Who (Wal)Farted?
cowtsetung
Did you hear about the great American supermarket icon, WalFart, investing in India? Yes, WalFart Claus is coming to (Indian) town(s). And just to rile up the skeptics, we're going to do a case-by-case analysis of what the advent of the great American supermarket giant means for YOU, my fellow dhoti.
Lets start right at the top of the food chain. If you're a politician, a.k.a. neta, you can now receive higher kickbacks. Yes, netaji, WalFart believes in the common good of the upper political echelons. Common, alright. I mean, "common [COME ON, c'mon, PLEASE] yaar, don't be so cynical".
If you're a cricketer in the twilight of his lackluster 45,000 year career, guess what? You can finally cut a multi-crore deal with a multinational sweatshop, just like your better known teammates, Saurav Goonguly, SharkFin Tendulkar, and Growl Rabid. For so long, Mike-y, TreeBok and the like have denied you - but now, fear not, you can endorse nameless brand sports-chappals [cross-trainer-thongs] for WalFart. Best thing? Because they're dirt cheap, everyone can afford them, including yourself, and since everyone can afford them, maybe everyone will buy them, which might mean greater popularity for YOU, which in turn might mean a deal with IMG, which might mean a bigger, better, fatter paycheck. Woohoo! No more working out, or undergoing boring fielding drills - just relaxation in your ultra-comfortable WalFart sports-chappals, playing poker online with your WalFart sports-chappal endorsement fee. Life couldn't be better.

If you're a gangster or local goonda, like me, this is probably life's big break. Think about it - loaded WalFart executives, one hit, and your life's made. A ticket to Vanuatu, or the Cayman Islands, and the cops can bite into gobar cakes. Goodbye silly havaldars, and stingy dukaandaars. Alternatively, if you're one of those patriotic goondas, you might wish to stay on in India, and become a WalFart henchman, breaking every bone of every WalFart dissenter's body. WalFart will even give you, Mr Pehelwan, free doodh-badaam from their dairy and dry-fruit aisles!
Are you a kiranawala [grocery store-owner]? Dude, you could be a WalFart store manager! What are you doing running a cost-inefficient family business you despise, which barely makes you enough money to go buy a McDonald's Kiddie Meal? Even better, you could form a "cartel" with fellow owners from your "mohalla's" kirana stores, and open a joint WalFart franchise, by tearing down those walls that separate your respective shops. You could then appoint yourselves as "store managers", and your children could be "department managers", preserving that strong tradition of nepotism. And what's more, you could win some meaningless award for communal harmony and unity, with your corrupt neighbourhood neta [MLA/MLC] felicitating you at a lavish ceremony, funded by YOUR money! You couldn't possibly imagine what WalFart would do for your social standing. Your wife could even join the local snoots' kitty-party club, after all those years of trying to sneak in through the aayah's door!
Additionally, you will have the benefit of access to systems like state-of-the-art supply chain management [yes, your super-kirana-store will be SAP-enabled!], and Just-In-Time inventories. Don't know how to use a computer? What's RFID? Shrinkage-control? Fear not, WalFart will spend squillions on educating you! Yes, believe me, believe Dan 'The Automator', and believe De La Soul when we sing "If It Wasn't For You...".
By now, you must be thinking, aren't WalFart just the most charitable, most generous, most considerate corporation ever? Think of what our entry into the Indian market is going to do for India's literacy rate!! The mere thought makes celibate old me so orgasmic.
Kirana-store workers, fear not. We haven't forgotten you - only the legislators have. But that's okay - they don't even remember how many wives or mistresses they have. With no proper and rational minimum wage legislation in place, you might worry about WalFart's tight purse strings affecting your ability to earn a decent livelihood. I want you to remember one thing - you will never go hungry if you work for WalFart. Recite with me, new-age-guru-stylee - "I'M A SUPERMARKET JUNKIE, HOW CAN I EVER STARVE?". Yes, my friend, there's food all around you - you just need to pick the sort your greedy eyes desire today. Security cameras? This is India - who needs a camera when we can afford cheap security guards? And don't worry about the security guard - you can share your stolen caviar-achaar with them. It's an acquired taste, and you want that guard to acquire it from you. Trust me. Oh, and we'd show you pictures of our happy WalFart workers, but we value their privacy, so let's ignore I even brought it up. Right?
