Desicritics Comments on Yes, It's Arranged. Deal with It.

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Comment by Stober

Wed, 30 May 2007 15:06:44 EDT

I am looking for RIVKA. Would like to ask her some questions about 'arranged wedding'..... Would like to know what are the consequences if you want to get out of it. Thanks a lot for a reply. Stober

Comment by Suyog

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 16:57:00 EST

Heh heh - great piece of writing here. I am certainly on for a "Arranged Love Marriage" - I dont care if Love happens before its Arranged, or its Arranged and then I fall in Love LOL. But more often than not, I think arranged marriages do work - and yes, it comes as a complete surprise to people here - i myself have been asked the same question - "Are they really arranged!". Your friend's story was great - what a neat lil trick!! Keep inkin Suyog

Comment by Sabarish

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 14:05:25 EST

Hi, I loved the trick your friend played to get his girl! The whole concept of falling in love and marrying a person of your choice seems like such a risky and cumbersome path (for everyone involved) when compared to the arranged path. Maybe the risks in the arranged marraige are much less, which is probably why they are preffered. I just returned from a traditional Hindu arranged wedding and somehow it just works.

Comment by Jumper Bailey

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 00:13:55 EST

"Arranged love marriages"...I'm putting that in my file of "new things learned" right now. Whether a marriage is arranged or not is less important than whether it works, of course. And although my first post in Desicritics.org is on this subject, my larger agenda is to explore the cultural interplay that occurs when East meets West, with an eye towards finding the commonalities in those things that at first glance appear to be different. As the world gets smaller through globalization, outsourcing/offshoring, and migration back-and-forth between India and the West (and most specifically the U.S., since I am American), the challenge becomes one of finding commonalities, appreciating differences, and focusing on the important stuff. For Desis living in the diaspora, this is an unending challenge, I believe. Whether we speak of the culture shock that hits upon one's first arrival, to the process of adjusting to work environments where the ground rules are different, to the homesickness for India, or to the difficulty in seeing one's children grow up "Americanized," it seems to me that there is an awful lot to discuss here.

Comment by deepti lamba

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 00:03:23 EST

Rivka, I don't have much to say against arranged marriages except when they are done through newspapers. The girls have to be tall,fair, slim and convent educated and the guys have to be either MBAs or engineers. My elder sister had a typical Indian arranged marriage(the proposal came through mutual friends); when my future brother in law came with his family to meet my sister I had to stuff a hankerchief in my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud. The whole situation had seemed strange to me back then They have been happily married for eight years.

Comment by rivka

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 23:50:07 EST

Yeah, arranged marriages aren't that tough to get out of, if you really want to...what we call them here in Kerala is "arranged love marriages", which is when the girl/boy is from the ideal social strata and the parents get to do all the traditional arrangements,from the speaking to the other parents and going the whole hog on the wedding.

Comment by Phillip Winn

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 20:46:06 EST

I'm fascinated by the topic, I'll admit. As a father of three kids, I'd be quite happy to arrange marriages for them if I thought I could get away with it! I suspect it works best when the entire society is accustomed to the arrangement.