Fiction: The Sex Addict: Chapter One
Chapter One : The Games of the mind blinds the I
What is life to you? A journey? A numb roller coaster ride? A party of opportunities and sufferings? Or something else? It would be safe to assume that the answers would be infinite. But at an individual level, that answer, your answer, defines what life means to you, it's how it defines your life.
Hi, I'm Dr. Kamalkanth Tripathi and this is my story. My life so far has been an exciting journey. I grew up in Bombay. Both my parents were doctors and it was quite natural that everyone in the family expected that I would become one too. I did, but instead of a heart specialist, this specialist or that specialist, I became a psychologist. For exploring the human mind is an adventure unsurpassed by any other. Atleast for me.
Getting my degree from San Francisco State University was a piece of cake. I got my degree and found my wife at this beautiful place. I'll admit I've been attracted to white women all my life. Call it what you may but Jenna was the most attractive woman.
Was. We divorced a year and a half after marriage. Irreconcilable differences. She thought I was too controlling. I thought she was - in Salman Rushdie's coined term - Virgin Iron pants. My modification to the term that fit quite well on Jenna was - Bitchy Iron pants.
The very things that attract you in the first place are the ones that later on give you emotional diabetes towards that person, or they end up becoming addictive. In my case it was the former.
My brief bumpy married life with Jenna had become an emotional diabetes for me - a soft, sweet, fluffy way to describe what I went through. After parting with her, half of my wealth and all of the upheaval I had due to our marriage, I was ready to start afresh.
I moved to Southern California where my friends and friends of my parents helped me start my own practice again.
It was here I met the man who turned my life by a one-eighty. I had rarely met someone who had such a magnetic appeal, the hypnotic effect via the words he spoke was such that people listening to him would be sucked into his reality. He would speak and he would then leave. His listeners would stand there dazed. The hangover of listening to him would stay for hours if not for days.
It was a rainy morning, early February in Orange County, California. I parked my car and sheltered myself with the briefcase over my head running to my office building. I was behind schedule.
Suzy my receptionist cum secretary cum coffee maker cum billing accountant was on the phone as I walked into my clinic. She mouthed a "Good Morning" to me as she kept on jotting down something while keeping the phone receiver firmly trapped between her shoulder and her slanted neck.
I entered my office and went through the morning ritual of checking for messages, emails, glancing through my appointments for the day and taking a walk towards the glass windows which gave a beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean.
I had my clinic in one of the richest sections of Orange County. Newport Beach. If you had money to blow, you lived in Newport. And if you wanted the blown money to land in your pockets, you worked in Newport.
For most of my patients, I offered another excuse to blow their money. They would visit me, with problems that I would hardly think twice about. They would pay me 500 dollars an hour to think about theirs. As I said, people in Newport Beach have money to blow; you just need to know when and where.
Jay Thakore was a new patient who would be visiting me today. He was referred by one Dr. Sharma, Jay's physician. Jay seemed to be one of those filthy rich people from Newport. He had simply booked half the day with me. I liked patients like these. 8 am to 12 am with Mr. Jay Thakore was going be fetch me $2000 dollars plus an additional 1000 bucks that I charged for first time patients.
Now all I had to do was ensure that Mr. Thakore became a long term patient of mine. It wouldn't be difficult. Lend a friendly ear, point out two or three things that could help them lead to obvious self discoveries, pull back and create a few problems in their minds, help them dig into those problems, lead them to positive discoveries, pull back, create problems... Wash Rinse Repeat.
It had been about 30 minutes since Jay Thakore had stepped into my office and seated himself on the couch. There was a uneasiness brewing within me. I found myself slipping from my stable composure. Slowly slipping into Jay Thakore's world. I was slowly being enveloped into his reality. I tried to check myself a couple of times, but the slide into Jay's world continued.
Jay sat infront of me. A handsome face, straight parallel shoulders, square jaw, a model's body and sharp piercing cat eyes. He was about 35 and he should have been a model instead of building and selling software companies, that had made him a multi millionaire.
Jay wore a sky blue buttoned down collared shirt. A thin striped Hugo Boss Sports Jacket. I guess his jeans from Guess, was more expensive than the rent I paid for my office. I noticed his thick soled shoes. New Rocks I guessed. The faint cologne that I got a hint off when he entered my office seemed to be a Fahrenheit.
There was an air of supremacy in Jay's looks and his body positions. It was as if they said that he owned it all. My office, my practice and me.
I had difficulty in holding eye contact for long and would often look away. I think he noticed my uneasiness.
"Is something on your mind doc?"
I smiled 'No... not exactly, what makes you think so?'