Consumers, have some faith in WalFart, be very excited about our onslaught! Say goodbye to low-quality Indian goods and produce, and say hello to imported products from China! Its imported - how dare you question the quality? "Swadeshi" in this day of globalization is an outdated philosophy. Even NASA imports their space-shuttles from China these days [per secret reports]. Yes, a few of them crash, but there's always the cost factor! Would you rather buy Coca Cola for 50 rupees, than Cocoa Koala [never mind the spelling] for Rs. 15/- ?
Whatever nonsense you've heard about WalFart not being a very customer-focused company, is exactly that - nonsense. We, at WalFart pride ourselves at going the extra mile to ensure that your visit to WalFart is a pleasurable, and fruitful one. And that's our promise to you, like our "Always Low Prices".
As for farmers, you could not possibly hope for a better company to deal with, bar Monsanto. With the subsidies, high-yield crop varieties, and American MNC backing that you will now have, issues like dealing with corrupt government babus for funding and seeds, soil erosion, fertility, population pressure, urbanization, globalization, and irrigation are but things of the past. Heck, WalFart will even waive their stringent quality control measures, just because WE love YOU so much, and want your balance sheets to look as good as ours. We call it community-focused capitalism. Its a "quasi-socialist" ideal, but we don't favor using words like "quasi" and "uber" because it makes us look like "pseudos".
My beloved neighborhood compounder-pretending-to-be-a-pharmacist, find some consolation in the fact that WalFart hires semi-skilled pharmacist-wannabe-quacks. Once we take over the neighborhood pharmacy, you will not be jobless - you will be a valued contributor, instrumental to the success of an American icon. How good is that, considering that once, you weren't even thought good enough to be a medical transcriptionist?
There were some initial worries about the status of paanwaalas, delivery-boys, and chaiwaalas once WalFart takes over the great Indian retail sector in totality. As always, we, the brilliant management team at WalFart, have it all figured out. You guessed it - we'll be integrating paan and chai shops into the typical Indian WalFart store layout. If there's money to be made, WalFart's the hound to watch out for. Yes, we can sniff that extra paisa a thousand miles away.
Delivery boys - WalFart Logistics will ensure you are slave-driven till your very last breath. This saves us the costs involved in bringing in Change Management consultants, and Occupational Therapists. Oh, and shop-assistants - we, at WalFart, have a commitment to professional excellence, like Indian cricket coach, Greg Chappell. As such, we will be re-training you in the most efficient methods of unpacking boxes so you can repack our weekly specials in them, visual merchandising that makes people buy stuff they won't need in a hundred lifetimes, and speaking with a fake American accent, so people are fooled into thinking they're shopping in America, not India, because Indians these days are but Americans without the right passport/citizenship.
Finally, we come to vendors and merchandisers, our most impotentimportant group of stakeholders. I know you're worried about WalFart reducing your margins - but we buy in such large quantities, that you will still earn similar, or perhaps greater profits. If you can't scale up to our demands, don't stress yourself over it - WalFart will provide you with funding at a cheap 27.2% interest [that's cheaper than GE Finance's Buying Cards!] per annum to set up factories in China and North Korea. That way, you won't be worried about Chinese products eating into your share of the market, because, YOU will be a Chinese vendor yourself!
What's even better, dear WalFart stakeholder, is that India is quite lax on the occupational safety & health legislation enforcement front, as far as our legal representatives know. This means we save on costs like employee and customer compensation, wasteful expenditure on safety measures and equipment, and ensure that we can offer our customers "Always Low Prices"! And when a compensation case might arise, we just need to remind you that this is India - our efficient, Just-In-Time goondas will deal with it. Lets not bother our legal eagles with such minor rubbish - their workload is heavy enough, attending Page 3 parties, trying to score with beautiful Indian women [because back in law school, they had no time for fun]and trying to set up a distribution center for us over in that nation known for being a champion of human rights, Burma.
