OPINION

Wardrobe Malfunction - An Investigation

April 03, 2006
The Comic Project

The Lakme India Fashion Week has given us not one or two but three wardrobe malfunctions and gave us a good view of their breasts and buttocks. My wife told me about it and I was like - where is it .. where..wow..I want to see it?? She said, the top fell off, but there were no breasts!!! Ouch! I pictured them and realised what she was saying - images of Somalia flashed across my eyes, the only difference being these girls SMILE. Now the malfunctions have happened and I read that the "moral police" is out looking for the culprits who have torn apart Indian social and moral "fabric". They are going to question the designers to find out if these were malfunctions or publicity stunts.

Meanwhile, I decided to run my own "investigation" into these incidents, notably Carol Gracias and Gauhar Khan. After thorough analysis of data in the form of many pictures , I was able to get to the bottom of the issue. Remarkably, the investigation threw up simple conclusions and it is my privilege for letting the readers here be the first to know of them.

Carol Gracias: Data shows that Carol has always been a thin girl - tall, graci(ou)as, stylish. A designer's delight. But data shows that the thin girl hasn't been eating too well lately. The dresses the models wear are precision cut, a potent mix of German engineering and Swiss watchmaking skills are employed to create their dresses. Apparently, from the time the dress was measured for her, and her putting it on for the show, she lost a full centimeter or an maybe even inch somewhere because she felt she was too fat. I am not sure if it was an inch or a centimeter because the pictures do not allow you to dissect at that level. Anyway, with an ill fitting dress measured for a thin body that got thinner, it was a disaster waiting to happen and the top just fell off.

Gauhar Khan: She's the sister of Nigar Khan, the lady with eyebrows that arch in a way that will let anything from a tiny boat to an aircraft carrier pass under it. Investigation in her case was even simpler. In the week before the show, she ate Carol's food thinking that it would help Carol lose weight and she can sweat it out. But all the "weight" from the 200 calories of Carol's food went straight to..yep..you guessed it..her buttocks!!! She put on the one-week-old-measured and precision cut skirt, and walked the ramp. Predictably, the skirt wouldn't hold as it wasn't designed to handle the additional 100 grams on her buttocks and pop went the button.

The malfunctions happened, not because of the designer or the tailor but because of the models eating less or more than what they usually do.

My message -

To the designers: When the moral police comes questioning, tell them that in the future you will take measurements 15 minutes before the show, it will make sure that the 100 gram deviation in weight will be accounted for.

To the "moral" police: Don't hound these girls. They just don't have the energy to handle all your questions. Give them some love instead and some food. They need it badly.

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#1
Vamsi
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April 3, 2006
01:45 AM

This makes so much news and space for TOI..hope things like this satisfy its Page 3 appetite..

#2
Al Barger
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April 3, 2006
04:26 AM

Dude, this story badly needs PICTURES.

#3
The Comic Project
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April 3, 2006
07:50 AM

@Vamsi: Not just TOI but almost every newspaper available. Would be fun if someone comes out with a newspaper full of PAGE 3 items, and Page 3 of the paper reserved for real news.
@Al Barger: I am sure the moderator would have kicked me if I posted those. Anyway, is this spam or real?

#4
Aaman
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April 3, 2006
07:56 AM

Please go ahead and update with the pictures - you're good with them anyway:)

#5
The Comic Project
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April 3, 2006
08:16 AM

@Aaman: Tell me please where did you see me post "R" rated photos? Where? Where? My comics are all baccha stuff and like my wife said and I wrote - there were NO BREASTS ;-) Let me get home and get some pics off the net

#6
Aaman
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April 3, 2006
08:20 AM

You mean you haven't posted that Phantom comic where Diana is held hostage by the dictator and stripped down and put in a cage>

Dang, man! Get cracking!

#7
The Comic Project
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April 3, 2006
09:06 AM

@Aaman: You will protect me from all the gaalis (of whoever reads this) ok? will do that in the evening. Can't do from office

#8
Aditya Ramani
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April 3, 2006
02:22 PM

Funny!
Interesting how you looked at it. It's not so much moral outrage as it is pathetic.

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