor: Why do Todi's parents want some thing bad to their daughter. If they believe some thing is not incorrect what is wrong in correcting it. But they shd not go to that extent as killing some one.

Chandra: Of course Todi's parents donot want anything bad for their daughter. My question is how do they know what is right or wrong in this instance? Even a cursory google search will reveal how middle class son-in-laws married to riches have done a phenomenal job of building massive enterprises manyfold bigger than their in-laws. If on top of it the two love each other, where is the problem. Are you suggesting that at 23 Priyanka is stupid? Somehow you feel that she does not understand reality and she just fell in love with some guy. At 23 I am pretty sure what she is doing. Lastly, how do you justify the parents asking the guy to leave the girl? Or for that matter offering money to his family members.

This is pathetic. I can empathise with the Todis for their behavior. Why? because they are blind. But for sane people do even justify this sounds totally funny.

The way I see it there are two sets of people who defend the Todis

a. A few from Todis community who feel somehwoe threatened

b. The usual group of muslim haters



rgds

I also find this "parents know what's best" for grown-up children a really tired argument.

1. At 23 (when I was that is) I think I also know what's good for me, and no one has my best interests in mind as much as I do. My parents might love me but they don't live inside me, they don't know exactly who I am better than I do.

2. And don't parents in India still marry off their daughters into questionable families and refuse to take them back when they return abused and battered?

Please, a 23 year old can vote, can be married off with the consent of her parents, can work, get a credit card, can work....why the heck can't she marry who she wants?

And even if the parents disagree with her choice...Murder? *That* does not prove their love for their child. It's a sickening display of their power, money and their love of control, over their child and her destiny. It is definitely not love.

"All Men and Their Family Members are Criminals.
All women and their Family members are saints."

This is what exactly this pathetic article points out.

Just reverse the genders and consider it is a rich boy in love with a poor girl and settling in a poorer section of city.

If the girl had committed suicide or got murdered in similar fashion, the police would have got the entire family of the boy in a prison with charges of criminal conspiracy, cruelty(section 498a), harassment, domestic violence, abettment to suicide or murder. Police would not even have done any investigations. The feminists would have rocked the whole state and even the Government at Delhi.

Are Todis the parents of the girl arrested?

If not, why not?

Laws have to be same for boy's parents and also for girl's parents.

When people including author are talking about humanity, are they considering thousands of innocent parents of men languishing in jails being branded as crminals and murderers?

Todi's did harass Rizwanur. The police harassed Rizwanur because of Todis wanted that to happen. It is on records.

The biggest mistake Rizwanur did was to trust the Indian Legal System and Human Rights activists. He should have simply left Kolkatta and ran to some other state just the way actor Chiranveevi's daughter and her husband did.

It is fact that in India, when a woman elops, often her parents file cases of Rape, Kiddnapping, Blackmail on the guy and his family.

In stead of calling for strong laws to curb forced marriages (and arranged rape) of women by their parents, the author is calling for Sympathy to Todis.

It is extremely uncivilised behaviour when people consider life a man as unimportant whether they die protecting the borders or die due to harassment.


There are 26,457 murders of men compared to 7952 murders of women. The men's life is cheap for our society. When society does not value men, why should men value the society?

-------
One conclusion out of the whole episode is that men must remain miles away from girls from families of legal professionals/officials, IAS officers, Bureaucrats, Rich Businessmen and politicians. It does not matter whether a man is rich or poor. He should remain away from these categories.

The situation for men will improve when women (from these families) start paying a price. Otherwise, society will keep considering men's parents as criminals and woman's parents as saints even as they file false rape, false kidnapping charges on men with whom their daughters elop.
-------

If UK can work on "Anti-Forced Marriage Laws", why India led by Sonia and Manmohan is shying away?

The author writes:

"Has anybody stopped to ponder on the pain and social embarrasement the Todis are facing? Would anyone of you welcome with open arms if your daughter eloped and married somebody below your status -- it could be your cook or your driver?"

So, the author indicates that Indians do not like their daughters marry oneone BELOW the STATUS.

Lets follow the author and strive hard to marry our daughters to guys who are above our STATUS. Now that women are doing so well in urban India, the chance of we getting guys/boyfriends for our daughters above our status is getting lower.