We invite you to share our vision, the WalFart vision. In a few years, WalFart will be amongst India's largest private sector employers, if not the largest, and all of India's unemployment woes will simply disappear, just like those annoying tigers that prowled our jungles and ate up ugly little human babies as revenge for villagers eating up ugly little deer. As WalFart will gain a foothold in India, there will be widespread consolidation in the supermarket/grocery-mart sector, which can mean but one thing - a near-monopolization of the market, just like American software major, MicrobeSoft's footprint in the global software arena. How good is this for the people? Think about it - the best WalFart retailers will get opportunities to innovate, work, and achieve in a dozen different countries, determining how far every monetary unit can be squeezed, so the WalCon family can be richer, and hence ensure the greater goodness of mankind [and Indians in particular].
If you don't believe me, just see the WalFart-effect on the Australian supermarket sector. From a distinct 4-5 players, there remain 2 serious players, Foolworth's and Holes, who in turn are amongst Australia's two biggest private sector employers. Ex-WalFart boss, Crack ShewFaker consults regularly for Foolworth's Australia. He is instrumental in making Foolies a one-stop shop. Fuel, liquor, general merchandise, groceries, mail-order-brides-posing-as-checkout-chicks, and now, pharmaceuticals!
Kids are dropping out of school, TAFE, and university to pursue "superb" supermarket careers. 16 hour days, you say? Who cares? Companies like Foolies 'fully' reimburse you handsomely for your efforts. 5 dollars an hour, if we average out your salary. So what if your pesky little pimple-faced brother makes 7.50 an hour working at Burger Fink? And best of all, if you work 16 hour days, you can't possibly fall into the wrong company, or be tagged a juvenile delinquent, not unless you're Universal Soldier Jean Claude Vandemataram.
Down under, farmers are moving to cities, hence freeing up Aboriginal and agricultural lands for those that they rightfully belong to. All because of the fantastic idea that companies like WalFart-inspired Foolies' have, where they "bulk-buy" from "quality-assured" producers. So, Chinese produce is considered quality produce, whilst local Australian produce is not quite up to the mark. Example? The Warren Cauliflower Group in Western Australia! We offer agriculturists like them the best terms of trade, and even guaranteed rainfall engineered by our weather satellites [they're more than just forecasters], but they just don't want to toe our line.
If you're worried about the success of WalFart India, please, have some faith in us. This is a tried and tested business model, as our shareholders in USA, Mexico, and the planet Pluto will attest. We eliminate all competition, which leaves us as the local consumers' sole alternative. Moreover, we're backed up by the best spin doctors, PR consultants, and advertising gurus in the business, which means that our customer-base can only expand, not recede. Think "Always Low Prices". You think we sell for the lowest? What kind of donkey are you? We don't want the WalCon family sending out hitmen to rid us of our lives, alright? And don't forget - the stupid customer actually believes that a bottle of Heinz Big Red bought from WalFart will be better than a bottle of Big Red from the neighborhood kirana store.
Just a closing note here - if you're an investor, buy our shares. India's going to be so profitable for us, we've booked all our American employees Himalayan holidays, where they can fall off cliffs and Mount K2, and will then be systematically replaced by efficient, hard-working Indians who don't have to be paid a quarter of what these Americans want! Blurry labour laws, cheap human labour, no minimum wage, vague anti-competition legislation, no occupational health and safety regulation(s), an America-obsessed populace - what else can a company like WalFart possibly ask for? We're in heaven, I'm ecstatic, and life is good.
- GM Marketing,
WalFart (St)Inc.
References:
- Not Applicable [WalFart employees ALWAYS come up with original thoughts and ideas, unlike those dumbasses over at 3M.]
Compel them to choose;
Choose WalFart.
Who (Wal)Farted?
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deepti lamba
URL
January 25, 2006
09:49 PM
Cowtstsetung, I stand in awe of your creative presence. Keep the posts rolling my fellow comrade.
CarpeDiem
URL
January 25, 2006
10:06 PM
Cleverly creative, Cowtsetung! Wal Farted and said India Shining...
Aaman
URL
January 25, 2006
10:21 PM
Will this be run by the Agarwal brothers?
Jumper Bailey
URL
January 25, 2006
11:46 PM
Yikes! As one who is quite familiar with Wal-Mart and its effects on small businesses here in the U.S. (including but not limited to the death of small-town "Main Street" merchants), I greet this development with horror.
cow tse tung
URL
January 26, 2006
03:39 AM
- Deepti, thank you - too much credit there for 'ol me :-). Must say, I'm not a communist, just anti-monopolistic.
