The Parting of Shashi Tharoor's Hair

Pakistan says it may challenge Tharoor's nomination as UN Secretary General

New York: Pakistan has reportedly indicated that it may challenge India's nominee for the UN Secretary General's post, citing his hyperbolically 1980s hairstyle. "This is The United Nations — not The Human League. Mr. Tharoor's sweepingly asymmetrical bob can only be taken as proof of an outdated, if not consciously retro approach, to important border issues happening on the very summit of his very rounded cranium."

Pakistan said it would field its own more conventionally barbered candidate to challenge Tharoor, and added that with this nomination, India has accepted the possibility of it not being made a permanent member of the United Nation Salon Council (UNSC). The United States said that the Secretary General's post is an important one from a global point of view and Washington would have a careful look at how visible all candidates' hair was via satellite before announcing its choice.

Pakistan's Permanent Representative to the UN Munir Akram and his Indian counterpart Nirupam Sen agreed to disagree on the possible impact of Tharoor's unconventional semi-bouffant. While Akram said that New Delhi has chosen the second best styling option available to it, Sen and Tharoor both inferred that there was no connection between the nomination and India's chances of acquiring a permanent hydraulic barbers chair with adjustable/removable headrest.

"The convention is simply that permanent members do not have Secretary Generals. Mr. Tharoor has not had a permanent — and indeed his thick and rather lovely locks are a handicraft product of ayurvedic oils and local know-how. Nevermind his adventurous choice in sideburns. There is no convention as to Electroclash influenced styling, Flock of Seagull references or even egregious use of hair-spray." Sen was quoted by television channel, as saying.

A senior State Department official said: ''Obviously the Secretary General of the United Nations is an extremely important position for the welfare of stylists and hair care professionals the world over. The United States will be looking very carefully at all the nominees.'' The always impeccably coiffed United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan leaves office in December this year after serving two five-year terms at the world body. Tharoor is currently the UN Under-Secretary General for Conditioning and Public Depilation.

The Bush Administration has made it clear that Asia does not have the sole right to field the next candidate, and is looking to Eastern Europe and other precincts raising the specter of unprecedentedly hairy Baltic regions.