May be, we should bid for high status guys?

Is not it?


One one hand women have to marry above status and their parents bid for it by dowry, and on the other hand feminists cry that men are taking dowry.

When will Indian society accept girls marrying below their status? and what feminists are doing about it?

sumanth..
It is general human tendency to see that their sons/daughters are 'happy'.
What is happiness and it's definition varies from parent to daughter.That is the whole confict.

Look here, Shyam has already established that this rizwan character was a looser, and not too many people will miss him. It's not often that we hear of muslims agreeing to convert into hinduism given the associated risk apostasy always brings along. So this is just as likely a poignant love story, as it might have been a quick rag to riches attempt.
Having said that it was wrong on the part of the Todi's to use police persuation to get the couple seperated, although I can imagine the family was in a desperate situation, afterall early twenty somethings can have a weak grasp on reality.
But did they get him killed? Although some of you detectives have already pooh poohed the Kolkata criminal investigative system recommended the death penalty as appropriate, I would reserve my judgement.
my 2 paisa..

There is a probability of getting Rizwanur's body exhumed if the
forensic experts in Delhi cannot figure anything from the earlier post mortem reports. Can anybody enlighten me what would the CBI have done if the victim was a HIndu,he had been cremated the ashes had been immersed in the river what method would the investigative have resorted to in such circumstances.

To Comment 37,

It looks like out of both genders only men can become losers (who earn less money or no money). Our society wants losers must not love, marry or have sex.

How pathetic? Here people are talking about social status and class proving the fact that in India, the poor deserve no respect.

How often do we see a woman being termed a loser?

Regarding this issue:

Ashok Todi and his fellow conspirators have to be arrested immediately.

If the Rizwanur had been Hindu, then nothing would have happened. Media would have slept in peace.

The author says,

"However, never before there been so much coverage by the national media. What bothers me is the hype and noise created by everybody."

Not correct. Jessica Lal or Priyadarshini Mattoo cases created equal well deserving hype.


So far as Trial by media is concerned, it is good that rich and famous are facing this. It is good that the Father of a Woman is facing this. I pray he gets convicted for life.

It is myth that parents always want welfare of their children. Parents also have egos and they want to maintain their traditional values.

It is the innocent young who get torn between a treacherous media trying to westernise the society and the selfish parents who blackmail their children so that children maintain traditional values.

It is the so called great Indian Parents who still maintain Castism, Arranged and Forced Marriages. On the other hand, feminists, courts and police attack men by threatening them with false dowry, rape and kidnapping cases.

There are thousand Rizwanurs in this country who are suffering and they do not get counted if they are dead.

Indian Parents must lay off and mind their own business by stopping interference in children's lives. On one hand they talk about women's liberation and on other hand claim a 23 year old woman do not have brains.

It is a sin in India to question the parents and elders. But the reality is that this previous generation committed hell lot of crimes for which the young are paying a price today. It is this older bunch, who control law, government and police.

If Ashok Todi is so possessive of this daughter, I am sure he would not remained in peace even if his daughter had marriaged a big shot. he would have interfered in her married life with the excuse that "all parents want children to be happy". Its time, the Indian parents are denied that excuse.

"Can anybody enlighten me what would the CBI have done if the victim was a HIndu, he had been cremated the ashes had been immersed in the river what method would the investigative have resorted to in such circumstances."

They wouldn't have been able to examine any body after the cremation. So? Should they not in this case too?

vegp,

Perhaps you forgot that Hindus have no rights in India. Right is only for Moslems and other violent minorities. Hindus are too timid so CBI does not need to investigate any Hindu death. If Hindu is killed by Moslems, there is no need to worry because Hindus are trained to forgive Moslem criminals. When they rape your sister mother or daughter, just forgive them the way Mahatma trained us.

Asha,

I completely disagree with you. Bengalis do not see anything good in anybody. Only reason Bengalis are so supportive of Rahamans is only because Rahaman is dead and six feet under but Todis are alive and still very rich. [EDITED - IRRELEVANT]

Shyam

I'm really sorry for my trash comments against bengalis. I'm also a bengali, and I judged them only seeing myself in mirror. Actually I hated kolkatans for different reason. It is not that I couldn't afford a girlfriend, it is that no girl likes me. I actually sold my sister to a rich marwari to earn my passage money to US.