- CarpeDiem, thank you+lol.
- Aaman, if you mean baniyas being in control, it might just be the case. They have the "retail genes", after all.
- Jumper Bailey, I really hope more Indians realize that a corporation cannot possibly be good for India's economic progress.
Once again, thank you all for your kind comments. Much appreciated.
deepti lamba
URL
January 26, 2006
09:02 AM
The funny part is that if Wal-mart in India will be a middle class haunt like MC Donald. It will be the 'in thing' for a long time.
cow tse tung
URL
January 26, 2006
09:03 AM
JB: **that a corporation "like Wal-Mart"
cow tse tung
URL
January 26, 2006
09:11 AM
Deepti - besides the obsession with all things firangi, that seems to be the whole problem - the herd mentality. And this focus on ostentation, rather than thrift.
But what beats me is how your status in Indian society is enhanced by chomping on an unhealthy, more-than-reasonably priced burger.
Aaman
URL
January 26, 2006
09:21 AM
Maybe not your status, but your waistline is definitely enhanced.
Suyog
URL
January 26, 2006
04:46 PM
I dunno, I think Walmart coming to India is a good thing, but probably not Walmart in India itself. Err - do I sound confusing? I think that if Walmart comes in, there will definitely be more companies following them around, which in turn is good for economy. However given Walmart's disastrous and often controversial work policies, I am sure we can expect even more third class work conditions there!
Great write up though hehehe - walfart - LOL!!
Suyog
Vikas Chowdhry
URL
January 27, 2006
01:54 AM
Walmart critics - all fart and no shit!
http://www.arthshastra.com/archive/walmart-critics-all-fart-and-no-shit/
cow tse tung
URL
January 27, 2006
07:42 AM
Thanks Suyog/good insight.
Vikas, I appreciate the fact that you dedicated valuable blogspace to me. Anyway, a few pointers:
1) The lure of supposedly easy money makes kids pursue Wal-mart-like careers instead of educating themselves. "Oh, why do I need to go to uni when I could be a department manager in 2 years, making as much as a uni grad, driving a cool new car?"
2) I've spoken of "efficiencies" and "cost-cutting" already, so you're merely agreeing with me. You'd do better to refute claims of labor malpractices.
3) If you shop around, you will find cheaper bargains than Wal-Mart and the like. I have yet to meet someone who believes a company like Wal-mart has your best interest in mind.
4) What is so wrong about someone Down Under, or even in Africa commenting on an economic/corporate model? Just because you reside in Chicago, you're supposed to be someone totally cued in on Wal-Mart, eh? Wake up. Former Wal-Mart executives regularly consult for Australian supermarket giants.
5) When you force your competition to sell out, establishing a monopolistic reign on your sector, forcing vendors to supply to you at lower margins than ever, selling products for higher prices every year citing inflation as a driving factor even when your costs are continually dropping, you are indulging in anti-competitive practices. Of course, these customers could go to "other stores" - but the "other" stores are forced to shut shop.
Nihar
January 27, 2006
10:15 AM
I do not understand economics too well to understand the effect of walmart on Indian customer but I do have some questions for the critics.
1. How can an Indian talk about minimum wages? How much do you pay the "bais" that work at your place or how much does that kiranawala pay "chottu"?
2. Infact, I believe when there is consolidation (read superstores) in the industry thats when we will start hearing about "minimum wage" and "workplace safety", which by the way are very much in the laws but just cannot be imposed because there are millions of kiranawalas. Now that you have few targets (walmart, big bazzar etc) it would be much easier to upheld those laws.
3. Would the kiranawalas and vegetable vendors loose their daily bread? Apparently yes. Only time will tell how much they reskill themseleves. Everybody was complaining the same thing when mechanization was introduced in industries but they have been proved wrong.
There's more going on in my mind but for starters this should be enough....
solemn
January 27, 2006
11:34 AM
To me, I felt the 'GM' was right!! Except when he called us stupid customers. There you succeeded in what you wanted cowtsetung.. I don't go behind American just because it's American... but nowadays I can't help it, because whatever they produce are of good quality which creates blind faith in customers. And what's wrong in that... because that trust is EARNED by the MNCs, it wasn't there since its birth. If you find something floating in your coke, you can complain. They will put their heads down and listen, or else the news spreads. Can you do all this with a kiranawala?
