http://desicritics.org/ Superior South Asian bloggers on Culture, Media, Politics, Sport, Business, and Technology. en Copyright 2006 by the authors Mon, 8 Oct 2007 11:06:28 EDT http://backend.userland.com/rss BC custom software http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300663 Chandra your post #67 gave me that impression.Like i said Khajuraho isnt the only one,almost every temple in india has sexual iconography.Konark,Puri,Kamakhya.... 300663@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 11:06:28 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300660 Maybe he's got a babe in every port too? Now I'm sure Kela won't take that offense to that;) 300660@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 11:01:19 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300657 Kela: what did i deny... Ship.....because you come online once in a few weeks...i thought you logon at every port of call ;) 300657@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 10:11:24 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300656 SS you are entitled to think whatever .i apologise for using the B word if u were offended 300656@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 10:06:47 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300653 kela, are you gonna try to sell me a bridge in Kolkatta along with that story? that's pathetic. just apologize and be done with it. on what planet is the word bitch used a term of endearment? 300653@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 09:48:14 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300649 Chandra : People usually coverup/deny something they're not comfy/embarassed about. And no sir I don't work on a ship.What gave u that impression? Btw some fine goan ladies did think i worked on a ship :) SS : as regards the B word (which i can't mention) i was looking for a word that would embrace wife,mistress,girlfriend,hooker,friendly neighbourhood aunty..... etc I usually use it as a term of endearment ,no offence meant 300649@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 09:28:15 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300636 Kela-101 oye..i was stating a fact...what part of my sentence implies embarassment? BTW do you work on a ship? rgds 300636@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 08:31:38 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300631 SS i believe you 300631@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 06:54:18 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300630 kela, you are funny in a annoying sort of way. Yeah...I agree that what you do with it matters most. Having said that if it is BIG your work is cut out. So there is a positive correlation. 300630@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 06:48:40 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300627 die hard... nah , I was not duped... I knew these women for over a year, was in their homes and knew their spouses. they are just as they told... 300627@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 06:15:23 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300626 kela... a word of caution... you refer to women in general as [EDITED] again on one of my posts and I will hunt you down and give you the embarrassment of your life. that is a promise. in case you have a doubt, realize that I am serious. 300626@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 06:13:42 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300625 Die Hard:BTW, who says size doesn't matter? It totally does! apparently what you do with it matters more.It shouldnt matter if you're not "satisfying" your [EDITED] 300625@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 05:14:40 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300624 Interesting piece SS. I will restrict my comments to Sri Lanka because India is too complex and am not an Indian (or an expert on India) Before the colonisation (by Portuguese first, subsequently by Dutch and British) we were one of the most sexually liberated cultures in the world, IMO. Men were polygamous and so were our women. Especially women as there were other socio-economic reasons for women to have more than one man. 'M' word (as we know it today) was unheard of but a woman would live with a man/men and have his/their children and if that didn't work out they would find other suitable partners and everything was hunky dory. No bitter battles for divorce etc. Enter the missionaries and suddenly you ought to get a licence to live with a man/woman. You were required to cover yourself top to bottom and not wearing a jacket was regarded vulgar and indecent. So what I am trying to say is that the Victorian values and attitude were imposed on us by the imperialists. AND it exists today because the 'wannabe' westerners resigned to it to gain access and acceptance economically and socially. So the English-speaking-church-going 'middle class' was born and now stuck with prudish alien values. But this prudishness is not so in upper class and upper middle class (obviously) and in rural SL and in the lower class. Education has nothing to do with this. (Poor and rural population in SL are educated.) Small S, you have totally overlooked the class and economic angle as regards the attitude towards sex. If you speak to a rural girl/boy you will realise they know almost everything about sex in theory and practice. Its just the middle class and the lower middle class who are still stuck with 'oh we are desi, we can't talk about sex' mentality. Also, most girls in SL (and I guess in India as well) don't kiss and tell.Infact lots of young people feign innocence and ignorance, so I agree with the people who think SS was duped! :( BTW, who says size doesn't matter? It totally does! 300624@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 05:04:09 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300623 if a widow remarries does she put on the red sindoor? 