"Just a feeling... You don't have to look me in the eye if that's what's bothering you"
I was a bit taken aback. Jay had exactly pinpointed what was on my mind. But this was not the end of it. In the next few days I would realize that Jay was infact a fairly good mind reader.
But there is always something that is amiss in every individual. However successful, however perfect, however complete they may be, there is always something which is off. A successful businessman is a drug addict, movie stars who are highly insecure or eccentrics, scholars with their minds on an anticipation overdrive that they begin predicting their own personal lives and making a mess of it.
There was something off in Jay Thakore too. That's the reason he was here.
Jay Thakore was a compulsive sex addict.
'So how often do you have sex Jay?'
"About 2 to 3 times"
'And how many different women do you have sex with?'
"About 1 to 2"
I was taken aback. Here was one of the richest guys in Southern California who could not handle his carnal desires. It had become a disease... an addiction. One to Two different women a day... That meant that Jay Thakore slept with atleast 600 different women each year. 6000 different women in 10 years... The figures my brain was calculating were making me dizzy. 6000 women!!!!
"Yeah so it's about 600 women a year...."
Mind reading again.
'How did you know????'
"Not sure how doc... I just looked in your eyes to see what you were thinking"
'What do you feel when you first sense this desire?'
"It's like I need to conquer. There is this feeling, quite a normal feeling that takes birth somewhere deep inside me when I see an attractive woman. The feeling gets intense the more I look at her. I want to control or be controlled by this lovely beauty. Yet there is a raging fire that I want to become one with this person. The intensity shuts me from thinking anything else, doing anything else... I become a living vegetable until I get to sink my body and soul into this beautiful lady."
'Have you seen what happens if you try to say no to this desire?'
"I've tried it. It just fuels the passion. Now I want her more simply because of the message that I should not have her or I can't have her"
That was true. Man's desires usually take the form of fiery proportions when they find that they can't have or possess the object of their desire. No one is free from this trait. Its encoded in our genetics and there is no escape.
Would you like a glass of water?
No I'm fine.
Yeah coffee would be good. With Irish Crème please.
So how are you feeling?
I'm ok. Actually I'm feeling very fine.
You've changed your hairstyle. It looks nice.
It was almost two hours into the session and I was still not making any headway. I decided to switch tactics.
'You mentioned you meet one to two women for sex each day. Who are these women?'
"Women that I meet on the streets, malls, shops, clubs, bars, parties, social gatherings... and... "
He paused. And I knew why.
'Please continue. What you say remains between us. The law protects you from having anything you say leave this room'
"... Thanks. Well... the women also include prostitutes, street walkers, call girls and then there are those women who are sexually addicted themselves..."
'And you have sex with all these women'
"Yes... all the time. Infact I already am gaming women today that I'll be making love to a few weeks from now."
'And you use protection?'
"Yes. Always. I may be the biggest individual client of these condom manufacturers" He smiled.
I tried to slip in some humor: 'Ah yes. With roughly 50 - 60 condoms each month, you must be their biggest client. Ha!'
"Its not 60"
"You said 50 -60 condoms"
'Oh... that's what you told me. 1 - 2 women each day. 30 days. I guessed its 50 - 60 condoms'
"That correct. But you are assuming I'm having sex just once when I meet a woman. Its anywhere between 1 to 3 rounds of sex in a meeting, depending on how hot she is. I roughly use about 150 - 200 condoms each month."
"The reason men don't get sex as much as they would like to and with the woman they would like to is because they are stuck in a matrix"
'Matrix?... you mean like the movie?'
"Yes... its a concept that Badboy one of the gurus in the pickup community brought out. Shark another genius pickup artist talks about it too. The pickup community realizes the success one gets when a PUA internalizes the concept of the Matrix"
'And what do these PUAs define a matrix as?'
"It's a concept, which cannot be defined sitting here on a couch doc. Let me ask you this - when was the last time you got laid and how much effort did it take?"
The ball was shifting to my court too many times. I shifted in my chair trying to change gears.
'Not that important. This is your time and I would like to know more about you and your world inorder to help you'
"Alright." He smiled. I somehow knew that he could read what was going on through my mind.
"Well... you have to own the matrix to fuck different women everyday of your life. Inside the matrix everyone thinks, acts, behaves, and reacts on the same plane, in the same manner. Step outside the matrix and you can see them as pieces on a board that have identical moves and behavior. You can now see what they will do, why they will do, and how they will do what - in reaction to - what you do or say to them"
'So you get a third eye view... sort of seeing a game sitting in the stadium which offers a much better perspective than actually being in the game where you lose the edge to see anything and everything'
"Perhaps. But it's much more that that. It's the ability to sub communicate"
"Doc... I can walk into a bar or the mall across the street right now. I'll select my target and stand next to her. I will talk to her. We will joke and laugh. In about 30 - 60 minutes I'll then stand up from my chair take her hand and walk out with her. I'll open my car door to let her in and then drive to her place."
