SATIRE

Da Shakespeare Code Revealed

April 28, 2006
Mayank Austen Soofi

Sheikh Peer, a Kashmiri Professor of Political Symbology at Oxford University, has solved the mystery concerning Shakespeare's prophesies about the story of India's Nehru-Gandhi dynasty.

Interspersing his revelations in secret codes throughout his 35 plays and 154 sonnets and then condensing the codes in a 7-pages thick file, the dying bard had strictly told his wife Anne Hathaway not to reveal the prophesies during her lifetime. The codes were later passed on to the Earl of Gloucester in 1621. The trail reaches a dead end there; other than a 73-word entry in Charles Babbage's 18th century encyclopedic treatise Symbols, Signs and Shamans in the English Theater Since Fifteenth Century, the sensational Shakespeare codes do not find mention anywhere else.

Professor Sheikh Peer's findings were released to the public on Queen Elizabeth II's 80th birthday celebrations in April, 2006. Here then is the tale of the dynasty as predicted by the greatest playwright of the world in his own words, written at a time when Akbar the Great was still ruling Hindoostan and Nehru's ancestors were living like commoners in Kashmir without any inkling of a greater glory.

Dawn of a Dynasty - Nehru is Born

But thou art fair, and at thy birth, dear boy,
Nature and fortune joined to make thee great.

Jawaharlal - His Life from Infancy to India's First Prime Minister

From his cradle
He was a scholar, and a ripe and good one,
Exceeding wise, fair-spoken, and persuading;
Lofty and sour to them that loved his nation not,
But to those men that sought his country, sweet as summer.

Nehru's Child Indira Becomes a Gandhi; Weds Feroze

I have thrust myself into this maze,
Haply to wive and thrive as best I may.

Indira & Feroze - Portrait of a Doomed Marriage

For what is wedlock forced but a hell,
An age of discord and continual strife.

A Death Makes Indira a Widow: She Lives a Lonely Life

Words are easy, like the wind
Faithful friends are hard to find.

China's 1962 Treachery - Nehru Shocked, Hurt

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As Chinese ingratitude.

Ailing Statesman Dies a Broken Man

So went to bed, where eagerly his sickness
Pursued him still; and where he slept in peace.

Crafty Congress Syndicate Chooses Goongi Gudiya Indira as Nehru's Successor

Say she be mute and will not speak a word,
Then we'll commend her volubility
And say she utter piercing eloquence.

Surprise! Surprise! Goongi Gudiya Speaks and How

Sirs, I am so shy; but, thinking that
I am a queen (or long have dreamed so), certain
The daughter of a PM, my drops of tears
I'll turn to sparks of fire.

Meanwhile Her Younger Son Sanjay Takes After Her...

O, 'tis a perilous boy,
Bold, quick, ingenious, forward, capable:
He is all the mother's, from the top to toe.

...While an Italian Girl Meets an Indian Boy Somewhere in England

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day Rajiv?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.

Wedding in the Dynasty; Sonia Adjusts to New Life in India

New customs,
Thou they be never so ridiculous
Yet are followed.

Indira Shines After Bangladesh Victory; Self-introspection Follows

I have touched the highest point of all my greatness,
And from that full meridian of my glory
I haste now to my setting.

Indira Imposes Emergency, Turns Cruel

Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full
Of direst cruelty! make thick my blood;
Come to my woman's breasts,
And take my milk for poison.

Spolit Sanjay is a Goonda

Why, then the world's mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.

Chained Nation Silently Messages the Dictator

Heaven is above all yet; there sits a judge
That no empress can corrupt.

Indira Loses Power; But is Back After Crying Garibi Hatao

'Tis well said,
And 'tis a kind of good deed to say well;
And yet words are no deeds.

Sanjay Dies in a Plane Crash

Good his life was short; else his shame would had been too long.

A Mother Shattered

O Lord! my boy, my Sanju, my fair son!
My life, my joy, my food, my all the world!
My widow-comfort, and my sorrows' cure!

Rajiv Reluctantly Joins Politics to Help Weeping Momma

Be not afraid of greatness, Rajiv:
Some are born great,
Some achieve greatness
And some have greatness thrust upon them.

Chill Between Daughters-in-law Sonia & Maneka

Two women placed together makes cold weather

While a Charming Rajiv Wins Heart

This prince as much
They love and dote on, call this bounteous Gandhi
The mirror of all courtesy.

Sulking Maneka Rebels

She is peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to her honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving ma-in-law.

So Mother-in-law Indira Banishes Daughter-in-law Maneka

A woman in sulk is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.

Meanwhile Shadows Darken Over India; Jarnail Singh Bhindranwale Emerges

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart.

Opportunistic Indira Nurtures Bhindranwale; It Backfires

Indira's breath first kindled the dead coal of wars
And brought in matter that should feed this fire;
And now 'tis far too huge to be blown out
With the same weak wind which enkindled it.

However Indira Makes Amends; Launches Operation Blue Star

Strong reasons make strange actions.

Haw! Indira Assassinated! Passing of an Era

Death makes no conquest of this conqueror,
For now she lives in fame, though not in life.