300623@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 05:02:30 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300614 No Kela, the red sindoor stands for being married. If a woman dies before her husband her corpse is dressed in 'red' denoting that she died a 'Suhaagan' and burnt on the pyre as per most North Indian Hindu traditions. 300614@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 03:33:45 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300609 #Chandra: I never understand why people keep repeating this. The great ASI or other historians have no clue as to why this temple was built or the book written....." and i don't understand why do you need to feel embarassed and live in denial ? Shake off that colonial hangover of yours.Khajuraho maybe explicit but what about Konark,Puri,Kamakhaya and several others.The Kamakhya temple is in the shape of a vagina.Then you have hindu icons like the shiva lingam (whats the bathing with milk supposed to signify)You being a Hindu you should know more.Hinduism has in its essence the celebration of life and procreation. You should be proud of the kamasutra and stuff like that. PS Why do newly wed women wear a red tilak on their forehead ?Can anyone educate me on its significance ?Has it something to do with deflowering. 300609@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 02:58:24 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300607 SS, Mills and Boon is not read by all middle class girls, in fact many of us from 'liberal' homes had to hide and read these books and were ashamed if our dads happened to see these torrid books. Sex continues to be a taboo in Indian society. Neela's parents did not let her see an erotic temple fearing that it may corrupt her. Similarly parents feared that their kids reading romantic novels may be tempted in their teen years. Also when life doesn't dool out the Mills and Boons happily ever afters or the men dont act like Romantic heroes Indian women especially from conservative homes suffer from deep disappointments. Again blanketed statements such as made by Neela continue to show how naive desi women really are in India despite being upwardly mobile and how shackled they are to the prevailing conservative notions of sexuality. 300607@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 02:47:05 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300604 "We hope for your touchy sake and ours that you get there soon. We will miss you.....not." How old are you? I'd say about 14 - and please do not come back with Nanny Nanny Boo Boo or I'll have to drop that to 12. "On a related note, do take a look at Ultra Violet (http://youngfeminists.wordpress.com), a colla-blog for young feminists in India, that I edit and contribute with your comments, suggestions etc." And someone thought I was pushing some other blog!!! smsq is done with quoting one sentence out of context and I am done with a derivative article. BTW - not one woman, out of the numerous who swarmed, has come forward to say they have never read a Mills and Boon. Now remember = personal attacks are not allowed unless you can justify that they were reasoned. 300604@desicritics.org Mon, 8 Oct 2007 02:42:10 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300575 Great post...thanks for talking about this. It's amazing how women's sexual needs are a taboo topic in India. Even among liberated women, the 'm' word (and I mean masturbation) is seldom discussed. Nor do married friends talk about their sex lives. On a related note, do take a look at Ultra Violet (http://youngfeminists.wordpress.com), a colla-blog for young feminists in India, that I edit and contribute with your comments, suggestions etc. 300575@desicritics.org Sun, 7 Oct 2007 15:19:57 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300527 I can show you a million places where people disagreed with me. happens all the time, dear. and OMG I quoted your "every girl in india reads mills and boon" 3 times! whatever. I am done, this is so not productive. you're just gonna keep whining. you've turned this into the neela show instead of talking about my article. but thanks for calling my article derivative hon. FYI, I did not know about the other article, as I do not read every single other article on earth before I write mine. plus, what does it matter... you only see what you wanna see. makes for rather boring and unenlightened discussion. maybe you would have better luck talking to a parrot.. seems to be what you're looking for. ta ta! 300527@desicritics.org Sun, 7 Oct 2007 05:36:56 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300519 smallsq - please show me where you have handled being told you are wrong :-) You never quoted me. I told you that the uneducated do not read about sex. That was ignored! SeemaD - yes I am touting passionforcinema, they give me money for doing this. The stupidity on this forum is mind boggling. And the insults, just because I mention another site that I found deals better with issues of personal attacks. 