"Indian parents must layoff and mind their own business"--
Is this statement only relevant to a girl or boy's marriage or are parents expected to turn a blind eye to activities like drinking, gambling or being drug addicts. should parents let go completly
Sumanth referring to the previous generation elders as a bunch of criminals shows lack of understanding of the human mind.what price is the youth of today paying for what crimes?
You are making them look like Nazis .
Todays youth have had access to better resources and exposure due to the progress in all fields of life. The older generation might have been more consevative in their outlook having led simple lives ,it is their simplicity and sacrifice which has given the youth of today better opprtunities in life. It could be their expereince in life which they want to share with their children.
If loving your child is a crime, if wanting a good life for your child just because he is grown up ,then all parents no matter which part of the world they belong to are criminals.
Parental love and concern is a universal emotion and should be viewed in that perspective only.It is lack of communication between the two generations which create tragic situations like Rizwanur's death /murder. creating a negative envoirnment ,where the likes of Sumanth get a chance of condemning an entire generation whose sacrifices gave them the ability to judge and condemn.

Good point - the likes of Sumanth express their own negativity in condemning a generation or a class (like women)

One should give a listening ear to our well wishers be they family or friends. If they get confrontational then one is entitled to back off from the engagement and let some cooling period pass.

But if one feels that the parents are wrong then they should stand resolute in their convictions.

Parents too are human after all and can make grave errors. There I do get Sumanth's point- We can only advise young adults, not force them and though some parents do continue to use 'respect the elders' as a weapon to try and subjugate not all parents indulge in such selfish patriarchal behavior.

Even in Western countries parents are known to be interfering or pushy. Its just that one should know where to let matters be and most aging parents nowadays are trying to be in with the changing times and do try to understand the young adults viewpoints which if you ask me is a big thing.
So lets be fair to our parents:)

In my opinion one should respect their parents sentiments, honor and wishes at least when it comes to marriage, specially when you are from a traditional background. There are some so-called modern, enlightened families and individuals who may not object to that.
Rizwan looks more like a gold-digger and a Juliet type of guy, till now three of his girl friends is mentioned all Hindus.He successfully tried for Priyanka a irrelevant match in all aspects, age, status, religion etc etc. Priyanks also is partly to be blamed for taking a bad immature decision, not understanding the implications of Interreligious marriage . But Rizwan is to be blamed much, poor guy, with all sympathies to his family members, he deserved what he should. It looks difficult in this case to conclude if it was suicide or murder, it will never be known.
Ashok Todi, did all what a good father could do for the well being of his daughter.
I am 24 year old Muslim man, I would never go for a marriage with Hindu girl because I understand marriage is a important sacrament where family is involved.

shahid... well if that is what works for you than you do it, but leave others to their decisions. my husband is more than 5 years my junior, is of a different religion and is from another country altogether. at first his parents were totally against the marriage, but after 2 years and a child they realize that we are perfectly happy and successful together, and they are very proud that we took a risk and have made our marriage work so well.

so while you might not want to "buck the system" others are fine with it and make it work well.

Well squirrel good that your marriage survived, may be your families are not from strong conscious traditional and religious background. But it is very difficult in traditional societies.
Infact only a lucky 5-10% of inter marriages survives.

i read plenty of racist inhumans around here!

well shahid.... thanks for the insult, but his parents are orthodox hindu and mine are also very spiritual. I do not know why you feel you must be so intolerant and judgmental, but clearly it is best if you stick to someone just like you. and it is not difficult for us. we live in India and get on just fine, no thanks to narrowminded people like you

also I do now know where you got your stats from, but I believe you might have pulled them out of your behind.

sanjay... for once we are in agreement! :)

If killing those their kids marry is great parenting, heaven help us.

And Shahid, I am a Muslim woman married to a Hindu. Where did you pull that 5-10% from?

A 24 year old so stuck in the past and slavish to archais traditions and blinded by religious righteousness is very, very sad.

