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Fiction: Horn OK Please
Aditi Nadkarni
The rains began coming down in torrents. I rolled down my window and took in the fresh smell of wet soil and a few pleasant drops. The breeze rushed in, bringing the tangy aroma of chaat from nearby stalls and stopped abruptly as the traffic brought us to a standstill. A long queue of cars, buses, trucks, rickshaws waited in the rain, scooters and motorcycles occasionally weaving in and out of the dense mesh. Everybody honked once in a while as if to make their presence felt. The shrill notes of a rickshaw mingled with the low boom of a honking truck.
Our car too let out a delicate squeal and contributed towards the growing traffic symphony.
"Why did you honk?" I asked our driver and his usually neutral, shy face gave way to a sheepish smile. He shrugged and I felt bad about having put him on the spot.
"I just asked out of curiosity" I persisted. A few, long seconds of silence passed and then just as I was about to make yet another attempt at breaking the silence, he cleared his throat.
"Madam, what to do?" he began in a thick Bihari accent, "The rickshaw-wallahs need passengers and so they dilly-dally looking around for their girahik. If I don't honk they don't move."
"Yes, but this is a whole line of stalled vehicles" I asked almost wanting to kick myself in the ass for sounding so argumentative. I couldn't believe I was making my driver feel bad when cars all around us were sounding random beeps. He sank into the silent mode again. A hush fell around us as people settled down into the jam and stopped voicing their impatience with honks.
People were done honking and were now waiting silently hoping for a traffic policeman to come save them from this mess. A few cars down, a truck driver and a bus conductor were arguing relentlessly over who should budge.
To my great astonishment after a couple of minutes, my driver began to giggle.
"You want to see something funny, madam?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.
"Sure" I said. Entertainment in a traffic jam was more than welcome.
Suddenly and without warning our driver hit the center of the steering wheel and the car let out a sharp, long peal. Immediately, the cars in front of us honked and soon everybody in the line was honking.
"Chain reaction" my driver softly muttered in satisfaction, pointing over to a tea shanty. I looked around trying to figure out what it was the he was showing me. And then I saw him. Under an umbrella tied to a chair was a traffic policeman snoozing with his cap over his face. He stirred a few times and the sudden and insistent honking finally roused him from his deep reverie. He wiggled out of the chair, his face a picture of chagrin. He pulled up his trousers over his inflated belly and surveyed the scene while getting into a yellow raincoat, his red lips rotating furiously like a clockwork over a mouthful of tobacco as if it was being unwound. He slowly and very self-importantly sauntered over to the front of the waiting traffic and waved his hands about, till the truck and the bus that had been clogging this intense bottle-neck finally moved. The vehicles began to inch forward and in a matter of minutes, the jam disloged. We were on our way, the breeze toying with my hair again and stray raindrops tickling my nose.
I looked over in awe at our driver who was beaming. He honked playfully and looked over at me.
"In Bombay, this is not a horn, Madam. It is an alarm clock for Mamu-log", he said, his shoulders bobbing in mirth.
Note: For those unfamiliar with Bombay lingo: Girahik: Passenger/ Customer, Mamu-log: Traffic policemen, hawaldars, police or anyone really! Also, the title "Horn Ok Please" is a message commonly found as bumper stickers on trucks that have an atrociously wide blind-spot.
Fiction: Horn OK Please
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Aaman
URL
July 2, 2007
02:28 AM
The horn on Indian roads is a truly multi-functional device. I don't use it much, but have found it an invaluable tool to get lane-breakers conscious at the very least of their offence.
we should do an entire post on truck stickers - ok tata byebye
amitscorpio
URL
July 2, 2007
02:49 AM
Nice story!!! sounds so real!!!
Well horn is one thing I miss a lot in USA. people avoid honking as much as possible and only honks when somebody does something wrong on the road. and i have that craving for honking while driving ... have to control a lot!!;)
Phir Milenge!!