200 contributors and a dozen editors on this site? Well, I am expecting more and more to chip and tell me there was no violation of the stated policy. I expect no less from Desicritics. As for the original article - does it cover any new ground since BBC's 1999 article titled "Indian women want more from their men"? It follows the same basic structure and does not really bring any "up close and personal" look at the issue. I think smsq wants us to "fall" for something that has nothing new and is completely derivative. Is that a personal insult? Of course not. The parallels between that article and this post are amply clear to me. So I am using all logic and information to arrive at this most logical conclusion. 300519@desicritics.org Sun, 7 Oct 2007 03:38:29 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300503 #93:Neela "I am on the way to being convinced that this blog space is not where I would want to spend my time." We hope for your touchy sake and ours that you get there soon. We will miss you.....not. Smallsquirrel: Something that people may not be aware of: there are fishers on websites who go to magazines, blogs etc, make a stupid comment and when questioned or argued against immediately raise a hue and cry about "personal attacks" or create a "free speech" controversy. They then very casually include the name of that one website that they are trying to "market" that just happens to be "so much better" and "allows anything to be said" etc. :) It is a very common strategy. I'm not saying that Neela is engaging in this but I hope people notice that it is very suspicious how a casual debate has caused commentator Neela not only to question all the odd 200 authors and a coupla dozen editors of this site but to also quote the one website which incidentally she finds "cleaner" :) Hence it is not a surprise that she has ignored all your other sane arguments or debates and made a mountain out of a molehill using the support of a few other commentators who honestly just seem to have a questionable sense of timing when it comes to voicing their disapproval against ad hominem and expressing empathy when personal attacks are being made. 300503@desicritics.org Sun, 7 Oct 2007 01:34:20 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300499 neela, what has become apparent to me is that you cannot handle anyone telling you that you are wrong, and when more than one person does it you flip out. there was not swarm, just 3 people who did not agree with what you had to say. you've done it on this thread and if you are the same neela, you've done it on other threads too. funny, when I quoted you, and tried to get you to address those issues, you ignored them. not once, not twice but 3 times on this thread. hmmmm... and finally, DC doesn't have to mimic any other site. it is what it is, and many people are perfectly happy here. 300499@desicritics.org Sun, 7 Oct 2007 01:18:11 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300466 The desicritics swarm is at it yet again. If I say something about Deepti's statement then I am twisting her words. The swarm, is NOT twisting my words. And no one provides quotes of anything I said - BECAUSE quotes cannot be twisted! My friends were asked inappropriate questions about their sex lives - as in "asked". Did I say they replied? So what exactly did they fall for? They fell for exactly what SS fell for - being asked questions. That is not under any individual's control unless you muffle the populace. I can see how that would seem like a viable option on this forum as the only people with a voice who are not attacked are the swarm! It is also ironic that the attack has spread to anyone who said a word on the "wrong" side of this debate. I do not know Ravi. But obviously he saw that making personal attacks is not done, specially by the folks who claim to have a comment policy in place. You guys are running the blog, not me. I am just here as a reader who sometimes writes a comment. If you want to see how to run a clean blog where such attacks are not tolerated than go to passionforcinema. There is information, people post ridiculous stuff, but the movement is in the forward direction. Just my two cents worth. I am on the way to being convinced that this blog space is not where I would want to spend my time. 300466@desicritics.org Sat, 6 Oct 2007 15:51:11 EDT http://desicritics.org/2007/10/01/110440.php#comment-300449 No SS, it is another person's blog - he is quite famous for his tongue in cheek articles. I just don't believe the results of the survey :D 300449@desicritics.org Sat, 6 Oct 2007 13:02:33 EDT