Vikas Chowdhry
URL
January 27, 2006
01:14 PM
In response to cow tse tung
1) The lure of supposedly easy money makes kids pursue Wal-mart-like careers instead of educating themselves. "Oh, why do I need to go to uni when I could be a department manager in 2 years, making as much as a uni grad, driving a cool new car?"
-Maybe. But that is the decision of of kids and their parents to make ain't it? Wal-mart did not force them to come work for them and moreover there is an inherent contradiction in your argument. If Wal-mart is so labor unfriendly and has bad employee practices then why are all those kids lining up to work at Wal-mart? Or if the kids are lining up to get a job at Wal-mart to get good money instead of going to college then Wal-mart's labor practices are not so bad after all. So which one is it?
2) I've spoken of "efficiencies" and "cost-cutting" already, so you're merely agreeing with me. You'd do better to refute claims of labor malpractices.
-Wal-mart is a corporation and right now no corporation is perfect and cannot be. Heck even Google which claims to "Do no evil" agreed to China's ban on free speech. What you're gonna do? Stop using Google in protest? In fact, like some of the other people have pointed out entry of Wal-mart might actually improve labor standards because instead of people who run their businesses like personal fiefdoms we might have someone who is actually answerable to share holders and consumers. In a country where a holy man claiming to spread ancient knowledge can exploit workers at his factory paying 1200 Rs/month (Baba Ramdev) entry of an organized retailed like Wal-mart can only make conditions better.
3) If you shop around, you will find cheaper bargains than Wal-Mart and the like. I have yet to meet someone who believes a company like Wal-mart has your best interest in mind.
-I don't think Wal-mart exists to have your best interest in mind. It has a business philospohy (to sell everything at the lowest cost possible) and it follows that philosphy to the hilt and that's all it does. If their philosophy meets yours (buying stuff at the lowest price possible) then they have your best interest in mind. If you think that corporations exist to change the world then it does not.
4) What is so wrong about someone Down Under, or even in Africa commenting on an economic/corporate model? Just because you reside in Chicago, you're supposed to be someone totally cued in on Wal-Mart, eh? Wake up. Former Wal-Mart executives regularly consult for Australian supermarket giants.
5) When you force your competition to sell out, establishing a monopolistic reign on your sector, forcing vendors to supply to you at lower margins than ever, selling products for higher prices every year citing inflation as a driving factor even when your costs are continually dropping, you are indulging in anti-competitive practices. Of course, these customers could go to "other stores" - but the "other" stores are forced to shut shop.
-For #4 and #5. I've not seen Wal-mart raise their prices for most things. Even if they did due to inflation (which seems like a valid reason) they are still the cheapest. Wal-mart does not force anyone to sell out, they just out sell the competition. And if the competition is smart enough they will strike back. Target was getting beaten squarely by Wal-mart's prices so they changed their strategy and they are now a little bit more upscale and for people who don't mind paying a few extra dollars for the same stuff in exchange for more upscale shopping experience go to Target and Target is now doing well again. Wal-mart's membership shopping alternative, Sam's Club has been beaten fair and square by Costco.
So there is competition and there are areas in which Wal-mart has been beaten, which you were probably not aware of because of lack of proximity to the market.
Bottom line is that Indian retailing market has been taken for a grand ride until now by MNCs, local producers and retailers with huge markups and Wal-mart can only help increase the buying parity of Indian consumers.
Tony
URL
January 27, 2006
01:18 PM
3rd class work condition is better than no wor condition eh!
Nanda Kishore
URL
January 27, 2006
11:12 PM
Vikas, that was a good, logical rebuttal for some of the mindless arguments that have been put forward. I spent three years in Minneapolis and have been in the retail sector (admittedly, the IT side of it) and I can vouch for the Target and Costco examples. Some of the issues that the anti-globalisation crusaders (make no mistake, that's what this is about) crib about are not really issues for India (at least now). As Tony said, "3rd class work condition is better than no work condition". I have news for you, cowtsetung - currently no one in our daily wage sector gets the 'offiical' minimum wage, which btw is way lower than what you're talking about.
