Why Do Some Men Think It's All Right to Harass Women and Girls?

Sujatha, I sure can't come to the defence of Indian men especially when here in America not even once have I been groped, mauled or commented upon for nearly five years.

Americans sure have spoilt me. As you know women are allowed to breast feed in public here and I have done it with both my kids in subtle ways.

My mother was shocked to see me feed my infant son in public when she came here for the first time. And more so at the men who didnt even give me a passing glance while I fed my son at the mall.

I guess we can bring about a change in our own families and society by voicing our opinions even if it alienates certain people.

Or we could just carry some pepper spray and tazer;)

Exactly, Deepti. The issue of harassment has nothing to do with the fact that the perpetrators are men and everything to do with the fact that they are Indian men. What in our culture permits this thing to happen and to happen for so long and so often?

I think education has a lot to do with this phenomena! Once a society eduated itslef (not simply by getting degrees), these tendencies will be looked upon as a neative behaviour.

With time and proper education and raising awareness abou this issue, I am sure it can be eradicated!

Sujatha:

re: the pepsi ad

now here is a sitting duck target:)

let us start a local campaign for pepsi to:

* apologise
* withdraw the ad
* and make a decent contribution to a local charity

and (am getting ahead) this victory should be publicised so other MNCs would be more careful in future

Why Do Some Men Think It's All Right to Harass Women and Girls?

"Why Do Some Men Think It's All Right to Harass Women and Girls?"

- Bad social conditioning. Almost no accountability.

- Repressed sexuality. It might be getting better - as I do not live in India, I am not fully aware of what is happening on the ground.

present in India.

Anil, the mob mentality is a rarity in Delhi. Most people see the tamasha/lafra and move on.

It is sad that you subscribe to this erroneous viewpoint- that women can avoid molestation by scaring the predators off and the mob will come to their rescue. Most of the times they dont!

Women live with the fear that if they do call out it could get worse. The predator gets off on the feeling of powerlessness that paralyzes the victim.

Bollywood movies tend to make the rape scenes salacious and the heroines generally committ suicide at the end. Which clearly reflects that either Bollywood is full of perverts who get off on non consentual sex and snuff or they know that majority of Indian men get off on it. You can take your pick on it.


Women Day is all about empowering those who been surpressed for thousands of centuries.

It clearly isnt a male bashing day nor should it be a day when some men in response try to further insult those who have been victims of abuse by saying that they could have stopped the acts of violence against them or talk about Victim Percipitation.

Sorry if I insulted any one. I am no way suggesting that women can avoid molestation just by scaring the predators. All I am suggesting is that they should register their protest.

As 'Deepti' says carry some pepper spray, and remember to use it, as Men of this nature are common all over world!

I have tried to address the same issue here - http://nychthemeron.blogspot.com/2006/03/why.html

I have more questions than answers, though :(

Shruthi, if you'd like to be a Desicritic, and write for us, please email me

Abrar, that's a highly optimistic point of view, but it's always good to hope.

Hi t, sounds like a good idea. I was trying to find a link to the ad online but could not. It would be helpful.

Anil, in addition to Deepti's point, the thing is that, yes, women are afraid - of retaliation by the man for being humiliated in public. There are numerous stories of women being stalked and harassed even more after they rejected the harasser's advances.

Deepti, thank you for your comment.

DrPolitics, not so common in the US, Canada, Europe, as I've seen, fortunately, but your advice is sound.

Shruti, thank you for the link. I'll check it out. And as Aaman says, please do let us know if you'd like to write for DC.:)

all i can see in all this sickness is a big business opportunity.

I'm going to set up a huge factory for the production of pepper-spray/mace, and become rich. The market (IMO) is really ~500 million. Not one single woman is safe.

Sujatha:) Thanks!

Sunil:) Well said!

It's the opposite, in the US. Men are at the receiving end....

That's simply not true, DrPolitics. Men are absolutely not at the receiving end of harassment such as described above, in the United States or anywhere else.

Victor Plenty:) Thanks!

Welcome to the party!!!! I will not be commenting for a few days as both my hands are fractured after a Jet ski accident.

I'm sorry to hear that, DrPolitics. You have my best wishes for a swift recovery from your injuries.

Sorry to hear about that DrPolitics - looks like hand fractures are the in-thing in the blogosphere - Sakshi Juneja is recovering from one too:)

well at least if anyone gets pinched around here it is not going to be DrPolitics for a few days.