Revenge For Her Murder Kill Thousands

There lie the ruins of the bravest woman
That ever lived in the tide of times.
Woe to the hands that shed this costly blood!
Over thy wounds is prophesized,
An unspeakable tragedy shall
Light upon the turbans of men;
Domestic fury and fierce civil strife
Shall cumber all parts of India.

Sikh Riots Taint Congress

Will all great Neptune's ocean wash its blood
Clean from its hand? No, this hand will rather
The multitudinous seas incarnadine,
Making the green one red.

Rajiv Becomes Prime Minister; Creates Hope; Disappoints

His promises were, as he then was, mighty;
But his performance, as he is now, nothing.

And There Lurks the Bofors to Unclean Mr Clean

The mightier man, the mightier is the thing
That makes him honored or begets him hate;
For greatest scandal waits on greatest state.

Rajiv Abused as Chor

What is my offense?
Where is the evidence that doth accuse me?
What lawful quest have given their verdict up
Unto the frowning judge?

10:22 PM. 21st May, 1991. Rajiv Killed by a Woman Suicide Bomber

She came adorned hither like sweet May.
But security is mortal's chiefest enemy
And ere he hath power to say "Behold!"
The jaws of darkness devoured him up.

Priyanka Breaks the News to Mother Sonia

O, my sweet madre, news fitting to the night,
Black, fearful, comfortless, and horrible.

A Fresh Widow's Secret Thoughts

I swear 'tis better to be lowly born
And range with humble livers in content
Than to be perked up in a glittering grief
And wear a golden sorrow.

Rajiv Cremated; His Ashes Immersed

So may he rest, his faults lie gently on him!

Sympathy Brings Victory to the Congress; Sonia Refuses;
So Narasimha Rao Becomes PM

A substitute shines brightly as a king
Until a king or queen be by.

But Shameless Congress Demands Dynasty; Demands Sonia

Age, thou art shamed!
Congress, thou hast lost the breed of noble bloods!
When went there by an age, since the great freedom,
But it was famed with more than one woman?
When could they say till now, that talk'd of Congress,
That its wide walls encompass'd but one woman?
Now is it Congress indeed and room enough,
When there is in it but one only woman.

Stubborn Sonia Keeps to Her Sorrow

If ancient sorrow be most reverent,
Give mine the benefit of seniority
And let my grieves frown on the upper lips.
I had a brother, till a airplane killed him;
I had a mother, till her guards killed her;
I had a husband, till a Tigress killed him.

Finally, Sonia Enters Politics and Holds her First Rally in Sri Perumbedur

At length her grace rose and with modest paces
Came to the altar, where she kneeled, and saint-like
Cast her fair eyes to heaven and prayed devoutly;
Then rose again and bowed to the people.

But the Politician Sonia Doesn't Speak Much

To be slow in words is a woman's only virtue.

Still, Even Her Uncharismatic Leadership Sustains the Dynasty's Enigma

There was speech in her dumbness,
Language in her very gesture.

Signora Sonia Shines, Finally; Refuses the Prime Ministership

There was a crown offered to her: and being
Offered her, she put it by with the back of her hand,
Thus; and then the people fell a-shouting.

Saint Sonia's Sacrifice Clicks

How far that little candle throws its beams;
So shines a good deed in a naughty world.

THE TALE CONTINUES

Mayank Austen Soofi owns a private library and four blogs: The Delhi Walla, Pakistan Paindabad, Ruined By Reading, and Mayank Austen Soofi Photos. Contact: mayankaustensoofi@gmail.com
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Da Shakespeare Code Revealed

Article

  • » Published on April 28, 2006
  • » Type: Satire
  • » Filed under: .

Author: Mayank Austen Soofi

 

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#1
deepti lamba
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April 28, 2006
09:43 AM

Astounding work, Mayank. Keep them rollin'

#2
Aaman
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April 28, 2006
09:48 AM

Stunning, insightful, and hilarious!

#3
The Hissing Saint
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April 28, 2006
12:39 PM

"Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As Chinese ingratitude."

I particularly loved this one!

#4
temporal
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April 28, 2006
03:15 PM

mayank:

echo i and 2:)

#5
Rita
April 28, 2006
04:03 PM

I loved it all. Mayank Austen, you are amazingly well acquainted with the works of Shakespeare!

-"What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculties!"

#6
Sanchi
April 29, 2006
12:36 AM

Are you Mayank Austen or Mayank Shakespeare? It was excellent and so funny! Keep it up.

#7
Sonu Mehra
April 29, 2006
06:40 AM

Thrilling article. It must have taken lots of hard work to search for the right quotes. This is also another proof that Shakespeare remain relevant. Very good. Cheers.

#8
PerihelionFlux
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April 29, 2006
08:42 AM

genuinely apocryphal. Shakespeare and Sheikh Peer? coincidental homonyms or intentional play on words...
I wonder if Shakespeare the riddler had some hidden riddles about his potential riddle solver, Sheikh Peer as well?
Wait, i will just check my junk mail in case the marketing claptrap in there are coded messages foretelling the overtaking of planet earth by apes.

All in good jest and jolly good work!

#9
Rakesh
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April 29, 2006
08:02 PM

wow...

that was very creative..sure must have taken a lot of effort !!

I will surely be sharing this with my friends at Indiagram

#10
Aliya
May 8, 2006
04:34 AM

Sexy and superb! Mayank Austen, keep it up!

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