One other question, cowtsetung. Would it be alright if our kirana stores lose out to our own retailing giants like Pantaloons or Westside or RPG? If you haven't been in touch with the Indian retailing scene, these companies are growing pretty well and are looking to scale up rapidly. Some of the noise in India has been created by these companies lobbying hard to keep Walmart out - which is how it is in business. It almost seems like you oppose Walmart because it is some sort of symbol to you, not because the economics don't make sense.
Another question, what are the chances that Walmart (or Pantaloons, for that matter) will move into the semi-urban and rural market? As far as I can see, that is still the heart of the market. The US smalltown example is NOT relevant for India. People in the rural areas won't (can't) drive 5-10 miles just so that they can buy cheap goods from Walmart (this is for those of you that think evil Walmart will destroy smalltown India!).
Lastly, it is YOU who's jumping on a bandwagon here. And you're overdoing it, if you can't see it.
cow tse tung
URL
January 28, 2006
07:21 AM
Nihar, its not like Walmart will pioneer a labor revolution in India. They're anti-unionist, and efficiency-focused.
Vikass, please mate, give yourself a break. If Monopoly X has eliminated all its competition [by gunpoint or whatever, as you say], and you needed work, you would accept employment wherever it was [easily]available. Point is, its an easy place to get a job [labor turnover in the retail industry is quite high, besides there being ample oppurtinities thanks to the consumerist ideal], and kids get lazy. If Walmart's labor practices aren't so bad, maybe you should find a job there, eh?
Shareholders is one word, really. Also, as I said, its a company which doesn't allow unionism. As such, legislation is required prior to their entry in India, which ensures Indians aren't exploited (any further).
Don't know what you're on about. As I said, they don't offer the cheapest prices, and you agreed. How does that relate to organized retail? Point is, acts like MRTP and labour legislation need to be radically overhauled before we open up the retail sector in India. As for the Baba Ramdev example, cost-focused Walmart is not going to pay a worker Rs5000 if they can get away with paying them 1200 bucks. I don't need to explain the logic there - you seem to have ample understanding of it. Which is why I said, point out logical fallacies, and stop agreeing with me.
Walmart will improve the buying parity of Indian consumers? How?
Target, upscale? LMAO. I think I've had enough of armchair economists for a day.
Finally, nowhere do I claim to be an expert on Wal-Mart, whatever my qualifications or experience might be. Thanks for the kicks. I'm out of the discussion - feel free to beat the issue to death.
--------
Nanda, I see you troll around pretty often, but that's beyond the point - congrats on your back-office job in the retail sector. When you can spell, I can respect.
The economics make perfect sense, the ethics do not. Try and see beyond your obsession with establishing yourself as an expert on free markets. Sycophancy, my friend, won't help.
Vikas Chowdhry
URL
January 28, 2006
02:24 PM
Cow - you might have tuned out but here's the last word on your reasoning. You might LMAO at Target being upscale, but you missed the point. Target is positioning itself upscale relative to Wal-mart. That is what happens when you don't experience the market for yourself.
As for Walmart improving the buying parity of consumers, numerous reports have cited that over the last decade, Wal-mart has been instrumental in keeping the prices down in the US helping consumers. In fact, only recently Economist opined that despite rapid economic growth in the US, the main reason why inflation has been down is because of the effects of globalization and Wal-mart lead the charge for that.
Nanda Kishore
URL
January 29, 2006
12:10 AM
Not surprisingly, you choose not to answer any questions. Not everyone who doesn't agree with is 'trolling'. Keep ranting.
Aaman
URL
January 29, 2006
12:22 AM
Gentlemen, let's keep to a healthy discussion - no personal attacks, attack the opinions, not the person.
IMHO, If I need to buy product X, I'd go for convenience and price - that's why I do most of my shopping at Amazon:) The Amazon Prime membership totally rocks - 2-day free shipping, etc.
deepti lamba
URL
January 29, 2006
12:38 AM
We already have little clones of Wal-mart/Target in India - Shopperstop, Westend etc.
It will be quite interesting to see what would happen to these mini malls once the big Wal steps in.
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