Just a day before the CBI decided to take a break for Diwali a 29 year bengali youth surfaced on Bangla tv claiming to have witnessed Rizwanur's kidnapping outside a cinema hall on one of the busy parts of the city.What was interesting was him surfacing more than 45 days since Rizwanur's tragic end.
His statement was most disjointed his eye witness account was as under----
Time was probably-- around-- 9.30 or later
[that was the style of talking of this person.]
According to him he saw the victim arriving in a taxi ,stopping in front of him .A rust coloured ambassador came, a green ambassador was parked
beyond.three men alighted from the ambi and took the guy to the car with force. the so called kidnappers were unarmed.He noticed some form of resistance in the car.
The gentleman in question said to have proceeded to a temple away from the normal route from his house. What foxes me his replies about th whole episode when questioned by the media and social activist Ms Bula who has been involved in the follow up of the Rizwanur /Priyanka love story.
They were literally completeing his sentences for him making it more like their interpretation of the episode.
Q.why did you not go to the police.
A. because the police is no good so are the politicians.I decided to come to the media because you are good guys
Q.did you call the police on duty, did you note the no of the car .
A. no, but the people around me ad I talked about it as a kidnapping.I had to go to the temple.I can identify one of the guys He is a property dealer.
Q Media--name him
A>NO I can't he is a murderer .
Q How do you know
A.HE murdered somebody in January.
Q> Why did you take so long to report
A. My wife would not let me.
Q.You could have informed his family or the CBI
they would have not disclosed his identity.
My question is why would anybody come up after 45 days? where are the other witnesses?Why would somebody suddenly indentify a murderer after a year .Is this another ploy by the media to keep the TRPS going till they can get hold of another juicy story to keep the public's interest in their channel.

My question is why would anybody come up after 45 days? where are the other witnesses?Why would somebody suddenly indentify a murderer after a year

The economically weak are generally terrified of testifying or appearing before the police for obvious reasons. This person's courage is commendable. While it is not impossible that he has been tutored by one side or another, that is for the courts to determine, if this case will ever go to trial, that is.

We are always ending with the blame game criticizing the system ,the govt etc. what is the system. We the people of India who choose to give mandates to the same people thereby endorsing the very govt we critcize. Is there a way out?
If all the intelligent young men of today And I can see our country is not lacking in them as I have asssesed over this article. Most of the reactions most of the comments on this article have been pretty well projected regardless of their opnion for and against the issue.
Would it not be better for these youths to come forward and join the mainstream and get actively involved in the govt machinery through politics, police etc and break this trend of lethargy and corruption . Let us think like the late John F Kennedy-- "ask not what the nation can do for you but what you can do for the nation"
Don't you think it would be better to have a basic minmum educational qualification for the right to vote, instead of the masses being coerced and hearded like sheep with a bait of 10RS note for voting for a particular party.
The youth of todays active participation will create less of priyanka/rizwanur episodes.

SHYAM: Perhaps you forgot that Hindus have no rights in India. Right is only for Moslems and other violent minorities. Hindus are too timid so CBI does not need to investigate any Hindu death. If Hindu is killed by Moslems, there is no need to worry because Hindus are trained to forgive Moslem criminals. When they rape your sister mother or daughter, just forgive them the way Mahatma trained us.

Chandra: So much prejudice. Have you ever thought if what you are saying makes any sense? Please seek some help. Fighting for one's rights is one thing, absolute hatred and fearmongering of your kind is dangerous. No wonder our politicians are able to exploit people. They always have people like you willing to listen to them. One shudders to think if ever you see a lonely muslim on the middle of the road and you in a car with nobody around. What would you do? What happens if a sub-ordinate is a muslim? Will you tell him that you feel this way?

rgds

Chandra,

It is very clear that under communist rule, Moslems are getting special treatment. Rizwanur case is the perfect example. This idiot is a loser who wasted his life chasing rich Hindu women like Pompi Roy, Priyanka Todi and others. At the end, he failed in getting a rich Hindu and when he realized that, he committed suicide. It happens in all religions and countries, but no love tragedy ever got such a huge coverage by media and government. This is the most investigated death in the entire planet in 2007. This is a huge wastage of money and national resources that could have been spent on many worthwhile causes in India. This is simply because Rehman was a Moslem from a Kolkata Basti and Priyanka was a rich marwari.

