Desicritics Comments on State Of Victimness

Comment by temporal

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 11:35:04 EDT

FF: someone is whining - now, what about the extra n? ;)

Comment by FF

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 09:13:42 EDT

#5 I think you missed a letter 'h' in your name. ;)

Comment by FF

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 09:09:42 EDT

Sumanth...Great!!! I have seen professional counselors and doctors using exactly those remedies on the patients who approach them.

Comment by FF

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 09:04:53 EDT

Why does a one have to be always roaring drunk to beat somebody? If ones intention is to beat beat somebody else, he/she can do it even otherwise and I guess more potently. Thus, Does that mean the a most men do not actually want to beat wives but it is somehow the alcohol which makes them commit violence?

Comment by Winner

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 14:59:54 EDT

How do you identify your victims? How do you know he is a victim and not making up a story? Also reach your victims...to avoid court dates, give them a manual to read and know the loop holes of Indian courts and abuse on the internet Never mind never mind...we have seen all and read all...the mirror is breaking now. :)

Comment by Sumanth

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 14:21:41 EDT

Nice article. "It is fairly common to see the very same abuser-abusee pattern repeat itself in future relationships." As I counselled a large number of victims of circumstances in last 2.5 years, I came up with following which worked. 1) Never sympathise a victim. That makes victim enjoy the story. 2) Never get attached to a victim. 3) Listen, but cut the crap. 4) Make the victim(male or female) take responsibility. 5) Do not use the language of "Help, Advice etc" and in turn use the word "support" and "helping one's own self". 6) Believe that every person born is capable of helping himself or herself in any situation. A person just have to train the person to help herself or himself. 7) Make the person get grounded in self. That is, cut the conversation like, "I am living for my child, my parents etc etc". 8) Cut the self pity and make the person to take responsibility. 9) Making the person realise the narrow difference between compromise and acceptance. 10) Make the person practice all that in an environment of sharing, where the person sees some "so called victims much worse off".

Comment by Deepti Lamba

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 09:47:14 EDT

Maybe I could talk to her landlord he is a cop.

Comment by smallsquirrel

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 02:35:50 EDT

the problem is there are little resources for women who are victims of domestic violence. there is a lot of lip service, but no programs, no shelters... so where can these women go? not back to their parents, surely... they won't take them back in many cases. and so what are they to do? they know the situation is bad, but they have kids, and where will they take them... who will take them in with children... and if they run away with the kids, how will they feed and clothe them? the women stay and hope they can protect the kids and shield them as much as possible. what other option is left to them. and so Dee, even if you had gone over, what then? even if you stopped the man this time, next time he would beat her 2 times harder for his embarrassment, esp at the hands of another woman. without police support and an organization to help her leave, you are putting her in more danger by intervening.

Comment by Deepti Lamba

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 01:39:09 EDT

Funny I get to read this after hearing the lady next door howling in pain as her husband beat her up. My maid didn't let me go there since the guy was roaring drunk. The neighbors said its a daily affair. They fight, she gets beaten , he gets roaring drunk and they make up. Who suffers? Their five year old kid.