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Floyd Landis Does What Lance Armstrong Could not — Test Positive

July 27, 2006
Matthew T. Sussman

Oh, he fooled us. That devil.

Tour de France winner Floyd Landis tested positive for testosterone after his dramatic Stage 17 win. His team confirms the positive test.

Thinking back, Landis was among the leaders in the middle of the race, then fell well out of contention (eight minutes back), only to storm back and win Stage 17, coming within less than a minute of then leader Oscar Pereiro. He went on to dye his jersey yellow (or however they anoint the current leader — they probably switch jerseys) and ride down the Champs-Elysees first.

Well, shit.

We're supposed to be all cynical here about athletes and performance enhancers, and then we let our guard down because we wanted an American to win the Tour. And to be frank, doping allegations never once crossed my mind, because I'm not accustomed to American cyclists testing positive. Gee, thanks, Lance for being so goddamn clean.

So he'll probably be stripped of his Tour title, which will be handed to Pereiro, who finished second. That is, unless Pereiro was found to dope, in which case it will go to Andreas Kloden, and so on until they find the best finishing clean athlete. Actually, now that I think about it, Lance Armstrong just may win this Tour as well.

The rumors were swirling around Landis all week, especially because nobody from Denmark's Jyske Bank Grand Prix could locate him to see if he was going to actually participate in their race. Teammates were quoted as saying Landis had a hip injury.

That excuse sounds like a lie, but there's a shred of truth in that. You see, Landis is about to become much less hip.

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Floyd Landis Does What Lance Armstrong Could not — Test Positive

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Author: Matthew T. Sussman

 

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#1
temporal
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July 27, 2006
12:35 PM

matthew:

sad!

about the only persons who apparently are not on any performance enhancing drugs appear to be bush, his evil twin osama, ohlmert, nasarallah -- am not sure though -- keep forgetting if power is an aphrodisiac or p-e-d

ok...ignore it ...not relevant;)

#2
Suss
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July 27, 2006
03:45 PM

I was about to say I, too, was clean, but then you mentioned powertrips. I hereby plead the fifth.

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