'And why would she say yes to all that?'
"She won't say 'Yes' if I ask her to have sex with me. She may slap me call me a jerk and leave. But I'm not going to ask her to have sex. I've simply sub communicated to her that she needs to have sex with me; she must have sex with me; she is missing out on the greatest pleasure she'll ever experience if she does not have sex with me;"
'I'm not getting it. You are saying, you simply go out and talk to a woman for an hour and then take, her hand and drive her home to have sex and she does not resist?'
"Yes. That's because you own the matrix. You have sub communicated to her that you are the prize, you are not needy, you are the supreme alpha that she has been dreaming and waiting for all her life, life without you will be miserable... Its kind on the same lines of Tyler Durden's Secret Society concept"
'Tyler Durden... you mean Brad Pitt in Fight Club?'
Jay laughed. A nice throaty laugh at my ignorance.
"Nah Doc. Not that TD. This one is one of the leading guys in the pickup community who has laid out principles and techniques that are so outrageous and yet so 100% rock solid in the solutions it offers to getting laid anyplace anytime."
Matrix. Secret Society. The path to getting sex whenever and with whomever you wanted to. My heart was beating a bit faster.
'Now what's this concept of the Secret Society?'
"Well according to TD, 52% people living on this earth belong to the secret society whether they know it or not. 50% of the people in this society are women and the rest 2% are men..."
He lighted a cigarette and took a deep one. He never asked me if he could smoke and neither bothered to look at me when he took his first puff. Normally I would have kicked the patient out. But this was Jay Thakore and somehow he was beginning to have this effect on me... I simply waited for him to begin... his explanation on the secret society...
Is the chair comfortable?
Yeah it's fine.
How about the air conditioning?
It's fine, though you could raise it up by a degree or two.
Ok. Let me do that.
And how long will it take before I get my coffee with Irish Crème?
Shortly, I just ordered it... How's your body ache?
I hope he didn't hurt you.
A bit. But it doesn't matter.
Oh it does. We can't let any harm come to you.
I was tired. I asked Suzy to cancel my appointments for the day. I slumped into my chair and sat thinking about the four hours I'd spent with Jay. How could anyone be so obsessed with something that his whole life now revolved around it? His whole philosophy, his whole outlook, his ambitions, his goals, his desires, his needs, his joy, his happiness, his sadness, his pain... everything revolved around sex sex and sex.
And I was amazed and honestly quite sucked into his talk on how he picked women up. He made it sound so simple. I remember spending weeks trying to woo my ex-wife.
These days sex was like a boon or that one special day when I got lucky. For Jay getting sex was like scratching an itch. Simple and straighforward.
"... so I walked in this grocery store. I spotted this redhead. She was tall, milky skin, red lipstick and she had this grace as she moved. Her body language showed she wanted to display herself out there for men to see..."
'How can you say that?'
"I know what I'm talking about. You learn as you play in the field. So I walked next to her, turned towards her till she noticed me and I looked into her eyes and smiled. She smiles back and I slowly take her hands in mine and tell her 'You look beautiful. It would be my pleasure to know you'...and she smiles back and thanks me"
'Wow! And what do you do next?'
"I take her to the bar from the store where we have a couple of drinks. I pull her into my world. My reality. In about 30 minutes she wants me. Every part of her body aches to have me. I've sub communicated to her that I'm the most delicious fruit she will ever taste in her whole life"
"I take her hand and ask her where she's parked. She drives me to her house. I enter her living room and pull her towards me. We are kissing like two bodies that have been thirsty all their lives. Thirsty for wild sex. I slam her against the wall. There's a Mona Lisa hanging next to us. It excites me more. It's as if someone is watching us in our carnal play. I move my hand behind her next and grab her hair and pull it down and rip her top off. She is enjoying the way I'm being rough with her. We get completely naked and make love on the floor of her living room"
'All this happened by simply approaching her at the grocery store?'
"Yes... last night."
'And after the sex you leave...'
"No. I genuinely love the women I have sex with. I want to feel them not just physically but emotionally at a depth, deeper than before. We lay there on the floor holding each other. I started kissing her again and saw this cute pink butterfly tattooed on her right butt cheek. I kissed it, and then took a bite at it. It got me pumped up. I made love to her this time holding her face down while I lay on her back, biting her, while moving in and out of her, beating her ass with my pelvic bone. It must have been good, cause when I left her house she was crying and begging me to stay longer."