After observing Rehman case as well as the abuse of Taslima Nasreen in West Bengal, it is clear that India needs political parties like RSS and BJP to defend the rights of Hindus. Hinduism is the most peaceful religion in the world, it does not teach its followers how to defend themselves except surrendering or turning the other cheek. We do not believe in "Tooth for a tooth, eye for an eye" philosophy of Islam, Christianity, or Judaism. Invaders for thousands of years took advantage of the peaceful nature of Hinduism and abused Hindus. I simply don't want to see that repeated by Moslems under the cover of Communism like Abdus Sattar and his Imams are planning.

I see two views in conflicts here. Legally, marriage is considered a union of two consenting adults and parents are persona non grata as far as state and laws in such matters are concerned. But socio-culturally, Hindu marriage is a union of two like-minded consenting families. As a socio-cultural institution, secular state should have no business mandating any norms for hindus - just as state avoids meddling in cultural affairs of Moslems - it recognizes separate Moslem personal law board. Socio-culturally, secular state should be persona non grata how families choose to conduct their family affairs according to their traditions. (if there was common laws, I would change my opinion) Hindu family should have every right to decide what is best for them - nobody else's business to butt in as judge or jury - so secularists and constitutionalists should save their outrage. However, when individuals rebel against parent wishes, state has to protect the individuals against harm when such individuals seek the protection from state. Any kind of harm against individuals becomes secular state's business. And the statutes against crime applies to all, irrespective of their religion. If Todi committed murder, he has to pay.

Teenage infectuations in college campuses trivializes love, often turns out to be no more than physical attraction or manipulation of vulnerable age group for immediate gratifications. In USA, teen infectuations are so much abused that they result in high teen pregnancies, second-thought divorces and pre-mature motherhood that derail their education/careers and trap them in poverty for life - many women's and family groups have ended up advocating teens to wait until mid 20s to decide to marry. Parents should rightfully be very concerned if their teens decide to get married so young and they often have to put their foot down.

Another troubling aspect is when person in authority decides to use their authority to manipulate and entrap vulnerable teen girls into uneven relationship of sexual and/or monetary favors. In USA, teacher-student and boss-employee affairs are judged harshly. No parents would feel comfortable if teachers are allowed to take advantage of girl students - teacher should wait till girl is mature enough in her 20s and he should also make extra effort to seek the blessing of parents. Anything else can be seen as entrapment and misuse of position of authority. In this case, you have a pauper and a billionaire heiress, teacher and an infectuated teen student. And add to that an explosive religious dimension - who says religious discord can be sorted out amicably in India?

Hindus have a long-standing grievance that moslems are targeting hindu girls as part of same old mughul humiliation politics against Hindus. In countries like UK, it has become so pervasive it has hindu parents worried sick about their teen daughters - conservative Hindu parents usually do not allow their teen boys to date, and that leaves the field wide open to aggressive tactics of chasing and wooing of hindu teen girls by moslem boys. Young hindu women have no way to know, understand or cope with what awaits them when they become part of some extended ummah presided over by religious elders of family. I do not think such marriages build bridges or goodwill between both communities, especially when both communities can't find any common ground for reconcilliation at any religious level. Marriages are as personal and emotive as religion for families. I think Hindu society would have problem accepting such activist and provocative marriages even when both parents bless the marriage - its like leaping before bridges of mutual-goodwill are built between both communities.

Its 2007 guys!!!

Lets move beyond the stagnant pool of patriarchial despostism!!!

I am in a Muslim family, my mother was married to a Christian,my sisters are married to a Hindu and a Bawa respectively.

We're all happy with our various choices.

Religion is only a problem if you make it one.

Sam..

Hindus are waiting for Moslems to lead that charge. Until moslems in India remain mired in jehadi moghul medievalism, Hindus will remain right behind them, tailgating them. Why build open society if it is going to be trashed.

Some things will never change, be it 2007 or 3007. In the history of India, few hundred years are nothing.

Recently the papers in kolkatta came out with an interview with Priyanka,She never blamed her father, she did not sound like a tragedy queen. Her answers were balanced and she seemed quite firm and confident in her interview..It seemed she had realised her mistake and showed no interest in meeting Rizwanurs mother.It seemed she was not keen for any link with her inlaws anymore,
is this love?I agree with Shyam Leaving Rizwanur was entirely her
decision,after marriage she realised her mistake and decided to leave him a situation rizwanur could not handle hence the suicide.