Sunil's faith in the brutality of Indian men is touching, touching women's purses.

The minds of the people who make Hindi (Indian) movies are totally without respect as far as women are concerned.

They made them the objects of eve-teasing, molestation and rape in film after film, ad nauseam.

The hero also indulged in eve-teasing in the most cringe-making scenes imaginable.

No mother has created a conscience in Hindi film-makers. Dialogue yes, plenty of that, but no conscience.

You should hear the cheers at such scenes. Because most of the cheering men are inferiority-complexed men who would never ever get even a breath of a chance to be in the hero's shoes and say such filthy things.

I wonder why Indians have inferiority complexes? because they seem to be inordinately pampered from childhood and get away with doing the most atrocious things.

Look at the ministers and army chiefs, pinching away with abandon.

And now even pulling out revolvers and killing them.

Clearly this is a very big problem in India. My wife went to India for the first time and was absolutely terrified of going out because she was stared at like she was an exotic animal and was groped at a a place like Taj Mahal... no less.

Since we all recognize the problem, why don't we all use the power of the web/blogs to do something about it?

We can all contribute and establish a non-profit that specifically tracks and manages cases of women's harassment.

Things could be as simple as women utiliing the camera features of their cellphones to take pictures of the perp and us making the pictures public (we'll have to tie-up with some activist news channel).

We could also have a legal wing that fights women's cases.

Is this all realistic or am I just puffing the magic dragon...bloggers comments please.

DrPolitics, I would have to agree with Victor. Although there might be isolated cases of women harassing men in other nations (a la Disclosure), it in no way resembles the kind of harassment that women face on the streets here.

I do hope your hands get better soon and we have you back in action.

Victor, thank you for your comments.

Mrinalini, thank you for your comments. Although there is a lot to quarrel with with the way women are portrayed and treated in movies, I wonder where parenting is in our society.

Nachiketa, thank you for your comments. The Blank Noise Project is already doing many of the things you've recommended in your comments. Please check them out when you have a minute.

My Comment of # 14:) I wish to make it clear, when I said It's the opposite, in the US. Men are at the receiving end....I was implying that violence is a confusing and disturbing phenomena, perhaps rooted in the frustrations and disappointments of a hectic society, but it is not gender specific as many would have us believe. In what has been called a "dance of mutual destructiveness, [1] mainstream research indicates that men and women abuse each other with almost equal frequency. For instance, the statistic that "one women is battered every 15 seconds" is based on research by Strass and Gelles which indicate assaults by husbands or boyfriends on 1.8 million women every year, but also found assaults by wives or girlfriends on 2 million men every year. "One man is battered every 14 seconds"? Yes, but who cares? "That study also found that 54% of all violence termed 'severe' was by women." [2] As cosponsors of the American Medical Association's Conference on Family Violence [3], we noted a certain reluctance on the part of some of the participants to address the cycle of family violence. Until we as a society decide to deal with both sides of the issue, we can never hope to find an effective solution to the problem.

Since society does not define abuse of men by women as a problem, official police data reflects a much more frequent response to abuse of women by men than of men by women. Therefore, it is not surprising to find over 90% of the calls to police or to hotlines coming from women, not men [4]. If a man called, who would listen?

Really sorry about your hands, DrPolitics, hope they get well soon.

Now, you have proved that an equal number of men and women get battered.

We will concede that men are also human beings.

We want to stop the battering.

Stop counting, and start acting!

Teach your children, your family, your neighbours, your friends, your colleagues, anybody you can get hold of, and make them respect women And men.

Hurting people doesn't get you anywhere.

Hurting people back just prolongs the agony.

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.

By the way, Sir Winston Churchill said,"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."

Translation: If someone is polite, it doesn't mean he won't kill you.

If someone is hitting you over the head with a hammer, it doesn't mean he will kill you.

(But you wish he would stop!)

I don't know if this offers you any comfort.
But there it is.

Sir Winston Churchill also said, "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."

There is also a famous song which goes, "Count your blessings one by one." I learnt it in school.

And I'm still alive.
By the way, I didn't count them.

I took a dive into inconsequentiality to show how inconsequential it is whether it is a male hurt or a female.

The hurt should stop, whoever it is.

The ratio of men to women only matters to a psychologist. Which we hardly are.

We just hope that our indignation will help the right person in the right place to do something effective about it.

mrinalini- if someone bashes my head with a hammer I am dead!

is that a medical statement, a heartfelt desire, a challenge or a cry for help?