'Why didn't you?'
"Because I was tired of fucking the same pussy. I get bored. I get tired.
For some men it takes 30 years to get bored of fucking the same woman. For others it takes 3 years, 3 months or 3 weeks.
For me, fucking the same pussy twice is pleasure. Third is a workout. The fourth is a yawn."
'Do you think that's the reason you want to have sex everyday with different women?'
"That's for you to find out."
They said you complained about how he hurt your arm.
He did but I'm ok now.
Your X-Rays turned out ok. There isn't any fracture.
Do you feel pain at any other place?
My head hurts a bit. I think it's from when he slammed me to the wall.
We'll get it checked at once... how's the coffee?
Good. Can I have some more?
You have to own the Matrix. Come Doc. Open your eyes. Get up get going and grab the matrix. Look at this hot chic over here... doesn't she look beautiful. She is hot. You can own this hot body. I bet she has a tight pussy that's going to grab your manhood so tight you'll never wish to get it out of her... When was the last time you had sex Doc?
I woke up. I had slipped into a deep sleep on my couch while writing notes on Jay. It was dark outside. Suzy had left for the day.
I packed up, washed my face and locked my office. It was around 7 pm. I wasn't in a mood to go home. There was no one there waiting for me. And watching the News channels over Coors Light wasn't that exciting today.
Perhaps I'll check out the new trendy bar that opened last week a few blocks from my office.
I still wasn't sure. Perhaps the hangover of my afternoon nap had still not left me completely. The thinking was a bit slow. Home or the new bar, home new bar home new bar... I switched the ignition on and turned the car to the next intended stop.
'... so yeah, the mind will lead you to what you may not need. And that's the time to listen to listen to you heart. But people rarely do, specially my patients...'
"That is so interesting"
The bar had turned out to be interesting. I ended up talking to this tall hot looking white lady sitting alone next to me. It was about 15 minutes into our conversation.
'It is. It's like you have a mind but you don't own it. Its not yours. How does one own one's mind and get control over it?'... And then it clicked in me... Jay's words... it was time to experiment what he had been talking for over 4 hours at my office...
Own the Matrix Doc... Show her you own the matrix
'... Yet beauty is skin deep. Its the attraction of the eyes that can hold you and me together. Think about it...'
Sub communicate... you are the prize...
'If I can give women the most delicious orgasms they will ever get in their whole life... I'm not going to sew a tag about it on my sleeve...'
Her interests were spiking up. Her lips parted slightly and I could see in her eyes that she was playing a picture of her receiving the most intense orgasm...
'So... if I touch you like this on your face... would you know I'm a doctor or that I am a sexual master at giving intense orgasms...'
She was sucked into my world so deep that she had difficulty opening her mouth...
"Yess.... ah I mean no..."
The Secret society. Don't ask for sex... assume you are going to have sex... bounce the venue
'You are so interesting. Maybe I should stay for a bit more to talk to you...'
'Ah... lets grab some dinner. I know a Sushi place which is real good'
I dropped some cash on the bar, took her hand and we both walked out.
'Where's your car?'
We lay naked in her bed. Her head rested on my shoulder while she drew circles with her fingertips on my chest.
"I've never been taken so wildly... so roughly before..."
'I'm sorry... your moans made me think...'
"Shhh..." She placed her finger on my lips
"Don't say sorry... please... I was complimenting you for going deep into my psyche to pull out the deepest of my fantasies... "
Her tight body, full lips, blue eyes were enticing me again. I softly cupped her breasts and moved down to suck her pink erect nipples... she was still talking, but the words were melting away before they reached my ears...
"Oh God... do me again... please take me and fill me with your love again."
I moved my mouth to her ear and whispered 'I'm going to ravage your body... all night'
"Yes... Yes... Yes"
It was around 5 in the morning when my eyes popped open. She was sleeping looking so beautiful. I got out of my bed and got dressed. She was sleeping face down, her back towards me. It was then I noticed it...
A butterfly tattooed on her right butt cheek. It was pink in color.
Jay's words rung in... I started kissing her again and saw this cute pink butterfly tattoed on her right butt cheek.
Wow. Seems like having a pink butterfly tattoo was in vogue these days.
I softly bent down to kiss her... it woke her up...
"Ummm don't go..."
'I have to. But lets have dinner tonight'
She smiled... Was this my life mate? I started praying that she was.
I walked out and opened the door, stepped out and turned around to close it, when my eyes caught something that shocked me... a bit...
There was a Mona Lisa smiling back at me from the wall of her living room...