Tanay
URL
July 2, 2007
03:37 AM
Aditi, there was more of reality than fiction in the post :) Anyways pictorial presentation of life on road in monsoons. Good one.
Aaman, other than Ok Tata, Byebye there are many other interesting stickers, one can come across
'Keep Horn OK Please Distance' (read from the outside to middle)
'Use Dipper at Night'
'Powar Brek' ( this can be both fiction and reality :) )
'Booree Nazar Waley, Tera Mooh Kala'
Sanjay
July 2, 2007
04:18 AM
Horn OK Please
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRwAojLnA6A
Aditi Nadkarni
URL
July 2, 2007
09:22 AM
Hey guys, This story is inspired by true events and hence sounds real. That's what was remarkable about it.
Here is my favorite bumper sticker:
"Chalti hai gaadi, udti hai dhool, Shabbo ke haath mein gulaab ka phool"
:D
amitscorpio
URL
July 2, 2007
11:17 AM
nice video .... thanx for the link!! :)
DesiGirl
URL
July 2, 2007
12:49 PM
Aditi,
Nice story and I really like your 'Note' at the end, clarifying the things for the rest of us :)
smallsquirrel
July 2, 2007
01:27 PM
aditi... loved this. the honking thing makes me mental so it was nice to see it in a slightly different and very entertaining light.
on a different but related note, I have started taking pics of variations on the "horn OK please" stickers found on autos in bangalore. some of them are HYSTERICAL!!! (mostly due to rampant misspellings... my current fave is one on a truck that had a "karnataka satae permit" WOO HOO, thai food for everyone!
Aditi Nadkarni
URL
July 2, 2007
03:09 PM
Glad you girls liked this one.
SS: the pictures of truck bumper stickers should make a nice and very entertaining collection. They have everything from modified Urdu poetry to crazy English rhymes on those bumpers. Lemme know if you do decide to put up a collection of those pictures on your blog.
smallsquirrel
July 2, 2007
05:50 PM
aditi.. we're actually thinking of doing a book. the BEST one we have is this.. ya know how people put the names of their kids or wife or whatever on the back windows of their autos and cars? well one auto driver apparently has either a daughter or wife named nasima. except that the person who painted it got a little too flourishy and artistic and the N looks like a V, the S looks like a G and the M is closer to an N... what do you get then? right, the dude is driving all over bangalore with what looks a lot like VAGINA written on the back of his auto. no jokes!
Aditi Nadkarni
URL
July 2, 2007
06:19 PM
LMAO SS, that is truly hilarious.Hehehe.
In a suburb called Thane, near Bombay, there is a company called Nitin Company (I dunno if its still there). The huge sign atop the buidling stood like a landamark and a while ago would say "NITIN A KEDIA PRODUCT" (btw Kedia I think is the last name of the business owner). A few monsoons later, most alphabets fell down and what remained towering above the city was "NAKED ROD" It would shock me every time I drove past it. Never got any less amusing. Hehehe.
smallsquirrel
July 2, 2007
06:34 PM
sounds like our auto driver and that business should team up. and I would have peed myself every time I passed that sign were I you. I am hopelessly immature! :P
amitscorpio
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July 2, 2007
07:07 PM
hilarious @SS n Aditi.
DesiGirl
URL
July 3, 2007
07:01 AM
From VAGINAs to NAKED RODs - I sense a theme in these mis-spellings!!
Naresh
July 3, 2007
11:38 AM
This one's funny! I just got back from Bombay where I'd been for work and every day had to sit in 2 hours of traffic for no reason just coz two people didn't wanna budge and were arguing over something. Traffic policemen could be seen somewhere in the distance but never came forward to solve the situation until matters got really bad and the traffic was jammed upto the next signal. One time I sat in a traffic jam because two of the traffic signal vendors had had a fight and were beating each other up right in the middle of the road. So kinda nice to see a light-hearted take on the frustrating Bombay traffic. The description of the pot-bellied traffic policeman is perfect!
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